Chapter 17
CATHIA
Igrab my cup of coffee and step out onto my small patio. The sun warms the crisp morning, and it’s perfect for sitting and thinking.
My fuzzy slippers keep my feet toasty and my fluffy robe is wrapped tightly around me. I sip my coffee as steam rises from it and stare at my phone that sits on the small patio table. Sunday mornings have become my favorite over the past few months.
Usually I’m stretched out on Hayes’ warm chest while his fingers comb through my tangled hair.
He loves it when my nails scratch up and down the ridges of his abs.
The two of us listen to music as we work together to make breakfast, Hayes pulling me away to spin me around.
When our bellies were full, we’d head straight to the shower for some mutual cleaning…
among other things. And on really great days, I’d go with Hayes to watch him train with Beaux.
I waited the whole week, counting minutes and hours, for Sunday to come around. And when the sun set and it was time to say goodbye to our slice of heaven, I’d fall asleep only to dream of him.
With a sigh I place my cup down and pick up my phone. I scroll through the names and tap on the one who can help me fix this mess I’ve made.
“Cat?”
“Hey Bish,” I respond with apprehension. “Are you available to talk?”
“Of course. Give me one second.” He whispers to Anais, I assume, and I hear him moving about his place. “Is everything okay?”
With a deep breath I begin. “Yes and no. Yes because I fell in love with someone, and no because I think I’ve pushed him away.”
“Well well well. Our little Cat has fallen in love. Who’s the lucky guy?”
“Um, it’s…” I gulp and wipe the bead of sweat that forms on my forehead. “It’s Hayes.”
The line goes silent and I wait for him to say something. Anything! What I don’t expect is for him to start laughing. What about this situation is funny to him?
“I’m-I’m sorry, Cat. I’m not laughing at you it’s just,” he slows his laughing and takes a few deep breaths. “I knew it. I told Vaughan, you just wait and see. Hayes is gonna end up marrying Cat.”
“What? How can you say that?” I sip my coffee and pull up my legs, tucking them close to my chest.
“Cat…c’mon. Are you serious? That boy has been hung up on you for years. How have you not clocked that? It was bound to happen, I was just waiting around for when it actually did.”
“I…I,” I’m at a loss for words.
Was I that dense that I never saw it? I never gave Hayes a second look beyond being friends, so I supposed I never noticed him.
“So give me the deets on this. When did it start? What’s the problem? How can I help you?”
I fist one hand, rubbing my fingers on the inside of my palm, and blow out a big breath. “We first hooked up the night before Cami and Vaughan’s wedding.”
“I knew something was off!” He shouts.
“It was only supposed to be a one time thing,” I explain. “But obviously that was not the case. I thought it was just going to be a fun fling and when it ended, that would be it.”
“But that’s not what happened,” he interjects.
I shake my head. “That’s not what happened. Bish…I love him. And he loves me. This is like, life changing love.”
“I’m not understanding the problem. What have the others had to say about it?”
I sit in silence. So quiet that you can hear winter as it crawls through the air.
“They don’t know.”
“What?”
My lips quiver as I hold back a sob. “We never told them.” My voice is but a whisper and I’m not even sure he heard me.
“Why not?” He’s abrupt and straight to the point.
Gulping down another wave of nausea, I continue. “First I didn’t want to say anything because it was Cami and Vaughan’s wedding, and I wanted the focus on them. Then it was because it was probably just a fling. But after four months–”
“Four months!”
“Yes. Then you and Nix had that fight and all I could think was we need to help fix this before we can tell people about us. I didn’t want to do it without you there.
You’re my family, Bish.” I hear a faint sniff on the other end and that sends my tears falling.
“But now, six months later, Hayes has finally had enough. And…he’s gone. ”
My chest feels like it cracks open, my heart bleeding out onto the ground below my feet.
I’ve felt heartbreak and loss, but never have I felt so completely decimated as I do after last night.
I’ve heard the saying your heart is walking around on the outside of your body, but never really understood it.
“I’m scared that if things don’t work out with us, I’ll lose the family of friends we’ve so lovingly built over the years. I don’t know what to do.”
“Be honest, Cat. You have to be honest with yourself, with Hayes, and with everyone. That’s the only way to feel whole.” The pain in his voice is still very strong, weeks later.
“And what if it all comes crumbling down and I lose him?”
“You have to quit thinking it’s going to fail. If you think it, then it will happen. You’re giving this relationship an expiration date before you’ve even given it a chance. Stop getting in your own damn way and just be happy. Trust me.”
I sniffle and wipe away the tears that have begun to slow. “Is it worth it, Bish?” I ask.
“Is what worth it?”
“Love?”
With a long sigh he replies, “One hundred percent. If I never talk to Nix again –which will break my heart– as long as I have Anais it will all be worth it.”
Tears begin falling again and the lump of sorry’s clog my throat. “You’ll always have me, Bishop. I’m your family and I promise to always be here.”
“Back atcha, kiddo. Love you, Cat.”
“Love you too. And I’m sorry. I should’ve been there for you and I failed you. It won’t happen again. I promise you.” I rub my chest, feeling like I need to piece it back together.
“You don’t owe me an apology. I understand. Things are tense and you all are caught in the middle. Now, go get your man.” He chuckles as do I and we hang up.
I finish my coffee, swipe the last remnants of tears away and tell myself to buck up, buttercup. Like Bishop said…
It’s time to get my man back.