Chapter 6 #2
When he paused, I opened my eyes and saw the smile on his face.
His sea eyes glowed in the darkness, but he said nothing.
Slowly, he slid his hand between my legs and touched me in a spot that made orange-red lights flicker in front of me.
I looked at him through those lights. His gaze held me tight, penetrating me like this new, hot sensation.
It tickled and sent red-hot shivers through my veins.
Stunned, I lay completely still as the pulsing heat swelled inside me, awakening the desire for release and even more heat.
A light gasp came from my mouth as I gave in to the unbearable fire, and for a few seconds, I floated over an abyss.
My body began to shake and my feet arched while the first wave of heat rushed through me, followed by the second, third, and fourth.
Now, the red light was everywhere and I barely noticed Nathan pulling his hand away and penetrating me deeper.
He slid two fingers under the bracelet on my wrist and held my arm next to my head, an unmistakable sign that we belonged together.
His movements grew more intense. Instinctively, I held on to his neck with one hand, pressing my abdomen against his while the last waves of heat flowed through my veins.
My back scraped the floor and unbearable feelings spread through me.
Love, heat, and longing. Nathan. I was intoxicated, and when he came inside me, the heat continued echoing inside me.
I clung to his shoulders not knowing whether we had been quiet or loud, whispering or screaming.
With him on top of me, we looked at each other—everything was now different.
He touched my cheek gently. “When I saw you at the gate, it was strange…after all the sadness, it was as if I had found something that I had long thought I had lost forever. And then, on board the Agamemnon, the feeling was immediately there again. It was like magic.”
I couldn’t answer, my eyes watering because of his words and the happiness they brought me.
“You’re crying,” he said gently, reproaching me. “I think you cry quite often.”
I had to laugh, but when I saw his expression, I became serious.
Nathan kissed my forehead. “I love you,” he whispered, brushing a strand of hair from my forehead. “No matter what happens, no matter what I ever say to you in anger, or whatever I do, I love you and I will never stop.”
We spent the night in the hut huddled together on the floor like two pieces of a whole that had been broken for years. Maybe like two colorful shards of glass from the Palace of Shards that had been glued back together.
When I awoke, Nathan was standing on the light-filled porch, checking his cell phone. Maybe he had reception here. For a moment, I thought of Dad and wondered what he was doing right now, but I quickly pushed the thought away.
I rose quietly and found my summer dress on a dusty dresser. I quickly slipped into it and was about to step outside when Nathan turned to me in only his jeans.
“Hey.” He smiled.
“Hey yourself!” The magic of the night still hovered between us like an electric charge running through my arms and legs. I walked toward him. When I stood in front of him, I put my hands on his chest, feeling the firm muscles and his heartbeat pounding under my palms, which made me happy.
“Will,” he whispered after a while and raised my head. “We have to go back.”
“I know.” I looked around wistfully. The air was peppered with the usual summer rain and the old hut was just the right size for two lovers.
Right behind the porch separated only by the path and a narrow meadow, lay the swampy water on which a mirror of water lilies floated.
I hadn’t noticed it in the darkness yesterday.
I sighed deeply. I didn’t want to leave.
Without letting go of him, I walked around him and ran my palms over his sun-warmed back.
Now I did what I had wanted to do for a long time: look at the many names he had tattooed.
Those of his family were written larger.
Lea McCormack. Jacob McCormack. Coralie McCormack. John McCormack. In cursive, they extended across the shoulder blades, and soon, Nathan would have to add another—Isaac McCormack.
I pushed aside the fear those two words triggered in me and let my gaze wander. There were so many. So many names, so many lives lost and so many dreams buried.
“Sparta is still missing,” I said quietly.
“Stanton Foster. Yes. When this is over, he’ll have his place.”
“It wasn’t him, was it? I mean I don’t think he wanted to kill me.
I haven’t thought that since I found out how sick he was and I don’t think he gave away our coordinates either.
” With a strange feeling of shame, I ran my fingertips over the playful Lea .
I noticed the numbers underneath again because it was the only name with numbers.
292119.2N 911638.2W
I even knew them by heart. And suddenly, perhaps because we had just been talking about Sparta, I had an inkling of what they meant. The N and the W were the clues that I should have figured out earlier. “The numbers under your sister’s name—they’re coordinates too, aren’t they?”
“They’re the coordinates of the place where I gave her to the swamp. A memory.”
Even though we had gotten so close tonight, I didn’t know what to say.
Nathan, however, didn’t seem to mind. He turned to me, framed my face with his hands, and kissed me.
This time so tenderly and lightly that I wanted to cry again.
My longing for him flared immediately, so strong that I couldn’t think properly anymore.
I wanted to let myself go, but at the same time, a new awkwardness gripped me because I didn’t deserve him if my father was guilty.
How could we love each other uninhibitedly when he had a memorial on his back with my family’s blood on it?
How long would it be before he asked himself the same question?
Nathan backed away and looked at me searchingly. “What is it?”
“Your back,” I said honestly. “Your family’s blood is on my hands. Your back is a memorial of it.”
He shook his head vigorously. “It’s merely a reminder so we don’t forget the dead, not a memorial.”
I swallowed.
“How many times do I have to tell you that it’s not your fault.”
“I was never interested in Dad’s business. Maybe I would have noticed something if I had asked.”
“And you think your father would have told you? Never, Will. Surely, he always wanted to be the good guy to you.”
That was true. And he always had been.
Would I have stayed with Dad if I had known all this? What would I have said to him, and above all, how would he have explained it to me? Would I have moved in with Grandma Anna? Was my love for him conditional on him being a good person? But what kind of love was that?
I didn’t know, but I didn’t have a chance to think about it any further because Nathan kissed me again. Longingly and deeper than before.
We made love again on the porch, and I was still in a state of euphoria when we reached Lost Memories.
Troy was waiting on the dock. He calmly took the rope that Nathan gave him and tied a figure-eight knot on the cleat. He said nothing, which was a bit scary, but he watched closely as Nathan and I climbed out of the boat.
We had barely walked a few yards when Icarus shot out of the hut.
“That’s the last straw!” He thundered down the steps angrily and stood with his legs apart at the foot of the stairs.
He glared at Nathan, his face bright red.
“You’re always talking about the group and big plans, but as soon as we’ve buried Stanton, you disappear with her.
Going it alone sucks, man! Especially now!
What if Isaac had shown up? Or caught you? I was worried, damn it!”
“You’re right,” Nathan replied calmly. He had stopped. “That was a mistake. We shouldn’t have left. But Isaac will never find this piece of land.”
“You say that! And how would we even know that you’re coming back and not hiding Willa somewhere else? You have no idea what I’ve been imagining!”
“I’m sorry, Ian. Honestly.”
Icarus shook his head in disbelief before disappearing back into the hut and slamming the door.
Then I spotted Pan. He was standing over a chopping block with an axe, but he had stopped and was staring at Nathan.
Something dark fluttered in my throat because, for the first time, there was jealousy burning in his eyes.
Jealousy, anger, and pain. Raising my hand, I wanted to wave to him but he avoided my gaze.
It seemed as if he would like to hit Nathan on the head with the blunt side of the axe, but suddenly, he turned back to his work as if he sensed that I was looking at him.
The uneasy feeling inside me grew stronger.
I wondered if one could see the love on my face, if my lips were red, and my eyes shining.
Maybe my hair was tousled, but probably the most obvious thing was simply that they were putting two and two together.
Why else would we have stayed away so long?
And they must have noticed the tension between Nathan and me.
Pan anyway, but Troy and Icarus too. It had been something of an open secret, the elephant in the room that everyone saw but no one mentioned.
I slowly followed Nathan, who was heading toward the hut when I heard Troy’s voice behind me.
“How are we going to continue?”
Nathan stopped without turning, so I almost ran into him. “What do you mean?” he asked.
“All this!” But Troy mainly meant Nathan and me, I was certain of that.
Nathan turned to him. “You already know. We’ll wait out the next week and a half. Then we’ll see.”
“What if Hampton is bluffing? Or if he’s hired a special unit and his special operations team just needs more time to track us down?”
I half turned to him. He didn’t look angry like Icarus, but he seemed worried, his hands on his hips.