Chapter 16
Killian
Fuck and fuck again.
That wasn’t how I wanted that conversation to go, but what could I do? I couldn’t pass up the chance of a lifetime, and that’s what this was.
I’d called Sullivan earlier and asked if he was serious about his offer. The guy was salivating and couldn’t say enough good things about me.
Apparently, Sunday wasn’t the first time he’d seen me sing, but it had been the first opportunity he’d had to give me his card.
He supported a lot of indie performers, letting them take the lead with what they wanted.
He wanted to put me with some songwriters and work on some new stuff.
He loved what I did and reckoned there was a market for me.
My head was spinning by the end of the call, and it had taken me a while to take in everything he’d said.
Me, Killian McDonagh, breaking into the big time at my age.
It was a fairytale I never pictured happening.
But then there was Harvey. Fucking typical. Everything was finally falling into place. I’d found a guy I really liked, and then this.
Was I being selfish for following my dream? Did it mean the end for us before we’d even got started?
I didn’t know the answer to either of those questions, but what I did know was that I couldn’t let this opportunity slip through my fingers.
Harvey sounded upset, and I understood that. With what he’d been through before, no doubt he envisioned me abandoning him. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. The London trip was for a day at most. When I returned, the first person I’d contact would be Harvey. I knew that.
But did he?
As much as I wanted to assure him that I wasn’t leaving him, I needed to get ready for my trip. What the fuck was I going to wear?
I had nothing decent. My boots hadn’t fared well on Sunday, and the only decent pair of jeans I had was dirty. I moved around the flat, picking up all the clothes I could. Did I have time to wash them before I went?
No fucking way. What the hell was I going to do?
There was only one thing for it, and it was the hardest call to make.
I rubbed my face while the phone rang. What if he didn’t answer? Then what would I do?
But I didn’t need to worry.
“Hi, Kill. What do you want?”
“Seth. I’m sorry to bother you.”
“Yeah, I’m kinda busy right now.”
“Look, I wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t important. I need your help.”
I relayed my conversation with Sullivan and my need for some decent clothes.
“So, it’s really happening then?”
“I don’t know about that, but I really need to make a good impression, and I’m not going to do that with the clothes I have.”
I looked up to the ceiling, praying he’d help.
“You want money? I don’t have a lot.”
“No. God, no. I don’t want money. Sullivan has given me enough for the train fare and any food.”
“Why don’t you use that?”
“How would I get to London then? Please, Seth. I know we didn’t leave things on a good footing last time. I’m sorry, and I’ll be honest, your words hit home. I’ve been off the drink. Not touched a drop in about a week.”
“Fuck, Killian. That’s a massive step for you.”
“I’m trying, and this could be huge. Please. I’ll pay you back tenfold, I promise. Remember how you always told me I’d make it? Seems like you might be right.”
I didn’t want to jump the gun on this.
“If you want, I can bring some clothes round for you to borrow.”
“Fuck, man. You’re a lifesaver. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Yet you chose to end it between us. Funny that.”
The line went dead. Was he gonna come round now?
Fuck. Why did I mess everything up? Let’s hope I don’t fuck this up.
I chucked a few things into an overnight bag and tidied up as best I could. It wasn’t as bad as the last time Seth came round, and hopefully, if he turned up, he’d see I was trying to turn my life around.
A little while later, there was a knock at the door.
I opened it up to a solemn-looking Seth. He thrust a bag into my arms and turned to leave.
“What? You don’t want to come in?”
He sighed heavily and faced me. “If I come in, then you’ll talk to me, and I really don’t feel like doing that right now. I’m still mad at you.”
“Seth, come on. How long have we known each other and how many times have we fallen out?” I pouted, knowing that, in the past, he’d have caved, but this time, I was wrong.
“No, Killian. A friend told me I need to be strong and not give in to you. It’s all too easy to do that with your good looks and charismatic ways. I can’t let myself get involved again.”
“I’m not asking you to.” But we both knew it was his feelings he had for me that had caused our friendship to end. I wasn’t blaming him. I’d turned him down and shunned his advances.
“Just take the clothes. They should fit, and I don’t want them back. Keep them.”
“Thank you. It really means a lot.”
He walked away, and I wondered if I’d see him again. “Good luck, Kill. You do deserve it, despite being a bastard.”
I was a bastard. He was right.
I closed the door and pulled everything out of the bag. There were enough clothes to last me a week, let alone a few days. Brand new underwear still in its packaging, socks, a couple of pairs of jeans, and several shirts. Some of it I’d never seen before, but most was Seth’s, I knew that.
If I wanted to make the train, I’d need to move it. I put on a pair of jeans, one of the shirts, and my trusty boots. The rest I packed neatly in the bag.
I slipped on my coat and took one last look about me. This place had seen some things. Many of them I wasn’t proud of, but I’d called it home for the last couple of years. Would I be able to get a new place? I’d never fucking know if I didn’t shift my arse and catch the train.
I shut the door behind me and legged it down the stairs. If I ran, I’d make it just in time.
I breathed a sigh of relief as the train I sat on pulled out of the station, my bag safely stowed in the overhead compartment. I smiled to myself. Something I hadn’t done in a long time, the events of the past two days finally catching up to me.
No, that wasn’t true. The events of the past week gave me cause to smile. Meeting Harvey had turned the shitty life I had around. Since meeting him, all kinds of things had been happening.
I mentally counted them off my fingers.
Stopped drinking – check.
Took better care of myself – check
Found a friend I really liked – check
Might have an agent – big fucking check.
The journey would take three hours at least, so I put in my earbuds and lined up a playlist of favourite songs. I pressed play and settled in for the ride.
“Sir?”
I woke with a start. How long had I been asleep?
“Sir? The train ends here. You’ll need to get off.”
I blinked rapidly and rubbed my eyes. “Are we in London?”
“Last time I checked. Do you need help?”
“No, I’m fine. I fell asleep and, well, I must have needed it.” I stood on shaky legs and got my bag down.
“As long as you’re okay, sir.”
“I’m good, thanks.” I smiled and moved along the carriage to the door. I stepped onto the platform and took a deep breath.
Fuck, the smell of London. It’d been years since I’d been there, and the smells never changed.
The Big Smoke.
It hadn’t been called that for nothing, but thankfully, the air was clearer than it used to be.
I checked my phone for messages, but there were none. I hoped Harvey might have called or texted, but there was nothing. He had to be pissed with me. We should have been sitting down enjoying a meal together, but instead, I was standing in the middle of the city with him miles away.
A quick search, and I found the hotel Sullivan had booked for me.
It wasn’t the Ritz, but neither was it as shabby as some I’d stayed in.
It was clean; the bed was comfortable, and the TV was huge.
The bathroom was palatial compared to the one in the flat, and I couldn’t wait to step under the spray and wash away the grime from travelling.
I planned on ordering room service and calling Harvey.
The way I left him in the lurch wasn’t sitting right with me. It couldn’t be helped, but I wanted him to know how sorry I was about the way it had worked out.
I stood under the hot spray for much longer than I should have.
My hair hung like rats’ tails around my shoulders, and I wished I’d had time to have it cut.
I’d shaved, leaving a fashionable amount of stubble, so I didn’t look completely homeless.
Maybe if I took a couple of inches off my hair, it wouldn’t look so bad.
I searched around for some scissors, but there were none, and I couldn’t be arsed to go out again. It’d have to do.
I wrapped a towel around it and slipped into the white bathrobe that hung on the door. I could get used to this.
I put my feet up on the bed and turned on the TV. I flicked through the channels, finding nothing of interest. Television never really interested me. I didn’t have one in the flat and couldn’t see the need. I had my music, and that was all I needed.
I checked out the menu and ordered a burger and chips.
I hadn’t had a good one of those in ages, and when it arrived, I dug into it with enthusiasm.
Fuck, it was good. I washed it down with a bottle of sparkling water from the minibar.
I eyed the vodka, even held it in my hand, but decided against it.
I needed a clear head for the morning. I didn’t want to sign anything under the influence, and if I drank one, I wouldn’t stop.
Now for the hard task, even more difficult than not drinking.
At least I’d remembered to put my phone on charge. Not that anyone had called. Sullivan had texted, asking if I’d arrived safely and to tell me a car would pick me up at nine.
This was so fucking surreal. How had I even got here?
I took another drink and pulled up Harvey’s number, waiting to call a man I barely knew, but one who had touched me so deeply with his story of loss and abandonment. My heart hurt for him and all he’d been through.
They said scars ran deep, and none ran deeper than his.
I pressed call and put the phone to my ear. It rang several times before he answered.
“Hey, Harv. I’m sorry about tonight.” Why was I nervous?
“You need to be there. It’s important.”
“But so are you.” And he was. How that had happened in this short space of time, I didn’t know.
“Really? You’re not just saying that?”
“I say what I mean. Don’t you know that about me?” But maybe he didn’t. There was still a lot about each other that we didn’t know. I hoped we’d have the chance to rectify that.
“Where are you?”
“A hotel in London. Nothing fancy.” I looked around the room. Definitely nothing fancy.
“Not the Savoy, then?”
“Nah, I’m not that important. It’s part of a chain, so it’s generic. Bed, TV, shower. That’s about it.”
“Room service?” I could barely hear him. What was he doing?
“Yeah, I had a burger. Pretty sure it wasn’t as good as the restaurant we were going to.” It had filled a gap, though.
“Hmm, maybe.”
“Are you okay, Harv? You sound a million miles away.” Was he not interested?
“Sorry, I was drawing. Just something I had an idea of today. I’ll take you off speakerphone.”
The line became clearer.
“Ah, that’s better. What are you drawing?”
“A new tattoo, maybe. Not sure yet. I’m still working on it.”
“Do I get a sneak peek?”
“Before or after?”
“Both, if you’re willing.”
The line went quiet. Had I crossed a line?
“Well, now, that depends on whether we’re going to dinner when you get back.”
“I’d like that. I should be home sometime tomorrow. The hotel’s only booked for tonight. Can you believe they’re sending a fucking car for me in the morning? Fuck, Harv. What’s going on?” I still couldn’t believe this was happening.
“I think it’s called the big time.”
I snorted. “That might be wishful thinking.”
“Have faith, Killian. Good things come to those who wait, or something like that. My grandma used to say it all the time.”
“And did they?”
“Did what?”
“Did good things come along?”
Again, silence from him.
“No. They didn’t, but maybe this time it’ll be different.”