Chapter 4
Killian
Someone was watching us. I could feel it, a tingling down my spine, but each time I turned around, there was no one.
Funny how you can sense it, but maybe it was my mind playing tricks. I’d drunk quite a bit tonight. My earlier encounter with Seth had bothered me more than I’d imagined it would. At least I had Ash to take my mind off things. I’d hooked up with him a couple of times, but he let anyone fuck him.
The manager, Greg, was a regular of his, and I’d seen him take money on more than one occasion from punters at the bar. He’d pocket it with a flirty wink and leave them with their tongues hanging out. Hardly surprising. He gave an excellent blowjob, but at least I didn’t have to pay for mine.
“Hey, Killian.” He rubbed his body against mine as we danced, his hard dick pressing into my thigh.
“Wanna get out of here?” I shouted over the music and gestured to the door. A door I could have sworn I’d seen the man from last night leave through just seconds ago.
His eyes grew wide, and he nodded. We both knew what came next.
I took his hand and led him from the floor over to the booth where we’d been sitting. I picked up my drink and knocked it back, almost choking when Ash undid the zip of my jeans.
“Not here. You’ll get us thrown out.” I batted his hand away, but he was insistent, and I sat down on the leather bench with a bump.
“No one can see.” His smile was wicked, and he climbed into my lap, his back to my front. “Why do you think I wear these?”
I heard a zip, but it wasn’t mine.
“Did you just…?” I moved my hands to his arse, not surprised to feel bare flesh.
Fuck, that was hot. I slipped a finger between his cheeks but couldn’t quite reach his hole.
“Let me help.” Ash stood, and I wrangled my jeans open. My dick sprang out, ready for action.
“What about prep?” I might have been desperate, but I wouldn’t hurt him.
“No need for that. I’m ready for you. Suit up, though.” He chucked a condom at me, and I opened it quickly.
I glanced around the room. It was dark enough not to be noticed, and we were tucked away in a corner. Could we get away with it? There was only one way to find out.
He leant on the table in front of us, allowing me room to give my dick a few strokes. I rolled on the condom and spat into my hand, lubricating it as best I could.
“We good?” he asked over his shoulder.
“If you’re sure.” With no hesitation, he took hold of the head and lined it up. I spread his cheeks wide and held my breath as he slowly sat down, forcing my cock deep inside him.
“Oh, fuck.” He banged on the table with the palm of his hand. “Fucking amazing, Killian, but then you always are a good fuck.”
He rode my dick like a champ, his hands braced on my thighs. I lifted his arse and let him slam back down each time.
So far, we’d been undetected, but I knew that likely wouldn’t last long. We were trying to be discreet, but it wouldn’t be difficult to spot what we were doing if someone were to look over.
I breathed heavily, perilously close to coming. The idea of some fucker watching turned me on, and I thrust harder.
“God, yes. You’re killing me here. I want to feel you come,” Ash grunted, his pace quickening.
Jesus, I was doing my best. I lifted my hips, my thighs trembling with the effort. His arse gripped my cock, milking it harder and harder, and seconds later, my rhythm stuttered. I shot into the condom, grunting, spurt after spurt, each one lessening in intensity.
“Fuck, Ash.” They were the only words I could get out of my mouth, and I leant against his back, exhausted.
“I need to come,” Ash said, his voice strained. He slid off my lap, my dick limp, the spent condom hanging off the end.
Somehow, he managed to turn and face me, his trousers now open at the front, dick in hand. He worked it hard, the veins in his neck thick with the effort.
He placed a hand on my shoulder, and all I could do was watch as his mouth opened and spunk erupted from the purple head.
“Man, all over my clothes.” But he didn’t care and continued to wank until there was nothing left. He collected what he could and licked it off his hands, a dirty smile on his face. “Fuck, that was hot. Do you think anyone noticed us?”
I looked around him, out into the club. “I think we got away with it,” I said, aware that he was still straddling me. “You’re gonna need to get up, though, or someone will.”
He stood, his limp cock almost in my face. “Wanna help clean it up?”
I leant forward and sucked it into my mouth, removing the last drops of cum. His balls tightened at my touch.
“We should take this somewhere else,” he said. “I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for round two.”
He’d get no argument from me, but I’d need a little longer than a few minutes to recover. I wasn’t as young as he was. As if to prove my point, his cock stiffened in my mouth. I reached behind him. His trousers were still open at the back, and I slipped a finger inside him with ease.
“Gentlemen. I think it’s time to go.” The bouncer I’d spoken to earlier stood by the table. He didn’t seem mad; in fact, his smirk told a different story. “Thanks for the show.”
I looked around him. A small crowd had gathered, some with phones in their hands. I guess we weren’t that discreet.
We broke apart, and Ash slowly tucked himself away. I removed the condom, unsure what to do with it. I looked on, amazed as Ash took it from me and sucked out the contents. Fuck, that guy was dirty.
“Waste not, want not.” He placed the empty condom in his pocket and continued to dress. “Give us a hand, will you?”
I had enough to do tidying myself up, but when I looked, Ash had his back to the bouncer, his hands on his knees, waiting for him to zip him up.
I shook my head and smiled at his antics. Cheeky fucker.
The bouncer looked over at me with an eyebrow raised. I nodded and urged him on.
He sucked in a finger, and without missing a beat, shoved it up Ash’s arse. Ash squealed, not expecting it, but he pushed himself back and forth, fucking himself on the finger. He bit his lip, his eyes closed.
Jesus, fuck. I’d known some people in my life, but Ash, hands down, had to be the most insatiable man I’d met when it came to sex. He was young, hot, and took what he wanted when he wanted it. I liked a man who was brazen enough to do that, and he had the confidence, too.
The sound of a sharp slap brought me out of my head. Ash was rubbing his arse, a pout on his face.
“He slapped me, Killian. What are you going to do about it?” The smile on his face told me he wasn’t mad. Hell, I’d had him over my knee before now. He loved spankings, so I wasn’t really bothered.
“Absolutely nothing, Ash. You act like a brat, you suffer the consequences. Play your cards right, and he’ll do it again.”
The bouncer blew on his hands, then rubbed them together. “You want another, kid?”
“Maybe another time. Tonight, I’m with him.” Ash pointed at me, and in that instant, all my enthusiasm disappeared.
What the fuck was I doing? Unsure if I was being used or the one doing the using, my earlier conversation with Seth came back to me.
What did I want from my life? It wasn’t this. Fucking around with anyone and everyone.
No, if I really wanted to make my life about performing and singing, that’s where my efforts should be.
“You know what? I’m going to head home. He’s all yours if you want him.” I patted the bouncer on the shoulder and walked away. I could hear Ash shouting, but his words were lost in the music still thumping in the club.
For a moment, I regretted my decision to turn down what would likely have been a marathon night of sex. Was I being an eejit? Quite likely, but now I couldn’t give a fuck.
I walked home, Ash no longer in my head, but the man I’d met last night. I was sure I’d seen him at the club, but from our brief interaction, I wouldn’t have imagined it was his kind of place.
The club was known for being, shall we say, uninhibited? A veritable den of iniquity. You could go there and basically do whatever the fuck you wanted. It was a borderline sex club, although it wasn’t advertised that way.
I knew Ash would have a field day there, and I also knew I’d left him in safe hands. No doubt he’d complain, but I was a big boy. I could take it.
I pulled my coat tighter and shivered. Despite the cold, the night was busy, plenty of people milling around the bars and clubs. The smell of food had my stomach grumbling, reminding me I’d barely eaten today.
In fact, I didn’t think I’d had anything at all.
Some days, I lived on coffee and cigarettes.
Not the healthiest lifestyle, but sometimes, that was all I had in the flat.
Occasionally, the karaoke bar would let me eat there, but Greg wasn’t so generous.
He wanted his pound of flesh. How happy would he be knowing I’d left with Ash? Did I really care?
When did I become so careless with other people’s lives? How many lives had I ruined with how I was?
Seth, for sure. I couldn’t count Ash. He was looking out for number one.
My family at home.
My brother.
Fuck, it’d been a while since I’d remembered him. My chest tightened, memories of that fateful night invading my thoughts.
I shook my head, but the images remained. I rested my hand on a nearby fence and took a deep, pained breath, rubbing my chest as the cold air filled my lungs.
You’d think I’d learn my lesson. It was I who had drunk too much, who had filled my body with fuck knows what, but it was he who had paid the ultimate price.
He’d lost his life because of me. Because of my cocky confidence. I was safe to drive, but was I? I was the older brother. I should have known better.
My parents had never forgiven me. I’d been disowned, thrown out. But even worse than that, I’d never forgiven myself. I’d hit rock bottom. Lost myself in drugs and drink. That was when I’d met Seth.
Yes, that was why this had surfaced now. I’d disappointed and hurt the only man to have shown any interest in my recovery. But then our relationship had turned to something more, and that was when the problems began again. I couldn’t seem to escape sorrow. It always found me.
Seth had his own issues, and we both should have known better. We would never be a good match. Like oil on water, we’d never be compatible.
It didn’t stop us from trying, but where had it led us?
Seth hoping for something he knew I’d never be able to give him, and me still looking for solace at the bottom of a bottle.
I might have given up the drugs, and fuck knows, I should give up the booze, but I needed something to keep the memories of that foggy day at bay.
Maybe in time, I’d be able to address it, but ten years later, I was still suffering the consequences of my actions.
Perhaps I always would. Perhaps this was why I was still struggling to make a name for myself. I couldn’t forget the past.
“You okay, mate? Do you need a place to stay tonight?”
Unsure how I’d got here, I sat on the ground, my head in my hands, tears streaming down my face.
When had that happened?
I shook my head. “I was just on my way home.”
“Heavy night, then?”
“Something like that.” I scrambled to my feet and wiped my hands down my trousers.
I looked at the guy who’d asked, his I.D. badge hanging from a lanyard around his neck. They were often about. Volunteers who offered shelter and food to the homeless. This one wore a white collar. A priest maybe?
Did I really look that bad?
I took in my dishevelled appearance: threadbare coat, jeans that had seen better days, and unlaced boots. No wonder he’d asked me.
I scratched the scruff on my face and ran my hands through my hair.
Fuck, I was a mess. How had I let things get so bad?
“As long as you’re okay. You look upset. Anything I can help with?”
These guys deserved medals for what they did, but I didn’t need his help. Only I could stop the descent into the abyss.
The abyss full of alcohol and cigarettes. The one that kept me down.
“You know what? I think I’m going to be fine.”
I couldn’t explain the change of heart. Maybe Seth’s words had had an effect.
For now, I’d go home, sleep it off, and maybe tomorrow would be a better day.