Chapter 53
Payson
When I open my eyes, I immediately sense that something is wrong.
I sit up and see Duke at the foot of the bed, which means Ledgar put him here before he left.
He usually tells me where he’s going if he leaves during the day, but I don’t recall him waking me up to tell me he was going somewhere.
I am out of bed and down the hall before I can think clearly.
The morning he left six years ago is fresh on my mind as I search the kitchen and porch to find them both empty and his truck gone.
Every wall I have built up comes crashing down at the same time.
I’m standing in the middle of his living room in his favorite T-shirt I like to wear to bed, trembling and pissed at the same time.
I physically and emotionally can’t go through this again.
The front door opens and Ledgar walks through holding a brown paper bag, some coffee, and an envelope tucked under his arm.
He looks at me and everything quickly goes on the entry table in one swift motion before he’s crossing the room to me.
His hands reach up to cup my face and tilt it up to meet his.
“Hey. Hey. I’m right here,” he whispers low, kissing my head.
“You were gone,” I hiccup, causing tears to fall one after the other. “Your truck was gone. You didn’t leave a note, nothing. I woke up and the house was empty. I panicked.” My fingers curl against his shirt. “It was like…”
“I know what you thought,” he says, cutting me off.
“I just went to town to get the envelope Griffith sent and got you those pastries from the bakery you looked at a couple weeks ago when we drove through. I didn’t want to wake you because it was really early and you were sleeping so peacefully.
I’m so sorry, baby,” he says, kissing my head again, pulling me into him.
“That is entirely on me. I should have left a note, sent you a text.”
“Don’t do that again.” My words come out quiet and vulnerable. “Please don’t do that to me again.”
“I won’t. I promise you I won’t.” He pulls me in tighter wrapping both arms around me and holds me like I need to be held right now.
“Listen to me,” he says, pulling back a little where his mouth is just above my ear.
“I am not going anywhere. I would never do that to you again.” He pulls back enough to look at me, grabbing my face in his hands.
“But Payson, you have to trust that for yourself. If you can’t trust that, trust me, you will never be able to let go of the past.” He pauses for a second wiping away my tears.
“And if you can’t let go of the past…you will never fully forgive me and I need you to forgive me.
” He kisses me softly. “Not for me, but for you.” I look him in the eyes, my heart still beating nearly out of my chest and my eyes wet with tears, and I believe every word he is saying.
“I’m trying,” I whisper.
“I know you are.” He presses his lips to mine, holding them there for a moment. “I know.”
He releases me and walks back to the table he dropped everything on and grabs the envelope.
He holds it out to me and I willingly accept it.
My name is written across the front in handwriting I don’t recognize.
“I can stay with you while you read it,” he says.
“Or I can make myself scarce. Whatever you need.”
“Stay,” I reply. “Read it with me.”