Chapter 21
Annie had been released from hospital and was recovering at home.
She was going to be on a diet of liquid and soft foods for the next six to eight weeks, which Eve knew was going to be pretty miserable.
She’d put together a big box of all the things she could think of that might make that more bearable including milkshakes, smoothies, Madagascan vanilla custard and even some sweet potato soup that Eve had made from scratch.
Annie would gradually be able to build up to a wider diet, but the important thing was to take it slow.
She couldn’t afford to lose more weight, the last two years having already taken their toll on her appetite and her ability to prioritise her own needs.
Eve wanted to do all she could to help out, and she was still visiting Max every day, so that Annie could get some proper rest. One of the few positives was that Annie seemed to be focusing on her recovery, so that she could get back to seeing Max as quickly as possible, rather than dwelling on the fact that Brandon Moorcroft’s sentence had been upheld.
Max hadn’t asked after his mother when Eve had dropped in, but that hadn’t been a surprise. The visit had been good nonetheless, because for once Max had seemed far more engaged in talking to her; as long as it focused on his new favourite subject – getting a dog.
‘Did you know that dogs have a third eyelid?’ He’d looked up at her as she came into the room, after going to make them both some toast in the communal kitchen at the end of the corridor.
She was supposed to encourage Max to do more of that sort of thing himself, but the truth was she still liked finding small ways to make him happy, and one of his greatest pleasures in life was peanut butter on toast. Although woe betide anyone who used crunchy peanut butter, it absolutely had to be smooth.
He’d once thrown a plate out of the window – toast and all – when one of the staff members had tried to insist that using crunchy peanut butter made no difference and had refused to make it again with the smooth variety.
Eve knew that trying to have a debate with Max was pointless.
These days, once his mind was made up, it was made up forever.
Being able to do the little things, like making him a plate of toast, allowed her to feel that she was still showing Max she loved him, even if the shape of that love had changed.
He was never going to be the person she’d imagined building a life with, but she still cared about him and wanted him to be happy.
‘No, I had no idea that dogs had three eyelids.’ It made Eve smile to see the look of excitement on his face. ‘What do they need a third eyelid for?’
‘It helps keep their eyes moist and protects them. They also have a nose print that’s as unique as our fingerprints, so even if you had a whole bunch of dogs you’d never have to guess which one had left a dirty mark on the window from pressing its face up against the glass.
It would be as plain as the nose on its face.
’ Max laughed and it made Eve laugh, too, but he was nowhere near finished with his new favourite subject.
‘I still can’t decide what sort of dog I want, but there’s a breed they have in Norway that has six toes on each paw. That would take some beating.’
‘It would. So is that the big goal then, to get a dog?’ Max had talked about it a lot over the past few months, but this past couple of weeks his interest in dogs had become his main focus, and he was spending far more time researching different breeds online than he was gaming, which Eve thought had to be a good thing.
‘I always wanted one but Mum’s allergic.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Sounds like an even better reason to get one, once I get out of here. Then she might give me a bit more peace, instead of visiting every bloody day.’
‘I can see why you might want a bit more space and time to yourself.’ The revelation hit Eve like a thunderbolt and she felt ridiculous for never having thought about it that way before.
Max might have a head injury, but he was still a grown man with the right to make his own choices and live the life he wanted.
None of them had ever asked him if he wanted a visit every day, they’d just assumed he had.
Maybe the reason he sometimes lashed out and could be rude and disengaged wasn’t all down to the impact of his personality changing, maybe he was just sick of the sight of them.
No one had ever sought his opinion, they’d all just assumed they knew best. It was time for that to change.
‘Let’s have this toast and you can tell me which dogs are at the top of your shortlist, then I’ll get out of your hair and let you get on.
’ Eve settled back as Max launched into a comparison of the pros and cons of Labradors over spaniels, a renewed determination settling upon her.
They all needed to start talking and being honest about what they wanted, and she was going to begin the process by telling Nigel the truth about what had gone on with Felix.
Not at some arbitrary point in the future, but as soon as she saw him, later that day.
She just had to hope that the shape of the love between her and Max’s family could also adapt and re-form.
Either way the change was coming, and it wasn’t a moment too soon.
* * *
Annie was asleep when Eve got to the house and Nigel ushered her inside. April showers had continued into May and she’d got soaked on the short dash from the car to the front door.
‘Oh, sweetheart, you’re wet through.’ Nigel sighed. ‘You’ll catch your death like that, there are some of Annie’s things in the wardrobe in the spare room. I’m sure you’ll find something in there.’
‘I’ll dry off in a bit, I don’t want to take anything that Annie might need.’
‘Nonsense, that woman has enough clothes to open a department store. And I can’t be worrying about another one of my girls, when the other two are already giving me sleepless nights.
I just hope Lily’s not having as hard a time with her pregnancy as her mum did with her, poor old Annie was sick almost every day. ’
‘Lily seems to be doing brilliantly and she’s got a date for her first scan. She told me when she’s had it done, she’s going to tell you and Annie the news. Just remember you’ve got to act surprised!’
‘I will, but I might have to get practising.’ Nigel smiled.
‘It’s bad enough reading through every message I send trying to make sure I don’t give the game away about what I know.
I’ve just been sending her the usual photos I take when I’m out walking, to help remind her of all the great things about Cornwall, so she might get a bit homesick and want to come home for a visit.
I know that’s terrible, but I can’t help it, I miss her so much. ’
‘She misses you, too, all of you, and I think she’ll want to bring the baby over here for a visit when she can, especially if you guys can’t make it over there.
’ Eve shivered, but it was only partly because of the damp that seemed to have seeped into her bones.
She just hoped she’d still be included in any family get-togethers that might happen once she’d told Nigel what she needed to say.
‘Will you go upstairs and get changed for goodness’ sake.’ His chiding was gentle, just the sort of fatherly show of affection she’d always longed for and had eventually found in Max’s dad rather than her own. ‘You’re making me cold just looking at you.’
‘I need to tell you something first.’ She locked eyes with him and his face fell.
‘It’s not Max, is it?’
‘No… well, yes, in a way I suppose it is.’ She looked at the floor for a moment, needing to get this out all in one go and not wanting to see anything in his expression that made her hesitate or doubt her decision.
‘I love Max and I always will, but there’s never going to be a me and Max in the way there used to be.
He’s changed so much and he doesn’t want that, but the truth is, neither do I.
I still want to be a part of his life and his family, but I can’t be his fiancée any more and I think we need to let him dictate how much involvement he wants me or any of us to have in his life.
It must feel like all his free will was taken away after the assault and, to be honest, it has felt like mine was too. ’
‘Eve, you don’t need to—’
She cut off his response, desperate now to get everything off her chest. ‘I’m sorry, Nigel, but please can you just let me finish what I need to say and then we can talk about it? Because if I don’t do it now, I might never do it and I don’t think I can carry on like this.’
‘Sorry, yes, of course, go on.’ She still didn’t look at him, instead focusing on a family photograph in pride of place on the wall of the hallway. It had been taken three Christmases ago, when Max had still been Max and she’d been by his side, at the centre of his lovely family.
‘I need to allow myself a fresh start, a new life that still has Max in it, but just in a very different way. I met someone I really liked, I thought… hoped it would be something serious and I finally found the courage to admit to myself that I wanted that again, to love someone and be loved in the way that I used to have with Max. It hasn’t worked out, but it’s opened my eyes to what I really want, the chance to start over.
I know it won’t upset Max, he doesn’t see me the way he used to, and I think he’ll be relieved not to have that pressure on him.
What scares me is the thought of losing the rest of you.
This family has been the only family I’ve really known since Mum died and you mean the world to me, you really do.
I know if I’m no longer Max’s fiancée then I’ll never really be family, but I hope that doesn’t mean—’
‘Sorry, but no. I can’t even listen to this.
’ It was Nigel’s turn to interrupt and his tone was sharp, her stomach sinking like a stone as she finally looked up at him and saw the expression that had clouded his face.
‘I have never heard anything so ludicrous in my life and I can’t believe you’d think for one moment that we’d ever want to turn our backs on you. ’
It took a moment for Eve to process his words and relief flooded through her body as he held out his arms, pulling her towards him, not seeming to care a bit that she still resembled a wet dog.
‘Of course you’re family and you always will be.
You’ve done more for us than we could have expected of anyone, even if you had been our daughter.
I know it was you who saved Lily when she was at a point where she didn’t know which way to turn, and it was you who was there for Annie when she hit her lowest point and I had to work.
I can’t believe you even have to question that and, if it was an option, I’d bloody well adopt you now if I could.
Whatever it takes to make you realise you’re a part of this family for good, I’ll do it.
And I’m pleased as punch that you met someone who helped you see you needed to have a life of your own, even though Felix must be a complete idiot not to want to hang onto you until his dying day. ’
Shock that Nigel had picked up on the situation already, rooted Eve to the spot and as the tears streamed down her face and burned in her throat, she couldn’t seem to find her voice.
She wasn’t sure she’d ever felt as unconditionally loved as she did in that moment, but there were so many emotions racing through her head and she was struggling to process them all.
The utter joy that Nigel had reacted this way, the fear of what Annie might think still lingering, and the sadness of all that she’d lost with Max and now with Felix.
But when she finally managed to speak, there was one thing she had to find out.
‘How did you know I was talking about Felix?’
‘Because anyone with eyes could see it and I find it impossible to believe that the way he acted around you wasn’t real.
The only time I’ve ever looked at a woman the way Felix looks at you, is when I’m with Annie, and I’d walk through fire for that woman.
God knows over the last couple of years it feels like I have. ’
‘Oh, Nigel, I know how hard it’s been for you, but you’re amazing.
The rock that holds the whole family together.
’ Eve couldn’t think about Felix right now, or what Nigel had said about him.
It was too much for her. Maybe he’d only ever been meant to be the catalyst for change, just as Gwen has said, but she couldn’t focus on the prospect of him not being a part of her life any more.
Her sadness about that would just muddy the waters, when right now she’d to keep going with what she had started; finding a way for life to begin again, without losing everything she valued about her old life.
‘How do you think Annie’s going to take it, me moving on? ’
‘It’ll be an adjustment, but she’ll get there, I promise.
’ Nigel pulled back from her slightly. ‘I don’t want you to worry about that, because when she’s feeling better, I’m going to be giving Annie a few home truths of her own to think about.
She can’t destroy the rest of her life focusing on hating Brandon Moorcroft and losing out on a relationship with you, or Lily and our grandchild, because her bitterness is stopping her from seeing the good that’s still all around her.
I read that article you sent me about the restorative justice and I want to see if we can go ahead with it, whether Annie wants to be a part of it or not.
We all need to find a way to move on and be as happy as we can be.
You’re right about Max, too, he needs to have a say in what that looks like for him. ’
‘You’re the best dad he could ever have asked for, you know that, don’t you?’ She managed to smile through her tears and he nodded, a broad grin suddenly lighting up his face.
‘Yeah, I know, I’m absolutely awesome.’ He laughed. ‘Just don’t forget it, because I’m also the best bloody dad you could have asked for, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re never getting rid of me.’
‘Thank you.’ It was all she could manage as a fresh crop of tears filled her eyes and she buried her head against his chest again.
The first step to making a change had gone far better than she could ever have hoped, but she knew the road ahead might still get very bumpy.
Whatever happened, there was no turning back now.
Her new life was about to begin and nothing would ever quite be the same again.