13. With What Could Be
WITH WHAT COULD BE
“ Y ou’re getting out early for the day,” Daphne said the following afternoon. Abe took a risk and drove down by her cabin to see if she was there since he hadn’t seen her around the main house, but rather Poppy with the kids.
“We did what we could,” he said. “A lot of people wanted a long weekend, but there is too much work to be done. It was best to finish what we had going and start fresh on Monday. You?”
“I only worked for a few hours this morning,” she said. “Poppy still isn’t back full time, but she wanted to go in and check on the store this morning. They had a big holiday sale and it’s going through the weekend.”
He nodded. Those things didn’t mean much to him.
“So you’ve been sitting around the rest of the day?” he asked.
She forced out a laugh. “It’s hard to do nothing. I’m struggling there. I’m looking for hobbies and feel like such a loser. Like who complains about relaxing?”
“People who can’t sit still,” he said. “I get it.” He went with his gut and reached his hand out to run down her arm. “Are we still on for tomorrow?”
“We are,” she said, smiling. “Did you come down here because you worried I’d change my mind?”
“Maybe a little,” he said, holding his hands out wide.
This time the smile reached her eyes. “I wouldn’t do that. Besides, it gets me out of the house.”
He snorted. “I’m going to take that as a joke,” he said.
“I’d ask if you want to have dinner or not, but after you touched my arm, you moved a few feet back. How come? Do I stink or something?”
He burst out laughing. “I’m the one that probably stinks,” he said. “I’m covered in sweat and dirt like I am most days.”
“So?” she said. “Do you know how many times I’ve gone home from my last job sweating through my clothes after running around chasing kids and then had food, puke, paint, and sometimes poop on me?”
He shivered. “I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever had poop on me unless I stepped in it.”
“It’s not fun,” she said. “You aren’t missing much.”
“Glad to know,” he said. “I wouldn’t mind dinner though. But I’ve got to shower. I can’t even stand myself at the end of the day.”
“It’s not bad,” she said. “People are born to sweat and stink. Those that think it doesn’t happen are just delusional.”
“I’ve always thought so,” he said. “But not many women do. Most think their poop...if they admit to doing it...smells like fresh baked cookies.”
Her shoulders lifted as she laughed. “I’ve got a few friends like that. Or had them. I don’t have too many friends here. I’m not like those women. Life is messy and dirty and I’ve lived enough of it to know.”
“Me too,” he said, relieved to know someone got him.
“I feel bad that you’re going to drive all the way home and then back here again. It’s really out of your way.”
“You can come back to my place again,” he said. The way she was looking around made him wonder if she was nervous her employers might come walking over and see them talking.
Guess that was one of those things they had to talk about too.
“I could,” she said. “But I’d like to cook for you. Would you be upset if I cooked in your kitchen?”
“Shit no,” he said. “Cook anywhere in my house you want.”
“Okay,” she said. “I can pack up what I was going to make and bring it. You tell me when.”
Three dates in a row.
Well, today was the second, tomorrow would be the third.
Not bad for a guy who had been lucky to get her to talk to him in the grocery store.
Stalking behind her might have helped.
“You can follow me home now if you want,” he said.
“I’ll give you time to shower,” she said.
There was a slight flush to her face and he wondered if she was thinking of him naked.
He knew he couldn’t get her out of his head.
But he was also smart enough to not voice those words.
“Then come whenever you want,” he said. “I don’t need much time.”
“I’ll leave in about fifteen minutes,” she said. “I just want to pack up my food. I’ll see you soon.”
“Bye, Daphne,” he said, giving her a salute and walking back to his truck.
He climbed in and hit the AC on high, then pulled out.
He cringed when he got a whiff of himself and couldn’t believe she didn’t have a problem with it.
Or maybe she only smelled the sunscreen on him, but he was close enough to the vents that they hit his pits and sent it up.
Daphne said she didn’t mind, but he did.
Maybe he had to get over it himself, but it was hard to when he had memories of Ella never wanting to see him until he’d showered after work.
He drove home with the music blaring and trying to wipe out shitty memories and replace them with what could be.
He parked in the driveway and started his daily routine of boots at the door, hat off his head, then into the bathroom to strip and wash more than once.
Once he’d applied more deodorant and ran his hands through his damp hair, he walked to his room with a towel around his waist, found a change of clothes, and got dressed.
He didn’t bother to look around his room much. It’s not like he’d be bringing Daphne up here just yet. It was clean enough for now.
Since he’d cleaned yesterday before she’d come over, there wasn’t much more he had to do. He wasn’t that messy of a guy, but he did sweep quickly to catch any dirt he might have brought in.
He was opening a bottle of water when he heard a car door on the side of his house and walked over to look out the window.
There was Daphne, dressed the same in her navy shorts that showed a lot of her legs, a yellow and white T-shirt, and her hair down where it’d been in a ponytail when they’d been talking earlier.
He liked that she was more on the simple and casual side. Not someone that needed hours to get ready.
He wouldn’t have had a problem if she was someone like that, but was just as happy she wasn’t.
He moved to the front door and opened it for her, then took the bag out of her hands.
“Come in,” he said.
“Thanks,” she said. “I think I got everything.”
“We’ll make do either way,” he said. “I’m not a fussy eater, least of all if I’m not cooking it.”
“So I could tell by your grocery cart,” she said.
He tapped her on the nose. “You’ve got a great personality if I haven’t said it before.”
“You have,” she said. “But it’s nice to hear it. I hate to think I need validation or anything. Or don’t want you to think that.”
“I don’t,” he said. “I think you’re in a new place and trying to find your way. I think you’re a confident person.”
“Nope,” she said, interrupting him.
“So it was a front the first time we met?” he asked, lifting an eyebrow. She held his stare and then they walked to the back of the house and into the kitchen.
He heard her sigh but wasn’t watching her face.
“Not a front. I’m not sure what it was. I didn’t go there thinking to do that. I’m not sure I’ve ever in my life thought I’d do something like that.”
“And we aren’t going to think negative of it anymore, right?” he asked.
“Sure, we can say that,” she said, snickering.
He’d take it for now.
“Why do you think you’re not confident?”
“Maybe because I’ve never had much of a life,” she said.
“Not outside of work. I’ve spent so much of my life in jobs where people talk down to you if they even see you.
Most times I’m invisible. And when I did date, it wasn’t like it was anything special.
Or I never felt special. I think I started to believe it was me.
Or is something wrong with me? When it comes to my job, yes, I am confident in my ability to do a good job.
Being a nanny isn’t glamorous, but I love it. I’m good with kids.”
“Those who don’t think being a nanny is hard are probably the same who think it about my job. And you know what I think of those people?” he asked.
“No,” she said. “What?”
“They can go fuck themselves.” She laughed. “Those people probably don’t swear either. I tend to do it more than I should. Comes from being around a crew of men.”
“I have no problem with it,” she said. “I don’t swear often, which comes from being around kids, but there was plenty of it in my house growing up.”
“How about we make a deal?” he said as he unloaded the food from the bag.
“What kind of deal?” she asked.
“That we both stop thinking less of ourselves and start thinking about how great we are.”
She angled her head. “Deal.”