Chapter 49
Payson
It’s been two weeks and three days since I first pulled into the driveway.
Two weeks and three days since Duke nudged me awake with his whiskers and I opened my eyes to find Ledgar sitting across the room from me.
The routine we formed happened without either of us planning it.
He makes coffee first thing, always, and by the time I come down the hall he has a cup poured for both of us on the counter and he’s usually already on the porch or moving through the kitchen doing something.
We just exist in the little moments together for a little while before the day requires anything from us.
I never knew how much I needed that in the mornings until I had it.
Duke has decided we are both equally his and divides his time and affection between us.
In the morning he’s mine, and in the evening he’s Ledgar’s, and somewhere in between he belongs to whoever will throw the bumper.
We’ve kept our distance from each other but there are moments small and charged and impossible to escape.
Like when the kitchen gets too small or the porch gets too quiet and the space between us electrifies with everything neither of us is ready to say yet. And he’s a pro at those moments.
I come down the hall and he’s moving slower than usual and there are creases on his face that have nothing to do with sleep and everything to do with the piece of furniture Duke has taken refuge on every night.
I lean against the kitchen counter with my arms crossed and look at him. “You look terrible,” I say.
“Good morning to you too.”
“How much of the couch are you actually getting?”
He pours my coffee like he does every morning and sets it on the counter, followed by my favorite creamer. “Enough.”
“Duke disagrees,” I say, looking down at Duke who is nudging my leg for me to pet him. He looks at me then at the dog and huffs a sigh. “You can sleep in the bed,” I say flatly.
“It’s your bed, and I’m not going to have you destroying your back on that couch.” He turns and looks at me. “You are not sleeping on the couch,” he protests.
“No, I’m not. And I’m not negotiating this with you.
” I pick up my mug. “It’s no big deal. It’s a huge bed and there is an entire side empty.
Just sleep in it.” He watches me for a second, trying to read me the way he always has and find out if I’m telling the truth or not.
That night he waits until I’m asleep before slipping in.
I know because I’m not all the way there when I feel the other side of the bed dip with his weight.
He stays on his side, not once reaching for me, and I lie there on my side with my eyes closed, secretly hoping he would just pull me to him already, but I let it be and eventually fall asleep.
The next several days we continue the same ole routine.
I wake up and go get my coffee and we don’t speak about anything.
He goes on with his day like he has before I even got here.
Some days he stays in the office down the hall almost all day long, and I don’t bother asking what he does.
Each and every night he waits until I’m asleep before he slides in next to me and every morning I wake up alone, until this morning.
At some point in the night I must have said fuck it because I’m currently tucked against his side, my head on his chest, one of my legs thrown over his, and his arm wrapped around me.
Duke is curled at the very end at our feet, and it’s the most comfortable I have been in longer than I can remember.
I can tell he’s still asleep because his breathing is slow and steady and his chest is warm under my cheek.
I lie there for a moment in the early light and I am honest enough with myself to admit that this is exactly where I want to be.
I close my eyes and just lie there and let myself revel in the warmth of his body against mine for a few minutes.
When I open my eyes again, he’s gone, but his side of the bed is still warm.
I can hear him in the kitchen, the quiet sounds of the coffee maker and his boots on the floor, and I lie there in the warm space he left and stare at the ceiling thinking about how he woke up tangled with me and quietly removed himself before I get up and go get my coffee and let the morning start the way it has been and smile softly to myself realizing that a small piece of me wants this.