Chapter 18
Gus
I’d been about to run after Seb to check if he was all right when someone shouted “Now!” and I was grabbed from behind by strong arms. Hard fingers dug into my upper arms and dragged me from my chair, which tipped over behind me.
I struggled as best as I could, but I soon learned why it was fruitless.
The hands holding me in an iron grip belonged to two other alphas.
I looked from side to side, and apologetic eyes stared back at me from stoic faces.
“Sorry,” one of the guards mumbled as they started leading me out of the dining room and down the hallway.
At the end, Seb’s royal advisors were waiting for me just as I’d expected.
They might find me ‘daft as a brush,’ but I had enough sense to know what was happening.
The time I’d dreaded more than anything ever since Seb’s heat ended had arrived.
The realization was bittersweet, and my heart couldn’t decide how it felt.
Loss, of course, because I couldn’t imagine being away from Seb.
But also overwhelming happiness unlike anything else I’d ever felt.
This intervention, or whatever it was, could only mean one thing: Seb was carrying my child, my baby.
“I know it’s time,” I whispered, slumping my shoulders as we reached the advisors. “This wasn’t necessary, you know. You could’ve at least let me say goodbye to him.”
The truth was written all over their faces. He wouldn’t have let you go.
I nodded, sighing. I didn’t want to make this any harder than it already was. I wasn’t going to prove them right and act with aggression and rage, although I wanted to roar and fight and explode with anger and pain.
“Your job here is done, farmer,” Clive seethed. “You’ve outstayed your welcome, and it’s time for you to go home.”
Home. My heart clenched with longing. How foolish they were despite their important roles and stuck-up demeanor.
Didn’t they know that my king was my home now?
That Seb and our baby were now my sole reason for breathing, for existing?
Didn’t they know anything about us alphas?
About our loyalty and fierce protectiveness of those we loved?
They think you aren’t able to love, a sad voice spoke inside. They think you’re a heartless monster.
“Stop! What are you doing?” Elias came storming down the hallway, panic written all over his face. “What’s going on?” He looked between his father and me.
“The king is with child,” Elias’ father spoke, his voice flat. “Alpha Gus will be leaving us now.”
“Does the king know about this?!” Elias offered me a weak smile.
“Yes, the king knows,” one of the other advisors said.
“We only ever act on the king’s orders.” Liars.
All of them. But I had no energy left to argue with them.
My heart was already breaking into a million pieces, and I was barely holding it together.
I wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of seeing me crumble.
Elias narrowed his eyes, pointing a shaky finger at his father. “I don’t believe you!”
“I don’t care if you do! You will stay out of this, Elias, or your precious guard will find work elsewhere outside of these palace walls!” Elias paled at his father’s words and wrapped his arms around himself in evident despair.
“I’m sorry, Gus,” he mouthed at me as tears trailed down his cheeks. “So very sorry.”
“It’s all right,” I assured him, seeing a kindred spirit in Elias. He would do anything for the people he loved. “Promise me you’ll be there for Seb. He’ll need you now.”
Elias nodded furiously, tears clinging to his eyelashes. “I will. You have my word, Gus. I promise.” I knew he would.
“Thank you,” I said, then glared at Elias’ father. “Then I’m ready.” He smirked at me, his eyes beaming with victory, and then the guards led me away. Away from my king, my home, my heart.
I woke to the sound of birdsong, but for the first time in my life, their happy voices brought me no joy.
I arrived late last night. The royal carriage had dropped me off at the road leading down to the main estate, and when I was halfway down the road, my feet as heavy as my heart, I saw a moving light coming toward me.
I soon realized it was a lantern swinging from side to side, and then I heard his familiar voice.
“Gus! Gus, is it really you?” Hal. I fell to my knees right then and there, as what was left of my strength left me. I’d tried so hard to keep it together during the ride, but now I finally allowed myself to fall apart. When Hal reached me, I was slumped over, sobbing into my hands.
“Gus! Gus! What have they done to you? Did they hurt you?” Hal fell to his knees next to me and wrapped my trembling body in a fierce hug.
“It’s okay, Gus. You’re home now. I’ll take care of you.
” He wiped my hair out of my eyes and searched my face, but I couldn’t look him in the eye.
I was not yet ready for him to see the extent of my brokenness.
Like I was a fragile child, Hal helped me to my feet and led me back to our cabin, while murmuring words of reassurance.
He helped me undress and then tucked me in while continuing to stroke my hair until I finally gave in to a restless sleep.
I dreamt of Seb. The dream was chaotic, with Seb running down the hallways of the palace, calling out my name again and again, his face blotchy from crying.
I sat up in bed and stretched my arms above my head. I needed to get something to eat, although my stomach roiled at the thought. I couldn’t work the farm on an empty stomach, and I was sure there was plenty for me to start on, now that winter was fast approaching.
As I entered the kitchen, Lord Willoughby, who was reading a book at the table, stood quickly and rushed toward me.
“Gus! Hal told me you were back.” He squeezed my shoulder and smiled at me, the lines at the corners of his eyes crinkling. “I’m glad. We’ve missed you.”
“I missed you, too,” I croaked, as bile rose in my throat.
Missed. The word would never carry the same meaning ever again.
Now that I’d met and lost Seb, I knew the true meaning of the word and the heartache it implied.
I offered him a small smile. “But it’s good to be home,” I lied.
“And I’m ready to work now, so just tell me what needs doing. ”
“Oh, Gus. I see you haven’t changed one bit,” Lord Willoughby chuckled, patting my shoulder.
“Good ol’ dependable Gus.” If only he knew how I’d changed.
“But you will not be working today.” I was about to object as he held up his hand.
“Allow yourself to settle back in. Take a day for yourself. Eat.” He nodded at the table, which was filled with cheese, sausage, freshly baked bread, and milk.
“Then tomorrow you can show me just how much you’ve missed the farm. ” He winked, then left the room.
After I’d forced myself to eat something, I strolled about aimlessly until I reached the pond.
Ducks floated contentedly on the water, the surface rippling in the sunlight.
A couple of frogs croaked in the grass along the bank.
I sat down, my body heavy, my soul restless.
I ached for Seb with every fiber of my being.
The advisors had probably thought that by taking me away, they could break the bond that had formed between Seb and me.
But the bond was as strong as ever, and it felt like I was bleeding internally.
I missed him so much, and I couldn’t help but wonder how he’d reacted when he’d found out I was gone.
At least, Elias would be able to tell him I hadn’t just left on my own, but that I’d been forced to leave.
“There you are,” a gentle voice spoke behind me, and when I looked up, I found Hal smiling down at me, a worried frown between his eyebrows. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“Oh, what is it?” I attempted a smile back, but it soon died.
“I just wanted to see if you were feeling any better.” Hal dropped next to me and tucked his knees against his chest as he peered out at the water.
“I’m okay. Just tired from the long trip.”
“And I’m the king of Thyriel.” He bumped his shoulder against mine. “You don’t have to pretend with me, Gus. I know you better than anyone, remember?”
I sighed. “Thyriel? Not Nornmere?” They were both neighboring kingdoms and were known for their immense power and wealth. Luckily, we hadn’t been at war with any of them for nearly a century.
“Thyriel has a better army,” Hal mused, and I couldn’t help laughing, recalling how he’d always dreamed of becoming a soldier when we were in our teens. “So, what’s with the face?” He narrowed his eyes at me.
“Nothing.”
“So I guess the rumors are true then?” He wove his fingers through the grass.
“What rumors?” He suddenly had my full attention. Was there any news from the palace? Was Seb all right?
“That the king is fair and kind but doesn’t let anyone close.”
“Oh.” My body relaxed some. It had been true in the beginning, when Seb had been very guarded around me and kept his distance. But it was no longer so. Before I’d been forced to leave, we’d been as close as I imagined two souls could ever be.
When I made no attempt to say more, Hal asked, “Was it hard being at the palace?”
“In some ways, yes. It’s very different from here. But after a while… It was okay.” It was everything.
“Just okay?” I felt Hal’s gaze on me as he seemed to see right through me.
I turned toward him, and as soon as my eyes met Hal’s, all pretense vanished into thin air. My bottom lip trembled as I tried to swallow back my tears, but it was all in vain, and soon fat tears trailed down my cheeks.
“Oh, Gus,” Hal cooed as he wrapped his arms around me. “Whatever it is, it’ll be okay. In time, everything will be okay again.” Only it wouldn’t. Deep in my soul, I knew nothing would ever be okay again. Not when Seb was not by my side. Not when I wouldn’t be there for the birth of our son.
“It won’t, Hal,” I hiccupped. “It’s all… Everything’s such a mess.”
“We’ll fix it. Whatever it is, we’ll fix it. Together. Just like we always have.”
Easing away from him, I blinked my tears away. Hal stared at me, and I think he saw something in my eyes he’d never seen before. “Oh, shit,” he mumbled. “Oh shit, Gus. You…” He tilted his head, and I nodded. “You… have you developed feelings for him? For the king?”
“Not just feelings, Hal,” I rasped, wiping at my eyes. “I love him, Hal. And I think he loves me. And now it’s all… I’ll never see him again.” I threw myself against Hal and sobbed all my anguish into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight.
“I wish it weren’t like this,” he whispered. “I wish our world were different.” I’d never heard Hal speak such words before. I’d never heard him question the world we lived in. But then again, neither had I before I’d met Seb. He’d made me question everything.
“I wish that too. So badly.”
“Maybe one day, my friend. Maybe one day it will be.”