Chapter 18
HAYES
Ihaven’t moved in twenty-four hours and I don’t know if I’ll move in the next twenty-four.
Walking out of Vaughan’s last night felt like I was dying.
Like all the air was being ripped from my lungs and I couldn’t catch a breath.
The only thing I could manage to do was get myself home and pass out in bed.
I even missed my workout with Beaux because I just don’t have it in me.
What is wrong with me? I feel like a gullible chump. I believed Cat time after time when she told me “not yet”, “soon”, “I love you”. I kept hanging on, thinking she meant it when she said we were only holding out to have all of our family together to share the good news.
What an idiot I was.
I may be in love, but I won’t stick around to continue to have my heart stomped and made to feel insignificant. I’m a lot of things, but a fool…is sadly now one of them.
I sigh and roll over, pulling the fluffy comforter over my shoulders and burying myself further and further away from the world. Maybe if I close my eyes, I can wake up in the new year and I would’ve slept through the heartache. Anything to get over feeling this heartache.
My phone pings, the indication that someone has driven onto my property, and I crawl out from under my cocoon. I wait for the app to pull up and strain my eyes to get a good look at the car. But when I see the unmistakable silver BMW with, what I call, the fat grill, I know exactly who it is.
I don’t move a muscle for fear that she’ll be able to sense that I’m here. I won’t give her the chance to fool me, again. Her promises mean very little to me anymore.
The doorbell rings and it’s followed by a knock.
Not a pounding like she’s here to break down the door, but a tap just loud enough to emphasize that she wants to come in.
But that is one thing she will not be doing.
She can wait all night, but I’m not even going to let her see my face much less enter this house.
She rings and knocks once more, which I don’t acknowledge. Seconds later my phone is ringing, her name lighting up the screen. I press the button on the side and send it straight to voicemail. She then sends me a text, obviously realizing that speaking with me will not be happening.
I blink and focus on the text, reading it over a couple times.
Cat: I get the hint. You don’t want to talk to me. I left something for you on your porch. I hope you like it. Xxx
I click over to the app again and wait until I see her car fade out of view before deciding to get up and retrieve whatever it is she left for me. I crack my door open and peek outside in case she’s waiting to ambush me and…I don’t know. Break my heart all over again?
I see a box on the welcome mat and carefully pick it up. What if it’s one of the bait boxes and the damn thing is about to explode in my face with blue powder and fucking glitter? I’ll take my chances because my curiosity is peaked.
I shut and lock the door then slink back to my room. I flip on the lamp and sit the box down on my bed, staring at it nervously. It’s a nondescript black box so it could be anything from a cake to a 3D print out of her throwing me the finger.
“Just open the fucking thing,” I tell myself out loud.
With a deep breath I pull the lid off and with one eye closed, look in. Slowly I lift the lid of my cautious eye and scrunch my brows. A large bag of Jolly Ranchers sits in a bed of tissue paper, tied with a bow and a note.
To my Jolly Rancher-
I’m an idiot. I was inconsiderate and selfish and owe you so much more than a simple apology. Say you’ll let me make this right?
Xxx
Your scaredy Cat
The corner of my mouth twitches but I quickly bite my cheek, taking away the ability to smile. I’m not ready to smile where she’s concerned. Who knows when or if I’ll ever be ready.
I put the lid back on the box and set it down on the floor before resuming my previously assumed position. Meaning, I creeped back into my hole and tried to pretend this didn’t happen. Pretending doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a little sugar fix, though.
I hang over the side of the bed, riffle through the box and grab a handful of candy, then pull my turtle shell over my head. Maybe these will make me feel more jolly.