Chapter 8
8
‘I’ve had sixteen texts from Mum this morning. Sixteen . Asking me more questions about the process of Isla’s eggs being collected, and when we might hear about being matched to a surrogate.’ Jase shook his head, but he was smiling. ‘Can you imagine what she’s going to be like once there’s a baby on the way? The surrogate is going to be lucky Mum won’t have a direct line of communication with her.’
‘Do you realise the one question she hasn’t asked?’ Aidan pulled himself into a sitting position in the bed, leaning his back against the headboard, so that he was side by side with Jase.
‘I’m struggling to think of anything Mum hasn’t asked!’
‘She didn’t ask whose sperm we’re going to be using. None of your family did.’
‘That’s because they don’t care. It won’t matter to them whose baby it is biologically. The poor kid’s going to be sucked right into the centre of the family either way, and I’ve got a feeling Mum’s whole world is going to revolve around being a grandmother again.’
‘I know what it feels like to be sucked into your family.’ Aidan put his hand on top of his husband’s, knitting their fingers together. ‘And it’s the best family I could ever imagine a child having. If my family accept the idea at all, it’ll be because they think I’m adding to the Kennedy gene pool, and you can bet the first question out of my mother’s mouth is who the father is going to be. They just won’t understand that we both will be. That’s why there’s no question who the biological father should be. It should be you.’
‘But that doesn’t make any sense. If your family are more likely to accept the idea because they’ve got a genetic link with the child, then let’s go down that route.’ Jase stroked his thumb over the back of Aidan’s hand. ‘I want my child to have your eyes.’
‘And I want the baby to have your crazy curls. But what I don’t want is for our child to have a link with my family that relies on them sharing DNA. If they don’t want to be a part of this, then that’s on them. And it’ll be no loss to us, or the baby, if that’s what they decide.’
‘Shouldn’t you at least talk to them first before you assume this is how they’ll react? I don’t want you making this decision until you know the full picture.’
‘It won’t make any difference. I want our baby to have Taylor DNA; I love every single member of your family and, as much as I wish it wasn’t true, I can’t say the same for mine.’ Aidan sighed, an invisible knife twisting in his chest, as he pictured what his father’s reaction would be. He could never forget the look on his face, when Aidan had told him about his plans to marry Jase: the curl of the lip, and the distaste in his eyes that had said so much more than his words. ‘It’s your life.’ It could have been taken as benign acceptance, but what it had told Aidan, was that Sean Kennedy thought his son was ruining his life.
‘I really think you should talk to them.’ Jase’s voice was gentle but insistent, his thumb still caressing the back of Aidan’s hand.
‘If I promise to talk to them, can I tell the clinic we’ve made a decision about who the biological father is going to be?’
‘Okay, but if you change your mind, you know that’s okay with me, don’t you?’
‘I do and it’s just one more reason why I love you.’
‘I love you too.’ As Jase replied, Aidan rested his head on his husband’s shoulder, knowing without any doubt that he’d love their child with a fierceness that went beyond anything biology could explain. The thought of telling his family their plans filled him with nothing but dread, but if that was what it took to persuade Jase, then he might as well get it over and done with.
Isla shifted in her seat as the counsellor looked down at the notes in front of her. She hadn’t felt this nervous since her interview for the job at St Piran’s, which she’d been desperate to get, because it had meant working much closer to home. Most people in their mid-twenties could only dream of owning their own place, the way property prices had gone up. It was even harder to get a foot on the ladder in Port Kara, with its sweeping sandy beaches, the main one of which stretched over a mile along the Cornish Atlantic Coast. Then there were the beautiful coves, which according to local legend had been the haunt of pirates and smugglers for hundreds of years. It was part of what had turned it into something of a celebrity hot spot too, with second homes making it even harder for locals to stay in the village where they’d grown up. But Nick Marlowe had made sure his daughters had the option of staying in Port Kara if that was what they wanted, and he’d worked all hours before the Huntington’s disease had forced him to give up. He’d managed to save the deposits for two apartments in a converted chapel, perched at the top of the hill on the road that led towards Port Tremellien.
He’d rented the flats out, and the girls hadn’t had any idea that they’d each be gifted an apartment on their twenty-first birthday. Lexi was almost four years older than Isla, and Nick had been able to give her the key himself. The disease had already robbed him of so much by that stage. It had been ten years since the first symptoms had started to show, and he was having more and more difficulty finding the words he wanted, and his speech was laboured and difficult to understand. But he’d been able to tell Lexi he loved her, that he hoped having the apartment would give her the freedom to live wherever she wanted to, and that she shouldn’t feel like she needed to stay in Port Kara when he was gone. His prediction that she might choose to leave had been right, and Lexi no longer owned the apartment that she’d continued to rent out until their father died, but the proceeds of the sale had helped her and Josh buy their first home together in Florida. When Isla had turned twenty-one, her father had already been gone six months. She’d known that the gift was coming, but had felt robbed of the conversation she should have been able to have with her father, and the opportunity to thank him. Instead, it had been her mother who’d handed her the key.
‘You were always your father’s shadow, from the moment you could walk.’ Clare had hugged her daughter tightly, before she’d pressed an envelope into her hand. ‘He was a Cornish lad through and through, and the call of the sea would always have drawn him back here. I knew better than to ever try and make him leave, and I can see that in you too. You’re like your dad in so many ways, sometimes it’s almost impossible to believe you don’t have the same DNA.’
‘I love the fact I’m like him.’ Tears had fallen all too readily back then, at the mere thought of her father, and she hadn’t even tried to hold them back.
‘Dad knew there was a chance he might not be here to give you the key, and it broke his heart that you wouldn’t get to have the same moment he had with Lexi. So he wrote you a letter, just in case.’ Her mother had given a shuddering sigh.
‘Thank you. Do you mind if I read it on my own?’ Her mother had nodded, and it had been the closest thing Isla could get to having a final conversation with her father. Isla had re-read it so many times since then, and she could remember it word for word, even now.
My darling Isla,
I hope you know how proud I am of you. By now, you’ll be training as a nurse and any patient you care for is going to be so lucky.
I’ve got a feeling that Lexi will never live in her apartment, and that’s okay. From the first moment we took her to visit your mother’s family in America, it was like she’d found the place she was meant to be. But not you. You always wanted to come back to Cornwall and, every time we came home, you’d tell me you never wanted to leave Port Kara again. Mum and I would laugh about it, but deep down, I had a feeling you might end up meaning every word.
Maybe I’m wrong and you’ve discovered a wanderlust that will take you around the world. But even if that’s true, your love for where you came from will always occupy a huge space in your heart. That space is where I’ll be, even when I’m gone, and you can find me there, any time you need me.
Meeting your mum and having you and Lexi made me the luckiest man on earth. I just wish I could have stayed. I love you so much, and I hope, whatever you decide about the apartment, that your life is filled with the kind of joy you gave me.
All my love now and always, Dad xxx
Her father had been right in his second prediction too. Isla had never once thought about selling the apartment, and she’d commuted from there to her first nursing job in Truro. But getting a post at St Piran’s had made it feel as if she was even closer to her father. She could picture him on the beach in Port Kara or walking up the high street, before the muscle contractions and balance problems had resulted in him needing to use a wheelchair to go any kind of distance. She could imagine him swimming in the sea, and having a pint in his favourite pub. It was something else he’d understood perfectly, when he’d written her that letter. When Isla was in Port Kara, it was as if her father had never really left, because every corner of the village held memories of him, and she couldn’t imagine ever wanting to live anywhere else.
‘I’m sorry you had to go through the general health questionnaire twice.’ The counsellor’s voice jolted her back to the present. ‘But changing clinics meant we needed to go through our own questionnaire.’
‘It wasn’t a problem.’ Isla smiled at the woman, who’d said her name was Roseanne. The truth was, the questionnaire had been the easy bit; giving her medical history had been a breeze compared to the counselling session she’d just undertaken. The only difficult part of the health assessment had been knowing how to answer the question about the medical history of her family. The information her parents had been given when they’d chosen a sperm donor had been sparse, and all the donor had been required to do was to declare that he didn’t have any known genetic conditions. Changing clinics to the one Aidan and Jase has signed up with had meant beginning the process again, and the stakes seemed much higher this time around. All of which meant Isla was terrified of saying or doing something that might derail their plans, and it was making her feel like a rabbit caught in the headlights.
‘It’s a wonderful thing you’re doing for Aidan and Jase. Being an anonymous donor probably wouldn’t have been an option for you through this clinic, and I was wondering if that was part of the motivation for choosing to donate to friends?’ Roseanne had an intense way of looking at her when she asked a question, and Isla found herself blinking even more than usual as a result. God knows if she’d read something into that, but Isla couldn’t seem to help herself. The more she tried not to blink, the faster her eyelids flickered.
‘No, they didn’t even tell me at the first clinic that the gaps in my medical history might be a barrier.’ It had been a shock to discover, in her first call with the new clinic, that potential donors usually needed to be able to provide a full medical history of their family, in order to be able to donate eggs. But the rules could be applied more flexibly with a known donor, because Jase and Aidan would be aware of any risks arising from not having a full family history and could factor that into their decision. All Isla needed to do was to pass the health screening that would come after the counselling. ‘Like I said earlier, I’ve been thinking about donating for a long time, because of my dad. But when I discovered that Aidan and Jase needed a donor, I couldn’t think of anyone better.’
‘And how do your family feel about it?’ Roseanne had the intense look back on her face again, and Isla’s eyelids were flickering so much she was sure she must be creating a breeze.
‘My grandparents are very supportive, but I haven’t had the chance to speak to my mother and sister about it yet. They live in America.’
‘Hmmm.’ Without even speaking, Roseanne had managed to convey that she didn’t believe a word Isla had just said, and the excuse had sounded every bit as lame as it was. ‘Well that’s something I’d very much recommend you do before we proceed to the next step.’
‘Okay, I was planning to do it this week anyway.’ It wasn’t exactly a lie, but even thinking about breaking the news during her weekly FaceTime call with her mum and sister made her feel a little bit sick.
‘That’s very good.’ Roseanne nodded. ‘And I expect Jase and Aidan might have told you that my colleague, Tim, has recommended the three of you have a joint counselling session to talk about boundaries and expectations. With known donors or surrogates, this is not just useful, it’s essential.’
‘Yes, Aidan told me about that and it sounds like a great idea.’
‘Excellent, in that case, I think I can go ahead and recommend that you start the screening process while we complete the remainder of the counselling sessions, as I haven’t heard anything that would suggest we need to put things on hold.’
‘Really?’ Isla was going to have to change her name to Blinky McBlink-Face at this rate.
‘Absolutely.’ Roseanne finally lost the intense look she’d been wearing and gave Isla a warm smile, which matched the tone of her voice. ‘But I really do recommend you have that conversation with your mum and sister as soon as possible.’
‘Oh I will, I promise.’ Isla fought the urge to cross her fingers over one another. She had to do this, and making a promise meant she couldn’t back out. From the moment she’d decided to become an egg donor, she’d had a really strong sense that her father would have been proud of her. But she was every bit as certain he’d have wanted her to tell her mother first, and one thing she never wanted to do was let her father down.
Aidan took a deep breath as he watched Lucas Newman, one of the trauma surgeons, marching off down the corridor.
‘God I hate that man.’ He hadn’t meant to say the words out loud, but Isla looked up from the computer.
‘We all do and not just because of what he did to Esther and Danni.’ She wrinkled her nose and Aidan couldn’t help smiling. Isla hadn’t even been working at the hospital when Lucas had become the number-one nemesis of the A I went to get one on my first break, as soon as I heard she had them, but she said they were gone by ten.’
‘I saw the potential of an early investment and bought four of them.’ Aidan shrugged. ‘One of them could have your name on it if you save me from having to look at those flexor tendons, and I might even be persuaded to bring you in a packet of Crunch Creams tomorrow.’
‘Even though you know that Crunch Creams are the love of my life, we can forget the biscuits. But if you’re willing to do two brownies, we’ve got a deal. I’m going to see my grandparents after work, and Nan is always raving about Gwen’s baking.’
‘You drive a hard bargain Miss Marlowe, but we’ve got a deal. Given the gift you’re giving me and Jase, I could hardly say no, even if you’d wanted all four.’ Aidan dropped a kiss on the top of her head. ‘And when we go to our counselling appointment, we can tell Tim we’re already skilled at negotiating an agreement between us.’
‘Do you think we should save one of the brownies for him, in case he needs bribing?’
‘As soon as he meets you, he’s going to see how amazing you are. It’ll be obvious you’re doing this for all the right reasons, which is why I love you enough to have given you 50 per cent of my brownies.’ Aidan grinned. ‘Even if you weren’t stitching up the arm of the guy in cubicle three.’
‘Why do I get the feeling I’m the one who’s been stitched up?’ Isla laughed as she looked up at him, and that same feeling he’d had when he was with his in-laws washed over him. It was the sensation of knowing he was loved and accepted for who he was. Aidan couldn’t allow himself to think about how much it hurt to have never had that from his own family. The prospect of facing up to that reality was even less appealing than an exposed flexor tendon, and every bit as painful.