Chapter 17 #2
Lily and Scott had taken them to dinner in Sausalito, on the opposite side of the bay from San Francisco, a beautiful little town stretched out along two miles of shoreline.
They ate at a seafood restaurant in the harbour, watching the sunset give way to the twinkling lights of downtown San Francisco, as they began to light up the skyline.
It was a romantic destination without a doubt, and Lily and Scott were in the sort of loved-up bubble that sometimes accompanied impending parenthood.
Eve watched as Lily rested her head on Scott’s shoulder, and he placed a hand over hers, where it rested on her non-existent bump.
She’d admitted to Eve during their lunch together that she had no intention of telling Annie or Nigel about the baby until she was as certain as she could be that nothing could possibly go wrong.
Eve didn’t need to ask why she’d decided to keep quiet.
Annie couldn’t take one more blow, and Lily couldn’t become responsible for her happiness again either.
So for now, it was a secret Eve was only too happy to keep.
The meal had been wonderful and the company even more so, with easy conversation and lots of laughter between the four of them.
Scott had commented that he hadn’t known before coming to the UK that there were so many different accents in such a small country.
Felix had made them all laugh, and taken Eve completely by surprise, by being able to do every accent that Scott had been able to name, taking in all four countries of the UK and at least six different regional English accents.
He seemed to have an endless capacity to surprise her, and it felt so lovely having the chance to get to know him even better, away from all the pressures of home.
‘Felix is great.’ Lily looked at Eve’s reflection now, as they stood side by side in the restroom at the restaurant. ‘Max would have loved him.’
‘Max does love him.’ She paused from re-applying her lipstick and met Lily’s eyes in the mirror. ‘Felix is Max’s occupational therapist.’
‘I know he is, but I meant the old Max.’ Lily bit her lip, clearly struggling not to give into the emotion that was never far away when they talked about Max, and Eve reached across and squeezed her hand.
‘I think he would have too.’
‘Felix must be incredibly patient doing a job like that and, if he’s built up enough of a relationship for Max to love him, he must be a bit of a miracle worker.
Not to mention having a very thick skin.
’ Lily glanced down, focusing on her hands for a moment, before looking at Eve’s reflection again.
‘He hasn’t seemed to like anyone or anything all that much since the assault. ’
‘Things are settling down a bit and Max definitely has good days if he’s allowed to spend time doing the things that make him happy, they just don’t look anything like his good days used to look.
He has his favourites amongst the staff at Oakwood Park, and the medical professionals who work with him, but maybe love was the wrong word.
He really likes Felix, though, and that’s helped him make a lot of progress recently.
’ Eve shook her head. ‘I know your mum’s a bit worried about how Max might react when the funding for OT with Felix runs out, but we’re working on a plan.
In the meantime, one thing Max definitely does love is his gaming.
It’s mostly me he seems to find infuriating. ’
Once again, Eve hadn’t meant to be that honest. She’d been so determined not to say anything that might make Lily feel guilty, but it had felt so good to talk to someone who accepted that the old Max was gone forever.
‘I think you remind him of what he’s lost and that must be so hard.
’ It was Lily’s turn to squeeze her hand this time.
‘You’re such a kind person, Eve, and you’ve done so much to support Mum and Dad, but I’m not sure whether it’s good for Max to still have you around all the time if seeing you makes it harder for him to feel content with the way things are now. And it’s definitely not good for you.’
‘I can’t just walk away.’ Eve wanted to cram the words back down her throat, the moment she saw the hurt on Lily’s face.
It hadn’t been an accusation, or a comparison between them, and the last thing she’d wanted was to make Lily feel bad.
So she had to try and explain. ‘Your family have been the only family I’ve known since my mum died.
Max might not want me around any more, but I don’t want to lose any of you. ’
‘You wouldn’t, and maybe you just need to give Max enough space to miss you, in this new version of your relationship, but you’ll never lose me whatever happens.’ The tension had left Lily’s face and she squeezed Eve’s hand again. ‘I’m certain Mum and Dad wouldn’t want to lose you either.’
‘It’s a risk though, isn’t it? If I’m no longer Max’s fiancé, I’ve got no claim to be a part of your family.’
‘You don’t need a title when you’ve got history.
’ Lily turned to face her. ‘And everything in life is a risk. I could spend my whole life feeling terrified that something might happen to Scott, after what happened to Max. Or that something is going to happen to either one of us, or both, now that we’re going to be having a baby.
But what’s the alternative? To stop taking chances, to not fall in love, or start any new adventures?
Or do I try to build a life that makes all the risk worthwhile?
The old Max would be as mad as hell if he thought he’d played any part in you deciding to live your life in a way that means you can avoid all the risk, but miss out on all of the rewards as well. And so would I.’
‘You’re supposed to be the little sister.’ Eve smiled. ‘How did you suddenly get so wise?’
‘It must be the hormones.’ Lily laughed and pulled her into a hug. ‘Just promise me you’ll start taking some risks again and living your life, and that you’ll start with Felix.’
‘Okay, I’ll take a risk. I might even have the peanut butter brownie instead of the cheesecake.’ It was Eve’s turn to laugh, as Lily tightened her embrace.
‘I’m going to squeeze you like a tube of toothpaste if you don’t make me that promise.’
‘How can I promise you that, if I don’t even know whether it’s what Felix wants?
’ Eve was glad Lily couldn’t see her face, because she’d gone hot just talking like this.
Lily was the last person she should be confiding in, but the truth was she really wasn’t sure if Felix saw her as more than a friend any more.
She’d pushed him away and they’d agreed to focus on friendship instead, and being there for one another at a difficult time.
He’d just lost the woman he’d been in love with for years, and he was Max’s occupational therapist. There was so many reasons why they should maintain the status quo, and she was nowhere near as sure as she had been that discussing it was still what he wanted.
Suddenly Lily pulled away from her and waved a hand in front of her face, making Eve blink.
‘Ah, so you’re not blind, then?’ Lily raised her eyebrows.
‘I thought you must be, if you can’t see for yourself that Felix is interested.
It’s obvious. Just like I can see it written all over your face every time you look at him.
Now stop playing for time and do something about it.
Otherwise I’m not going to let you be godmother to this baby, and then you’ll never be an official part of this family in a way that being a godparent would definitely qualify you to be. ’
‘Oh my God, really?’ Eve could feel the huge smile that had broken out on her face, all the way down to her toes.
‘Really, but only if you start living again.’
‘How can I say no to that?’ Eve couldn’t stop smiling, even when she thought about the prospect of putting herself out there and telling Felix she’d had a change of heart.
After all, what was the worst that could happen?
She’d already been to hell and back since Max’s assault, and even the humiliation of getting turned down flat could never come anywhere close to that.
* * *
Felix had delivered on his whistle-stop tour of San Francisco.
They’d hired electric bikes and he’d taken her all over the city, including across the Golden Gate Bridge in cross winds so strong that she’d thought they might end up in the water.
It had made her feel alive, having the kind of new experiences she’d put on hold since Max’s head injury.
They’d been joined for a second night in a row by Lily and Scott on a night tour of Alcatraz, and Felix had recounted some of the myths and legends about the prison.
He was a natural storyteller, making use of his talent for accents and the sort of comic timing that had made Eve throw her head back in laughter, in a way she couldn’t remember doing in years.
‘If you don’t ask him out, I will.’ Scott had whispered to her, when they were on the boat back over to San Francisco and she’d laughed again.
Surprising herself that she wasn’t cross with Lily for talking to Scott about her feelings for Felix.
Maybe it was because being here – thousands of miles away from Port Kara – made if feel like they were in a bubble that nothing else could touch.
There’d been several times she’d wanted to tell Felix that she’d changed her mind and that if he still wanted more than friendship, then she did, too, but something had stopped her each time.
She wanted to pick the right moment, so that he’d feel like he could be honest with her if he didn’t feel the same way.