Chapter 25
SAWYER
I ’m standing beside Jace as he says his vows to Maddison, and I can’t take my eyes off Riley. I’m surprised she came; she hates social events like these, and must have known I’d be here. Still, I’m glad she did, because I’ve never seen her in a dress before and she’s looking real pretty in it.
She smiles as she listens to Maddison and Jace's promises to each other, and seeing a tiny hint of happy tears in her eyes only makes me madder at the woman. I’ve thought a lot during the time I’ve been giving her more space, spent countless hours trying to figure out why she refuses to let herself be happy, and all I can come up with is that she’s punishing herself for something.
I decide to wait until all the formal stuff is out the way and for people to start mingling before I bite the bullet and head over to speak to her. I haven’t talked to her since she asked me to sign that contract and stormed out of her house. I suspect she’s every bit as mad at me as I am at her. The reality of what I’ve done will be clear to her now, and I have no idea how she’s gonna respond, but I can’t spend anymore time doing nothing. I miss her too much, and I need to know that she’s doing okay.
I see my opportunity when Eli calls Isabel away from talking to her, and now that Riley is standing alone, looking like a fish outta water, I finish my beer and head over. She must see me coming because she slightly turns her body to face the opposite direction. It’s obvious she doesn’t want to speak to me, but she’s gonna have to do better than that.
“You look pretty.” I place myself right in front of her, looking down at the floaty dress she’s wearing and wanting to scrunch its fabric in my fist. Riley acts as if I’m not there, staring forward and watching Eamon’s granddaughter play her violin.
“You think she knows anything more upbeat?” I try again, hoping to at least get a smile outta her, but I fail.
“Come on, Riley, I just wanna know that you're okay.” I give up and let her see how desperate I am. I hate that the shield I spent so long getting to drop is back up between us.
“Do I look okay?” Her eyes avert to mine, and she stares at me coldly
“You look great.” I smile, noticing that she’s got some colour back in her cheeks.
“Then there’s your answer, you could have gotten it from staying on the other side of the room.” She goes to step away, but I take her by the elbow and slowly draw her back.
“Just talk to me,” I beg, glancing around to check if anyone's watching us.
“I have nothing to say to you,” she tells me firmly, looking down at my hand as if she wants it removed.
“I noticed there's been an extra muffin available when I go to Jean’s in the mornings. Figured it means you're feelin’ better.” I wanna touch her tummy and claim what's mine.
“It’s getting better,” she answers with a shrug.
“And everything’s good in there?” My hand reaches out when it becomes impossible to resist touching where my baby’s growing. The stern look of warning she gives me just before I do has me quickly diverting it to scratch behind my head instead.
“Everything's fine, Sawyer.” She swallows thickly, making it clear that I'm bothering her, but I ain’t giving up. I’ve got far too much that I need to say to her.
“I was wondering if, maybe, one night next week we could–”
“Did you break into Billy McGee’s apartment?” she cuts me off and narrows her eyes at me.
“Did I…? Wha–? No!” Her question is unexpected and throws me completely off track. “Why ya askin’?”
“Because someone did, and it looked to me as if they were really trying to find something.” She raises her posture a little higher and makes me feel as if she has something over me.
“Sorry, darlin’, you got the wrong guy,” I promise her, wondering myself who it could have been. This is definitely something worth mentioning to Jamie and Jace.
“You never did explain to me how you ended up burying him.” Riley continues to watch the girl play her violin while she waits for me to respond.
“You never asked,” I answer her back with a clever smirk that I know will irritate her.
“Well, I’m asking you now.” She turns her head to give me all of her attention.
Fuck, she’s beautiful. So beautiful that I want to kiss her right here and announce to everyone in the room that she’s having my baby.
“Riley, this ain’t the conversation to be having here.” I remind her of the fact we’re not in an interview room. The whole town has shown up here to see Jace Sullivan become an honest man and have some fun. She should give herself a day off.
“Well, it’s the only conversation you're getting out of me.” She crosses her arms defiantly and makes me growl in irritation.
“All I know is that one night, a few months ago, Billy called Eli and said he wanted to talk. When Eli got to his apartment, he was already dead.” I keep my voice real low in case anyone hears.
“So why didn’t Eli go through the right channels and report it?” she questions me further.
“Because that's not how we deal with shit,” I explain, though I don’t know why I have to, she came to this town knowing everything about who we are and what we do.
“You said it wasn’t any of you that killed him, so why would you cover for someone else?” Her curiosity is endless, and I’m starting to feel a little pressured by it.
“Maybe that's a question you need to ask Jamie Sullivan, he was the one who asked me to do the job.” I shrug, hoping we can move the conversation on to something more important, like us .
“Does it bother you?” She stares at me as if she’s trying to read the thoughts in my head.
“Does what bother me?” I frown, needing her to be a little more specific. The fact that she doesn’t want me to touch her bothers me, and that she won’t let me take care of her. Right now, everything about the situation we’re in fuckin’ bothers me.
“The things you do for Jamie, the hurting people, and burying men who will never be grieved.” She makes me sound like a monster, and it only proves that she doesn’t understand.
“Not at all.” I shake my head and give her an honest answer. I’m done deceiving this woman, from now on she’ll only ever get the truth outta me.
“So you really are dead inside?” she whispers as if she was hoping for a different answer.
“I thought I was.” I smile at her, and when her lips threaten to crack into a smile too, she forces it away.
“Look, I need you to stay out of the McGee shit, whatever it is, it has danger written all over it,” I warn her sternly. None of us knows what happened to Billy, and the unknown is always a threat. I won’t have her putting herself at risk. “Let me cook ya dinner tomorrow night.”
“I’m busy tomorrow night,” she answers bluntly.
“Then how about the night after?” I come straight back at her, and she looks up at the barn ceiling like she’s debating it.
“Still busy.” She knocks me back, only this time she does it with a smile that tells me she’s enjoying making me suffer.
“I’m not gonna give up,” I tell her, resting my forearm against the wall above her head and not caring who sees me lean in real close. “You're mine, Riley Hale. I even put a baby in your pretty, little tummy to prove it.” I can tell by the wild eyes she looks up at me with that she wants to slap me. I also know that she’s suffering a little herself. She wants to give in, she wants to let herself be owned by me because she loves how it feels.
“Careful, you're gonna have the whole town talking,” she warns me, trying so hard to keep up her defenses.
“Let ‘em talk. They’re gonna know soon enough, anyway. Your tits have already started to give you away.” I look down and admire how swollen they look. “It’s only a matter of time before this belly does too.” Just thinking about it has my cock pressing stiff against her waist. “Tell me you ain’t thought about that kiss in my truck, Riley.” My low, deep voice speaks in her ear, and she shakes her head because she knows her words will fail her.
“You're such a liar. I’ll bet you wanna reach up on those tippy toes, turn your head, and steal another from me. You’re so fuckin’ close, it would be easy. But you're just too proud.” I tease her by trailing the tip of my nose along her cheek, and despite being surrounded by people, she doesn’t do a single thing to stop me. “I’ll bet you wish that my hand was between your legs, right now, giving your pussy all my attention.” I slide my finger over the cheekbone on the opposite side of her face, and she closes her eyes like she’s imagining it. “My words gettin’ you all wet, Sheriff Hale? Hell, I reckon I could have you coming right here, in front of all these people.” I press my hand against her stomach, and she gasps. “That’s right, pretty girl, you know where these hands belong.”
“Sawyer.” Her lips tremble as she speaks my name, and I lower my mouth to her neck because I know kissing her there makes her weak.
“Yes, darlin’?” I speak against her skin, waiting for her to demand I take her somewhere more private and give her everything she’s been denying herself.
“Take your fucking hands off me before I arrest you for assault.” She pushes both her hands hard into my chest and starts marching toward the huge barn door.
“Wait.” I chase after her, getting a strange look from Lincoln and Miles as I pass them. Once outside, I catch up to her, grab her wrist, and drag her behind the barn so we don’t have to worry about who sees us. I don’t give her any chance to yell at me, I force my lips onto hers and kiss her until she runs out of oxygen. She waits for me to pull away before slapping me hard across the face, then shocks the hell outta me when she pulls on the tie I’m wearing to drag me back to her lips.
“Why do you keep doing this to us?” she asks, catching her breath between kisses, and knowing that she’s gonna hate what I tell her next, I take her face in both my hands and hold it firm so she can’t run away from me.
“Because I’m in love with you.” My words come out aggressive and all wrong. I’m angry at myself for loving her. I’m angry at her for trying to make it so hard. How can she ask me that question? I’m not the one blowing hot and cold. I’m not running away from what this is.
“Sawyer.” She pushes me back, looking like she’s gonna cry. “You can’t love me.”
“Too late,” I laugh, pressing my forehead into hers and stroking her swollen bottom lip with my thumb. “I love you, Riley Hale, and you can knock me back as many times as you want, but I’ll keep coming back. Ya know why?”
She shakes her head and looks up at me through her lashes.
“Because I know that there’s a little piece of your heart that loves me too, you're just scared to let it.”
Her eyes soften, and when I take her lips again, I’m much gentler with ‘em. They start to taste salty from the tears that are spilling onto them, and when her hands slide up and cross behind my head, I feel her start to open herself back up to me. I pull back so I can suggest we make our excuses and get out of here, but she speaks before I get the chance.
“You should get back to your friend, you're his best man.” She pushes me back further to give herself some space.
“Jace’ll understand,” I assure her, gripping the back of her neck as I move in to kiss her again.
“No, Sawyer.” Her palm presses against my chest and when she starts walking her ass back toward the party, I stand and watch in confusion.
“Riley?” I don’t care that we’re back in public view as I chase her back inside. “Riley, we’re not doing this anymore. I’m sick of playing games,” I whisper from behind her, spinning her around and earning myself a curious look from Maddison’s bridesmaid.
“What do I need to say to make you understand?” Riley whisper-yells at me as her eyes dart around the room. “I don’t want your love, Sawyer. I don’t want any of this. You should be with someone who will appreciate you. Someone like Beth Del–”
“Don’t you fuckin’ dare! ” I cut her off, holding my finger up between us. “What the hell is wrong with you, Riley? Do you spend all your free time thinkin’ up ways to fuckin’ hurt me?” I look her over, trying to understand what goes on in this woman’s head. “I don’t want Beth Delaney. I don't want any other woman. I want you.”
“Well, you can’t have me, and the sooner you accept that, the easier things will be for everyone.” I stare at her, wondering how she manages to strike me every fuckin’ time. I should know by now that all her advances end up with rejection.
“If you mean what you say and you really do love me, be a man of your word. Forget any ideas you have about you and me. Forget that this baby I’m having is yours, and move on, Sawyer.” I feel tears stinging my eyes when I realize how serious she is.
“You're my baby’s donor, not its father. We agreed to that,” she whispers coldly, and it’s the final blow. How the fuck did I become so weak? I ain’t the kinda man who lets a woman rip out his heart and stomp it into the ground.
I guess that’s the price you pay for deception.
Her words hurt harder as they sink deeper, and when looking at her becomes too hard, I shake my head and storm out the barn, getting as far away from her as I can get.