Chapter 20
Gus
The grass was covered in a fine layer of frost in the mornings now, and winter was just around the corner.
There was a bite in the air throughout the day, a promise that snow would soon bury the landscape under a white carpet.
I used to love winter, but now the change in weather was just a cruel reminder that another season without Seb was waiting for me.
I couldn’t believe it had been two months now since they’d taken me away from Seb, from my heart.
I had no idea how I would’ve made it if it weren’t for Hal.
Like a loyal companion to a dying man, Hal was by my side at all hours of the day, and he was there when I woke in the middle of the night, too, tossing in my bed, calling out for Seb.
Hal was my guardian angel, and some days I thought I only breathed because he told me to.
‘Breathe, Gus. Just one breath at a time. Then one hour, then a day.’ He stroked my arms in soothing movements as his brown gaze locked onto mine. ‘I have a good feeling about this. Like a… what’s it called?’
‘A premonition?’ I croaked. Seb had told me what the word meant once when a chill had swept through his chambers as we lay tangled together in his bed.
He had shivered in my arms, and when I’d asked him what was wrong, he’d said he’d had an odd premonition.
As always, I’d had no clue what my clever little omega was talking about, but Seb had been patient with me, explaining the meaning in words I understood.
‘Maybe,’ Hal squinted at me. ‘I just have a feeling that everything will be all right in the end. Not just for you and your king, but perhaps for all of us.’
Gods, Hal was such an old, wise soul at times.
When people looked at him, they just saw a big, strong alpha who could throw a massive hay bale through the air or plow a field with the strength of an ox, but there was so much more to Hal.
I prayed every day that he was right. That everything would be all right in the end, but with every passing day, my hope dwindled just a little more.
“Look what I found!” Hal beamed at me, holding up an oil lamp in front of me. It was market day, and usually one of my favorite days of the year. I would sell my figurines, and then I’d track down every honey vendor and spend every last coin on precious honey.
Forcing a smile on my face, I nodded in appreciation. “It’s beautiful. Expensive?”
“Nah,” Hal shook his head, smiling broadly. “I traded it for one of my pieces.” He beamed with pride. Hal painted in his pastime. Stunning landscape paintings. I wasn’t surprised that he’d traded one for this precious oil lamp.
“Which one?” I asked.
“The black sun one.”
I nodded. I loved that one. I’d been with Hal that day a couple of years ago.
We’d just finished the day’s work and were resting in the field when the sky transformed above our heads.
Thousands upon thousands of starlings had gathered in a large black cloud covering the sun.
‘Look at them,’ Hal had pointed toward the sky.
‘So beautiful, so free.’ Free. Before Seb, I’d thought I was free, but now I knew it was an illusion.
I was like a caged beast, prowling from side to side, purely surviving on instinct alone.
“Wanna go look for a honey vendor?”
“Sure,” I shrugged, but the excitement from previous years failed to appear. The truth was that nothing could excite me anymore, not even a black sun or the promise of honey.
As I trailed after Hal, he chit-chatted like always, trying to keep my mind off Seb. I loved him for it and replied as best as I could. I picked up a few jars of honey here and there, dropping them into the linen sack tossed over my shoulder.
“This way!” Hal tugged at my sleeve. “I heard there’s a new vendor in town.
” I could tell he was lying, but I appreciated what he was trying to do.
He could probably tell I was close to losing it, and no one wanted an out-of-control alpha at a cozy market where there were also omega families with children.
Most of all, I just wanted to drench myself in honey, then run out into a field and let the killer bees eat me alive until there was nothing but a pile of bones left.
Where were those killer bees when you needed them anyway?
‘There’s no such thing as killer bees,’ Seb had giggled when I’d told him the story of how his advisors had found me. ‘You know that, right?’
‘Those were killer bees,’ I’d insisted, biting into his plump bottom lip. ‘I tell you, they were mean and wanted to steal my honey.’
‘You know it’s actually their honey, don’t you? You were stealing their honey, Gus.’
‘Doesn’t matter,’ I’d growled as I’d scooted down Seb’s naked body.
‘I don’t need honey anymore. Not when I have the sweetest nectar right here,’ I’d hummed, right before I’d speared Seb’s hole with the tip of my tongue.
He’d screamed with pleasure, and some days, if I tried really hard, I could still hear it—the sound of his voice in the throes of passion—as it echoed through my body.
A squeal tore through the crowd, interrupting my thoughts, and a small child ran past me, eyes beaming with excitement.
I turned to see what had caught the child’s attention, and then I paled.
It was a vendor selling children’s toys.
Teddy bears, spinners, dolls, farm animals, dragons.
Everything a child could desire was displayed on the table in the middle of the stand.
My heart dropped as I took in the joyous children.
Some of them were maybe eight or nine, while others were toddlers, unsteady on their small legs.
A young omega father was bouncing a baby in his arms while an older child was pulling at his coat. “Look, Daddy! Look at the dragon!”
An unprecedented kind of pain coursed through my body at the small family.
There was no alpha father, of course, just like my child would never know me.
And still, they looked happy. They looked like a family.
It was as if my own future was staring back at me.
There was no need for me. Seb would go on, raising our child without me, and in time, he would be just as happy as the young omega in front of me was. Without me.
“Come on, Gus,” Hal pulled at my sleeve, his voice tinged with compassion.
“Let’s go.” I nodded and followed him silently.
Was it always going to be like this? Would my heart continue to break and break until there was nothing left but an empty shell of a person?
Could one die from a broken heart? If you could, then I would be a candidate.
“I’m sorry,” Hal murmured.
“For what? It’s not your fault that the world is the way it is.”
“I know. But I still feel for you, my friend.”
“Thank you.”
“I just hope no one ever comes for me. I’d rather not go through what you are, Gus.” I nodded, but my heart, or what was left of it, disagreed. I’d go through it again. A hundred times if I had to, just for those few precious days with my Seb.
Late afternoon was spilling into early evening, and soon the market would close.
It was getting colder, and the vendors called out with tempting discounts to get rid of the rest of their stock.
The sun dipped in the sky, and the vendors’ horses grew impatient, eager to get home to their warm stables.
“I’ll just pop in to say hello to Alby before we leave.
” Hal nodded toward a stand that sold hot chocolate and cardamom buns.
Alby was an alpha from the neighboring farm, which we’d grown close to over the years.
“You wanna come?” When I shook my head, Hal frowned at me.
“Will you be okay? I won’t be long, and then I’ll meet you by the horses. ”
“I’ll be fine. Say hello to Alby for me.”
I sighed when I was finally alone. I loved Hal, but sometimes it was easier to be on my own, where I didn’t have to pretend.
I wandered about, the crowd thinning as people left for the day.
Laughter engulfed me as old friends met up for a glass of wine and a chat.
My feet carried me aimlessly around the market, my eyes unseeing right until I registered the outline of a slender figure a few feet in front of me.
My heart did a flip as recognition tore through me.
Seb. How was he even here? I looked around, but there was no sign of his guards, and yet, I was almost certain it was him.
My stomach dropped as the figure disappeared around a corner, and I hastened my steps, then started running.
Relief coursed through me as I saw him further down a narrow lane.
“Seb!” I called out as people around me moved to the side. “Seb! It’s me, Gus! Wait! Wait for me!”
The lone figure continued to move, and just as he was about to make another turn, I caught up with him. Reaching out, I grabbed his shoulder, and he froze like he’d been struck by lightning. Spinning him around, my heart rejoiced with unfathomable happiness. He’d come for me, my king! He was here!
The face of a stranger stared back at me, a mix of fear and annoyance displayed in his eyes. Which were not sea green but gray. And the hair that spilled out from under his hood was not dark brown but a deep ginger.
“What are you doing?!” The stranger seethed, and I pulled back my hand as I recoiled, whispering, “I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t…”
“Get away from me, Alpha!” the young omega yelled, and I noticed we were starting to draw a crowd.
“I’m sorry,” I spoke a little louder this time. “I didn’t mean any harm. I just… I thought you were someone else.” I took another step backwards as I held up my hands apologetically. “I thought you were…”
The young omega seemed to relax a little. Tilting his head, he narrowed his eyes. “Are you all right, Alpha?” His soft voice was devoid of any kind of anger now, all accusations gone.
“I… I…” I stammered as I continued to move backwards.
“What’s wrong with him?” A person muttered in the crowd.
“Are you lost?” The omega stepped forward, holding out his hand. I shook my head frantically, although he couldn’t have been more right. I was lost. So completely and utterly lost.
“Careful!” someone in the cloud called out. “You can’t trust an alpha!”
The omega didn’t seem to listen as he continued to study my face. “Are you hurt?”
Yes! I wanted to scream. Yes, I’m hurt. Hurting. I’ve lost my heart, my love, my person. But instead, I just shook my head, until I bumped into something hard and a pair of strong arms wrapped around me from behind.
“It’s okay, Gus,” Hal soothed. “I’m here. I’m sorry I left you. Let’s go home.” My legs nearly gave way underneath me with relief. Hal.
“Is your friend all right?” The omega asked Hal, worry evident in his voice.
“He will be. Thank you, sir. I’m sorry for any inconvenience. My friend meant no harm, sir.”
“Very well.”
“Come on, Gus. Let’s go home.” Hal squeezed me tighter, but his words carried no comfort.
Home. When they’d first taken me away to the palace, I’d wanted nothing more than to go home to the farm, to Hal.
But now the word had lost its meaning. I had no home.
I had no home without him, without my Seb.