2. Break The Patternthe loop will repeat until broken… #3
She quickly put the cigarette between her lips and inhaled the smoke as if her life depended on it.
“Lucille propositioned me with a fiancé,” Serenity said, chest puffed, chin lifted like she’d been offered the deal of a lifetime.
La’Nova blankly stared at Serenity. She was a beautiful woman to La’Nova.
Serenity was high yellow with a slayed lace frontal wig laid to perfection.
Her body was the first thing a person noticed.
BBL heavy, bottom wide and unapologetic.
Serenity’s waist was cinched, her stomach flat like she never took a bite to eat.
Everything about Serenity was exaggerated but beautiful down to her super curly, long false eye lashes and Botox poked out lips.
“Congratulations,” La’Nova said dryly before crossing her thick thigh over the other. “I don’t have any cookies up in this bitch to offer up,” she added insult to injury.
Serenity laughed like she always did at La’Nova. Nervously, she smoothed her hands down the front of her short cheetah skirt and looked away.
“This is what I needed, a fine paid man to make a bitch life easier,” she uttered softly.
“It’s my ticket up out of here with reassurance that I won’t need House of Angel’s for financial stability,” Serenity continued confidently.
“It’s what you want, not what you need.” La’Nova pointed her burning cigarette at Serenity accusingly.
“You’ve been through a lot, Renity…what you need is freedom, stability on your own account, and to start believing that you can stand on your own two feet without House of Angels being your lifeline or guide.
” She took another pull from her cigarette then offered Serenity a tight smile.
Out of all the women there, La’Nova gave Serenity most of her time.
Lucille took her off the streets when she was seventeen.
She was pushed through etiquette classes, was offered options to go to college and even six figure paying jobs.
Serenity embraced the idea of being an escort like her late father taught her to be.
She didn’t see much for herself, no matter what all she got offered for the betterment of herself.
To others, she was the most beautiful woman walking the marble floors of the building. None of that mattered if Serenity didn’t see the power that she truly could possess. That in itself frustrated La’Nova because, besides Serenity always acting ditzy, she actually cared for the girl.
“You ever been with a made man, Serenity?” La’Nova looked deeply into Serenity’s eyes.
La’Nova decided to take a different direction with their conversation.
“I’ve been with plenty of men with money,” Serenity answered defensively.
“Well what Lucille is offering you is not the fucking same.” shook her head.
She pushed away from the desk then walked around it. She stopped right in front of Serenity then tilted her head slightly to the side.
“You always against everything I say, I just—”
“Bitch shut yo suck muscles up and listen to what the fuck I’m about to tell you, right here and right now,” La’Nova snapped.
She took another hit of her cancer stick, swallowed the smoke then blew a cloud directly into Serenity’s face.
Serenity knew not to interrupt nor piss La’Nova off.
While she didn’t like most of La’Nova’s advice, she knew it came from a place called love.
Love was something a woman like her never had.
Serenity didn’t have a mother or older sisters guiding her and giving her knowledge growing up.
She was the product of a cold-blooded pimp that viewed women as possessions.
Nervously, Serenity shifted her weight then looked down at the floor. She waited patiently for her number one teacher to scold her and teach her something valuable.
“A man like Lucille Bonetti’s son, don’t want cute.
He doesn’t want loud nor a woman who only knows how to look good and wait for instructions…
You don’t bring shit to the table but yourself and that’s a major problem.
” La’Nova shook her head. Keeping it brutally real was something she did with every woman inside of House of Angels.
“You don’t know who the fuck you are…so you gon’ starve at a table full of demons.
You should have politely declined and went on about your damn business.
You don’t know how to play that particular role.
You’ll end up losing yourself even more, Renity.
” La’Nova shook her head, highly disappointed in Serenity but this was nothing new.
“I know how to play whatever role that’s presented to me.” Serenity’s jaw tightened.
“Yeah, we all know this about you. Even Lucille, that’s why she offered you to her son. You smile when told, sit pretty and don’t ask enough questions. You just grateful to be a well-paid hoe.” La’Nova words sounded like venom to Serenity.
Her eyes watered and she quickly blinked her waterworks away. La’Nova never sugarcoated shit to her. As mean as she talked to everyone, Serenity appreciated La’Nova’s realness. She was the only person willing to give her the coldest reality checks.
“You talk like you above this.” Serenity frowned.
“I’m not above shit.” I just want my freedom, La’Nova thought. “I survived it and now I try to think beyond it.” She stepped back, giving Serenity enough space to breathe.
“A made man don’t want to save you. He wants peace.
Loyalty. A woman who adds, not just take.
If you walk in there empty, he gon’ feel it…
they always do… and if he anything like the worse kind of made man, he will break you.
Make you his fuckin’ lap dog. You’ll be on your knees every day waiting to see what’s his next request. He will not try to please you, and before you know it your life will be miserable as your past life,” she warned.
“You think I’m empty?” Serenity asked, emotions on full display now.
La’Nova studied Serenity. Her eyes roamed her perfect body and the way her eyes searched hers for some sort of approval that she wasn’t going to give her.
It was sad to La’Nova how women like Serenity thought of themselves.
La’Nova understood why Serenity was the way that she was, with low self-esteem, self-doubt, and so much more to add to the pitiful list. What frustrated La’Nova the most was how Serenity had all the tools to leave, yet she refused each time it was presented to her.
How much uplifting does this bitch need to see that she’s above this shit? What will it take for her to actually get on and don’t look back?
“I think…” La’Nova said softly. “You been taught your worth is how much a man can spend on you…and that’s a lie that keeps you broke in ways money can’t ever fix.”
Serenity swallowed.
“You don’t know me like you think you do, La’Nova,” she muttered.
“Then tell me why you always look relieved when a man with money chooses you.”
“Because I get tired,” Serenity admitted sadly, her voice was barely audible. “Tired of feeling like if I don’t look like this, act like this…I’m nothing.” Her voice wavered.
“I’m not smart…I don’t feel special. I feel replaceable. Like any other girl with a body like mine could be me.”
La’Nova’s expression softened, not with pity but understanding.
“That’s why I’m telling you, your role ain’t to be somebody’s accessory. Your role is freedom. Purpose. Something that still belongs to you when the lights go off and the man walks out.”
Serenity sniffed then carefully dabbed underneath her eyes.
“It’s all easy for you to say…you always act like you got everything figured out.” Serenity smiled weakly.
“I figure shit out, day by day.” She looked into Serenity’s eyes seriously.
“You ain’t dumb…you just haven’t told yourself to do more and do more for you.
You’re too scared to challenge yourself.
I don’t give advice for nothing, Serenity.
I give it to you because you have the perfect opportunity to be more, have more, and do more.
” La’Nova turned away from Serenity and strutted back to her desk with a heavy heart.
She opened her desk drawer, pulled out her mini black fan and held it up right to her face.
“I’ll be fine. I can figure it out after I marry him.” She shrugged with her mind made up.
La’Nova simply nodded her head then fought off her own urges to light another damn cigarette. She looked at the butt of her cigarette and noticed that the sponge tip started to crackle; quickly, she placed it inside of her crystal ashtray. La’Nova glanced up at Serenity and sighed.
“I hope so.” La’Nova chuckled dryly. “Just remember, being chosen ain’t the same as being valued.” She waved Serenity off.
She powered on her computer to check through the company emails.
“Love you, La’Nova,” Serenity said in a low tone.
Those two words made La’Nova pause. Her chest tightened along with her throat burning.
Soon as she looked up, Serenity was gone.
La’Nova sat with a heavy heart. She stared at the door for a long time then released the breath she was holding.
She hadn’t been told that she was loved since her parents…
An eerie feeling took hold of her as she pushed the fan closer to her face to cool herself off.
Break The Pattern or the loop will repeat until broken…