Chapter 19
SAWYER
THREE WEEKS LATER
“W hat the fuck has gotten into you?” Jamie wakes me up by slamming his fist on my bar.
“D’ya mind, I gotta headache.” I lift the bottle of Jack to my mouth, but he snatches it away before I can drink from it.
“It’s eight a.m., you need to sober the fuck up and explain to me why Harold Carpenter is in the ICU.” Jamie’s beyond pissed, and I know that because he never usually raises his voice.
“Harold Carpenter is in the ICU because he’s an asshole,” I explain, faking a smile so Jamie knows I have no fuckin’ regrets. I was already debating killing the fucker before I went to speak to him, but hearing the way he talked about Riley sealed his fate.
“He’s a fuckin’ judge, Sawyer.”
“He’s no different from you or me.” I remind Jamie that Harold is just as corrupt as we are.
“Yes, a corrupt judge that we could have had on our fuckin’ side. What do you think’s gonna happen when he wakes up?”
“I could make sure he doesn’t, if that would make it easier.” I offer him an option, though I can tell from his face that he ain’t impressed by it.
“Given his underlying heart condition, it doesn't look like he’s gonna pull through anyway. I’ve got one of the cops I can trust in Riverton sitting on his door, ready to take his statement should he wake up. But all these favors I’m pulling are gonna have to be repaid. I need you to tell me why you lost your head.”
“Relax. Carpenter can’t say shit without incriminating himself.”
“Don’t tell me to fuckin’ relax! I want answers. Something happened to make you lose that cool ya got, and I wanna know what it was.”
I can’t tell Jamie the full story, so he’ll have to settle for half.
“Me and Jace killed three pedophiles a few weeks ago,” I remind him.
“I know, I sent you on the job.” Jamie looks as if he’s rapidly losing his patience.
“You also know that if Carpenter hadn’t taken handouts from those three men, they would have been locked up years ago. Think about all the kids who could have suffered because they weren’t. We shouldn’t have been sent there to blackmail that man, we should have been there to kill him.”
Jamie looks at the floor and shows that he at least has a little empathy.
“Yeah, well, that wasn’t your call.” He quickly recovers from it. “You were only supposed to make a threat, let him know what we knew. Jesus Christ, Sawyer.” Jamie opens the bottle of Jack and knocks some back himself.
“What can I say, you sent the wrong man for the job. I was havin’ a bad day.” I shrug because all my days seem to be fuckin’ bad since Riley ran out on me a month ago. She still ain’t talking to me, she won’t even look in my direction.
“So this has nothing to do with the sheriff?” Jamie questions me, his eyes daring me to lie to him.
“Why would it have anything to do with her?” He catches me off guard.
“Because Hayden tells me you were pretty calm until her name got mentioned.”
“It wasn’t the fact she got mentioned. It was the threat he made to us that influenced my decision to kick his ass.” I offer another half-truth to spare my pride. Clenching my fists when I think back to what he said.
“I’ll bet that new, hot-assed little sheriff you got in town hasn’t got a clue that her mayor and deputy are playing with the wrong side of the law. Maybe I could arrange a one-on-one with her, teach her a thing or two.”
I hear the nasty bastard’s laugh in my head, and it makes me want to beat the soul out of him, all over again.
“ We were the ones in control, Sawyer. We could have had that man eating out the palms of our hands, and you blew it!” Jamie yells at me again.
“Yeah, well, I think you're forgetting about who we are and what our aim is. We ain’t straight, Jamie, but I’ve always lived by the honor of knowing that what we do is right. Carpenter taking handouts from kiddie fiddlers makes him just as bad as they are, and you fuckin’ know it.” I wait for him to come back at me, but he remains silent. If I didn’t know Jamie Sullivan better, I’d say he was looking a little guilty.
“If ya need me to finish the job I started, I will happily drive to Riverton and send that bastard to fuckin’ hell,” I offer before lighting myself a cigarette. I gave up on quitting when I figured Riley ignoring me meant she probably won’t be requiring me to knock her up anytime in the future.
“It’s fine, we’ll take care of it.” Jamie’s voice comes out calmer. “Just clean your act up, Sawyer. I need you. Jace’s girl ain’t far from dropping that kid, so his head ain’t with it. I need to know I can rely on you.” Jamie grips my arm, and when I offer him a nod for assurance, he nods back before he leaves.
I sit and stare at the bottle of Jack in front of me, considering keeping the bar closed for another day. I could head upstairs and drink this whole bottle, hoping that I pass out and the pain in my chest goes numb again.
The door swings open, and when Beth steps inside, the noise her heels make on the wood floor irritates my head, and I almost choke on the amount of perfume she’s wearing.
“We’re closed,” I tell her, hoping it’s enough to make her go away.
“I know it’s eight a.m., but I just saw Jamie Sullivan leave, so I figured you’d be awake.” She places her purse on the bar, ensuring me that she’s going fuckin’ nowhere.
“I’ve been really patient, Sawyer. I’ve ignored the whispers around town and the looks you and that sheriff give each other, and now that she’s leaving, I’m offering you the chance to put it all behind us and make things official.”
“Wait…what did you just say?” I have to check I heard her right.
“I said, I want to make things official.” She takes a long, impatient breath as she looks up at the ceiling.
“Not that part, you said someone was leaving. Were you talkin’ about Riley?” The thumping in my head instantly moves to my heart, and I feel myself start to panic.
“That’s the word on the street.” Beth lifts her shoulders and fails to hide her satisfied smirk.
“When did ya hear this?” I stand up, hoping that it’s not already happened.
“Yesterday, Eleanor was at the doctor's office with Hank. She finally convinced him to get that mole on the back of his neck checked, and while they were there, they saw Hale in the waiting room,” she explains.
“And…?” I wait for her to explain why that would mean Riley’s leaving town.
“Come on, Sawyer, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. She’s stressed, she took a job far too above her status, and now she’s feeling the pressure of it. Everyone knew she wouldn’t last.” The words coming from this girl’s mouth sound as if Eleanor Chambers put them there herself. The woman always did have a talent for putting two and two together and making a hundred. But what the coven's latest gossip has taught me is that Riley was seeing the doctor yesterday. I think of the reason why that might have been and smile for the first time in a week. But, surely, if Riley was pregnant, she would have told me, even if she is still mad. I have to fuckin’ talk to her, and this time I ain’t taking no for an answer.
“Watch this place for me.” I storm out the door, ignoring Beth’s demands for me to come back. I may have fooled around with the girl a few times, but I never led her to any assumptions that we could be more. I never even considered the idea of more until Riley showed up in town and made me want everything. I march across the town square, getting closer to the station, and angrier with each step I take.
It’s been nearly three weeks since I last spoke to her, and I just assumed that all that time we spent trying to make a baby hadn’t been effective. I convinced myself that no matter how mad she was, she’d have the decency to tell me if she’d found out she was pregnant.
I swing the station door open and ignore Harriet when she asks me how she can help; instead, I head down the corridor that leads to Riley’s office and let myself in.
“Yes, Mr. Laffery, I will get to the bottom of it… and, of course, speak to the parents.” Riley’s eyes double in size when she looks up and realizes that I’m the person who’s barged through her door.
“Yes…I assure you, I will take this very seriously. Stone throwing is a very serious offense.” She nods her head, trying to end the call as fast as she can while I pace the space in front of her desk, and feel myself getting more and more worked up.
“Thank you, Mr. Laffery, goodbye.”
“When were you going to tell me?” I barely give her a chance to hang up the phone before I place both my palms on her desk and lean over it.
“Sawyer, you can’t just barge your way in here.” She blinks nervously as she leans back in her chair.
“Don’t avoid the question. When were you going to tell me?” I ask her again, hearing the anger in my voice and noticing how wiped out she looks.
“Tell you what?” She puts on that brave face she’s always trying to hide behind as she sits up a little straighter.
“Don’t play games, Riley. I know you were at the doctor's office yesterday, and I know why.” I’ve never let a woman get under my skin the way she does. How is it possible to be so fuckin’ mad at a person, yet wanna scoop them up and make sure they're alright at the same time?
“How could you possibly know why I was there when there's a very well-respected law called patient and doctor confidentiality?” she hits back at me.
“Then tell me why you were there.” I stare her directly in the eyes, and feel my pulse in my temple.
“I’m tired, Sawyer. I haven’t been sleeping. I went to Dr. West to see if there was something he could give me to help.” She makes it sound convincing, but I’m still not buying it.
“Riley, I know I fucked up. I said some cruel things bu–”
“Everything you said was right, don’t beat yourself up about it.” She acts as if it’s no big deal, but I see the pain in her eyes. Riley Hale may fool a lot of people, but she don’t fool me.
“I should have told you where I was, I just…I guess I wasn’t ready for those two worlds to come together,” I admit.
“There were never two worlds, Sawyer. I’ve always known who you are. Now, if you’d see yourself out, I have work to do.” She looks up at me so coldly, it hurts like hell.
“I’ll leave, but first you gotta look me in the eye and swear to me that you ain’t carrying my baby.” I stare at her harder, looking for any sign of weakness.
“Sawyer.” Her eyes fix on mine. “I’m not preg–”
“I know you said you didn’t want anything, but these bagels looked too good.” Hayden bursts through the door.
“Sawyer.” He freezes in his tracks, holding a coffee in one hand and a wrapped-up bagel in the other. “Did Jamie get hold of you?” His eyes dart between me and Riley, nervously. He was with me last night, he saw the damage that I did to Carpenter, and I know exactly what he’s thinking.
“Yeah, I spoke to him. Could you…we’re kinda in the middle of something?” I glance toward the door so he gets the fuckin’ hint to use it.
“Sure…I was just…I’ll leave this right here for you, boss.” He places the bag and the coffee on the desk and scurries back out the door, and as soon as it slams shut Riley reaches under her desk, lifts up her wastepaper basket, and throws up into it.
“Shit, you okay?” I rush around the desk to help her, gathering up the hair that's fallen around her face and holding it out the way.
“Get that coffee off my desk.” She lifts up her head and manages to speak before she starts hurling again. I quickly pick up the mug and head for the window, lifting it up and pouring the coffee out into the alley. Then, placing the empty mug on top of the filing cabinet, I wait for her to pull herself back together and raise her head again.
“You were sayin’?’” I smile at her cleverly when I realize that any chances of her lying to me just flew out the window with her coffee.
“Don’t be smart.” She wipes her mouth and pulls a bottle of water from her top drawer.
“I’m not bein’ fuckin’ smart. Riley, we did it. You’re…” I have to remind myself to keep my voice down. “You're pregnant.” My heart feels like it’s gonna break out of my chest. I wanna take hold of her, wrap her up in my arms, and not let go of her. “I told ya.” I waggle my finger at her and chuckle to myself. “Didn’t I say that I’d knock ya up first time?” I scrub my hands over my face, forgetting that I came here so mad, and feeling nothing but elation until I suddenly realize how ill she’s looking.
“Shit, Riley, I’m sorry.” I move so I can be close to her again. “Have you been okay? D’ya get sick like that often?” I crouch beside her and rest my hand on her thigh.
“Only for the past two weeks, the doctor said it’ll pass.” She looks at my hand for a few seconds before she forces it away and takes another sip of water.
“But you're eating, though, right?” I check.
“I’m doing my best, it’s just not easy, especially at this time of day.” Her eyes linger on the bagel that's on her desk, and when I see her skin turn pale again, I push it further away.
“Baby, I know it ain’t easy, but ya gotta eat, you're lookin’ real tired. Should you even be here?”
“Yes, Sawyer, I should be here; being tired is normal. Now, if you can leave and let me get back to wor–”
“Leave? Riley, I ain’t goin’ nowhere. We need to talk about this. Did the doc say how far along ya are?”
“They go from the day of your last period, so we made a guess at seven weeks. I’ll know for sure when I get a sonogram.” She sighs as if I’m being an inconvenience, but I can’t stop smiling.
“I can’t believe we did it.” I shake my head as I let it all sink in, and when I go to place my hand on her stomach, she catches my wrist and holds it back.
“Congratulations, you’re a proven stud.” She gives me a look of warning before slowly releasing.
“Are you not happy about it?” I know she hates me right now, but surely she can’t stay angry at me forever.
“Of course, I’m happy. This is what I wanted.” She looks down at her still-flat stomach and smiles to herself.
“So why the hell didn’t you tell me? I know you’re mad and that I hurt you bu–”
“I’m not mad at you, Sawyer. I’m mad at myself. I let things go too far, I overstepped the boundaries of our agreement, and I’m sorry.” She cuts me off and confuses the hell outta me with her apology.
“You're sorry? Darlin’, if you're not mad at me and you’re sorry, why have you been ignoring me? Why keep me in the dark about this? You're sick, you're tired, you shouldn’t be sufferin’ all this by yourself.” I go to touch her again, but think better of it, her rejection stings far too fuckin’ much.
“That was always the plan, Sawyer. You played your part, and for that, I’m always gonna be grateful. The rest is on me now.” Her hand touches over her tummy protectively.
“You know, it don’t have to be that way,” I whisper, hoping that she’s gonna stop being stubborn and let me help her.
“It’s how I want it.” She looks at me so coldly that I feel the chill in my stomach. I wanna yell at her, tell her she’s wrong, demand that she answer all the questions I’ve got, but I also gotta remember that she’s carrying my child.
“Guess I should leave.” I stand up.
“That’s for the best,” she agrees, releasing a steady breath and fixing that brave face on again.
“If ya need anyth–”
“I won’t,” she assures me, and before I let her see how deep she’s cut me, I storm out the door.
“Sawyer, listen, man.” Hayden comes out from another room and starts following, trying to talk to me.
“Not now,” I call back at him, bursting out the door onto the street and heading straight back to the bar.
Beth is sitting dutifully by the bar waiting for my return, and she rises from her stool when she sees that I’ve returned.
“Sawyer, I’m?—”
“Get the fuck out.” I hold the door open for her to leave. She remains still, staring at me as if I’ve just escaped from the fuckin’ zoo. “I said, get out!” I yell. Gripping the door so tight in my hand, I feel my body shaking.
“You know what, Sawyer Anderson, one day you're gonna push me too far and I might not bounce back to you.” She snatches up her purse from the bar and storms past me; I slam the door, pick up one of the stools, and launch it across the room.