Chapter 21
Sebastian
“What are you doing out here?!” Briar called, running toward me, his blond curls flying around his face.
I sat on one of the benches in the garden, enjoying the peace. No one was outside during the winter, so I found my escape in the cold. I rarely noticed it anymore, though, my body so numb that not even the harsh winter air seemed to affect me.
“I just needed some fresh air,” I lied smoothly.
Briar huffed and sat down next to me. The small omega was shivering even with his huge coat on. I was constantly overheating, which was normal during pregnancy, according to my book, but not even the hot flashes seemed to affect me; nothing truly did anymore. I was merely surviving.
“Is it my father again?” Briar asked, his tone sad.
Clive wasn’t my favorite advisor at the moment, and I hated that Briar had to witness just how nasty his father could be.
I was too tired and drained to truly put up a fight against them, so when they’d made a fuss over not being able to fire my employees anymore, I’d asked them instead to make me reports to justify why a certain palace worker should be let go.
I regretted it the moment I received all their bickering complaints in written notes on my desk.
“Not just him,” I sighed deeply. “They’re old-fashioned and fail to see that the world around them is changing.”
“But isn’t change good?”
I smiled. “I think so. Without change, we remain the same, and I, for one, want to become a better version of myself.”
“I do, too,” Briar agreed.
“Are they looking for me?”
Briar shook his head. “No, but they will soon. Nicholai is actively looking for the next alpha to breed Elias.”
I sucked in a breath. “Elias’ son hasn’t even celebrated his first birthday yet!”
Briar only nodded in agreement, a sad look on his face as he stared down at the snow-covered ground. “Elias is hiding in his room.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t let them force him into another pregnancy.”
Why Nicholai even thought it necessary was another thing.
Elias had told me about his alpha and that he trusted him.
He’d also mentioned that his father had threatened to fire him, and yes, he was one of the alphas they tried to fire, but I’d rejected each of their attempts.
Was this a punishment for Elias? Or for his alpha? Because they’d gotten too close?
“Go inside and get warm,” I ordered gently. “I just need to read three more pages, and then I’ll find Elias.”
“Okay,” Briar agreed and hurried down the snow-covered trail. I smiled regretfully as I opened my father’s old journal again. I was pleased I’d allowed Briar to forego my title and talk to me like an equal, since it felt…nice to be addressed by name and not as the king.
December 21st
Father just left to find my alpha. The future alpha father of the heir.
My future son. It pains me to admit that I stayed inside my chambers and filled my stomach with nothing but wine.
I was nervous. Father had announced he’d find an alpha who lived far enough away to not be a bother when the deed is done, which means Father will be gone for a while.
I should be overjoyed, but instead, I was left shaking on the bathroom floor, my mind a worried mess and my heart aching with fear and trepidation.
I will soon carry an heir. The magic will be passed on to my son, the next generation.
Or, as I’ve come to view it over the years, the curse that was handed to me at birth will now be forced on another poor, innocent child.
I took a shaky breath as I realized I was in the same situation as my father. Only this time, I would be cursing two children. The babies kicked in my stomach, and I rubbed my belly. Would they carry the burden together, or would one be the less fortunate, the cursed one?
I’d been overjoyed a few weeks ago when the doctor had proudly announced that I carried twins.
Gus filling me with his precious seed was not something I wanted to recall while my doctor looked me over, but how could I not think of Gus when he owned my heart and parts of him literally grew in my belly.
Our connection had been so powerful, it had resulted in not just one child but two.
I continued reading.
January 30th
Lany is… fun. He’s handsome and shy. Not at all like the alpha I’d feared would breed me.
Father even left us alone to get to know each other, which was unexpected and freeing.
I’m sitting here with a dopey smile on my face, all because of Lany and how he makes me feel.
Now I can’t wait for my heat to come. I feel almost giddy.
March 25th
I am with child, and Lany is nowhere to be found.
I’m dying to tell him. To let him know I’ll cherish this child, his son, forever.
But Father… I fear Father has taken him away from me already.
It’s too soon. I need more time with him, although I fear all the time in the world would never be enough.
I wiped the tears away from my face as I realized I only had one passage left, and that the rest of the pages were left blank. I swallowed my unease as I read the last part.
September 1st
My heir is now eighteen, and I trust Sebastian enough to carry on with my magic.
Not Father’s, but mine. Last year, when Father passed away, I was terrified to use my magic on our world.
It had never been possible for me to get it right—at least, that was what Father never failed to remind me.
Last year, I faked it. I pretended to use my magic to do whatever it was Father had done for so many years, praying to the gods that no one would notice and that it would somehow uphold the order in our world.
I know the truth, though. I never inherited my father’s magic. It’s not real.
Alphas aren’t dangerous. And I intend to prove it.
I want to free all alphas from fearing themselves and the lie that they are harmful to us omegas.
I want omegas to trust them again. I want our world to be a better place.
I just need my Lany here with me when I do.
Once Lany is back home with me, I’ll introduce Sebastian to his alpha father.
I’ll make us a family. The family we should’ve always been.
Then I’ll refuse to do the yearly ceremony, proving to everyone that alphas aren’t dangerous.
That it was just my father and his anger that held them down, forcing them to be docile when they weren’t a danger to anyone.
I leave tonight. I only know a little of where Lany lives, and it has been nineteen years since I last saw him, but my heart left with him.
I need my heart back. All those heats spent alone because I couldn’t stomach another alpha’s touch.
It will all soon be over, and my love and I will be reunited.
Sebastian will be told that I have royal matters to tend to overseas. I won’t tell him the truth until Lany is beside me. Then we’ll tell him together, and we’ll be a family.
I closed the journal with a slap, my heart pounding, my hands sweaty with nerves and excitement, but also sadness.
So much devastating sadness. My father had fallen for his alpha, too, but their story had ended in tragedy.
Did my father ever find Lany? Had my father made it, and they’d passed away together, or had he perished at sea like I’d been told?
Unlike my father, I still had a chance to make things right, but could I truly trust his words? I wasn’t alive back when my grandfather’s magic was forced upon the alphas for the first time. I didn’t know what life was like before. I only knew what my grandfather had told me.
Closing my eyes, I recalled the sunny day on the balcony when my father first showed me how the magic worked.
Our people were there, cheering in the distance, as Father whispered to me what he was doing.
He told me to reach inside myself, to let the well of love I had for everyone, for our people, spill over.
And to let that love guide my magic. ‘Inhale, then exhale,’ he’d said, and that was how it was done.
I’d always imagined the ceremony to be more complicated and spectacular, but there was no obvious sign of the ritual being done or when it was completed.
I remember asking my father why the magic wasn’t visible and how I would know whether I’d done it right.
He’d just smiled at me and told me that if he could do it, then so could I.
He hadn’t performed the actual ritual that day, only showed me how it was done, and allowed our people to watch me learn.
But now I wondered if he already knew then that the magic wasn’t real and if the ‘rehearsal’ was just his way of ensuring I trusted myself enough before he left.
He didn’t want me to doubt myself like Grandfather had made him do.
Father had given me this final gift because he likely knew it would take him some time to find Lany.
If only I’d known how important that lesson would become.
Rubbing my temples, the knowledge and heartache all mixed together in a blur. I needed to get my thoughts together. I needed someone who wouldn’t lie to me. I needed Elias.
Elias and Briar gaped at me wide-eyed as I read aloud from my father’s journal.
“And that was the last passage,” I declared, closing the journal. I was a teary mess, and so were they as we took in this new information.
“I knew it,” Elias whispered. “Garreth is the kindest person ever. I even trust him with Everian.”
Nodding, I carefully sat down on my bed with them, my stomach now so big I couldn’t move around as easily.
“I feel the same way about Gus,” I admitted. “But how can we make others believe it too?”
“Do you think our fathers know?” Briar asked Elias carefully.
“I doubt it. Why would they keep it a secret? It’s not like life is perfect without alphas around. I think everyone would love it if we could all live in harmony,” Elias replied.