Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Isabella
6 YEARS AGO - A PERFECT DAY
Today marks three weeks without Travis coming back home, and I already miss everything about him. His face, his voice, his kissable lips, and his arms wrapped around me in hopes of never letting me go. I miss this guy so much that I physically can’t breathe. Two years of commitment does that to a person.
Since the day I started despising his mother, he’s come home from school around twice. He’d even missed our second anniversary because of pockets of assignments at school, which I understand. I love how passionate he is about things he loves to do. It’s one of his best qualities. I can never argue with that.
But I can’t take it anymore. I must see him. No one had told me how hard it was to be deprived of one’s touch. Not like this, at least. And because of that, I decided to dedicate my Saturday to a spontaneous visit to his campus. Based on his schedule, he’s supposed to be locked up in his dorm right now, and probably for the rest of the day. A perfect day.
My toes delicately step on the floor as I walk out of my room, holding my white sneakers in my right hand and my phone and bag in the other. At six in the morning, you bet I wouldn’t want my mother to catch me sneaking off to see my boyfriend. The same boyfriend coming home next week for summer break. Yeah, that’ll earn me weeks of solitary if I was to get caught and I want to avoid that as much as I can.
The door is right there, feet away from me. All I have to do is get down the last step and sprint right towards it.
I heavily breathe out as soon as I get down the stairs, glad and relieved that the most troublesome part is done. Just as I approach the main door, a grumble takes me in a whip. Fuck . I turn to see a corpse-like Felice Kirby on the couch, facing the television. My eyes shut as I feel stupid for not remembering my mother’s ritual. Every Friday night after work, she stays downstairs to watch every TV show she’d missed out on during the weekdays. Usually, I join her, but since I already knew what my weekend was going to be like, I went to bed early.
She rolls on her body as she stretches, leaving me paralyzed by the door. I am so close to escaping. Way too close for my efforts to go to waste. I didn’t get up super early to pumper myself for a boy, only to be sent back without seeing the daylight.
I slowly twist the knob while still observing the situation in the living room. Thankfully, no other sound or movements come from her and I open the door. As soon as the door opened and a gust of wind brushed against my skin, I bolt out of there as if I am being pursued by a monster. I quickly put on my sneakers a few yards away, and start running to hail a car on the main road.
The disadvantage of being as lazy as I am is that I still don’t know how to drive. And no driving skills equals no car, which resumes me acting like a hustler on the streets my mother raised me on. Yeah, all for a fucking boy. What’s gotten into me?
After a long twenty minutes of straightening my arm at passing cars, someone finally stops. My body immediately loosens up as I bend to look at the driver and it’s a young woman. Maybe two years older than me, at most. Perfect indeed.
Her wavy caramel-kissed hair falls on her face, but not enough to shield her eyes. Even from my distance, I can see those glossy grey pupils piercing my skull. No one should be looking this good this early in the morning. Poignant rose blush on cheeks, thin dots of freckles underneath the eyes, and flashy transparent gloss on the lips. No one.
“Could you please take me to Hawthorn?” I ask with a smile lined up on my face as I stare at such beauty.
“The academy?” she confidently speaks, and I can tell she’s earned a lot of admiration in her life. Her gravelly tone, in combination with her stance, supports my assumption of her. She places her right arm behind the passenger’s seat while her other hand is on the steering wheel, establishing dominance and control.
“What a coincidence. I’m headed there right now.” I hear a click from the door. “Get in.”
I don’t lose a second before opening the door. What were the chances that of all the people I could’ve stopped, I got a girl going to the same destination as me? This is far from a perfect day. It’s special. And it would be ten times more when I see Travis.
“I’ve never seen you on campus before. What do you major in?” she asks as soon as we drive off.
“I—I don’t go there, actually,” I stutter. “But my boyfriend does. He’s majoring in arts and I’m going there to visit him.”
“Oh, wow! I also major in arts. Maybe we know each other.” She beams, and I hear the excitement in her voice. “How lucky,” she mutters. I make a sound from my throat, asking for an insight into what that means. She chuckles. “He’s lucky to have someone who could go the distance for him.”
I smile, adding nothing to her words.
“So, what’s he like? The lucky boy,” she continues, and I turn my head towards her. “Sorry, am I being too invasive? I just wanted to make conversation.” She goes back and forth from the road to me and her hair winds back from the breeze.
“No, not all. I’m fine talking about him. He’s a good guy.” I stop at that. A lengthy silence overwhelms us and I detect she wants more. So, I pick back up. “Well, he treats me very well, cares for me and my needs, and every time I look at him, I realize how insanely perfect he is.”
She sighs. “No man is perfect.”
“No, but a man can strive to be. And so far, I think he’s close. He’s hardworking, romantic, and…”
“I guess you’re the lucky one,” she jokes, but I agree.
“I am. So Lucky. I haven’t seen him in weeks and look at me, running off to him. Only a good guy deserves that much from a girl. Don’t you think?”
She chuckles, looking into the distance. “That, I do.”
I hesitate to continue the conversation, but then a subtle smile draws on her face and I go for it. “What about you? Do you have your good guy?”
“No, but I know one who’s already taken.”
“Oh, that’s unfortunate. That’s the thing. They’re so rare, but when you notice one, they’re already singled out,” I say. She laughs with some type of longing lingering on her face. I don’t point it out and we drive the rest of the way with nothing but the songs being played on the dash stereo.
Four long hours later, she stops on the side of the road, a few steps from the campus. I quickly get out, not wanting to push too much on her kindness.
“Thank you so much for the ride,” I say as she gets out as well.
“It was my pleasure. Have fun with your boyfriend.” She winks and I smile. A kind person such as her is rare and I wish her the best, both in her life and romantically.
I wave her goodbye as I head towards the main gate. Fields of grass with walkways in between welcome me as I step foot in. It’s so immense and luxurious that I could fit two humongous mansions on it, among the already-built campus at the far end. I think Travis forgot to mention how huge his school was, but then again, from this part of town, it’s expected.
Golden street lights that are three times my height and wooden benches trace the sides of the walkway as I stroll down, passing by students. It’s past ten in the morning but the sun is already bright up, hitting the main, tall, silvery building a few feet away from me.
“Excuse me, could you please tell me where I can find the dorms?” I rush in front of a girl holding two massive books in her hand. I might have been too aggressive as she stumbles back on her feet.
“Oh, yeah. That way, right behind the tall building. You’ll easily spot it,” she says, pointing at the left side of said building.
“Thank you,” I say.
My heart races as I get closer. It’s not as if it’s the first time I’m going to see Travis or anything, so why am I nervous? I’ll knock, he’ll be there, we’ll catch up, and everything will go back to normal.
Normal!
That’s the one word occupying my brain at the moment. It’s funny thinking about how I characterize it for both of us.
A part of me is here because I miss him very much, but the other part is also here to confirm a few things. Being away from him this long, and not seeing him that much, has opened up a few thoughts, not to say the least. And with every second I spend away from him, his mother’s words strike me like thunder, flooding me with unreasonable doubts about us and more.
I guess what I’m really looking for coming here is stability, security, and reassurance that we’re strong enough together and that her words don’t define us.
It’s true that things could’ve been sorted out earlier if only I had told him about his mother, but I refrained myself from doing so. For months and in those two times we saw each other, I avoided every conversation concerning Libby. It was easy to do so since Travis was the one to come to my place and not the other way around. Time went on, phone calls and text messages faded and at some point, it became too distant to bring it up. He loves his mom so much that it only made sense for me to keep things to myself. Who was I to talk ill of her to him?
Now, all I need to do is keep that fire burning between us and prove her wrong. All of that while keeping him in the dark.
I remember him once telling me he was on the fourth floor of the building, so I immediately went for it as I pressed the button on the lift. Room 406. I stand in front of it, my knuckles trembling as I form a fist to knock on the door.
It takes a few seconds and deep breaths before I finally do so. Once, twice, then a third time before the door pulls open. A Hawthorn hoodie-driven, ash sweatpants Travis stands in front of me. God, he looks marvelous.
“Hey, babe,” I say with a wide grin on my face. His eyes widen at the look of me and I wait for something out of him.
“Isabella! What—” he struggles to speak as he looks behind him, then back at me. “What are you doing here?”
“Surprise! I came to see you.” I raise my hands in ovation. “My mother would kill me if she knew I was here.” I chuckle, staring up at him. His hair is brighter than usual, almost as if he had added a few tones of yellow, and his eyes are driven away from me. “I missed you so much.” I take a step forward in an attempt to pull him into my arms.
“I—” he voices, his hand still on the door and his body as straight as a branch.
I stop moving. The distance between us could fit an entire adult body, but I don’t think too much of it. “Is everything okay? Are you not happy to see me?”
“Of course, I am. I just wasn’t expecting you.” He looks back again.
“That’s the point. It’s a surprise.” I giggle. “Are you going to leave me standing out here?”
“Who’s that?” a girl’s voice interrupts our conversation and my heart drops. I search for the source behind him, but his body shields his room.
His attempt to hide the person weakens as she pulls up behind him, showing her face. She’s real. Pretty. Tall. And in his room.
“Oh, yeah. Leah, this is Isabella, my girlfriend. Isabella, this is Leah.” Travis drops his hand from the door and points at us.
My breath falls short as I look at him, and only at him. I shouldn’t jump to conclusions, but what else am I supposed to think of this? My palms are sweating, my toes are bending inwards in my shoes, and I feel vulnerable standing outside the door while both of them are inside, mere feet away from each other.
I’m freaking out.
“Hi,” I say, still staring at Travis. I raise my eyebrows at him, inciting for more than a name, but his focus is somewhere else.
“Hi,” the girl greets. Her gentle voice pulls me to look at her. She’s smiling. At me. Fucking smiling. “Should I go or…” She looks up at Travis as she asks, but he stays silent. “I should go.” She decides on her own.
“Yeah, yeah, of course. We’ll continue later,” he finally speaks.
I take a deep breath, keeping my cool.
“Sure,” she says.
Are they seriously having a conversation while I’m still fucking standing here? Deep breaths, deep breaths.
“It was nice meeting you.” She straightens her hand towards me and I don’t know when, but before I realize it, my hand is in hers, shaking up and down. She releases it and walks past me. I stand there, mobile and starstruck. “See you later.” Her voice rings at the back of my head and I see Travis nod.
As soon as she leaves, he drags me in and I comply. I believe my mouth is still open to what just happened.
“How did you get here?” His voice sounds far.
“Hailed a car.” I bluntly let out, still bewildered.
“You hailed a car? By yourself? You blow my mind sometimes, do you know that?” Still far.
I shake my head, finally coming back to my senses. Of everything I could’ve expected, a girl in Travis’ room was the last. It was never even on the list. And to add to it, he’s trying to brush it off without an explanation.
“Not as much as you do. Who was that?” I ask.
“Leah? Oh, we got assigned to work on a project together, and we were working on that before you came.”
“What project?” I let go of his hand.
He doesn’t seem to notice that I did so because he rushes off to his desk opposite the door as soon as I ask the question. “This. We’re still in the process, but what do you think?” he asks and I catch up.
I fall upon a wide spread of paper filled with color. It lies on the desk like a trophy and we both stare down at it. It’s rich in blue and sea life. Water, sky, fishes, whales, emptiness. It’s the perfect place for me right now. Usually, I get excited when I get to see his crafts because they always bring out some joy in me hidden in the twilight, but this time, it makes me feel wary.
“The colors are pretty good, but perhaps we should go with a lighter blue for the sea and maybe add more waves at this side. But then it will look too much. Ugh, I don’t know. It’s so hard to figure out,” he mumbles.
“Trav,” I call out.
“Oh, yes. Maybe if we put two whales instead of one and a few dolphins, it could balance it out,” he continues, dismissing my voice.
“Babe,” I call him once more.
He finally looks up from his crafty painting and stands tall next to me. “Sorry, I’m just?—”
“Do you want me to go?” I ask.
“No! Hell no.” His hands softly grasp mine and I feel his heat on my skin. “I’m all yours.”
“Doesn’t feel like it.” His grip tightens, and he pulls me in closer to him. I should feel great right now being able to be here with him, but having to point that out to myself rubs me in the wrong way.
“Okay, how about this? There’s a frat party happening tonight, and I wasn’t planning to go, but since you’re here, why don’t we?”
“I don’t want to go to a damn frat party, Travis. I came here to spend some alone time with you.” I argue.
“And we can. It’s just that I don’t know what we can do around here. I rarely go out, so this place is just as foreign to me as it is to you.”
“How about we just stay here, catch up on what we’ve been up to, cuddle a bit, and watch a movie on your laptop?” I suggest.
That’s the right thing to do. The perfect way to get me out of my head and be in the moment with the love I should cherish. A moment alone with him is all I need right now.
“Seems perfect.” He beams.
Before I know it, he wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me onto his shoulder. I scream at the top of my lungs like a psycho, knocking on his back as he walks towards the bed. “What are you doing?” I giggle.
“Skipping a few steps,” he says before gently slamming me onto the bed and hovering on top of me.
I wrap my hands around his nape, taking in the captivating smile he has drawn on his face. My hands wander in his hair and he slowly leans forward. I could laugh right now at how strangely awkward this is, but I don’t because no matter how weird this moment feels, it’s all in my head. I want to be in this moment with him, not anywhere else.
“Isn’t this what you came for?” he asks before slightly brushing his lips on mine. It only makes me yearn for more, and I pull myself up from the bed, grabbing his neck.
“You have no idea,” I whisper. My lips grasp his lips in a beat like a ravenous person and he doesn’t get lost as he slides his arms around my waist and pulls me up to sit on his thighs, following my lead. There couldn’t be any close-knit rope in this world that could pull me off of him.
“Can we?” I murmur through the kiss. It’s a good thing we’re not standing because I don’t think my legs could handle such ferocity.
“Do you want to? Are you sure?” He does the same.
I close the pithy gap between us and slam my chest on his. I feel the pressure on both breasts and it drizzles down my pants.
Travis and I have never gone past kisses, cuddles, and make-out sessions. We’ve shot the gun a few times but never got the target. Close calls a few times, but never once have we gone past the line. It’s like a ticking bomb waiting for someone to press its button. I won’t deny the needs I’ve been having since I saw him at the fair, nor will I deny how incredibly wrong those needs are today, but I can’t help it.
I wanted to cuddle. Just cuddle. But then his hands fell on my skin like cold water rushing down my throat on a scorching day. And just like that, my needs resurfaced.
I impulsively nod at his question. I won’t say I’m sure of having sex with him, less so in his dorm room. It’s something I can never be sure of, but I know how he makes me feel and that’s enough.
“You know you don’t have to if you’re not sure, right?” he murmurs, his hands slowly sliding into my shirt and his fingertips running up my back to the hook & eye of my bra.
I slide from his lips to his right earlobe, and with every move, I take in a deep breath of his scent. “Trav,” I whisper. Maybe it’s his perfume or the position we’re in, but I feel compelled to express all my thoughts to him. From his mother to my love for him. So, I get ready to do just that.
“Travis?” a lady’s voice interrupts me, attended by a knock. “Travis Shay McGreen!” Another knock.
At the first sound of the wooden door being banged like there was no tomorrow, I thought I was hearing things, but then the second one came after the mention of his full name and it snapped me out of whatever mood I was in.
Travis Shay McGreen?
I pause on his lap, looking back and forth from the door to his face. Frustration drowns the latter, and I assume it’s because our moment was cut short. My fate is plunged into the same situation but for different reasons. Who the fuck is Shay ?
He slides down from the bed and I get off of him. I lean on the wall, staring at another event, ready to drag myself back into my head. He opens the door and, not to my surprise, his back hides whoever is behind the door. I’m not a nosy person, but I’m a girlfriend. So, I do what most girlfriends would do—move closer to the door and eavesdrop.
“Maeve.” He sounds ecstatic.
I wonder what his expression looks like right now. By the increase of pitch in his voice from the sight of that lady, I bet it was better than what he had expressed when I was the one behind the door.
“Hey, hot stuff. Want to go surfing before the party? I hear the waves are hitting pretty nicely today,” she says. A timbre in her voice reminds me of someone, but nothing can come from that since I’m at the far end of town and know nobody else other than that boy over there.
Travis turns to me and then back at the person. I get a glimpse of brownish curly hair and that alone crushes my wishes for her being an older woman. A wish that was already obliterated the moment she spoke, but I guess denial is my strong suit. “I—I can’t today. I have some things to do,” he says.
“Oh, like what?”
“My girlfriend is here. I’m going to spend the day with her.”
I sit there with a tinge of pride in my role.
She gasps. “The girlfriend. Oh my God, I must see her,” she says out loud.
“Maybe not now.”
“Why not? I’ve been dying to see the mysterious girl who’s got to bear with your ass.” Before I can process whatever that’s supposed to mean, she rushes in.
“Hi, Travis’ girl—” She pauses as soon as our eyes meet. “Friend.”
Oh. My. God. My jaw drops at the sight of her. She’s indeed one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen in my life. A babe, a fashion guru, and in college. Everything I’m not. Oh, and also, she’s got a car.
“Maeve!” Travis yells after her but she’s already in, standing in front of me with the same expression I probably also have on my face.
“Oh, my God.” We both say in unison. “You!” I yell, pointing at her. Of course, I have to make it obvious I know the girl who just called my boyfriend, ‘Hot Stuff’. In my mind, I’m slapping my forehead to the next generation.
“And you! What are you doing here?” she follows. I almost burst out laughing. Not because it’s a funny situation, but because it’s not.
“Well, this is awkward,” she says. Travis still stands next to the door, his head turning like people’s heads at a tennis match. “Um, I better go.” She doesn’t lose a second before sprinting out of here.
In a way, I’m glad she’s gone as fast as she came in, but also annoyed she’s leaving me stranded in this coincidence. Who would’ve thought we’d be meeting this soon after just parting our ways?
A momentous silence follows her departure. But then Travis approaches me, breaking it. “Wait, do you two know each other?”
“She’s the one who drove me here. I hailed a car, remember?”
“Oh, yes. Wow, what a coincidence.” You bet.
Wait! Is Travis the guy she was talking about? Ughhhhh…..
“Yeah, an interesting one,” I say. I’ve never needed a drink in my life more than now, and to note that I’ve never had a drop in my system turns me upside down. Just hit twenty, and that mindset is already being set. By this. Ugh.
“Shall we?” Travis goes back into his previous position and drags me along with him.
In a millisecond, I go from sitting on the bed with my legs crossed while thinking of a cold beer to hovering on top of him with a lust that has faded. Who would’ve thought?
“I don’t think anyone will bother us again.” He grins. “How have you been?” I can’t believe now is the time he’s asking that question.
His hands are up like an apprehended criminal, and my fingers lock with his. This is one of those scenes in a movie I never want to watch with my mother.
“Not great without you,” I say.
That definitely sounds fake. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I came in here with my heart filled with Travis, Travis, and more Travis. And now that I’m here with that Travis, I get to see how surrounded he is, and it’s making me envious of him. I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help, nor ignore it.
“I’ve missed you too. You know how busy school gets by the end of the semester.” His lips graze mine and it doesn’t fail, sending chills down my spine. At least, that hasn’t changed.
“I know,” I say.
Of course, I don’t. I know nothing about how fucking busy a person gets at the end of a semester, but as a witness to the consequences of that, I can attest to it. Yes, he’s busy.
He stops playing around and smashes his lips to mine. His hands slide out of mine and skim down my body, and I grip onto the pillow. From my side boobs to my waist, then my hips to my butt, he takes a stroll. Every fingertip on my body draws back up the idea of losing my virginity to him.
I say, damn our differences. And damn all those girls showing up in his room for no sumptuous reason. I have him under me right now with his hands searching for an in—I win.
All breaks lose when I get out of the kiss and run down his body to his pants. I have no experience in action, but I read a lot, and that’s enough to know where to start.
“Bella,” he says under his breath.
I shush him. My hands skim around his zipper, feeling his bulge under his pants, and I pause. I look up at him and my sanity vanishes as I land on him, also staring down at me, lust taking over his face.
“Oh, so you love to watch,” I note.
He tilts his head and smirks. If I could put a ring on this boy right now, I would.
“Lead me,” I order. It’s a firm demand but comes out softly and hesitantly.
“Do whatever you feel comfortable doing, babe. I’m all yours,” he says, his elbows keeping him up. “I’ll take over when I have to.”
I see nothing inappropriate, and nor does he, but the feel from his pants screws with my head as I imagine all kinds of ways this could turn out.
As I drag down his zipper, my heart throbs. It’s everything all at once. Anxiousness, excitement, overthinking, and discomfort. The latter is because of the pros and cons lists being ticked off in my head.
The fine prints on his red boxers make an appearance as I get everything out of the way. I stare at the shape of his privates like it’s the most priceless piece of art in a gallery full of exceptional canvases. I take the initiative as I lead my hands toward his bulging and covered prize, and before I can even touch it, a ringtone blasts in the room.
“Don’t answer,” I whisper, my breath washing over his lower body. It stops.
“I won’t.” I hear him say. Seconds later, it rings again.
I stop in my tracks and get up from him. He gets up and pulls back up his pants before picking up his phone on the desk. I try my best to hide my dismay as I lean on the wall and wait for him.
“Leah,” he says right after answering the call, and my shoulders and everything in my gut drop.
He spreads out items on the desk, searching for something. “Oh yeah, it’s here.” I tilt my head to take a glance at what he’s referring to. A book?
“Now?” he asks. “But I—” He turns to me and we lock eyes. I awkwardly smile. He then turns back to face the desk. “Okay, fine. Meet me in front.” He hangs up.
He quickly picks up his keys on the desk and drags out his shoes from underneath the bed.
“Leah forgot her journal, and it seems pretty important, so I’m going to bring it to her downstairs.” He puts on his shoes, barely looking at me.
“Can’t she come up and pick it up herself?” I ask.
“She said she didn’t want to invade our privacy or whatnot. It’s fine, it’ll just take a minute.” He gets up and walks towards the door with Leah’s journal in one hand and the keys and phone in another.
I sigh.
“Travis!” My tenor shifts from being horny and not giving a fuck about my worries to straight-up validating those worries. “If you close that door, we’re—” My words were cut short by the bang on the door.
He’s gone.