Chapter 18
RILEY
ONE WEEK LATER
“T hanks, Mr. Tinton.” I take the bag from his hands and step outside the pharmacy. The sun’s getting warmer and the air’s getting fresher. Spring is really trying to push through, but it’s not making me feel any brighter.
“Riley.” Sawyer makes me jump when he steps out in front of me, and I hold my hand to my chest as I breathe.
“Sawyer.” I nod my head politely and swerve past him so I can get to my patroller.
“How have ya been?” He chases after me.
“I’ve been fine,” I assure him, opening my door and placing the white paper bag on the console before I get in.
“I’ve been trying real hard to give you that space you wanted.” He hovers around me awkwardly like he wants some kind of pat on the back. “You ready to talk, now?”
“Not right now.” I shake my head, and when I go to close my door, he grabs it firmly and crouches down beside me.
“What were you doin’ in the drugstore?” he asks in that low, husky voice that makes my pussy flutter. Even when I’m trying to be mad at him.
“I was picking up a prescription.” I rest back in my seat and sigh when I realize I’m going nowhere while he’s crouched beside my open door.
“A prescription for what? Are you okay? Are you?—”
“It’s personal,” I cut him off and put my hand up to Loretta Chambers as she passes. She’s, of course, staring at Sawyer, wondering what he’s doing, and I’m sure soon the whole town will have some wild theory cooked up as to why.
“Show me.” He gestures with his head toward the bag.
“Are you being serious?” I look at him and huff a laugh.
“If it’s just a prescription…show me.” He thinks he’s so fuckin’ smart, and the fact it makes me want to smile reminds me why avoiding him is my only defense.
“If I show you, will you go away?” I challenge.
“Sure.” It takes him a while to answer, but he eventually straightens himself up, and keeping my eyes focused on the windshield in front of me, I pass him the bag so he can check for himself.
“This is–”
“Old man Harris’s hemorrhoid cream.” I finish the sentence for him before snatching the bag and the box from him. “I told you it was personal.”
“What are you doing with old man Harris’s hemorrhoid cream?” Sawyer stares at me blankly.
“I remembered what you told me about him being alone and only coming to church on Sundays, and thought it would be good to check in on him from time to time.” I shrug like it’s no big deal because I don’t want him thinking he’s had any influence on me.
“That’s really thoughtful.” When I glance up at him and see that he’s smiling, it almost makes me give in to one, too.
“Yeah, well, not much else to do around here, especially when the locals tend to take the law into their own hands.” I go to reach for the handle of my door, but Sawyer quickly crouches back down.
“I thought you were getting a test because ya know…” His eyes rest on my stomach.
“Well, you were wrong, and even if I was, it wouldn’t concern you. We had an agreement, remember?”
“Screw the agreement, Riley. We both know it went way beyond me being a fuckin’ donor when we started spending all our free time together.”
“Your idea, not mine.” I shake my head and refuse to let him convince me otherwise.
“Maybe, but what about all those nights you came to me, or the nights you fell asleep next to me in my bed?” He looks at me with those beautiful, blue eyes that almost send me back under his spell.
“Bad judgment calls. Now, if you could stick to your word and let me go, I’m sure Mr. Harris will be needing this.” I wait for him to stand up and move out of my way before slamming the door, starting my engine, and taking off a little faster than I should.
* * *
I focus on the road all the way out to Harris’s ranch, trying not to think about how sad Sawyer looked, or how much I’ve been missing him. If I think about it, all I wanna do is cry.
When I drop off his prescription, I politely decline the offer he makes of tea, but I have no choice in taking the dozen eggs he insists I have for my troubles.
I drive back home, hating that the place feels so tainted now. I don’t feel safe there anymore. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder, feeling as if someone’s watching me, and although I’m sure it’s the Gendrys who invaded my home and placed that photograph on my bed, I have to be wary of others, too. I still haven’t sussed out the Sullivans, Jace and his uncle may smile as they pass me in the street, but I can tell they hate me being here, they see me as a threat, and that means I can’t rule them out as suspects.
Once I’m home, I let myself inside and double bolt the door, then taking out my gun, I go from room to room, checking the place is clear. It’s become part of my routine since I stopped staying at Sawyer’s house. When I’m certain that I’m alone, I tuck my gun away and head back to the kitchen. I’m so tired I could fall asleep standing up, and I blame that on the fact I’m not getting any sleep at night. I keep imagining someone hidden in the dark. I end up lying awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking about the nights that Sawyer stayed here with me, and how good it felt when he held me while I slept. It’s one of the many things I should not have let happen.
My eyes stare at the calendar on the wall, and I count how many days have passed beyond the day I drew the little red dot on. I’m five days late. Five whole days and I can’t avoid taking the test I have in my bathroom, for much longer.
Taking off my utility belt, I dump it on the kitchen table and take a deep breath before I head for the bathroom. I open the cabinet and take out the test that I ordered online. Only an idiot would buy a pregnancy test from the drug store in Clearwater Creek.
My hands start shaking as I open the box and take out the white stick. I read the instructions three times over, just to be sure, and, of course, to delay the process a little longer.
I really don’t know how I feel about this. I should be excited. I’ve wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember, but this wasn’t supposed to be how it happened. I got in far deeper than I intended to with Sawyer; I let lust blindside me. Even more stupidly, I got so wrapped up in ovulation and conception that I missed the appointment with the lawyer who I asked to draw up our contract. Now, I could be pregnant with the town's sexy bar owner’s baby. I’m as tragic as a Dolly Parton song, and I only have myself to blame.
Myself…and Sasha.
Placing the box back on the basin unit, I take the stick and sit on the toilet, awkwardly placing it between my legs and trying to get my aim right. Then, when I’m done, I pop the cap back on, place the test beside the box, and wait.
I feel daggers slashing at the butterflies in my stomach and have to take long, calming breaths to try and stop my heart from beating too fast. The time the test needs passes, and I let a little more of it go before I finally pick up the test and check the window.
Pregnant
The word is right there in front of me, and seeing it makes me laugh and cry all at the same time.
I allow myself a few seconds to be happy and excited because this is a good thing. It’s just the circumstances surrounding it that have gotten completely fucked up.