Chapter 16 #2
‘Don’t go having an experience like that without me.
’ As soon as the words were out of Felix’s mouth, he wished he could take them back.
He didn’t want Eve to think he was being creepy, or thinking about her like that, when she’d made it clear they could only ever be friends.
Ever since the kiss, it had been almost impossible not to think of her in that way, but he had to try, because he’d rather have her as a friend than not have her in his life at all.
‘I just meant, you know, if you’re going to have a sandwich that amazing, the experience would be enhanced by being able to reminisce about it with a friend. ’
‘If it’s as great as Lily claims it’s going to be, I’ll take you back there before we go home.’
‘It’s a date.’ He was doing it again, saying things that made the situation unnecessarily awkward. It was time for a change of subject. ‘Are you apprehensive about seeing Lily?’
‘Now that I’m here, I’m not sure what I’m even doing.
’ Eve’s attempt at a smile didn’t even make it halfway.
‘I miss Lily so much, and I know how much Annie and Nigel miss her. They think I’m here to try and persuade her to come home, but I couldn’t be honest with them about that and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to be honest with Lily either.
I don’t want her to come home if it means she goes back to that dark place she was in before she left, but the truth is, I don’t want to be the one trying to hold Annie together all by myself any more either.
I don’t really know what I’m hoping for, except maybe that Annie will wish she was here instead of me, seeing Lily and spending time with her, and she’ll realise it’s okay to step away from Max for long enough to come and see her daughter.
If she does it might allow her to see that it’s okay for me to step back from Max every now and then as well.
So the truth is, I’m not just here for Annie and Nigel’s sake, or even because of how desperately I miss Lily.
I’m far more selfish than that. I’m a horrible person, aren’t I? ’
‘You’re about as far from being a horrible person as anyone I know.’ He hesitated, knowing he probably shouldn’t say what he was about to, but he did it anyway. ‘And whatever you end up saying to Lily, I’m really glad you decided to come out here.’
‘I only did it because you promised to show me the sights, don’t forget.
A whistle-stop tour of San Francisco like no other, I seem to remember you promising me.
’ Her smile was genuine this time and he would have given anything for them to be here for different reasons.
He wished they’d met at the hospital, without any of the baggage that was dragging them both down, and that he’d brought her to see the city he’d adopted as home for several years.
He wished their kiss could have gone somewhere and that they could have dated like any other normal couple, but he understood better than anyone the ties that bound you to the past. He just hoped that whatever Max’s sister decided to do, Eve would find her own passport to a new life at some point soon.
It wasn’t just because he would love the chance to get to know her even better than he already did, it was because she so clearly deserved it.
But putting herself first didn’t come naturally to Eve, and he was worried it never would.
The least he could do was make sure she had the best possible time in San Francisco.
‘I promise you’ll get to see all the big highlights and I’ll also show you a few places that only locals know about. Alcatraz, the Pier 39 sea lions and the Golden Gate Bridge are all amazing, but there’s a place I know that does a chowder that blows all the tourist offerings out of the water.’
‘That sounds amazing. Do you think we might be a bit too obsessed with food?’ She laughed and he held up his hands in response, grateful that she didn’t seem to have realised he still hadn’t taken a single bite of the breakfast she’d insisted he have.
‘Maybe, but I think that’s where you find the heart of a place, in the food. However good this sandwich Lily is talking about turns out to be, I promise you my diner is where you’ll find the real San Francisco.’
‘I look forward to it.’ She leant forward, as if to emphasise her words, and he knew she wasn’t just saying it, but then she glanced at her watch. ‘You’d better go soon, if the service starts at ten.’
‘God, yeah, you’re right.’ Pushing the plate away, he got to his feet. ‘I’ll see you tonight, then?’
‘Uh huh.’ Reaching out she took his hand. ‘I wanted to say that I hope it all goes okay, but it sounds so crass. You know what I mean, though.’
‘I do.’ He nodded, wishing once again that things were different, and that she wasn’t about to let go of his hand.
The best Felix could hope for was that today would bring some closure, and that he could finally move on from the pain of losing Meredith to her demons.
Although in that moment he’d have settled for never getting closure, as long as Eve found some of her own.
It was what he was silently praying for as he finally turned away from her, and headed out of the hotel to the funeral.
* * *
Lily ran across the road, seemingly oblivious of the tram coming down the tracks in her direction. Thank God she easily made it across in time and flung her arms around Eve with so much force she almost knocked her over.
‘I’m so glad you finally made it out here.’ Eve couldn’t help smiling as she detected the slightest twang of an accent in Lily’s voice.
‘Me too. I’ve missed you so much.’ She hadn’t known just how much until she saw Lily again, having tried so hard to push those feelings down inside her, but it hadn’t worked. Lily was the closest thing she’d ever had to a sister and they’d got on brilliantly from the outset.
The first time they’d met, Lily had hooked her arm into Eve’s and told her she was just the sort of girl she’d hoped Max would end up with.
They’d both teased him about his insistence on pronouncing paella the Spanish way, in the restaurant they’d met up in, and the laughter that had been the soundtrack of that night had bonded them from the start and set the seal on a friendship that had become an integral part of Eve’s life.
Now, with her arms around Lily, Eve realised that was something she’d missed almost as much as she missed the old Max.
She just hadn’t allowed herself to admit it, until now.
‘Please tell me you weren’t serious when you said you were only staying for four days.’ Lily pulled away, trying and failing to blink back the tears that had filled her eyes.
‘I already had some time booked off work when my friend said he was coming over for a funeral and that he could use some company on the trip. I didn’t want to miss an opportunity like that, but I couldn’t extend my leave. There were too many people already booked with time off and—’
‘And you had all that time off when Mum got ill last year.’ Lily sighed.
‘Part of me wants to be insulted that you’re only here because your friend was coming over, but I know you, and I know it would have taken someone else needing you even more than Mum does to get you here.
So as sorry as I am that he’s flown over for a funeral, I’m just glad that it brought you here. ’
‘I really have wanted to come and see you before now, it’s just…’ She couldn’t finish the sentence, but she didn’t need to. They both knew why she hadn’t visited, and why Lily hadn’t been home for a visit either.
‘How is Mum doing? All I get from her when I call is updates about the appeal against Brandon Moorcroft’s sentence. Or videos of Max, followed by her asking me if I can see how much progress he’s making and wanting me to tell her she’s right about him having turned a corner.’
‘That pretty much sums up how she’s doing.
’ Eve forced a smile. Right up until the moment she’d seen Lily, she’d wondered if she could really ask her to consider not just coming back home for a visit, but coming home for good.
But as soon as she’d set eyes on Max’s sister, she’d immediately had her answer.
Lily was happy, she’d gone from looking like a young woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders, to someone who could see the possibilities in life again.
It was obvious in the way she’d smiled from across the street, and the enthusiasm of her embrace.
As soon as Lily had begun talking about Annie, that joie de vivre had slowly drained out of her, and Eve wasn’t going to be responsible for making that a permanent thing.
Maybe she’d be failing Annie and Nigel again, but nothing she did could change the situation with Max, and she knew in her heart that the old Max would have wanted her to save his sister instead.
She wasn’t going to try to persuade her to come home, not even for a visit if Lily didn’t want to, she was just going to enjoy whatever time she could with the woman who’d become one of her best friends, and who she’d always wish she’d had the chance to call family in a way that no one could dispute.
It was Eve who looped her arm through Lily’s this time. ‘Let’s not talk about any of that, I want to know how you are doing.’
Lily smiled, her face lighting up again.
‘Well, that’s one question Mum never asks me, but I have to say I’m doing great.
Scott is amazing and work is going brilliantly.
’ Lily took a deep breath and turned to face her.
‘There’s something else, too. If all goes according to plan.
In eight months’ time, you’re going to be an auntie! ’
‘Oh, Lily, oh my God, really?’ Eve crushed her into another hug, laughing and crying all at the same time. ‘Sorry, sorry, I know I probably shouldn’t hug you quite so tightly, but that’s amazing. It’s the best news ever in fact.’
‘It really does feel like it, I just wish…’ This was another unfinished sentence that needed no words, Eve knew exactly what Lily was wishing for.
She wished Max could share in the excitement, and that Annie could be as thrilled as she should be about the impending arrival of her first grandchild, but it was never going to be the most important focus in their lives, not even temporarily, and a bit of Eve’s heart broke for Lily.
She couldn’t do anything to change that either, all she could do was make sure that Lily knew just how happy she was for her.
‘It truly is the best news I’ve had in forever and we’re going to go out now, to have a slap-up, pregnancy-friendly lunch on me to celebrate. I want all the details. How you found out, where you were, how you told Scott.’
‘As long as I don’t have to recount the conception, because it was after too much tequila at our favourite Mexican restaurant and the details of that night don’t cover either of us in a lot of glory.
’ Lily laughed. ‘I’m really glad, though, it’s the happiest accident ever, because I don’t think I could have ever planned for this, with the way things are with Max, and everyone else I love being on the other side of the Atlantic. But this feels like a new beginning.’
‘It really does.’ Eve hugged again her and swallowed back the surge of panic that lodged itself in her throat, at the realisation that there might never be a new beginning for her.
But she wasn’t going to give in to that thought, not today, when there was something truly wonderful to celebrate for the first time in a very long while.