Chapter 37
THIRTY-SEVEN
“So then, Ben pulls me into the office and tells me that he sent Nate home for the remainder of the day, and that he is on a weeklong suspension, with a formal write up,” Shaun said, rounding the corner of the couch to sink into it.
Raising his arm, she settled into the crook of his body, leaning with her back angled against his side and chest. Steaming bowl of chili piled high with diced white onions, a dollop of sour cream, and a handful of cheddar cheese balanced in her hands, she wiggled back, lifting her legs to tuck them beneath her crisscross.
Her hair was damp from the shower she’d taken after she’d gotten home, and she’d only pulled on one of his shirts afterward, the hem riding up as she sat cross legged.
She turned her head to look back at him.
“I know I shouldn’t, but I feel bad for him getting in trouble. ”
His own empty chili bowl sat on the coffee table next to them. Picking up his beer, he took a drink before responding.
“You have this very misplaced sense of guilt,” he murmured, sweeping her curls away from the side of her neck as she took a bite.
“First Tommy, now this asshole. You shouldn’t feel bad at all.
His own actions got him into hot water. He could have been a decent human being and taken the first no as an answer. ”
Craning her neck around to fix him with a dubious stare, he let his mouth tilt up in a half grin as she muttered dryly, “You didn’t take the first hundred no’s as an answer.”
Leaning forward, he pressed a quick kiss to her mouth. “No, I didn’t. If I’d thought any part of you actually meant it, I would have left you alone, darlin’. But I knew the first time I laid my eyes on you; we would end up just like this. I just had to convince you, first.”
He felt her body stiffen where she was pressed against him and knew before she opened her mouth that the protest was coming and braced for it. She set her chili in her lap and half turned to face him.
“Kasey—”
“Don’t, please. Just… Don’t.”
Her dark, raven’s wing brows drew close over those deep sapphire blue eyes as she stared at him. “Don’t what?”
“You’re getting ready to run again. Don’t,” he murmured, his voice low, raw.
“This is my house, I have nowhere else to run to,” she said, her tone sharp and defensive. She shook her head then, rolling her eyes. “I’m not running.”
“Physically, no,” he said gently, running his fingers down her arm where his still lay across her shoulders. “You’re either going to push me away or pull away yourself. Don’t, please. Let us have this.”
“You’ve been here over two weeks already, Kasey,” she stammered on a sardonic laugh. Exhaling roughly, she turned her head back forward, her hair falling over her shoulder again. “You asked me to give you the weekend, the week, which we had, plus some. What more do you want?”
“Exactly that. I want more.”
“More what?” she asked defensively, uncrossing her legs and swinging them over the edge of the couch.
The shirt rode up higher, giving him a glimpse of her ass in the cheeky thong she had on.
Setting her chili on the table in front of them, she twisted so that she was facing him more fully.
Goddamn she was beautiful when she got riled.
“More time? More blow jobs? More what, Kasey?”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake— Why is it so impossible for you to just accept that maybe I like spending time with you?
” he asked, sitting up straighter on the couch himself.
“I like you, Shaun. A fucking hell of a lot. No, more than a hell of a lot, and I like whatever this is that we’re doing right now.
At least I did until thirty seconds ago. ”
Rolling her eyes and blowing out an exasperated breath, she stood, picking up her chili bowl and heading to the small kitchen. He followed.
She set the bowl down on the counter with a loud thunk, the spoon clattering out onto the counter noisily.
Rounding on him, she placed her hands on her hips and glared up at him, the movement causing the shirt to ride up higher on her bare thighs.
He could just make out the splash of red that were her panties at the junction of her legs.
Scrubbing his hand down his face, he sighed heavily. “You do realize you’re angry at me because I said I like you, right? Do you understand how ass-backward that is?”
“I made myself very clear that I wasn’t looking for something more at the beginning of this, Kasey,” she snapped, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a long heartbeat before opening them.
“I don’t want a relationship. I don’t want anyone to have that much of me again, I explained that.
This is just scratching that itch. Nothing more. ”
“So just hate sex, then?” he asked darkly, taking a step toward her, until she had to tilt her head back to continue to glare at him. “So, you’re just in this for all the orgasms, is that right?”
“I thought I’ve been very transparent on that front,” she said stiffly, her voice breaking slightly.
Damn stubborn woman. He couldn’t even be offended by her words, because they were nothing but lies, and he knew it.
Knew it by the stubborn tick in her jaw, the tight way her lips pulled together, the nervous swallow that flexed her throat.
Leaning forward to place his hands on the edge of the counter on either side of her hips, he towered over her, bringing his face close to hers.
The fabric of his shirt fluttered over the base of her throat where it lay against her skin, testament to the erratic beat of her heart.
“You’re a fucking liar, Shaun. And I’m getting real tired of it. ”
She continued to glare up at him, and he could see the war raging in those sapphire eyes of hers. She didn’t even believe the words coming out of her mouth.
Lowering his head, he swept his mouth over the corner of hers in the briefest of caresses.
Breathing against the soft skin of her cheek, he whispered, “God dammit, you are the most stubborn, pain-in-the-ass woman I have ever fucking met. I have to leave for training in two days, Shaun, or I can pack my bags right now and be out the door. Your choice.”
Pulling his hands away from the counter where he’d been leaning, he took a step back, her will still battling against his. She remained silent, and finally he nodded. He’d call her bluff.
“Okay. You win this one, darlin’. I’ll see myself out,” he said quietly, and watched as her chin tilted up higher in defiance. Fucking woman.
It didn’t take long to pack his bag, and when he returned to the kitchen, she was still exactly where she had been.
Her arms crossed tight over her chest, one bare foot pressed against the top of the other.
Her body was stiff where she stood, and the pain that lanced through him was piercing.
Damn woman had wiggled her way into his heart, which currently felt like it was splintering into pieces inside his chest.
Stepping in front of her, he took her face between both of his hands, forcing her to tilt her head up to look at him. Tears shimmered in her eyes, making them glisten, and his heart broke a little more.
“You know that this is real, Shaun. You fucking know it, and you’re going to let me walk away from you because of your damned stubborn pride, because you’re too chicken shit to let yourself be vulnerable again.
I’m not Tommy, Shaun.” One of those tears slid down her cheek and it gutted him.
“I want you. All of you; unabashedly, no filter, no watered-down bullshit. God dammit, darlin’, you knew it, just like I did, that very first night.
I am yours, and you are mine. I’ll be back when you’re ready to admit it to me, and to yourself. ”
He kissed her then, voraciously, hungrily, imprinting himself so deeply into her heart and soul she wouldn’t have a choice but to admit she felt the same way he did. Because God dammit, he knew she did. He knew it in every fiber of his being; their souls were meant for each other.
He just needed her to see it.
He felt her hands at his sides, her fingers gripped the fabric of his jacket as she kissed him back. Tears slid over his thumbs where they cupped her cheeks, twisting his stomach into knots with the knowledge that she was hurting as much as he was. But she was too stubborn to admit he was right.
He released her then, and without a look back, strode out the door and into the night before she could see the way his own heart was breaking.