Chapter 7
I stood on the porch of my house, anxious as hell as I waited for Carsyn to open the door. I knew she was ready because Carlie and I planned this date, and I had already told her what time I needed Carsyn ready. My palms were a little sweaty because I was so nervous. The date could go really well or badly. I was surprised Carsyn even agreed to go with me. She seemed cool with it being only her and me.
Carlie suggested I treat it like a real first date since, technically, it was. That meant ringing the doorbell, bringing her flowers, and doing all the other things men do on first dates. I have done stuff like that all the time for Carsyn over the years, but this time was different. She had no recollection of our past, and I wanted all of her new memories to be good ones.
My pulse quickened when the door opened, and Carsyn came into view.
"Wow, you look beautiful."
"Thank you." She dropped her chin toward her chest, but I noticed the moment her cheeks reddened.
Carsyn's skin always reminded me of warm caramel, and she was sweet like it too.
"I got these for you," I told her, handing her the bouquet.
She took them from me, sniffing them before putting them on the table near the door.
"Okay, kids. Let me get a picture before you go," Carlie insisted as she opened the door wider.
"Carlie, please."
I chuckled at the embarrassed look on Carsyn's face, but I thought it was a good idea. New memories required new pictures.
"I'm okay with it if you are," I told Carsyn. I wanted the pictures, too, but my wife's comfort was more important.
Carsyn stepped out onto the porch. "I don't mind."
Carlie cheered and grabbed her phone from her pocket. Carsyn stood next to me, and at first, it seemed like she didn't know what to do, so I wrapped my arm around her shoulder. Instantly, she relaxed and leaned into me.
"Aww, y'all look so cute," Carlie gushed as she snapped multiple pictures.
It made me feel like we were going to the prom or something.
After Carlie took all the pictures she wanted, she sent us on our way. While we were gone, she was going to set up something in the house for us later. I just hoped I wasn't doing too much and it backfired.
"Bye, Carlie," Carsyn said as we walked down the steps.
I thought Carsyn would be hesitant to hold my hand, but she wasn't.
We walked to the car, and I opened the door for her and waited until she was buckled in before I closed the door and walked around to the driver's side.
"How are you feeling?" I asked Carsyn when I got in the car.
"Nervous. My headache went away, though."
I turned to face her. "Why are you nervous?"
I felt the same, but I was sure we felt that way for different reasons.
"Because this feels like it's a first date even though it isn't."
When she looked down at her hands, I noticed she played with her wedding band. I couldn't describe the feeling I got from her wanting to wear it.
"What made you put your wedding ring on?" I wasn't going to say anything, but I was curious.
I would have been okay if she hadn't felt comfortable wearing it yet. As long as she put it on again at some point, I would have been satisfied. Even though we had reservations, we were still parked in the driveway.
"Because we are married, aren't we?"
"Yes, we are. I'm glad you are wearing it." I wanted to lean over and kiss her like I would have any other time, but I refrained. "Before we leave, I want to make sure that you understand that this night is all about you. No question is off-limits. If at any time you don't feel like being in public anymore, let me know, and we will come back to the house. Don't feel like you are going to disappoint me. Your well-being is the most important thing to me."
I prayed that the night went well and we would be on the right track, but I wasn't going to force it, either.
"I'll be okay. I've been looking forward to this date since you asked me this morning."
I swear my heart skipped a beat when Carsyn said that. I'm glad she felt just as excited as I was about this.
The weather was perfect for what I had planned. I cracked the windows and backed out of the driveway. I didn't want the wind to mess up her curls. It didn't matter how she wore her hair. Carsyn was beautiful to me. Still, the big, bouncy curls that framed her makeup-free face made her look even prettier, if that were possible. Rarely did she wear makeup, which I loved because I loved the small freckles that spotted her nose and cheeks.
The radio was at a low volume as we drove to our destination. Carsyn was quiet as she looked out the window like she was seeing the city for the first time. To her, maybe it was, because things had changed since the way she remembered it. She was oblivious to the number of times I looked over at her. Whenever she asked about a store or landmark, I answered it.
When we arrived at our destination, I found a parking spot and helped Carsyn get out of the car.
"What are we doing at the lake?" she asked after I closed her door.
"This is where I proposed to you. I figured I'd recreate the night, hoping maybe something would jog your memory. It's okay if it doesn't."
She looked around like she was trying to piece things together. "Noah." Her eyes watered when she said my name. "I don't know what to say. I hate that I can't remember it." Her gaze traveled around us again.
"Don't worry about it. Let's go eat, then we'll take a walk near the lake."
I led her into the restaurant and gave the hostess my name. After she grabbed two menus, she led Carsyn and me to our table. When I booked the reservation, I requested a table near the window. It was the exact table we had the night we got engaged.
Once we were seated, Carsyn and I looked over our menus.
"So, how long were we together before you proposed?" Carsyn asked as she placed her menu on the table.
"We were only together for a year or so. However, it didn't take long for me to know I would marry you. I only waited as long as I did because I didn't want to rush you. I knew you were special from the moment I met you."
"But you were with someone."
I laughed when she rolled her eyes. Carsyn couldn't stand Robyn. Robyn didn't care for Carsyn either because she noticed how I looked at her. I didn't realize it until she called me out one day. I knew Robyn wasn't the right one for me, but I was young. She was the hottest girl in the school. Well, she was until I noticed Carsyn. Carsyn was pretty without trying. She was just always her authentic self.
"None of that mattered, though. My heart skipped a beat every single time I saw you. When I had the chance to ask you, I took it."
"And when did you get the chance?" She put her arms on the table and leaned forward.
I loved how she seemed eager to hear our story, and I would tell her a million times if I needed to.
"You would come into the gym all the time with your pops. One day, we were sparring, and I just asked. It wasn't a big to-do or anything. It was just the right moment. You agreed, and we went to the movies that weekend. I was saving up to open a gym with Evander, so I wasn't balling like that, but we still had a good time. After that night, we spent a lot of time together. Most of it was sparring or training. I didn't care what we were doing as long as I spent time with you. I just loved being around you and your energy. That hasn't changed either."
For the second time, her eyes watered. She reached across the table and grabbed my hand. "Whatever you do, don't give up on me. I know this road won't be easy."
I squeezed her hand and looked into her eyes. "I will never give up on you, Care Bear."
Her face flushed when she smiled.
"Hi, my name is Angie, and I'll be your server this evening. Can I start you guys off with something to drink?"
I glanced up at Carsyn so she could order first. I couldn't take my eyes off her while she told the server what she wanted. I was so caught up in her beauty that I didn't realize when it was my turn to order. Carsyn blushed when she noticed me staring at her.
I cleared my throat, focused on the server, and gave her my order.
"So, did you propose here or somewhere else?"
"It was after dinner. We went for a walk by the lake, and I asked there. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I would ask that night because I was nervous. I always knew I would ask, just hadn't planned when. I carried the ring around for a while before I finally built the courage just to ask. You said yeah with no hesitation, and it was one of the best days of my life. The other two were our wedding day and when you gave birth to Nia."
Her face instantly lit up when I mentioned Nia.
"Can you tell me more about her?"
"Of course. She's the smartest three-year-old I know. She has a lot of your personality, but some of mine as well. She's already taken a liking to boxing like you."
The smile on Carsyn's face dropped, and sadness filled her eyes.
"I hope she doesn't want to do it. I don't know anything about my career, but I wish I had never boxed. I wouldn't be here trying to figure out what my life was like before I got hit."
My heart broke for Carsyn. All she ever wanted to do was box, and for her to regret it didn't seem right. I understood why she felt like that, but I still didn't like it.
"Hey, listen. Don't do that. Things happen, and unfortunately, we can't control when it does. All we can do is make the best out of every situation. Don't regret anything in life because we can't go back and change it. You are an incredible wife and mother, and that won't change. Things might be a little awkward right now, but I'm certain things will get much smoother the more time we spend together. Let's not worry about all that stuff right now. We will have a good night and let whatever happens happen naturally. I just need you to tell me what you need. Can you do that for me?"
Carsyn sat up with her back straight, and the light in her eyes returned. "Yes."
"Good."
While we waited for the food, I continued to answer any questions Carsyn had and told her stories about our life from the time we started dating until the day of the fight. It was mostly funny stories because I wanted to keep the mood light. I could see Carsyn getting into her head at times, but I did my best to pull her out of it.
"Wait, you're telling me I knocked you out before?" Carsyn laughed with tears in her eyes.
The food had come and gone, and we talked and laughed the whole time. I could tell Carsyn enjoyed herself, but a part of me still felt unsettled. I knew I would have to work extra hard to make this thing work.
After leaving the restaurant, we went to the lake. Carsyn and I held hands as we walked near the water.
"You did. It was for real too. I didn't just let you do it, either."
"Wow, I must have really been good."
"You are good."
"How if I can't remember any of it?"
We stopped walking and I turned to face my wife. Shit would be tough for both of us, but she had to know that I had her.
"What did I say, Carsyn? You are still good, shit great. No matter what happens, you will be one of the greatest women fighters. Your name will continue to be mentioned for years to come. You're a part of history, baby, and nothing could take that away from you."
"Thank you for that, Noah. This is all too much for me, and I don't know how to take it."
"Like the champ you are. It's going to be a process, and it is going to take time. Are you ready to head back home?"
"Yes, please. It's gotten a little chilly," Carsyn stated as she rubbed her arms.
I looked down at the dress she wore, and in any other circumstance, I knew we would go home and have sex until we exhausted ourselves. I didn't know when or if we would have sex again. I missed the intimacy that Carsyn and I shared, and I prayed we would get it back one day. I was patient, so I would wait for as long as she needed me to.
We walked back to the car, and I shared more stories about the beginning of our relationship. Carsyn had gotten out of her head about her career, at least for the moment. More than likely, it would come up again, but I was okay with that. So far, she didn't need me to repeat anything I already told her, so I assumed that was a good sign. I had done some research after the doctor gave us her diagnosis, and some people needed to be told the same things repeatedly. That hadn't happened, so hopefully, things were on the right track.
"I love this house," Carsyn commented as we pulled into our driveway.
She had fallen asleep in the car, and I was deep in my thoughts about our future. I welcomed the silence. I didn't want her to see how unsure I was about things. The date was great, but I didn't know if we would have more moments like that or if she would wake up one day and decide she didn't want to be with me anymore. The thought of her leaving me scared the shit out of me.
"It was the first and only house we looked at. You fell in love with it the moment you saw it, and we wasted no time putting in an offer."
"Oh." She unbuckled her seat belt and looked at the house again.
"You ready to go in?"
Carsyn nodded, so I got out and walked around to her side of the car. I opened the door and stuck my hand out to help her get out.
We walked up the steps and into the house hand in hand. It felt like old times for a quick second, but I knew we were going to part ways shortly, and the thought saddened me. Carsyn may not have known it, but I slept in the guest room the previous night. I was technically a stranger to her, and I didn't know how she felt about me sleeping with her. She was out of it once she took the pain medicine, so she probably didn't notice. Plus, I was too afraid of her rejecting me, so I hadn't bothered to ask her if she wanted me in the room.
"I'm going to go shower and change," Carsyn stated as she took her shoes off by the front door.
"Okay. Do you need any pain medicine?"
She hadn't complained of pain, but I still wanted to check on her. Carsyn, before the incident, kept her aches and pains to herself at times, so I wasn't sure if she would continue that now.
"No, I think I'm okay. I've been meaning to ask you a question." She walked toward the couch and sat on the arm of it.
I sat down on the couch across from her.
"What's your question?"
"Did you sleep in the bed with me last night?"
I inhaled deeply and ran a hand down my face. I never lied to my wife, and I wouldn't start now.
"No. I wasn't sure if you wanted me to or not."
Her shoulders dropped as her eyes watered. She opened her mouth but quickly closed it. Her expression was tormented, as if she didn't know what to say.
With her head down, she twisted her wedding band. "Can you sleep with me tonight?"