Chapter Nineteen
? Isla ?
I wear the dress I brought specifically for Christmas.
A sleek, simple black number with thin straps and a modest neckline that still showcases my breasts, but not so much that Mom would yell at me. The hem falls above my knees in a cute flare that sways around my thighs when I emerge to a cabin full of people.
All familiar faces I haven’t seen since my last visit. People from Walker’s side of the tree. People I’m not close with just based on the facts they have on me and their understandable desire to stay away.
But a few smile and give me awkward hugs. Walker’s Aunt Jordan looks me over from her seat by the fire. Muddy brown eyes shrewdly taking me in.
“What part of the country do you live in now?” she drawls.
“Leave the girl alone,” Grandma Lee mutters, never looking away from the knitting needles between her gnarled fingers. “It’s not like you’re sending her a Christmas card. It’s none of your business where she lives.”
I’ve always liked the eighty-year-old. There may be some debate about whose family tree she’s from, but no one has the courage to ask her. So, she comes to every event and tells people off.
I strive to be just like her one day.
The two begin their bickering and I move away. My gaze scans the room, searching for my boys when I spot them in the far corner, half hidden in the short alcove Walker used to keep his fishing poles. I would have missed them if I wasn’t looking for them.
They watch me the way a fox watches a hen. The unwavering focus turns my knees to jelly and my pussy tightens around the plug.
Nick motions me over and I obey without hesitation. I move through the crowd without breaking eye contact and don’t stop until I’m standing before them.
“You look beautiful, baby,” Nick murmurs, hooking my middle and pulling my back to his chest. His erection grinds into my ass.
The firm, unyielding presence of it almost makes me chuckle.
The man is insatiable.
Apparently, so am I when I have to resist the urge to reach for him.
It does make me wonder if this is sustainable. Just how often can three people fuck until it becomes too much?
Dom answers that question when he leans in and kisses me. Full and straight on the mouth. There’s no pretense. No hiding the fact that I belong to them. We’re fairly hidden but it would only take one person to glance over and catch me in the center of this huddle.
And I don’t care.
In this moment when he’s taking slow, thirsty sips of my mouth and Nick is nuzzling the curve of my shoulder where it connects to my neck, there is nothing else.
“You’re coming home with us after this,” he murmurs in between languid strokes. “We’ll grab your stuff, but you’ll be sharing our bed before New Year’s.”
Breathless, head a foggy swamp of desire, I forcibly break the kiss and struggle to find words for whatever I meant to say.
“Is that too fast?” I finally wheeze. “Maybe I can move nearby—”
“No,” both men say in unison.
Despite the reclaiming of my mouth by Dom and the tightening of Nick’s arms across my abdomen, I chuckle.
“What if this…” I stop myself from voicing the fears in my head.
I partially have no choice when Dom’s head snaps up, the warning painfully clear on his face. His dark eyes narrow, practically daring me to finish. But I swallow it down.
“As soon as we leave,” he remarks slowly, clearly over the din of music and the chatter. “You’re coming home with us.”
There’s no avoiding the anxious gnawing in my belly, the fear that they’re making a mistake. I don’t know how to tell them they should do a trial run before committing to a disaster like me.
Dom touches my cheeks. His palms cradle my face and rescue my bottom lip from the abuse of my teeth.
“The only way we’ll walk away is if you tell us you don’t want this,” he murmurs, peering into my eyes. “Do you want us, Isla? Yes or no?”
“Yes, but—”
His thumb settles over my lips.
“Do you want to stay with us? Yes or no?”
I hesitate. Not because I don’t know or because I don’t, but I know he’s going to stop me if I try to explain.
“Yes or no, baby?” he presses.
I exhale heavily. “Yes, but if you’ll—”
He stops me again and I have to refrain from biting him.
“Nothing else matters. We love you. We have for a long fucking time. We’re committed to this and to you. We’re not going anywhere.”
The air rushes from my lungs in a whoosh like he’d punched me in the sternum.
“What did you say?”
He sweeps back a lock of hair off my temple. “We’re committed—”
“No, before that.”
His head cocks and he feigns innocence. “We have for a long fucking—”
“Dom!”
Even to my own ears, my voice is whiny, but my heart is going so fast, I swear I’m seconds from having a stroke.
“Stop teasing her,” Nick mutters around a grin.
Chuckling, Dom drops his mouth over mine in a slow, delicious kiss that curls my toes.
“We love you.”
When was the last time anyone said that to me? I think my grandma, before she passed. Even past boyfriends never got to that point. I never let them.
A deep part of me knows I should cut this off now before it gets too late, but it’s fighting against a ballooning feeling I’ve never felt before and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Everything inside me is too much.
Too big.
Too heavy, but light.
I’m floating and drifting and sinking. I want to laugh and cry.
I want to run.
I want to stay and hold onto this moment forever. Until they realize they’d made a mistake and…
“Hey.” Nick tips my chin up with one finger. “Breathe.”
I hadn’t realized I wasn’t and the air leaves me in a jagged sob.
“Are... are you sure?” I sniffle like an idiot, but I’m too far gone to care. “Did you talk about this? You can take it back…”
“No one’s taking anything back,” Nick informs me. “You’re ours, Isla. I don’t care how many times we have to remind you, but we will. Every day if necessary. We’ll get it tattooed if that’s what will make you realize that we’re not going anywhere. Ever,” he stresses when I open my mouth.
I have to press a hand over my heart to keep it from pounding a hole through my chest.
What am I supposed to say to that? How am I supposed to convince them of their destruction when they’re holding me from both sides, compressing my broken shards together.
I don’t deserve this... them, but that’s what I am — selfish. I’m selfish and for once in my life, I’m not ashamed of that.
“Let’s get through this mess. Once everyone leaves, we’ll talk, okay?” Nick offers.
I nod, oddly lightheaded and tipsy like I drank too much on an empty stomach. The bubbling rush makes me want to laugh and squeal and dance like a lunatic, but I somehow refrain and summarize all those brewing emotions into a face splitting smile.
They never leave my side. If one steps away, the other is right there, unmoving. I haven’t seen Mom once since her arrival. The car is still out in the yard with all the others. The cabin isn’t that large for her to hide. But she’s doing an excellent job of staying out of sight.
Which has my anxiety through the roof. The fact that they won’t let me find her, talk to her, only makes the knot tighter until I almost want to double over in pain.
They’re being unreasonable. I understand trying to protect me, and I appreciate it, but there is nothing she can say that I haven’t already heard.
There is no hole she can dig to make me hate myself more than I do.
Nick doesn’t realize this will put a strain between him and his father, too.
He’s fully prepared to burn all the bridges. .. for me.
And my heart aches.
I find him by the tree, scowl in place, listening to his cousin explain something with wide gestures.
If I didn’t know better, I would think Nick was losing his patience, but I know he’s wearing his concentrating face.
His focused expression that slips into place when he’s listening deeply.
His head bobs slowly in understanding and he responds with a calm tone I can’t hear over the blare of Jingle Bells.
Dom takes my hand and turns my focus to him.
“Want a drink?”
I shake my head. “Have you seen my mom?”
His head lifts and he does a cursory sweep of the room. But the open concept space is a sea of bodies. No doubt violating multiple by-laws.
“She’s here somewhere,” he muses over the music. “Don’t worry about her.” I’m pulled into his arms. “She’s probably sulking in a corner hoping you’ll find her.”
But I want to find her.
I want to apologize and get the lecture over with.
“Can you help me find her?” I beg. “Please?”
His features twist into a clear refusal, but relaxes a fraction and I stare up at him pleading.
“Fine, but I stay with you.”
I accept the offer and let him grip my fingers tight as we work our way through the crowd.
Someone screams and I stumble into Dom’s back.
We both spin but it’s just a cluster of aunts already three sheets to the wind.
They’re doubled over, hanging off each other for balance.
Watching them, I feel my lips twitch, but the amusement doesn’t last when I spot the familiar, round face staring straight at me from across the room.
Mom.
Half hidden behind the tree. Red, blue, and green lights flick and snap across her stony expression. They lance off the unblinking surface of her eyes.
I watch her peel away from the wall and ease her way to the front door. No one notices when she slips outside.
This has to happen, I think. I need to talk to her. I’m a grown woman and Nick was right, I can’t keep running forever. It has gotten me nowhere. I have no home. No friends. No reliable job. I have no purpose. The only constant in my life is Christmas and only because I have no choice.
I don’t want that anymore.
I want a life with my boys. I want a home and family. I want to wake up and know I’m loved and worth that love.
But to have that, I need to face my demons. I need to take that stand finally and... if I face her, maybe I can let go.
I glance back to Dom, grateful he hasn’t noticed.
“I have to use the washroom.”