Chapter Nineteen #2
His dark eyes drop to mine. “Need help with your plug?”
I know he’s teasing, but I laugh and shake my head.
He kisses my nose. “I’ll wait in the kitchen.”
With a nod, I move in the direction of the bathroom. I glance back once to find him walking away. Across the room, Nick is hunched over the coffee table, watching the game of poker taking place with the cards we’d abandoned earlier.
I take a deep breath and hurry through the bodies straight for the door. My heart is hammering and I can taste blood on my tongue as I slip out onto the porch.
Texas is blanketed in a soft, navy blue kissed by a trim of pink along the horizon. The air is a punishing burn that claws across every inch of exposed skin. I realize I should have grabbed a coat, but too late now.
“I’m surprised you came.”
The voice oozes from the shadowy corner of the porch. Disembodied in the settling dusk.
I yelp and nearly lose my plug, but I face the figure who emerges with a face sharp enough to cut stone and a hatred so thick I almost choke on it.
“Mom…”
Her shoes click on every board with each step she takes closer. My naked toes curl against the icy wood.
“Am I? The way you’ve been treating me, I thought I was no one. Just the unfortunate soul who gave up everything to bring you into the world. Give you everything. Only for you to grow up to be a filthy gash spreading her hole for whichever man will have her.”
I could argue I’ve only been with three men before Dom and Nick, but I don’t see the point. It’s usually best to let her run out of steam.
“And the fact that it corrupted Nicky…” She huffs out a breath. “I always knew you were good for nothing, Isla, but I never imagined you would become a homewrecker.”
It takes everything in me not to laugh. But bite it back.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come for holidays anymore.
I don’t want your... influences to further harm my family.
Look what happened with Jacob and now Nicky and Dominic.
You can’t help yourself. It’s a deformity in your DNA.
Obviously, from your dad’s side. He was the philandering leach who couldn’t keep his dick out of other women if God himself told him to.
You’re just like him, but I’m not letting you destroy the life I’ve built over, no thanks to you.
You will leave immediately. No need to say goodbye.
I know you’re good at that. You will stay away from Nick and—”
“No.”
Mom visibly falters. “What?”
“I won’t come back. I won’t call. I’ll leave you and your new life for good, but I’m not leaving Nick or Dom.”
I say it in a rush. A rapid fire of unsteady words that feel like shards of broken glass coming up my esophagus.
“Well, isn’t this a development. Getting passed around has given you a backbone, it seems. But I’m not amused or impressed.
You will leave my son or I will make sure he sees exactly what kind of worthless, ungrateful trash you are.
I will save him from the ruin you will bring into his life.
The fact that you’re standing there, thinking of only yourself is indication enough that you don’t deserve him.
Your level of selfishness should be studied. ”
Trembling fingers curl into wet palms. Tears burn hot in my eyes as I stare at the woman who made me in every way.
Who shaped my entire life.
Who broke me in ways no one else ever could.
She molded every aspect of my existence, manipulated my happiness until every laugh tasted like poison. She stole years of my peace.
And it was never enough.
No matter how I bend and shrink to please her, she will forever see me as the burden who ruined her life. I always knew it, but a sick, sad part of me hoped that one day, by some miracle, she’d finally love me.
“Thank you.” I draw in a slow, calming breath. “I think I would have gone the rest of my life trying to be good enough for your love. Worthy of it. But that’s never going to happen, is it? You will always hate me.”
“Good lord, don’t be so dramatic, Isla. Not everything is about you. This is about Nick and the good life he has without a disease tearing it up.”
I laugh. It’s wet and shaky, but it falls into the space between us.
“That’s fine. I’m done trying. You want me out of your life? I’m out. I never wanted to come here. I did because I kept thinking maybe this will be the year you…” I break off when my voice cracks.
I turn my head in the direction of the now dark distance and wait for my stupid weakness to settle.
When I face her again — I don’t know why — but part of me hoped there would be kindness on her face. Maybe some remorse. A pinch of sympathy.
But Mom watches me like I’ve broken into another language. Like my inability to keep my composure disgusts her.
“What does Nick see in you?” she blurts.
And for some godforsaken reason, I burst out laughing.
“I have no idea,” I half cry, half laugh.
Mom is unimpressed. “If you care about him at all, you will do the right thing and leave his life. Cut all ties. Go back to your aimless life and stop making people uncomfortable with your presence.”
I know she’s right.
Leaving and vanishing for good is exactly what I should do.
“Goodbye, Mother,” I say instead. “I hope you find the happiness you’re looking for.”
Without waiting, I turn on cold, numb feet and start in the direction of the door.
“Remember what I told you,” she throws at my back.
I pause with my hands on the doorknob and glance back. “Believe it or not, I’ve never forgotten a word you’ve ever said.”
With that, I let myself back into the warmth of the cabin and step straight into the two men standing directly on the other side like they’d been about to charge out and snatch me up.
Dark and pale eyes fix on my face, take in my tears and shoot to the open doorway behind me with the full intention of finding the person responsible.
“No,” I whisper, shutting the door between me and Macie for good. “It’s done. It’s over.”
Despite everything, my heart hurts even as I feel... light. Like I chucked off the iron coat pulling me under water. The air collects in my chest, fills every nook and corner of my very soul, and I smile at them.
“I’m okay... and I love you, too.”