CHAPTER ELEVEN #2
Say the fucking words. I’m gay. I needed to be honest. It wasn’t fair to her.
She withdrew her touch and fisted her hand as if she were considering her options. She made a move as if she wanted to kiss me and I quickly stepped aside.
“I should get going. It’s been a long day. I’ll…talk to you later.” My breath caught in my throat at her hurt expression. “Bye, Manny, Jaz!”
My heart broke as I left her there, looking crushed.
I hated myself at this moment. Why couldn’t I just be honest with her?
I was afraid that she might not approve.
And I couldn’t lose her and the kids. Besides Gabriel, they were the only good things in my life right now.
I was terrified that if I lost them, I’d lose the will to live.
When I was in my apartment, I tried not to think about the whole thing.
I washed the makeup off my face and put on a fresh T-shirt and pair of shorts.
I took a seat on my mattress and searched the candy bag for a Snickers bar.
I scored and shoved the chocolate into my mouth, savoring the smoothness of the nougat and the crunch of the nuts.
I sampled a Milk Dud next, finding that it was too sticky for me.
The minutes ticked by and the pile of candy wrappers on my nightstand grew.
I laughed as he realized I was doing exactly what I told the kids not to.
The ring of my phone made me jump and I was happy to see Gabriel’s name on the screen. I picked up and said, “Thank God. You’ve saved me from myself. I’m eating all the candy.”
“You stole candy from children? Shame on you,” he teased.
“No!” I gasped. “They gave me a share and I’m eating it all. Distract me before I get a stomachache.”
His chuckle was warm and curling.
“What’s that sound mean?” I inquired, pretty sure it had something to do with us naked together.
“Just being my normal horndog self. After last night, I’ve been thinking about nothing but you.”
I was blushing like the cherry Laffy Taffy in my hand. “I’ve been thinking about you too. I want to take you somewhere tomorrow afternoon. But you will have to drive. I, ah, don’t have a vehicle. It’s in the south suburbs if you’re up for it.”
“Absolutely. What time are you thinking?”
“Noon?”
“Sounds like a date!” He said and made a sound of relaxation. “I’m looking forward to hanging out with you tomorrow.”
“Me too,” I said honestly. “You…make me feel better.”
“I know the feeling. It’s nice to have a little fun with someone after a long work week.” The sound of something rustling in the background cut off his words.
“Are you in bed?” I asked.
“Yeah. I’m being lazy today.”
I eyed the candy in my hand for a moment then dumped it back into the bag, figuring I’d reached my empty calorie quota for the month.
“Are you still eating candy?” He asked, his tone full of tease.
“No! I’m done. I’ll bring the bag tomorrow so you can have some. If it just sits here, I’ll eat all of it.”
“Please don’t. Sugar is my enemy. One fun-size Snickers and I blow up.”
I made a sound of disbelief. “Are you kidding? You’re…gorgeous.” The moment the words were out I flushed. I thought it would have taken longer for me to tell him what was on my mind.
He seemed entirely amused though. “Yeah. Salads and cardio will do that for you.” After a long moment, he said, “I used to be a fat kid.”
“What?”
“Truth? I was a porker. It’s why I’m so conscious about what goes into my mouth nowadays.” His voice cracked for a moment as if it had taken him a lot to tell me that.
“But now most of what goes in it is eggplants and protein,” I added.
He rumbled with laughter. “I don’t know. I guess it’s in my genes. My sister is a druggie, I’m a food addict, and my brother is obsessed with guns and grenades. Addiction is hereditary, apparently.”
“I didn’t know you had a brother,” I said. The mention of drugs made me uncomfortable, and I wanted to steer away from that topic.
“Oh yeah, older by three years. He is career military, so we don’t see him much.
He’s a good guy though. Anyway, I got to high school and discovered sports.
Got into football, lost some weight, and realized I was gay.
Promised myself I’d never be a porker again.
I guess every gay man’s fear is being fat and I’m no exception. Call me vain, but it is what it is.”
“Well, you’d still look good with a dad bod.”
“Yeah? I have to come to accept that in a few years, everything will start going downhill and I might have to settle for a dad bod.” He laughed mirthlessly as if the topic of aging was touchy for him. “Luckily, I have other assets to entice the boys.”
“Fancy cars,” I murmured.
“Mhm. Nice clothes.”
“A bachelor pad,” I added.
“Everything to keep a boy. You want to be my kept-boy, Jake? You can pay me back in blowjobs…” A heavy breath came through the receiver. “I’m teasing of course.”
Being a kept boy didn’t sound so bad to me. “Are we talking about fantasies now?”
His tone lowered. “Sure. Tell me about the weird things that get you off, baby boy.”
I squirmed and fought my smile. I pulled the craziest thing I could think of from my mind, detailing a twist on Alice in Wonderland.
Only the protagonist was me in a bizarre world of dildos for trees, where I ran a bakery that was famous for its cock-shaped pastries.
We ended up in tears as we giggled, Gabriel adding to the story with his own outlandish ideas.
Talking and laughing with someone was so underrated.
By the time we said goodbye we were yawning, our voices husky from needed sleep.
“Goodnight, baby boy,” he murmured.
I hung up and melted into my mattress. I never wanted to leave this paradise he’d taken me to. Please, whatever gods are out there, let me stay with him forever.