Chapter 21
SAWYER
I ’ve been calling her for three days straight, and not once has she picked up my calls. It was hard to stay away from her before, but now, knowing what condition she’s in makes it feel impossible.
She’s pregnant. She’s having my baby, and she won’t let me get close to her. The frustration of that has me wanting to tear down walls and unleash hell, but I can’t channel any of that anger onto her. She’s got enough to deal with, it’s obvious that the baby’s making her sick. I was up all night last night researching what I can do to make her feel better. Now, after a trip to the grocery and the drug store, then a stop off at Jean’s, I decide that I’m not gonna let her ignore me anymore.
It’s ten a.m. and her patrol car ain’t at the station. It must be her day off, so I drive out to her place and knock on her door. It takes her a while to answer and when she does, I smile despite the fact she looks pissed to see me
“Sawyer, what are you doing here?” She sighs.
“I picked up a few things I thought you might appreciate.” I decide to wait for her to invite me in, instead of barging past her; she’s a woman who appreciates boundaries, after all. There’s a long, awkward silence that we spend just looking at each other, and I wonder what's going on in that pretty head of hers.
“Oh, for heaven's sake, come in.” She admits defeat, opening the door wider, and I nod politely instead of saying something clever.
“You still feelin’ sick?” I ask, placing the bag on the table and pulling out a chair for her to sit down.
“Yep.” She sighs again as she takes the seat and watches me unpack all the items I picked up from Alice Walker’s store on the table in front of her.
“What is all this?” She looks up at me as if I’ve gone crazy.
“What we have here is… ginger tea, ginger cookies, ground ginger, and root”, I explain. “I messaged Jean last night and she also made these...” I pull the cake box from the bottom of the bag and open it up to reveal four fresh and delicious-smelling muffins. “They’re ginger too,” I add, in case she hadn’t figured that out yet.
Riley’s still looking confused, so I explain it to her.
“I read that ginger helps with all the feelin’ sick. Figured you might wanna give it a try.”
“Oh.” Her lips twitch into a smile as she lifts up the root from the table and examines it carefully.
“I ain’t really sure what you do with that, guess you could chew on it.” I shrug, before taking it out of her hand and placing it back on the table so I have her full attention.
“Listen, Riley, I’m worried about ya. You’re lookin’ tired, and if you're not eating properly, it’s only gonna make ya feel worse. Our ba…” The firm look she hits me with reminds me to correct myself. “ Your baby,” I growl, “needs you to take care of yourself.”
“And you think I don’t know that?” She stands up from her chair and heads straight for the sink, gripping the basin and leaning over it.
“Are ya gonna?—”
“No, I’m fine. I’m just…you shouldn’t be here.” She spins around to face me, looking mad and hot-as-sin in the sweatshirt and tiny shorts she’s wearing. I want to lift her onto the counter and screw her fuckin’ brains out. I researched having sex during pregnancy, too, and from what I’ve learned, it has benefits.
“None of this is your responsibility, Sawyer. You're acting as if–”
“I’m the father of your baby,” I interrupt, crossing my arms and looking back at her cleverly.
“Yes, and that's exactly my point. We both agreed that you wouldn’t be. I’m doing this alone, Sawyer.” Her words put a sting in my chest, but I let it go over my head and focus on the reason I’m here.
“You picked up old man Harris’s prescriptions, didn’t ya?” I point out. “And I know you’d wanna help Maddison or Isabel, if they were feelin’ ill.” I have to draw on whatever I can to help my cause.
“You know I would.” I can tell from the look on her face that she knows she can’t hide herself away from me. Riley Hale is starting to like the people in this town.
“Well, this, right here, is me doing the same. We’re friends, ain’t we?”
“Grrrr.” She grips her hair in frustration and marches past me into the living room.
“I’m not here to tell you that you're not doing a good job, Riley,” I follow after her. “I just want to make this easier on you. I don’t like seeing you suffer.”
She turns around and holds up her hand when she sees how close I’ve gotten.
“If you want to help me, tell me why Jace Sullivan hates me so much.” She’s got that flare back in her eyes, the one that irritates the hell outta me and gets my cock real fuckin’ hard.
“Jace doesn't hate you, he–”
“Friends don’t lie to each other, Sawyer.” This time she’s the one who’s crossing her arms and lookin’ all smart.
“If you’d let me finish, I was gonna tell ya that Jace doesn’t hate you, he fears you.” I don’t want to get into this shit with her, but I’d sacrifice anything for a little more of her time.
“He fears me?” she laughs. “Do you really expect me to believe that? Sawyer, I know the things you guys do.” She’s getting impatient with me, and I can’t have her thinking that I’m lying to her again.
“Yeah, well, I may have told him that you were FBI,” I confess, knowing that it’s gonna make her even madder at me than she already is, but it’s the truth, and that's what she deserves.
“You did what? ” Her eyes stretch wide, and I swear she’s gonna swing for me.
“I told him on the night that you first came to town. I panicked because I thought you were here undercover to take us down.
“Jesus Christ, Sawyer.” She slumps down on the edge of the couch and buries her head in her hands.
“So you can understand why he’s not exactly stoked that you're in town. He’s in love with Maddison, they’re starting a family, and he sees you as the threat that could take all that away from him,” I explain, realizing how much I can relate to how my best friend feels right now. This woman in front of me has suddenly become my entire world, losing her now ain’t an option.
“You never even gave me a chance. This place was supposed to be my new start. A life away from all that.” She’s on the verge of tears, and knowing that I’m the reason for it makes me wanna put a dagger through my own fuckin’ heart.
“It still can be, darlin’, you're having a baby, and I know you got this whole plan to do it all by yourself, but you don’t have to. I really wanna be our kid's father. I wanna be?—”
“No, no, no.” She shakes her head and stands up strong. “I’m not having this discussion with you, Sawyer. I appreciate you wanting to make me feel better, it’s kind and it’s thoughtful, but it oversteps the mark.” She takes hold of my arm and starts ushering me toward the door. Seeing her so sad and angry at the same time makes me mad at myself for putting pressure on her. I didn’t come here to do that, I came here to make her feel better. Desperation just seems to get the better of me when I’m around her, and I’ve still gotta find a way to control it.
“Riley, I'm sorry. Just please eat something before I go.”
I notice there's a chain and a double bolt on the door that wasn’t there last time I was here, and wonder what it’s for.
“I’m not hungry,” she assures me, and I decide I need to finish this battle before I start another one.
“You might not be, but it ain’t just you you’re eating for. Let me fix ya something up, anything you want. I need…I wanna take care of you.” I feel so stupid and weak admitting that, but it seems to make her shoulders relax, and the anger on her face seems to soften a little, too.
“Fine, I’ll eat, but only if you tell me everything you know about Billy McGee.” She looks real badass as she heads over to the table, takes a seat, and lifts one of Jean’s muffins from the box.
“What do ya wanna know?” I take the chair opposite her, spinning it around so I can straddle it. Then, taking the muffin from her hand, I slowly peel the case from the bottom of it and hold it out for her to take a bite.
“I wanna know everything.” She surprises me when she tilts her head slightly and takes a bite.
Not only is she gonna eat for me, she’s gonna let me feed her.
“He’s a womanizer,” I tell her, watching her chew and waiting for her to swallow.
“A worse one than you?” She takes a low blow, but I let her have it. I’ll let her take a hundred more if that's what it takes to keep her eating.
“He was dating Jace’s mom before she died.” I ignore her question and offer her more useful information, and she offers me a reward when she takes another bite.
“Do you think Jace might have killed him?” she tests, surely she knows that I’d never rat on my best friend. She wants me to lie to her again so she can push me even further away.
“I know Jace didn’t kill him,” I speak honestly, reaching the finger from my free hand to scoop up a crumb from the edge of her mouth. I slide it between her lips and the way she gently sucks my finger almost has me losing control.
“And how can you be so sure?” she asks, taking another bite and almost looking as if she’s having fun.
“Because, if Jace wanted him dead, he’d have done it while he had the chance. We’re all just as much in the dark over who killed that asshole as you are,” I assure her.
“So, he is dead?” She smirks as if she just played checkmate.
“I can assure ya that he’s dead...” I wait until she’s finished the last bite before leaning in closer so I can whisper. “...I buried the fucker’s body.” I got what I came here for. Riley has eaten, and I’ve proven to her that I’m not gonna keep any more secrets from her. I just gave her every ounce of my trust, and knowing that the more time I spend around her, the weaker I become, I decide I should quit while I’m ahead.
Standing up from the table, I place the chair neatly back under the table head for the door.
“Wait!” she calls out to me, sounding a little desperate herself, and when I turn around, I expect her to press me some more about Billy McGee.
“Thanks, all this was really sweet, the muffin was nice too.”
“You feel better?” I feel a warm, satisfied feeling in my chest.
“Looks like I’m keeping it down.” She does a little celebration dance, and it’s goofy and so fuckin’ cute it hurts and makes me laugh at the same time.
I nod my head before reaching for the handle, and when I see all the extra locks, I turn to question her.
“Hank fitted them for me, just as a precaution,” she answers before I even get a chance to ask. “I got them installed on the back door, too.”
“Any reason why?” I frown at her suspiciously.
“It’s not just me I have to protect, now.” I watch her smile as her hand presses against her stomach, and knowing there's a little piece of me inside there makes me so proud I wanna yell it out and make sure everyone knows.
“Good girl.” I smile before seeing myself out and feel like I made a little progress.