12. Winnifred
M y first panic attack hit me like a freight train. I actually thought I was having a heart attack and pulled to the side of the road in fear I was going to cause a wreck.
I’d just left my apartment- our apartment- after walking in to see the most wretched view of my fiancé with his hands all over another woman. A woman I’d seen plenty of times, and now I’d seen plenty of. Bare breasts, much larger and perkier than my own, and a flat stomach that was so horribly perfect that to this day I criticize my own curves and dips. Marshall’s hand gripped her small waist, his ring finger digging into her skin. My ring was supposed to be on that finger in just two months. It was a foolish thing to notice at the time, but my eyes left the two of them-entirely too encompassed by their passion to notice me- and I stared out at the view out of the large window her bare butt was pressed against.
A sky line of buildings and statues and monuments owned by a city that I hadn’t even picked out. It was his city now, not mine. My gasp was quiet, mouse-like. And as much as I wished I’d stormed in there, raising hell and slashing furniture and shattering engagement photos, I just stood there. Watching the view of the city behind them. I really, really hated that view.
The drive away was when it hit. The chest burning, thighs shaking, bottom lip quivering. Everyone I ever loved was right about the one man who didn’t love me back. Not in the correct way at least. I remembered it like it was yesterday. How I couldn’t breathe, how distant lights were merging into blurry dots as watered pooled in my eyes. I was so stuck. Completely lost. I couldn’t go home- they were there. I didn’t work then, no job or office to run off to. So I parked in this random back parking lot where a man was selling tacos out of a green truck.
I met a Mexican man by the name of Mateo and his mother at the front, they told me the best things to order. A tall man with messy brown hair humming the tune of ‘Love Grows’ was flipping homemade tortillas on a grill behind him and I felt…I don’t know, a touch of peace I think.
I hadn’t felt connected to this city at all until that point. Until I saw the smiles of people sharing elote and taco bowls and I thought, he can’t take everything from me. Maybe I wasn’t stuck, I finally thought. Maybe I was just set free.
A familiar white truck with a taco food truck logo on the back veered into the parking lot and I felt a sigh of relief rush through me knowing he got here safely.
Crew Wells wasn’t a friend. He was never going to be. But I didn’t want him hurt. And from experience I could say I wasn’t going to wish a panic attack on anyone, including him. So if some simple breathing exercises and a softer, more gentle voice was likely to help him get through it then I was glad to.
He hopped out, closing his truck door with a slam before double locking it and turning to me. I sat on the brick steps outside the main lobby. Couples, employees, vendors all passed one by one with their own chamber of commerce needs. Meanwhile, our eyes stayed locked on one another.
I could sense the questioning in them. Are you going to let this go? Or add it to our long list of torments.
My lips tilted just a tad, genuine and real and not a hint of sarcasm in them. Your little secret is safe with me, Crew Wells.
But that didn’t mean I didn’t have questions.
When he took long strides towards me, I stood and wiped the cement debris from my flared pants.
“Ready?” I asked, casual and calm, but gaging. My eyes bared into his looking for any hint of vulnerability there. Nothing came back though. He looked up at me how he always had. Sarcastic scowl with a hint of longing.
“Let’s get this over with.”
Crew trailed beside me, our steps falling in line up the stairs until we reached the top. He opened the door just a crack big enough for him to slip in and close it behind me, walking into the lobby and leaving me slack jawed and a little bit smiling. He was fine. We were back to our normal routine.
I reached for the handle and followed him inside, shoving an elbow into his ribs when I got close enough. “Craigs office is down here, he’s the one we have to see. His assistant seemed…less than convinced that we’d be working together so it may not be as simple as just signing one paper.”
“What? Are we supposed to hold hands or something? It’s a food truck competition for God’s sake.”
“I don’t make the rules here,” I hissed out between gritted smile, sensing the receptionist staring at us.
We turned the corner and went to the third door on the right. I knocked three times, paused, then knocked one more in a cute rhythm.
“Come in,” I heard him pause what sounded like the newest Planet Of The Apes movie.
I gave Crew a look that said follow my lead, and cracked the door open wide.
“Hiya Craig,” I sang out. “hope you’re doing well”
“I am, all of my coworkers are very jealous of the spread you brought earlier. I already ate all of the turtles.”
Crew puffed a breath out behind me outside of the door, mumbling. “Never brought me turtles before.”
I decidedly ignored that and opened the door further for Crew to step in with me. “I’ll bring some to them soon.”
Craig’s laptop let out a loud PING and he apologized. “Let me just figure out how to turn my notifications off…it’s here somewhere now hold on just a minut-”
“Kiss ass.” Crew whispered beside me.
“One of us has to.” I whispered back.
“There we go. Okay, so…” Craig looked at Crew like he was going to rob his desk of his daily affirmation pad and two butter scotch candies resting in a glass dish shaped like a football. “What can I help you two with?”
“Well, I was telling your assistant that Crew and I decided to team up for the competition instead of doing it separately.”
“You two…” Craig looked between us like an angel and a devil sitting on his shoulders. “...are signing up together?”
“That’s right.” I nodded. The less I shared the better. I was in stealth mode, a ninja in the dead of night.
Craig shook his head back and forth, pinching the bridge of his nose. When his hand falls there’s a smudge of leftover melted chocolate there.
“I’m sorry, I think I’m confused. YOU TWO,” he pointed again, “will be working together?”
He’s not buying it. He is not buying it at all. And who would? Two weeks ago I would have rather set my whole truck on fire than work with Crew. Not really, but it was very, very low on my list of things I’d be volunteering for.
We’d have to pull this off. My future was resting on it. I imagined it like a movie trailer playing in my head, Elton John wistfully playing piano in the background. The meadows, the wildflower fields. The strawberries and blueberries and summers spent cliff diving and four wheeling and making freshly baked zucchini bread with extra chocolate chips. I imagined seeing Lottie and my nana every day, pulling them tight into hugs knowing each one could possibly be the last. I pictured strolling ‘downtown’ to Riley’s bar and next door to the diner. Tree farm Christmas festivals and fourth of July fireworks night. Sweet tea on front porches and peace finally washing over me. It was all right there, and this couldn’t stop me from grabbing it.
Without hesitating, I turned, wrapped my arms around Crews waist, and leaned in to squeeze tight. His chest was broad and lean and felt like I was leaning into a brick wall but also a warm cushion on top of it? I loathed myself, but I knew what had to be done. So I did it. I set my head to Crews expansive chest and breathed in deep, fingers pulling tightly at his white shirt. He smelled woodsy and partially like a sweaty man but somehow in a hot way? Like a city boy unbuttoning his white collar to dig around in dirt and tussle me to the ground.
“Yep.” I pulled my hug tighter, enforcing it further while Crew was hard as a rock under my arms. And not in a fun way. “Me and my boo bear decided together is better than separate.”
Crew scoffed but covered it with a cough, lifting his hand to the top of my head and resting it there like I was a feral cat inches away from slicing off his-
“Boo bear?” Craig raised a brow. “I thought…well, it’s just last time I came by you both seemed quite opposed to each other.”
A nicer way to say he was probably considering calling bomb threat because Crew or I were about to blow each other up.
This had to be sealed in. Tightly, and wound up to the point of no return. I stood on my tiptoes, taking in just how much taller he was than me, and pecked a single kiss to Crews cheek. My mauve lipstick left a mark on his span of scattered freckles and the area blossomed pink, fading into a bright red down to his neck.
“You know what they say, it’s a fine line between love and hate.” I smiled, probably bigger and brighter and faker than I ever had before.
Crew cleared his throat but nodded in agreement.
“She swept me away. It was the…” we both stared at the chocolate on Craig’s nose. “turtles that got me.”
“Ahh, yes.” Craig grinned and my chest felt a tad lighter. “A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and all.”
I smiled and laughed, a little too hard. A loud and scratchy noise. Crew patted me on the back, also a little too hard. I coughed.
“You’re so right, Craig. So, can we fix the papers?”
“Well, I really would guys, but the thing is…we’re just shy of a month away and it’s really cutting it close for a switch this big.”
“A month is cutting it close?” Crew deadpanned.
“Banners are being made, vendor lists, a lot goes into this stuff. Trust me, I would do something but if I did it for you I would have to for the other hundred or so and well, it would be a mess.”
This man had way too much power over his head for someone wearing a collared shirt with a Yogi bear embroidered on the pocket.
“I understand,” My voice dripped sugar. “But do you think you could maybe make an exception?”
Crew pulled me a little closer, as if to ask too, and there was an inappropriate amount of tingling running through my body.
Craig looked between us and I saw the crack forming.
“Please?” I added on top. “We wouldn’t tell anyone, I promise!”
“Alright, fine. But seriously, this is the only time.”
Obviously, there won’t be another time. I’ll be home for Christmas. Literally. And I would never be coming back.
“Oh my goodness thank you so much, Craig, we owe you all the turtles.”
Craig flushed a little and waved a hand. “Oh you don’t have to- actually, sneak them in the back door so no one else finds them when you do okay?”
Crew and I both nodded feverishly as Craig pulled out a filing cabinet and rifled through the papers showcasing each vendor and competitor. He tossed both mine and Crew’s applications into a shredder and reached for a blank form, letting us fill the information out.
A knock belted at the door behind us and Craig stood abruptly, wiping crumbs from his lap. “Excuse me, my mother is meeting me for lunch allow me just a moment.”
With just the two of us in the room, I turned to him. “Alright, partner, what name should we go under?”
Crew looked at the paper, considering. “We can just do, like, taco truck.”
“Ew, boring. Why not mine?”
“Cause Blissful Bites doesn’t exactly fit my aesthetic.”
“I didn’t think you even knew what aesthetic meant.”
“Fine,” Crew grumbled and snatched the blue pen from my hands before hunching over the desk and angrily writing out a name.
I leaned over to get a better view. “A…Fine..Line. Huh, cute. I kind of like it.”
“You’re the one who said it, a fine line between love and hate.”
I smiled to myself. “So in reality it was my idea.”
“Could you maybe just for once not be so-”
“Crew?”
Crew and I both turned on our heels slowly, casting our eyes to an older woman waddling to him with wide open bingo wing arms. “Baby Crew Wells, this can’t be you! Look how big you’ve gotten, my oh my, it seems just yesterday your mom had you in diapers running around the office.”
Her hands cupped both of his rounder cheeks and squished them into oblivion, the pink behind them growing even further.
“Mrs. Matthews…wow, what good timing.” Crew spoke up in a more nasal tone and the woman inspected every inch of his face, even pinching his strong nose.
Mrs. Matthews, Craigs Mom I gathered, turned immediately to me, her pinching claws relieving my partners face. “My son said he had a wonderful couple in here going for the competition, I just had to come meet you and look at that. Here you both are.” She took a step to me, this time lifting those varicose vein riddled hands and used a knobby knuckle to test my cheek bones. “Oh wow, what a beautiful girl you’ve got here.” I grinned. “A million dollar smile right there, is Crew treating you as he should?”
I look over to Crew, who’s entirely flushed and scowling at me like I hand-picked this moment to happen. I didn’t, of course, I hadn’t graduated to that portion of witch school. But I liked to the think you put good out into the world and you’ll get the good back. And believe me, this. is. good.
My smirk grew wide and ensured with my southern twang. “He’s the best I’ve ever had.”
Mrs. Matthews clapped those cold hands together excitedly. “Good, good. Love your accent, so…homey. Well, just came to say hello to my son, Craig, and I’ll be out of the way. Crew, lovely to see you again, I’ll have to call your mom and catch up with her.”
Without waiting for a response, Mrs. Mathews sashayed out of the room with her purple cardigan draped over her shoulders. Crew and I followed behind and if this were a cartoon steam would be pouring out of his ears. Tension and annoyance practically seeped through the air in giant cumulonimbus clouds around him. I smiled a little at it. It was always fun to be the winner.
The second we were back to our cars Crew hissed out, “What is the matter with you?”
“What? That was kind of fun.”
“Yeah, for you.”
My arms folded over my chest. “If you didn’t have such a stick up your butt then it would be for you too.”
“You don’t understand,” he pulled at his hair and let go, it fell in ten different directions. “Mrs. Matthews used to be my mom’s old boss, and if she says anything to her about us-”
Us. I gasped a small laugh and narrowed my eyes. “Come on, you don’t honestly think-”
“You haven’t met her, Winnie. I’m serious she is-”
A steady and robotic tune came from his pockets that turned into obviously loud beeping with a twist of…is that the saved by the bell theme song? Where is he getting these?
Crews eyes widened, the white in them expanding as he reached a slow hand to his pocket and pulled out the device. I leaned a little closer and he turned the phone to me. In bold letter, with a tropical flower emoji next to the contact, said MOM.
“Wow, Craigs mom makes quick work.” I retorted.
“It’s begun.” Crew shuttered before answering, soft and low.
“Hey, mom.”
“YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT IT?”
He hadn’t even needed to put the lady on speaker phone, if anyone else was in this parking lot they would’ve heard it too. Actually I think even the people inside could hear it.
“Um, yeah… I know it sounds weird but-”
Her voice lowered on the other end just enough where I could only make our a few words. How dare you, my heart, I would never, bring her, etc.
I listened to Crews attempt at the one sided conversation.
“It’s not what it sounds like…no I’m not doing that…Mom, you don’t understand…I…. Yes, ma’am…okay.”
A moment later he hung up and turned to me.
“You’re coming to family dinner.”