2. Break The Patternthe loop will repeat until broken…
Break The Pattern or the loop will repeat until broken…
La’Nova sat alone in the quiet hum of her camper.
Knees apart, feet flat on her carpeted floor with her elbow resting on the soft swell of her stomach where it curved and fell in her lap.
This was her comfort zone, no matter who came to disturb it.
The small space smelled like cigarette smoke, her favorite vanilla lotion, and something metallic right underneath her fingertips. Blood.
She stared hard at the mirror above her small sink.
The same mirror she had been looking at for the past two years.
It was now a new year, her hope was back restored, and she refused to lose her vision.
It didn’t matter that she had just been violated in one of the worse ways a woman could be violated in.
Didn’t matter to La’Nova that her hands shook and she felt defeated.
She had a plan and vowed to herself that this year she would stick to it and find herself some peace and freedom.
She started her plan again two years ago.
Saved every dollar and dime that she made while working for Lucille to buy her first piece of something.
Something that she owned for the first time in her name: La’Nova Reign.
Her camper was her pride and joy, her baby, and no matter who made fun of her for getting it instead of a car, her feelings toward it remained the same.
She was proud of her camper, and every month she added small features and necessities for when the time was right for her to start what she called a new era and journey.
She continued to study her face the same way strangers stared at her.
She tilted her head slightly to the side then narrowed her doe shaped, hazel-gray eyes.
Her cigarette dangled from her mouth, ash growing long since she forgot to tap it.
Smoke curled upward beyond the top of her head as she got a better look at the damage done to herself.
Purple bruises bloomed along her collarbone, large fingerprints were visible enough to see on her neck, chest, and shoulders. She was thankful that her lip was just slightly swollen and not split this time. Yet, it still stung each time she exhaled smoke. She touched it lightly without flinching.
Pain had long ago lost its power to shock or shatter her.
It was the sadness of her not being able to overcome her toughest obstacle.
Freedom. She leaned closer to the mirror and eyed her scar.
The scar was deep and deliberate, starting from the middle of her hairline, slicing down over her smooth brown skin.
Her scar stopped right at the bridge of her nose.
Over the years it never faded, it was stamped there, never leaving.
It was a reminder of what Lucille had saved her from.
Some days, she hated the scar. Today, she didn’t. It gave her the strength to put up a fight against her number one demon.
Kentrell Bonetti.
He was the one person that showed up in any weather.
Each time he cursed her, talked about her like she wasn’t shit.
Called her everything but a child of God then would turn around and bash her for her weight and looks.
Kentrell was in denial about being addicted and in love with La’Nova.
No one would have ever guessed that his obsession was even La’Nova Reign.
She knew it though, and at times she thought it would get her far with what she truly wanted.
Each time she thought she had Kentrell figured out.
.. He’d prove her wrong and teach her a new lesson about underestimating people, even through their sick obsessions.
Kentrell would force himself to go weeks, sometime even months without the sight of her.
Then he’d show up secretly demanding control.
La’Nova fought him hard, making it difficult for him to break her like he vowed to do.
His goal was to make her his even after the plan they agreed to.
In a twisted sick way, he loved the fight she put up.
It turned him on and made his pursuit to whatever deranged delusion he lived in more entertaining.
Kentrell was a different kind of delusional.
He trained his conscience to bend to him.
He believed each lie he told and felt as if he was a king and everyone else was just peasants begging to be in his presence.
Kentrell didn’t give a damn about anyone’s feelings but his own.
Whatever he set his mind on getting, he’d stop at nothing to obtain it.
La’Nova was just another secret weapon that had been very helpful and insightful to him throughout the years.
La’Nova forced a small smile as tears that she didn’t want to drop teetered at the edge of her heavy eyelids.
She pressed her lips together then tightened her jaw.
The cigarette ash finally fell as she continued to stare at herself.
She was searching her brain, lost in a daze, trying to ground herself back to her crucial reality.
“He a bitch ass evil bastard,” La’Nova spoke out loud to herself, hurt etched in every word.
“He just wants to break you, La’Nova.” She chuckled angrily.
“Breaking what the fuck he doesn’t own,” she spat out bitterly.
“That’s alright though, ’cause I got me!” She smirked, squinting her eyes at herself.
This was the norm for La’Nova. Talking and answering her own conflicted questions.
Outside of The House of Angels, La’Nova was her own best friend.
She knew for a fact she was as crazy as people deemed her to be.
What she couldn’t understand, was how people deemed her as crazy and still gravitated toward her.
“I should have tried to take that niggas head off his fuckin’ shoulders…” Her words trailed off as she suddenly thought about the next time she had to see Kentrell. Both her legs bounced rapidly as a bunch of evil thoughts swirled inside of her head.
If it wasn’t for the threats over her life versus the good money she made working for Lucille, La’Nova would have told her boss years ago about her sick ass son Kentrell.
There was a lot of unanswered questions about her life that she needed to know.
She wouldn’t walk away from the Bonetti family until she had her own closure.
Plus, at the end of the day, La’Nova already knew she was at fault for making a deal with the devil himself.
She was tied to Kentrell in ways she blocked out long ago.
She considered herself to be in too deep with him ever since the day she agreed to some shit that she couldn’t take back or reverse.
Working for the House of Angels had saved her in many ways money never could, so she dealt with what she felt she had to.
Lucille trusted her, gave her authority, and even on good days spoke purpose into her mind.
She had hope and felt like it wasn’t too late to find the hope that she had for herself if she survived after everything was said and done.
There were women behind those beautiful, marbled walls that came in broken and within months they spread their wings beautifully. That’s the one thing La’Nova admired about most of the women inside of the House of Angels.
“I’m still here…it’s a reason for that. Get your shit together and do what it do.” She backhanded the tears that rolled down her round chubby cheeks and stood.
Her body filled the small space unapologetically.
Wide hips, thick thighs. Her heavy breasts matched her nice round ass.
La’Nova was well rounded and proportioned beautifully.
Beyond her scar and the tainted things she had been through, she saw her own beauty, even when others tried to deny her of it.
She leaned down and winced out in pain as she reached for her small makeup bag underneath her vanity.
Most days she hated using makeup; to her, using makeup was another way of covering her identity.
La’Nova wore her scars proudly. She taught herself years ago to love herself, flaws and all, no matter how uncomfortable her exterior made others feel.
The ache all over her body was a torturous reminder of who Kentrell Bonetti really was.
She couldn’t believe that at one point in time she actually saw potential in him.
She didn’t fall for him all at once. It happened in pieces.
At first, Kentrell felt like safety. The kind that stood tall and didn’t flinch in front of danger.
When he used to look at her, it felt like he really saw her and understood all the fucked-up things that caused her to lose everything.
He courted her secretly and slowly. Protected her and even listened to her at one point in time.
Loving him in the beginning felt like being chosen.
But love also had a way of sharpening a person’s sight.
The first crack showed in the way his kindness had painful conditions.
His smile stopped reaching his eyes whenever she disagreed with him.
Once the young her fell in love and Kentrell knew he had her, the devil in him started to show unapologetically.
He’d openly flaunted other women in front of her since he manipulated her into believing that no one could know they fucked around because of their plan against his family together.
His apologies never came for all of his wrongdoing either.
Then he started to lie effortlessly and would tell her it was for her own good.
Kentrell had a way of making La’Nova feel small in a ways she couldn’t name.
Often times when she allowed him to get too far deep into her head, she believed all the foul things that he started to say about her.
La’Nova’s weight was the first thing he attacked until she desperately started to search deep inside of herself for the beauty she thought she didn’t possess.