Chapter 9
C aroline stared into Ryan’s eyes. The unflinching, implacable look had softened. Somehow, touching him directly and being touched by him made him more real. No longer was he simply an obstacle. No longer was he only a barrier to her freedom, but he was a genuine person with his own agenda, his own desires and ambitions.
If she was going to get anything she wanted out of this marriage, then she was going to have to understand these things. It was going to be difficult, though, especially when she wasn’t sure she understood herself any longer. Her driving force had always been to keep her sisters safe, but then she had been faced with the opportunity to see their captor killed. She and Nessa could have found Tara and fled. Their ordeal would have been over and they would have known freedom. Instead, she condemned them to returning to this place.
Nessa had been furious with her, and rightly so. Caroline wondered if she would ever regain the trust of her sisters again.
But Nessa and Tara were far from her mind. Ryan was cupping her cheek, and his warm flesh was taut beneath her fingers. She could feel the strength and the power running through his body, his vigor being carried by the blood that seeped out of his wound. To see him like this stirred a nurturing sensation within. He was bleeding, vulnerable, showing her that he wasn’t some indomitable force, but that he was just a man.
He could die like any other.
The candlelight framed the hard angles of his face. His lips were full, and they were angled in a kind of smirk. His neck was thick, and he radiated strength. However, now that she was so close, it wasn’t as intimidating as before. There was something in his eyes, something that seemed yearning and haunted. He was a man alone in this castle, and she was intrigued by what had caused this. What secrets lay buried in his past, and how had he come to be the man he was today?
He was her enemy, but he was also going to be her husband, and if she were to stand any chance of prospering in this new life, she was going to have to learn about all of these things. Her natural curiosity guided her as well. All the rumors described him as a cruel, merciless man who led a clan that valued their solitude and treated outsides violently. They were isolated, and it was said that the Laird showed no patience with anyone. After their first meeting, she could well have believed this, but now she wasn’t so sure.
The man before her was the one who had chased after her, who had killed bandits to protect her. Granted, this was only after she had deigned to be his wife, and she had yet to learn why it was so important to him that she in particular was to fill this role, but it still showed that he was capable of nuanced thought.
He could have left them to their fate, but instead he had come after them. It hadn’t escaped her notice how he had reacted when the bandit grabbed her, either. Fury had filled his eyes, and she got the sense that he wanted to protect her more than anything. Could she dare hope that he might develop a genuine kinship towards her, or was she merely deluding herself to soften the impact of her impending marriage?
She finished dressing the wound and Ryan stood up, stretching his arm. He rearranged his shirt and as he did so, revealed scars from previous battles. Caroline was unable to look away. She traced them all with her eyes, even though she only had a brief glimpse. The touch of warmth lingered on her cheek as well, even after he took his hand away, and the sensation of his taut skin remained on her fingertips.
Ryan poured her some wine, placing the goblet in front of her. Caroline picked it up with trembling hands and sipped the dark liquid, hoping that it would quell the undulating thoughts in her mind. The door to the study was ajar, but for the time being she did not wish to escape. Ryan was a dangerous man, but at the moment she did not think she was in immediate danger, and so she wanted to take the opportunity to learn about this brute of a man who struck fear in the hearts of any man who found themselves trespassing in his territory.
“Are the rumors about ye true?” she asked, her voice hitching with uncertainty.
“And what rumors would they be?” he asked, his eyes glazing over. He leaned against the far wall. The distance between them seemed vast, and yet somehow she felt that if she lifted her hand she would touch him again, as though an invisible thread would be drawn, bringing them together.
“That ye kill anyone who trespasses on yer land, and ye kill them in a violent way. That ye show nae mercy tae anyone who wrongs ye.”
Ryan sipped his drink and looked away. “I believe that without fear, people will nae respect ye. I will nae hae bandits thinking that they can run through my territory and dae whatever they want. My people feel safe. They know that I will always defend them and their land. Hae I hanged people for trespassing? Aye, but I doubt I hae hanged as many men as people seem tae think. But, sometimes what people believe is more powerful than the truth,” he rolled his shoulders as he spoke. It was a cunning way to think.
“Why dae ye keep yer borders sae well-defended?”
“As I said, I want my people tae feel safe. The Highlands are wild and if ye are nae careful, a disaster can befall a clan. I hae worked hard tae maintain a sense of control over my land. I dinnae want anything tae jeopardize that.”
“And yet ye are willing tae make an outsider yer wife. Why dae ye want tae marry me?”
“Because it’s time for me tae take a wife.”
Caroline sensed that he was holding something back. She tilted her head to the side and placed the goblet back on the table, next to the candle. She didn’t want to give him any further advantages. She could already feel the dizzying feeling in her mind. It hadn’t helped that the night had been a long one already. She feared that sleep was not going to bless her.
“But ye could hae any wife. Why force me intae the marriage? Ye hae a clan filled with women, and since ye are a Laird ye could use yer position tae arrange a marriage. I refuse tae believe that ye were waiting for a woman tae stumble ontae yer doorstep.”
Ryan smirked at the thought. “And ye would be right tae dae sae.”
He placed his goblet down and pushed himself off from the wall, striding towards her. He closed the distance with dramatic speed, and, suddenly, he filled her vision. His breath drifted towards her, warm and soaked with wine. His gaze was as intense as ever and seemed to drill down to her very soul. Now that he was standing, she was forced to tilt her head back once again. Even though she was on her feet, it felt as though she was on her knees.
“Sae why dae ye want tae marry me? What is it ye hope tae accomplish? There are many rumors about ye, but after seeing ye taenight I dinnae believe ye are cruel for cruelty’s sake, and I dinnae think that ye would want tae spend yer life with a woman who hates ye.”
“Dae ye hate me?”
The question whipped through the air, and the fact that she didn’t immediately respond shocked and surprised her. She almost felt as though she was betraying herself. As it happened, Ryan was not expecting an answer. He continued speaking, but something changed about him. His eyes became hard again, as though winter passed through his soul and made him icy.
“How much dae ye know about the rivalry between our clans?”
“I know that we hae been enemies for many years. I assume it’s because of territory disputes. There never seems tae be enough land tae gae around. Tae be honest, I never thought much of it. It may surprise ye, but I hae never spent a lot of time thinking about war. There are far more pleasant things tae occupy my time.”
“Aye, I’m sure there are. But if ye hae paid attention, then perhaps ye would understand my motivations better. Ye see, Caroline, I know who ye are.” He raised a finger and the thick tip was pointed towards her. “More importantly, I know who yer Da is. Did he ever come back from battle and tell ye about his glorious victory? Did he tell ye about all the men he killed and the blood he spilled?”
Caroline’s throat tightened. She choked on her breath. “Nae. I dinnae want tae know about those things, and he wanted tae protect me from it,” she replied.
It wasn’t too much of a shock to her that he knew she was the Laird’s daughter. He was too canny for that detail to escape his attention.
Ryan nodded slowly. “Well, perhaps if ye hae then ye would know why there is such enmity between us. Aye, it started off with a dispute over land. But it quickly turned intae something else. Ye see, yer Da killed my father and brother in battle, leaving me as the sole hair tae the clan. I was only sixteen, still a boy in many ways, when their bodies were brought home. I hae tae bury them and when I did all I could think about was the man who killed them, the man who hae been able tae return home and share in the triumph of battle, who probably would nae spare a thought for my family.”
Caroline gasped and suddenly realized that the situation was more dangerous than she first believed. She was valuable to Ryan because of her family, and nothing more.
“That man took everything from me,” Ryan’s voice grew deeper and more rasping, while his features became more feral. Color bloomed on his cheeks and he adopted a scowl. “And on that day I swore that I would hae my revenge. I hae been patient. I hae plotted and waited for the perfect opportunity, and then who should show up at my Keep but his daughter? His eldest daughter at that. Sae I am gaeing tae marry ye, and we will hae an heir that will allow me tae press a claim against the clan. He took everything dear tae me, sae I will take everything that is dear tae him, and ye will watch as I strangle the life out of yer clan and make sure that the Gilmour name is buried sae deep in the dirt that even the worms cannae get at it,” he snarled, the words hotter than fire as they burst into the air.
Caroline flinched, and her mouth dropped open in horror. All this was because of her father? She remembered him returning from battle. She had never wanted to know the details. It was all too grisly for her, but she had never considered that the men he killed had lives and families of their own. They had all been nameless and faceless to her. It was easier to cope with in that way. But on one of those occasions, a sixteen-year-old boy had been left without a family.
Violence never seemed to resolve anything. It only spread more hurt around because that sixteen-year-old boy had turned into a vengeful Laird who was now going to ruin her life because of her father’s sins.
“But I… That dinnae hae anything tae dae with me,” she gasped.
Although she had started to think that Ryan was more than cruel, she wondered if it was part of his facade. Was he just trying to charm her in order to make the humiliation more savage? This insistence on giving her clan emblem back to her might have seemed like a kind gesture at first, but it could have simply been an insult. She was used to seeing the best in people, but sometimes there was only ever a small element of this. She couldn’t afford to be naive here. He spoke of honor, but she wondered if he knew the meaning of the word. What kind of honor was there in this kind of revenge?
“On the contrary, lass, this hae everything tae dae with ye. The rightful heir was taken away from this clan, sae ye are gaeing tae give me an heir that will unite the clans. Our blood will mix in them and I will wrest yer clan away from yer Da. I cannae wait tae see the look on his face,” a dark smile spread across Ryan’s features, and only then did Caroline realize that Ryan was unaware of the recent occurrence in the clan.
She was hesitant to tell him the truth as she feared what effect it might have, but she thought he was going to discover it eventually. Perhaps it might even dissuade him from his plans. After all, what use was revenge when the focus had already died?
“It will take some miracle for that. I fear that ye are nae gaeing tae get the satisfaction ye desire. There is nae use trying tae get revenge on a dead man,” her voice hitched as she spoke. It was still difficult to talk about her father’s death. Confusion was etched upon Ryan’s face.
“Dead? Yer Da is dead? When did this happen?” the questions rushed out of his mouth.
“Recently,” she replied. “And unexpectedly. My uncle hae taken the Lairdship and the clan. He is in charge now. It’s why I ran away. He wanted tae take me for his wife, and I was nae gaeing tae suffer that indignity. I know ye hae ideas about my Da, but he was a good man. My uncle is nae. I fear what he will dae tae the clan. I want it back,” she was suddenly seized by inspiration.
Perhaps there was more merit to Tara’s idea than she had first believed. Ryan wanted to get revenge on the clan, and the current Laird needed to be removed. The particular consequences could be resolved later, but if she could get Ryan on her side and use the might of his army to challenge her uncle, then she and her sisters would never have to live in fear of being chased by him.
“Perhaps if we work together, we can oust him?—”
The words were barely out of Caroline’s mouth when Ryan strode forward menacingly, completely overwhelmed by the force of his emotions. She was forced to scurry back and was pressed against the wall beside the window. In his haste, Ryan knocked the goblet of wine she had left on the table. The liquid sloshed out and spilled over the candle.
The flame hissed and flared for a moment, but then was doused, plunging the room into cold darkness. The only light source came from outside. It illuminated Ryan in a silver veil, and the shadows on his face made him seem even more monstrous. Fear shuddered down Caroline’s limbs and struck to the core of her body.
“I dinnae need an ally. I work alone. I am nae here tae dae ye any favors, Caroline. I hae planned my revenge for a long time, and I am nae gaeing tae miss my opportunity. Yer Da managed tae escape my wrath, but naebody else shall. I will take yer clan and crush it,” he hissed, lifting his hand and clasping it in a tight fist.
Caroline whimpered. Her knees went weak. It seemed as though she had traded one devil for another. However, she had not wilted in front of her uncle. She had taken matters into her own hands and fled. While that hadn’t worked out with Ryan, she still wasn’t prepared to meekly accept her fate, and she was not going to accept being treated like this.
Although she cowered, she kindled a flame of rebellion and summoned just a few moments of courage. Ryan might have thought he would walk all over her, but she wanted to ensure him that wasn’t the case. If he wanted a wife and an heir, then she was going to make him earn it. She wasn’t going to simply give things to him easily.
“I can play this game tae, Ryan. Ye cannae put yer boot on my throat and expect me tae dae yer bidding.”
“I expect ye tae honor the terms of our deal. Ye and yer sisters would hae perished if I hae nae protected ye. Ye hae already agreed tae be my wife, Caroline.”
“But I never agreed tae give ye an heir, or my clan.”
“It all comes as part of the deal,” he rasped grimly, and there was no sense of compassion in his eyes. He walked to the door and shoved it open with such force that the hinges screamed. “Thank ye for tending tae my wounds and sharing a most illuminating conversation, but it’s time for ye tae gae back tae yer sisters.”
He leaned out into the hallway and called for a guard. The monotonous stomping of boots replied immediately and soon enough a guard was there ready to escort Caroline back to her room. She was so stunned there wasn’t anymore to be said, so she exited the room, leaving the brooding Laird sitting in darkness with his thoughts and wine there to keep him in grim company.