Chapter 6
RILEY
THREE MONTHS LATER
D uring my time here, I’ve come to learn that Sunday mornings in Clearwater Creek are Sawyer-free. He never goes to church, the bar doesn’t open till noon, and I’ve heard Daphne tell Alice Walker that once his bar closes on a Saturday night, he drinks himself stupid with the cowboys who work on Jace Sullivan's ranch. So while Sawyer nurses his hangovers each Sunday morning, I enjoy the time I get to roam around town without having to worry about bumping into him.
“Riley.” I hear his voice come from behind me as I’m about to step inside the grocery store, and it makes me freeze. Slowly, I turn my head toward the other side of the street where it came from.
Sawyer checks for oncoming traffic before crossing, and my reckless inner voice tells me that a man who can make road safety look sexy fully qualifies for a space in my uterus. I shake that voice out of my head as he dashes toward me and force myself to smile.
“Looks like you won this,” he tells me as I stare up at his handsome smile and get that ridiculous fluttery feeling in my stomach again. I’m thirty years old, not thirteen
“Won?” I shake my head, wondering what he’s talking about, and when he drops those glistening blue eyes to the huge hamper he’s carrying, he smirks.
“The church raffle,” he reminds me.
I totally forgot that Isabel had railroaded me into buying a ticket this morning. Since I still haven’t accepted her and Mayor Kelley’s invite to join them for dinner or attended a single Sunday service since I’ve been in town, I felt obliged.
“I forgot all about that.” I laugh as I take it out of his hands and almost topple over from the weight of it.
“You’re lucky, you got Jean’s contribution to the prize table. That’s much better than old man Harris’s rotting homegrown vegetables, ” he assures me.
“Old man Harris?” I don’t recall him. I’ve been in this town for four and a half months now. I thought I was familiar with everyone.
“Ahhh, you won’t know him, he only ever comes into town for church on a Sunday, or for a funeral, and I hear from a very reliable source that you ain’t a churchgoer, Sheriff Hale.” I can tell from the huge grin he’s wearing that he’s teasing me.
“Well, I hear from my own source that neither are you.” I swipe back.
“Too late for me darlin’, my soul’s already damned.” He shakes his fingers through his hair and somehow makes being damned look cute.
“Are you sure all this running around on a Sunday, delivering raffle winners’ prizes for Jean, isn’t an attempt at redemption?” I question him, wondering how I’ve managed to keep myself away from this man for so long. He always seems to put me on an instant high.
“Nah, I just figured you couldn’t keep avoiding me if I found a reason to talk to ya.” He scratches the back of his neck in the same nervous way he did when he offered to give me a baby three months ago, and that reckless inner voice screams at me again.
I have been avoiding Sawyer, but all for good reason. Taking him up on his offer would be a complete disaster. I’ve chosen Clearwater Creek as the place to raise my child, and this town is his home. His being my child's father and not being part of its life would never work with us being so close to each other, yet every time I think about having something that’s his, growing inside me, I get a warm, fuzzy feeling that makes me desperate to say yes.
“I’m not avoiding you, I’ve just been busy being a town sheriff,” I point out, though he knows as well as I do that I’m lying. In this town, no one’s ever busy, the crime rate is low, and thankfully, all the free time I’ve had has given me the opportunity to look deeper into the Gendry family… Not that my research has amounted to anything. Those fuckers are careful and rarely leave any trails.
“Busy with…the erm…the baby thing?” Sawyer lowers his voice as his eyes drop to my stomach, and I quickly shake my head.
“No…No. Not with that. I’m not pregnant,” I blurt out, suddenly realizing we’re standing outside the local store. “I told you it was just an idea, I have a few things I need to settle before I...” My logical inner voice tells me to shut the hell up.
“So you're still going through with it?” He moves his eyes away from mine, and I can’t figure out if that's because he’s disappointed or angry… or why he would be either. What I do shouldn’t matter to him. Sawyer Anderson could have any girl in town. I see the way they all look at him. Beth Delaney is never far behind him and always wears that ridiculous, dopey smile on her face when he gives her his attention. I may have been avoiding this man for three months, but it doesn’t mean that I haven’t been watching.
“Yeah. I’m still going through with it.” I smile confidently, hoping that will be the end of the conversation
“You know I’ve looked into it and?—”
“Wait, you looked into it? Why?” My voice rises in shock, and when Eleanor Chambers walks by with her arm linked in her husband’s, I notice how her neck cranes in an attempt to listen to our conversation. Sawyer quickly takes my arm and marches me down the alley between the grocery store and Daphne Pritchard's salon. With his huge body towering over mine and his palm pressing against the wall behind me, he cages me in.
“Yeah, I fuckin’ looked into it. I looked into it because I was serious about the offer I made you.” His voice confirms that he’s angry, not sad. “I also looked into how much that clinic charges, and you could save yourself a whole lot of money if you stopped being so stubborn.”
“This isn’t about being stubborn, Sawyer, I’m trying to be realistic. Do you really think you're gonna feel comfortable with me walking around town, going about my business, carrying your kid?”
“I think I’d be just fine with it.” I watch the way the corners of his mouth pick up into a smile.
“And when it gets here, do you think you could handle seeing a child that’s yours being raised when you have no claim over it?” I shake my head, wishing that things could be different because I’d really like to bless my child with some of Sawyer’s features.
“I’m just asking you to think about this before you go gettin’ all knocked up by some guy you don’t know.” He shocks me when he finishes his sentence by kissing me hard on the mouth.
“Sawyer.” I force him away when I realize how out of control this is getting. I made myself a promise before I came here, and I have to stick to it. “You can’t do that, you can’t just kiss me.” I look back out onto the street to check that no one saw us. “If I were ever gonna consider this as an option, it would just complicate things. Everything has to be black and white in a situation like this. There have to be rules and boundaries. Something tells me you're not good with those kinda things,” I point out.
“That’s starting to sound more like a yes.” He raises his eyebrows and doesn’t look angry anymore.
“It’s not a yes, it just isn’t a no.” I duck under his tattooed bicep and carry my hamper back to my car. After placing it on the back seat, I hear my phone vibrating on the console, but it stops before I can get to it. Reaching across to pick it up, I tap the screen and see that I have fourteen missed calls, all of them from my sister.
The sister who only ever calls when she’s in trouble.
Her name starts flashing on my screen again, so I quickly answer it.
“What do you want, Sash?—”
“Riley….Riley, thank goodness you picked up. I’m in some serious shit.”
She sounds panicked, and I automatically roll my eyes.
“Okay, okay, calm down. Where are you?” Sasha has a tendency to be dramatic. She’s also a free spirit who never stays in one place for too long. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve had to send her money for cab fares and plane tickets over the years.
“I’m in L.A.,” she tells me with a tremble in her tone that makes me uneasy.
“L.A.?” I repeat, almost choking. “Last time we spoke, you were heading for New York.”
“I haven’t got time to explain why or how I got here. I…I need you to loan me some money.”
“I should've guessed, how much do you need this time?”
“Riley, this isn’t like before. I told you. I’m in some real trouble.” Hearing how frantic she sounds is making me start to wonder just how bad this trouble is
“How much do you need?” I ask, trying to stay calm.
“20k,” she whispers.
“ Twenty thousand dollars? Twenty thousand…what the hell do you need twenty thousand dollars for?” I can’t contain my anger. How one person can be so self-destructive is beyond me.
“I told you, I’m in trouble. I went to audition for that Broadway show like I said I was, and I didn’t get the part. I was low and felt so useless, but then I met some guys who invited me to a party. I didn’t realize the party was in L.A. until we got to the private jet. Then what was I supposed to do?”
“Ummm. Not getting on the private jet would have been a start,” I answer her firmly.
“Come on, Riley, you know I’ve never been very good at saying no to a good time.”
I shake my head at her attempt at an excuse.
“So how the hell do you end up owing someone 20k from going to a party?” I question her.
“Because that party started a month ago and it hasn’t really stopped. You don’t understand what it’s like out here. Everyone’s doing it, they were giving lines out like candy.” She bursts into tears.
“Lines….Lines?” I bury my face into my hands because I was sure she’d moved on from all that shit.
“I thought it was free; you see it on TV, how these rich guys like to be all flashy and show off to women. I thought that was what this was.”
“Sasha, listen to me. I don’t have that kind of money.” I don’t like lying to my sister, but all the money I have in my savings is for my fertility treatment. I took a huge pay cut when I took the job here. There's no way I could save that money again on the salary I earn now.
“Riley, I wouldn’t ask if this wasn’t life or death… I fucked up. These men aren’t celebrities, they’re fucking mobsters. And if I don’t give them what they say I owe them, they’re either going to kill me or make me work it off.”
“Sasha, you racked up a 20k debt on drugs,” I remind her of how stupid she’s been.
“Yes, unknowingly. RiRi, please, you have to help me. I’ll pay you back, every cent, I swear.” I’m mad as hell, but I hate hearing her sound so scared. Sasha is the only person I have left in the world.
“Are you with them right now?” I ask, wondering who the hell these people are.
“Yes. Giovanni is here and he’s got a gun ,” she whispers.
“Put Giovanni on the phone.” I feel my heart beating in my chest when I realize how serious all this is.
“Miss Hale.” He takes over from Sasha, and his strong Italian accent makes me even more on edge.
“I’m sorry, my sister didn’t give me your full name.” I try to sound calm and collected. I’ve taken many phone calls like this before when I worked for the FBI, but this is different; my sister is at risk.
“You don’t need my full name, Giovanni is fine,” he assures me. “I’m told you are going to get me what I’m owed.” The threat in his tone makes my hands start to shake.
“Were you also told that I work in law enforcement?” I ask him, at least trying to sound confident.
“Your sister mentioned something, in between her tears. I’m not concerned about how you make your living, Miss Hale. I just want my money.” I can hear my sister crying in the background, so I take a long, deep breath and accept that everything I’ve dreamed of is going to have to slip through my fingers.
“Fine, I’ll transfer you the money.” I close my eyes as tears fall over my cheeks.
“Good choice, I’m sure your sister will be very relieved. I’ll have my details sent to you.” He must pass the phone back to Sasha because her sobbing gets louder.
“Sasha, can you hear me?”
“Yes. I hear you. Thank you, Riley. I’m sorry. I…”
“You are checking into a rehab center the second you leave wherever they are holding you. Do you understand?” I scold her.
“I understand, and I know Mom and Dad would be?—”
“Don’t!” I warn. The last thing I want to do right now is think about them and how I’ve let them down. “Just hold tight till I can get home and transfer that money.” I hang up the phone and slam my palm into my steering wheel in frustration.
How could Sasha be so stupid? We were both raised the same way, by the same parents, and I’ve tried to be responsible for her ever since they died.
I start my engine and drive home, wondering if I can track this Giovanni guy from the details he gives me. I’m assuming that he’s taken precautions to ensure they don’t lead to anything, but I still have some friends at the FBI who could look into it for me.
A text comes through with the bank account details, and once I’m home, I lift the hamper from the backseat and rush inside.
I open the door to the same silence and emptiness that I left. I’ve tried making this place a home over the past few months. I even bought some of the cute little trinkets that were being sold at the town’s craft fair and dotted them around the place, but it still doesn’t feel like a home. I have no memories here; this house feels like a stranger, just like all the people in town do.
Everyone except for Sawyer.
I avoid looking at the picture I have of Mom and Dad on the wall as I take a seat at my desk and open up my laptop. The day we buried them, I promised to look after Sasha, and somewhere between then and now, I really messed up. When I moved here, I decided not to unpack the picture of myself and Jack on the day we got engaged. I’m not entirely sure why, but I feel guilty every time I think about it. Jack deserves better than a box at the bottom of the spare room wardrobe, he should be up on the wall beside my parents.
I shake the thought of him, and them, out of my mind and open up my banking app. Staring at the screen, I wonder if this will finally be the lesson it takes to get my sister to learn. Though, even if she does it won’t change the fact that I’m the one who’s paid the price for her. I’m giving up my future, all because she couldn’t control herself. Was she really stupid enough to believe those men were just being generous? Or was she thinking that good old RiRi would bail her out in the end like she always does? I type in the bank details and go through all the extra security clearances so I can send the money directly to whoever this Giovanni guy is, and once it’s gone and I see my savings account sitting at a measly 2,360 dollars, I allow myself to cry some more.
I’ve known since the day I turned eighteen that the world wasn’t fair. I was the one who found my parents' bodies after I came home from partying with my friends. After that, I had to grow up real fast and be there for Sasha. She was only fourteen at the time, and there was no way I was letting child services take her away. It wasn’t easy, especially while I was training to get into the force, but I coped and I parented her the best I could. This time, I wanted the chance to be a mom on my own terms, and it’s looking like it isn’t on the cards anymore.
I need a distraction from the misery that’s my life, so I pull back the cloth that’s covering the hamper to see what Jean put together. Now I’m understanding why the thing was so heavy. I’m never gonna eat all that Jean’s crammed inside it by myself.
The sad truth is, most of what's in here will go to waste, and suddenly that makes me feel very fucking lonely.
I look around my nice little home, and wonder why I bothered trying to make it so inviting. The only house guest I’ve had here is Sawyer on that night he made me his proposition.
I can’t blame anyone other than myself for the fact I don’t get any visitors; the people here have been plenty friendly enough, they’ve tried to make me feel welcome. The only person to blame is me. I’m cold and detached, I don’t let people get close to me. Before I came here, I was proud of that; it felt like a shield of protection, but now it feels like a curse.
I reach for my cell and text Sasha, telling her the money is on its way, then as I scroll through my very limited selection of contacts to find Kathy from the bureau’s number, I stop when I get to Isabel Kelley’s name.
She gave me her number the second day I got here when she invited me over for dinner. She’s bright and always seems so friendly when I bump into her around town. I don’t know if she’s just doing her duty as the mayor’s wife, or if she’s wary of the fact that I know stuff about her husband that I shouldn’t. Maybe she’s playing the whole ‘friends close, enemies closer’ game. But my instinct tells me that her warmth is genuine.
I’ve seen her look sad when she thinks no one is watching, and I sense she’s hiding secrets behind her eyes, too. It makes me wonder if maybe we could be friends.
I decide that now is a good opportunity to put that to the test. I could easily sit here and feel sorry for myself for the rest of the day, or I can start trying to make some changes.
I start by sending Isabel a text, inviting her over to help me eat all the cakes I won from the church raffle. I also tell her she’s welcome to bring her friend Maddison, who happens to be very pregnant with Jace Sullivan's baby. The Sullivans hate the Gendrys, and I’m wondering if I can learn from her why that is. At least that's what I can tell myself if my attempt to make friends turns out to be a disaster.
I smile to myself when Isabel immediately messages back to tell me they will be over in an hour, then, grabbing some plates from the cupboard, I get to work laying the cakes out on the coffee table ready for them to arrive. I’m almost done emptying the hamper when I see a folded-up piece of paper lingering at the bottom of it, and when I unfold it and manage to decipher the scruffy handwriting, I can’t help but laugh at what I read.
DONOR 101
Brown hair
Blue eyes, you can lose yourself in
6ft 2 inches (without boots)
Hobbies include: working out, drinking shit whiskey, and making hot-ass sheriffs come on my tongue.
Don’t travel far and can’t cook, but can make even sad people smile.
Not a psychopath.
Definitely not ugly.
Also holds the Clearwater Creek record for most volunteer rescues…Yes, I’m a real-life hero.
I fold the paper up so I can put it in the pocket of my jeans. I have no idea why Sawyer is so keen to do this for me. I barely know the guy, and it seems like such a selfless act. It also seems as if it’s my only option. I have no savings anymore, and the thought of saying yes to him puts that warm feeling inside me again. It’s strange, almost as if my body and the universe are yearning for me to say yes. Even my logical inner voice is telling me I should call him.