Chapter 22
RILEY
TWO WEEKS LATER
I try not to worry, as I head from the doctor's office toward my car, but my hands are shaking so badly that I drop my keys.
“Riley.” Sawyer’s voice calls from behind me, and when I spin around, I see him jogging across the street to catch up.
Now is really not a good time for me to have to face him.
“Everything good? I saw you coming out of the doctor's.” He looks back over his shoulder toward Dr. West’s building.
“Jesus, have you got a tracker on me?” I snap and continue to walk down the street.
“Hey, hey, wait. What's wrong?” He chases after me, taking my arm, and this time, when I spin around, I can’t hide the tears in my eyes or lie to him.
“I woke up and had some spotting this morning,” I tell him under my breath. “So, I went to Dr. West and–-”
“Wait, slow down, what the hell is spotting?” Sawyer's grip on my arm gets tighter.
“It’s light bleeding that apparently can be perfectly normal, but can also lead to things more serious. I Googled it, freaked out, and called Dr. West. He’s sure it’s fine, but he’s sending me into the city for a sonogram as a precaution.” I feel sick with nerves, and the way he’s looking scared, too, isn’t helping.
“Come on, I’m gonna drive ya.” Sawyer slips his hand into mine, and although it feels like the kind of comfort I need, I pull away.
“Sawyer.” I glance around us, reminding him that we’re standing in the middle of town. “I can drive myself.”
“You probably could, but I’m not gonna let you. Now, you can walk to my truck, or I can give everyone something to really talk about and put you over my shoulder.” He gives me the option, and although I hate giving in to him, I have to admit that the thought of him coming with me makes me feel a little better.
“Fine,” I hiss through my teeth at him and start making my way toward his truck. Daphne Pritchard’s eyes come out on stalks when she sees him rush in front of me so he can open the passenger side door, and I manage to smile at her as if it’s perfectly normal while I climb inside.
“Mornin’, Daphne.” Sawyer lowers his head before rounding the hood, getting behind the wheel, and rushing to pull off.
“You eat breakfast this morning?” He breaks the silence when we’re about a mile out of town.
“I had one of Jean’s magic muffins,” I assure him. “I take it it was you who convinced her to make them a permanent menu option?” I won’t admit how sweet I think that is or how often I take advantage of it.
“I have my ways.” He looks pleased with himself, and I decide curiosity is a good distraction from all my nerves.
“Well, I’m intrigued.” I look at him expectantly, hoping that he’ll keep talking.
“Well, I couldn’t tell her the real reason I asked her to bake some, a few weeks ago, so I told her it was because I stopped by a bakery in the city on my way home from the wholesalers, and had the best thing I ever tasted.” He grins to himself while he focuses on the road. “Naturally, Jean's curious mind needed to know what that was, and when I told her, she set herself a challenge. After that, I just had to blow some smoke, tell her that hers were far better than what I tasted in the city, and boom…she’s been making ‘em daily, ever since.”
“I guess that means you have to buy one daily, too.” I fiddle with a loose thread on my pants to avoid looking at him.
“I buy two, gotta make sure she keeps ‘em on the menu, don’t I?” He hits me with that handsome smile which coaxes one out of me, despite how scared I am.
“That’s smart,” I admit, impressed at the lengths he will go to just to make sure I eat. One day, this man is gonna make an incredible father.
“Yep. And you got all these smart genes right in there.” He reaches over and rests his hand on my stomach. It reminds me of what I stand to lose if something does turn out to be wrong, and I swallow back more tears before he notices.
“Hey, everythin’s gonna be okay, ya know that, right?” he assures me, keeping his hand where it is and stroking me softly.
“I really hope so.” I place my hand over his so he keeps it there because, despite the fact I shouldn’t, I like the way it feels.
* * *
“You didn’t need to come in here,” I tell him once the nurse has got me settled on the bed and ready for the doctor.
“Ain’t no way I was staying in the truck,” Sawyer tells me from a plastic chair on the other side of the room. He’s got his elbows resting on his knees and is cracking his knuckles. I did tell him to wait outside, but he was adamant that he come in with me. I can sense his nerves, and the fact that he’s looking so scared is more evidence that he really cares about this baby. Shutting him out seems like such a cruel thing to do, but it’s what’s best for us all. I can’t allow him to take care of me, it goes against everything I set out to do.
The door opens, and when the doctor steps inside, Sawyer instantly stands up and wipes his palms on his jeans.
“Doctor.” He takes the woman's hand and almost shakes it off before she clears her throat and reminds him to release her.
“Pleased to meet you.” She smiles at him before turning her attention to me. “How are you feeling, Miss Hale?”
“I’m fine, just a little scared,” I admit, and when Sawyer moves to stand beside me, this time, I accept the hand he slides into mine and cling to it real tight.
“I hear you’ve had some spotting, have you had any cramping alongside it?” she asks, pulling the sonography machine closer to her, and squirting some gel onto my stomach. I flinch because it’s cold, and Sawyer looks as if he’s going to take her head off.
“No. No cramping, and the spotting seems to have stopped. I checked when we got here.” I hear the nerves in my voice as I look up at Sawyer. My vision’s getting all blurry from tears, but I still see the reassuring nod he gives me, as he clasps my hand tighter and holds it against his chest.
“That’s good, let's take a little look.” She picks up her instrument, and when I feel it press against my tummy, I look up at the ceiling, close my eyes, and say a little prayer. Sawyer's other hand strokes the top of my head, and when I feel his lips press against my forehead, I allow myself to take comfort in it.
“There we are,” The doctor tells us cheerily, and when I hear something that sounds like a galloping horse, I open my eyes. “We have a strong heartbeat, and what looks to me like a very healthy baby,” she assures.
And I laugh, and cry, all at the same time.
“So everything's okay?” Sawyer sounds as relieved as I am as he leans closer to the screen to get a better look.
“Everything looks great. Spotting happens often in early pregnancy. It’s always best to get it checked out, but more often than not, it’s nothing to worry about.” The doctor smiles.
“Thank you,” I rest my head back down and take a long, deep breath.
“I’m just going to take some measurements while I’m here so we can give you a more accurate due date, and then I’ll print you a picture to take home,” she explains.
“Can we get two of those pictures?” Sawyer asks, staring at the screen and looking all teary-eyed.
“Sure.” The doctor smiles at him, and when he kisses my knuckles, I smile too.
* * *
When we get back to his truck, Sawyer places his picture in his sun visor, and once I’ve buckled up, he starts his engine and heads home.
“That was pretty fuckin’ cool.” He looks across at me with a huge, proud grin on his face. “And I told ya we had nothing to worry about.” He reaches over for my hand and squeezes it.
“There was a time when you were looking a little worried yourself…and don’t think I didn’t see those tears, Sawyer Anderson,” I tease. Knowing that everything is okay and that the baby is growing as it should is such a relief that I could cry from how happy I feel.
“Nine weeks, that's exactly what you thought?” he checks.
“Only three more weeks and I'll have made it through the first trimester.” I look down at my flat tummy and smile. Despite all the tiredness and feeling sick, it’s gone by pretty fast.
“You’re not gonna be able to hide it for much longer. How d’ya feel about becoming Clearwater Creek’s next big scandal?” He laughs to himself.
“Trust me, I’ll be keeping this a secret for as long as I possibly can,” I assure him, already dreading it.
“Well, don’t count on it being too long. You’ve got a strong, healthy kid in there, Doc said that herself. I bet you'll have a cute little bump to show for it in a few weeks.” He looks at my tummy and smiles, as if the thought pleases him.
“I think I have a while before I need to worry about that. I can always loosen my shirt around my middle.” I untuck more of it from my belt and puff it out around the front to demonstrate while Sawyer shakes his head and laughs some more.
“Seriously, though, what ya gonna tell folk when word does get out?” he asks when we get a little closer to home. He’s looking much more serious and maybe a little hopeful, too.
“I’ll tell them it’s none of their business.” I try to sound confident, because I’ve shown Sawyer enough weakness today.
I get him to drop me straight home since I already called in sick, and the last thing I want is for people to see us arriving back in town together. He pulls his truck up on my drive, and when he cuts the engine, there's a long, awkward silence before we both go to say something at the same time.
“You go first.” I laugh awkwardly.
“No, you go,” Sawyer insists, resting his forearm across the top of his wheel and twisting in his seat to face me.
“I was just gonna say thank you for taking me. You were right, I don’t think I could have made that drive to the city by myself today.” Emotions get the better of me again, and I start to cry.
“Hey…” Sawyer leans across the seat to put his arm around me, “...everything’s okay now.”
“I’m fine, I’m just being stupid. These are happy tears.” I laugh at myself, dropping my face into my hands with shame. The guy’s gonna think I’m crazy.
“Riley.” Sawyer drags my hands away and raises my chin so I’m looking back up at him. “You’re not being stupid. You were scared today, and I need you to know that I’m always gonna be there for you…For both of you.” He creases his forehead and looks so deeply into my eyes that I forget all the reasons that being close to him is a bad idea. My head nods as his thumb brushes away one of my tears, and I realize that my hand is resting on his chest when I feel how hard it beats. My head starts moving closer to his like an invisible force is reeling me in, and I let it take me. I let my lips touch his, and I let the relief I feel keep them there. Sawyer’s hand slides past my ear, holding me closer and deepening this kiss that I initiated. My tongue dances around his despite the screaming in my head telling me to stop, and when the fluttering in my stomach starts to turn into something more intense, I quickly force myself away.
“I need to go.” My hand fumbles to reach for the door handle, and when I finally manage to locate it and pop it open, I scurry to get out. Sawyer says nothing, just touches his fingers to his lips and smiles at me.
“Thanks again.” I slam the door and pull out my keys, spilling them from my fingers onto the doormat before I manage to get them into the lock.
I hear his truck pull off the drive, followed by the arrogant horn toot he gives as he speeds away. Once I get myself safely inside, I slam the door and pull across all the bolts.
“Fuck!” I cuss myself, pressing my back against it and reminding myself to breathe. I should not have kissed him, I shouldn’t have let him take me to the city in the first place. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have seen how proud he looked, looking at his baby, and he wouldn’t have a picture of it in his truck. None of what I’m doing to him is fair, but he’s making it so hard for me to distance myself from him.
Today, fear made me weak, and I need to do better tomorrow and every day after. I have to think of the innocent little thing growing inside me, and I won’t let it down. I know that me doing this alone is what's best for us, and I can’t have any more weak moments. I have to have my head on straight, and despite what I just let happen, I need to make it clear to Sawyer that nothing about our arrangement has changed.