Chapter 5
SAWYER
D id I just…I did!
I just offered to give the woman who ran out on me three years ago a fuckin’ kid. I don’t know what came over me, or what part of my brain took over, but as I drive back toward the bar, I don’t seem to be regretting it.
I saw how happy Jace looked earlier when he told me he was gonna be a daddy, and why wouldn’t he be? He just put a baby inside the woman he loves. I understand. I just never imagined that I’d want it for myself.
I don’t love Riley Hale. I’m not even sure if I like the woman, but she makes me feel a certain kinda way, and these past five weeks I’ve come to learn I’m addicted to it.
There has to be a reason she’s been on my mind every day, and not just since she came to town, she’s been there ever since the night we met. For years, I put it down to pride, she’s the only girl who’s ever run out on me. But I’m certain now that it’s more than that.
I’ve compared every woman I’ve encountered since to her. Riley Hale is like a bad fuckin’ habit, and the less of her I get, the more I want.
Now that she’s here, living in my town, I can’t pretend she never existed anymore. I can’t make up stories in my head about what she’s doing with her life that would be so much better without me in it, and I still don’t know why she was so sad that night.
THREE YEARS AGO
“I’ve never done this before, you know.” She pulls the scratchy comforter up over her perfect, round tits to cover them.
“I’m honored.” I laugh to myself as I reach over to the bedside table and grab the bottle of Jack.
“You want some?” I offer it to her once I’ve taken some back.
“I’m good, thanks.” She smiles awkwardly, then takes a long, deep breath and looks up at the ceiling.
“You’re lookin’ all sad again,” I point out, wondering if she regrets what we just did…twice.
“I’m fine. It’s just… Like I said, I’ve never done this before.” She looks at me like we just committed a fuckin’ sin. A sin I’d happily repeat over and over again. I don’t know a damn thing about her, except that she has me en-fuckin-chanted.
“It’s okay, ya know. Sometimes people need to just not be themselves for a while.” I take another sip of whiskey when I realize that right now, I’m the person most guilty of that. There ain’t no way a woman like her would have come to a motel room with me if she knew what I was doing a few hours ago.
“So, who are you?” She rolls onto her side so she’s facing me, showing the hint of a smile as she rests her head against her palm.
“No names, no questions, remember?” I throw her words back at her because I don’t want her to know who I really am. I don’t want her to know that I killed a man tonight, or that I’ll probably kill many more.
“You're real handsome, but I guess you already know that.” She breaks the long, lingering silence as her fingers slide over my stubbled jaw, and that smile turns sad again. “I’ll bet you find yourself in situations like these all the time.”
“Actually, I don’t,” I admit. Sure, I’ve had plenty of women, a lot of them will forever be nameless, but I’ve never felt like I’d be losing something when they left. Whoever this woman is, I’m not ready for her to leave yet. It’s confusing.
She shakes her head and laughs, and as she goes to pull back the covers and get up, I panic and snatch at her wrist.
“Where ya goin’?” I pull her back.
“To the bathroom.” She looks back over her shoulder at me, and the odd look on her face confirms that I just totally overreacted. “That okay?” she checks.
“Of course, it’s okay.” I release her and rest back against the headboard, still trying to wrap my head around the way she’s got me feeling. I watch her walk into the bathroom, and when she closes the door behind her, my eyes immediately move over to where her purse is.
I know what we agreed, but I at least need to know her name, so I scramble outta bed and start rifling through her things like a madman. I’m acting desperate, but I don’t care. I want answers to all the questions in my head, and when my hand moves over something cool and metal, I realize I end up with a whole lot more. Pulling the fuckin’ handgun she’s got stowed away out in front of me, I check it over and see that it’s loaded.
“What the fuck?” I whisper to myself as I place it on the ground, then, digging back into her purse, the next item I pull out is a badge.
Special Agent Riley Hale.
FBI.
“Shit!” I just fucked an FBI agent, is it a coincidence that we were in the same bar tonight? Is she working on a case? Jamie Sullivan has a lot of connections, he’s been involved with all kinds of different crime organizations over the years I’ve been working for him. Has the FBI been watching us?
“Shit, shit, shit.”
I pull out her wallet and try to find something with an address on it. I find a driver's license with the picture of the girl I just fucked on it. But she has blonde hair, the name is completely different.
Sophie Hanson.
The sound of the flush comes from the other side of the bathroom door, and I quickly throw everything back in the purse, then jump back into bed.
“I should go.” Sophie, Riley, or whoever the fuck this is, steps out of the bathroom still looking sheepish.
“No.” I snap, causing her to look confused again. “You should stay.” I can hardly believe the words that are coming out of my mouth. This woman is FBI. I should be marching her out the door without so much as a kiss goodbye, not offering for her to spend the night with me.
I should be in my truck, driving as far away from her as I can get. But I want more time. I wanna watch her sleep. I wanna hold her in my arms just for a little while. I guess what I told her was true, sometimes we really do need to not be ourselves.
“I don’t know… I–”
“Stay.” My voice sounds raspy and real fucking desperate as I roll my eyes over her naked, sexy-as-hell body and crave it close to mine again.
“Okay.” She looks unsure as she nods her head and makes her way back over to me. I pull open the covers so she can lie down beside me and feel a strange sense of relief when her body relaxes against mine. I like the way I can smell myself on her skin, and I like that right now, in this moment, she feels like she’s mine.
“You tired?” I ask, wrapping my arms tight around her.
“It’s not every night a hot guy in a bar takes me back to his motel room and fucks me senseless.” She laughs, and I like how that sounds, too.
In fact, there isn’t a single thing about this girl I don’t like. Other than the fact she’s an FBI agent.
I decide not to tell her that it ain’t every night that the guy from the bar asks a woman to sleep beside him. In fact, it's never happened once.
“You should sleep,” I tell her, stroking my free hand through her hair and wondering what it would be like to be able to keep her. Special Agent Riley Hale and the hired hand bar owner from little old Clearwater Creek. Just the thought of it makes me laugh.
“What’s so funny?” She looks up at me with those beautiful, green eyes, and I make the most of admiring them because I know that after tonight, I can never see them again.
“Nothin’s funny, sweetheart, you just get some sleep.” I place a kiss on her temple and lie still beside her. I guess if she was here to arrest me she’d have done it before she let my tongue get acquainted with her sweet-tasting pussy.
“Goodnight.” She closes her eyes, and I watch her for minutes that end up turning into hours before I finally drift off myself.
Sun breaks through a gap in the curtains and warms the side of my face, and when I go to pull the girl back toward me, all I feel is empty space. My eyes quickly open, and I sit up, looking around the room to see where she is. But she’s gone.
I scratch my stubble as I get closer to town, trying to understand why I’m so desperate for Riley to say yes to my offer. She was right when she said it was a stupid idea, especially since what I told her was a lie.
I meant every word I said about me being happy to give her a kid, but if she thinks for a second that I’d put my baby inside her and then back off, she’s wrong. I don’t want to be a fuckin’ donor, I want her to be mine. I want any babies she carries to be mine too, and as I pull up outside my bar, any doubts or hesitation no longer exist.
The decision is made… If anyone is gonna be knocking up our sassy town sheriff, it’s gonna be me.