Chapter 26
CHAPTER 26
RILEY
I watch him leave, knowing I’ve pushed him as far as he’ll go. There's no coming back from this for him, and I should be relieved, but instead I’m devastated. I spend the next few minutes staring at all the people who are gathered around the hay bale marked dance floor, and wonder if I’m being selfish.
The more I think about denying my child the chance to have a father like Sawyer, the more it seems so cruel, and yet I can’t face the risks of the alternative. I manage to back out of the barn without anyone noticing, and as I slowly make my way back toward the field where all the cars are parked, there's a part of me that hopes Sawyer hasn’t left yet.
I have to stop that part of my brain from taking over; it’s unfair, and I can see how much I’m hurting him. I need better self-control, and if I can’t get a handle on it, I’ll have to get away from here completely. Forget about the Gendrys. Forget about Sawyer, and just focus on being the mom I’ve always wanted to be. I’ll never be able to do that here, not with Sawyer watching over us and wanting so much involvement. I should hate him for what he’s done. He knew how I wanted this to be, and he lied to me. Now, we’re both the victims of his deception. But I can’t hate him, I can’t even blame him, because deep down I must have known what he was doing all along. I let myself go along with it all because being around Sawyer makes me forget who I am. I liked how determined he was to knock me up. I liked how it felt to be his. Sawyer freed me from the person my past turned me into, and I embraced it. I even convinced myself, for a while, that I could keep that feeling forever.
“Hey, you. Wait.” I hear a voice call out desperately, and when I look back toward the ranch, I see Maddison’s father leaning on the fence post, catching his breath.
“Are you okay?” I rush toward him when I see how red-faced and out of breath he is.
“I’m fine, but my daughter…her baby’s coming.” He forces out the words before sucking in more air.
“I haven’t been drinking, I can drive her to the hospital,” I suggest, taking my keys out of my purse and preparing to get my car.
“No time, she says it’s coming right now.” He takes my hand and starts dragging me back toward the party.
“Wait, you need Dr. West.” I look back at my car helplessly.
“Dr. West left, and the woman who did all the flowers told me you know how to deliver a baby,” he informs me as we get closer to the barn, and I hear Maddison screaming.
“Of course, she did.” I look up to the sky and curse Eleanor Chambers as the old man hurries me along.
“I only left a few minutes ago, she was dancing.” I know these things can happen fast, but there must have been some signs. Hopefully, Maddison’s just panicking, and there's plenty of time to get her to a hospital. We pass all the wedding guests gathered outside the barn door, and when I’m led back inside, I see Maddison resting with her back against one of the bales and Jace crouched between her legs, looking panicked.
“I found someone!” her father calls out proudly, and I watch Jace’s head drop in disappointment when he sees that that person is me.
“You know how to deliver a baby?” he asks, making space for me down where all the action is and wrapping his arm around Maddison’s shoulder.
“I’m not trained, but I have delivered one before. If I can do it on a subway, I can sure as hell do it here.” I roll up the floaty sleeves on my dress and kneel between Maddison’s legs to see what I’m facing.
“Wow, you’re almost there.” I look up and hide my shock with a smile. All this really has happened quickly, she needs to be kept calm or there's a risk she could go into shock. “Is Lawrence West on his way?” I look back toward Maddison's father, doing my best not to look concerned.
“Yeah, apparently, Jean called him back as soon as she realized what was happening,” he tells me, standing to the side, not knowing what to do with himself.
“That's good.” I nod, cupping both my hands on Maddison’s knees and seeing the crown of her baby’s head protruding from between her legs.
“Is there something wrong?” Jace looks worried.
“Not at all,” I assure him. “In my very limited experience, everything looks exactly how it should, but once the baby comes, we have to cut the cord and deliver the placenta. Last time I did this, we had paramedics waiting at the next stop who handled it.” I explain why having Dr. West here is important.
“Okay.” He nods, taking hold of Maddison's hand and pulling himself together. “You heard her, you're almost there,” he encourages her as her body tenses and she bears down hard. I hide the horror on my face when I see the baby’s head slowly slide all the way out.
I don’t think it’s good for me to be doing this when I know that in a few months, I’ll be the one pushing.
“That’s right, Maddison, the whole head is out now, just take a breath,” I tell her, taking the slimy head in my hands so I can help guide it out.
“Ya hear that? His head is here, you just gotta find a little more energy for the rest of him,” Jace tells her, kissing her sweat-soaked temple, and when she starts to scream again, I look back down and focus on delivering their baby.
“That’s a good girl, keep pushing,” he tells her as the baby keeps on coming. He’s a good size, and once his shoulders are delivered, he slips with ease into my hands. I breathe a sigh of relief when he immediately starts to cry.
“Congratulations.” I lift him up toward Jace while Maddison catches her breath, and he quickly shrugs out of his dress shirt so he can wrap him up and take him from me.
“Is he okay?” Maddison asks as Jace places their son on her chest. It's a beautiful moment for them, and suddenly I feel like an imposter.
“He’s here.” Jace shakes his head in awe at what he’s seeing.
“Well done, sweetheart, I’ll go tell your mother.” Maddison’s father kisses her cheek before he rushes out the barn to spread the news.
“Look what ya did.” Jace kisses his wife as I back up and give them some space. I’m overwhelmed by all that I’m feeling as I watch them together. I knew going into this that giving birth alone is going to be scary, but witnessing this is making me question if I can do it by myself. Jace kept Maddison calm and focused, he reminded her of what all the pain was for with the excitement in his voice. I’m not going to have that. I’ll be surrounded by strangers who deliver babies every day. The moment my child is born won’t be special to them, I’ll have no one to share and remember it with, and suddenly that seems so sad.
“Thank you.” Jace looks up at me, and there's no hate in his eyes anymore; if anything, I see a little admiration. I smile at him as I brush the hair off my forehead and try not to imagine how me and Sawyer might look holding our new baby together.
“My pleasure. Besides, it looked like you had it covered.” I barely did anything other than guide a little boy who decided he was in a hurry to come into the world. A little boy who I now feel the urge to protect. These precious moments have shown me a different side to Jace Sullivain, he’s just a man who loves and wants to protect his family. The evidence on Billy McGee’s phone tells me that all that is at jeopardy, and I feel as if it’s my duty to warn him. Now isn’t the time, and I can already predict how Jace will react. I need to find a way to manage that and make him see things my way.
“He really is perfect, isn’t he?” Maddison smiles at her husband as her baby wraps his tiny hand around her finger.
“Did you expect anything less?” I hear Jace tell her as I quietly make my way out the barn and leave them to get to know their son. Once I’m outside, I get greeted by applause and cheers, and no one seems to care about the body fluids I’m covered in as they hug me and pat me on the back.
“How did you know I’d delivered a baby before?” I ask Eleanor as she takes her turn to congratulate me on a job well done.
“It’s amazing what you can find on the internet.” She winks at me before kissing my cheek, and as I slowly move through everyone, absorbing their energy and feeling like part of this crazy town I call home now, I stand still when I realize that the person I really want to see isn’t here.
* * *
“Go away.” I hear his voice come from inside as I knock on the bar door.
“I need to talk to you,” I call out, most of the town folk are at the Sullivan ranch, so it’s not as if anyone’s gonna hear me. I’m about to knock again when the door swings open and my fist almost slams into Sawyer’s chest.
“What the fuck happened?” His anger turns to concern when he sees the blood on my hands and dress.
“Would you believe me if I told you I just delivered your best friend's baby?” I ask, hardly believing it myself.
“ What? ” Sawyer steps back so I can move inside.
“Yep, Maddison went into labor, and that baby came out really fast.” I sit down at one of the tables when my adrenaline starts to wear off, and I think about all that just happened.
“Was she okay? Did Jace get the boy he wanted?”
“He got his boy, and all of them are fine,” I assure him, taking the bottle of water he offers me out of his hands. He snatches it back from me and unscrews the lid when he notices my hands are too shaky to do it myself.
“So what are ya doin' here?” He waits for me to take a sip before he asks, and it hurts me to see him looking sad again.
“I don’t know.” I look up at him, wishing I had answers.
“It must have been scary.” He goes to take my hand, but holds back.
“I didn’t have time to be scared, not in the moment,” I explain, and suddenly I realize why I’m here.
“You wanna head upstairs and take a shower?” Sawyer offers, looking a little grossed out by the state I'm in.
“No, I’m gonna head home and do that. I guess why I came here is to tell you that if you want…You can be there.” I force the words out and try not to make them sound needy. I can’t have Sawyer think I’m scared. He’ll go into that protection mode, and right now, the way I feel, I think I’d let him take over.
His forehead creases as if he doesn’t quite understand what I mean.
“At the birth. If you wanna be there, you can be,” I explain, making out as if I don’t mind either way.
“Of course, I wanna be there.” He kneels in front of me, taking my hand and kissing it. “You mean it…? No take backs.”
“No take backs,” I promise, letting the relief of knowing he’ll be with me sink into my chest.
“Good, because I was kinda plannin’ on rockin’ up anyway.” He flashes me that smart-assed grin and makes me laugh. “I’ve been looking into some different methods of pain relief and–”
“Sawyer.” I stop him before he gets carried away. “This doesn’t change anything between us. I just…It feels like you should be there,” I admit, knowing that I must confuse him.
I confuse myself.
“Well, I appreciate that.” He smiles, letting go of my hand and standing back up..
“And I'm sorry for all the kissing. It’s a sorry excuse, but I am blaming the hormones.” I look up at him and smile sheepishly.
He manages to smile back despite looking hurt.
“Like I said, anything you need.” I stand back up and start heading for the door, when the need I feel is to kiss him again.
“Sawyer.” I turn back to face him when I think about the other problem I need to fix. “Can I trust Jace Sullivan?” I ask, knowing that this man would never let anyone hurt me.
“I trust him with my life, and from the sounds of it, he owes you a favor,” he points out
“I guess he does.” I let myself out and start making my way over to the station so I can retrieve Billy McGee’s phone from my drawer. It’s time for Jace Sullivan to know what he’s really facing and, maybe, if he’s as smart as everyone tells me he is, he might wanna work together.