CHAPTER 30 - OLDENBURG, GERMANY—FEBRUARY 7, 1917
Anna entered Norbie’s workshop and sat at a workbench, covered with gears and springs from a dismantled grandfather clock.
The passing of days since ending her engagement to Bruno had done little to relieve her torment.
Norbie and Max were upstairs, and she hoped that her time alone—surrounded by the meditative chorus of ticktocks—would help her forget about him, if only for a little while.
Anna had been devastated when she arrived home from the boardinghouse.
She’d confided in Norbie, telling him everything that had happened.
Her vater was shocked, and he cried along with her until neither of them could produce any more tears.
She’d apologized to Max for not believing him, but he only expressed concern about her welfare.
He didn’t press her to talk, and she felt comforted by his company.
And when he ran out of things to say, he’d simply given her a reassuring squeeze on the hand.
Also, Max and Norbie invited Emmi to spend evenings at the house to listen to Max play the piano.
It was obvious to Anna that they’d invited her best friend to help with consoling her, and she was thankful to be surrounded by everyone she loved, including Nia, who cuddled with her on the sofa.
After she’d ended the engagement, Bruno never returned to the house.
Within a few days, when it became clear to Anna that he wouldn’t be coming back, she’d placed his leather case, which contained extra clothing and a shaving kit, in a storage closet with plans to dispose of the items later.
She wasn’t surprised that he didn’t want to show his face, considering his confession of perpetrating and aiding chemical warfare, but she was hurt that he didn’t make the effort to leave her a note or send her a telegram.
He’s horrified and ashamed by his conduct and lies, she’d thought while darning Norbie’s socks. And so am I.
Anna turned to the sound of footsteps descending the stairs.
“I made us coffee,” Norbie said, entering the workshop.
“Danke,” she said.
Norbie placed two steaming cups on the workbench and sat on a stool beside her.
She took a sip. “It’s good,” she said, despite that she’d lost her taste for food.
“It’s a new blend that contains leached acorns.”
She nodded.
He took a gulp. “How are you feeling?”
She ran a finger over the rim of her cup. “I feel hurt and betrayed, and I’m disappointed in myself for not knowing more about Bruno and his family’s business.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “But there was no way you could have known. Bruno didn’t fully let you into his life, nor did he foster building a relationship between you and his family.
If you hadn’t confronted him with the knowledge you gained from Max, he might never have been honest with you.
You’re a smart woman, and I have no doubt that someday you would have discovered what his family’s ink and dye business did during the war, but it might have been after you were married and living in Frankfurt. ”
Anna’s chest ached. She wondered, although briefly, if there were other lies or secrets that Bruno was hiding. It doesn’t matter. It’s over between us.
He squeezed her hand. “I know that you’re hurting. But your pain might have been much worse if you learned of this later.” He took a sip of coffee. “I’m glad that Max was here to shed light on the truth.”
“So am I,” she said.
Norbie patted her hand and looked at her. “How does your heart feel?”
“Broken.”
“Broken for Bruno or broken for what you both created together?”
“What do you mean?” she asked, feeling confused.
He swirled his coffee. “Are you hurt from the terrible things that Bruno has done? Or are you sad about ending your relationship with him? Or maybe it’s both.”
Anna contemplated his questions. An image of injured soldiers, their eyes bandaged and gasping for air, filled her head. Tears formed in her eyes. “My heart aches for the thousands of men who will be maimed, blinded, or killed by poison gas.”
He removed a handkerchief from his pocket and gave it to her. “Me too.”
She dabbed her eyes.
“I’m not surprised that you feel that way,” he said.
She sniffed back tears. “Why do you say that?”
“I noticed a difference in your behavior with Bruno,” he said. “Compared to his last visit, you didn’t sit as close to him on the sofa. There were few hugs or hand holding, and you seldom, if ever, left the house to spend time alone with him. Instead, you made excuses to stay here with me and Max.”
She slumped her shoulders.
“I’m telling you this, of course, to make you feel better because I’m your vater. However, what I witnessed between you and Bruno leads me to believe that the pain from your broken engagement will not be permanent.”
Anna clasped her cup. “You think so?”
He nodded.
“I know my grief is quite different,” she said, “but what was it like for you when you lost Mutter?”
“Devastating,” he said. “It was the type of heartbreak that never really goes away. Even after all these years, I’m still sad about losing Helga. There isn’t a day that I don’t wake up thinking about her. It’s like I have a splinter deep in my heart that can’t work its way out.”
She clasped her vater’s hand.
He gave her a squeeze. “I understand that things are raw. But I believe, with time, that your heart will heal, and you’ll learn to feel affection again. Someday, you’ll experience the type of genuine love that I had with your mutter.”
Anna rose from her stool and hugged him.
Norbie released her and wiped his eyes. “Max is making dinner. How about we join him and Nia in the kitchen?”
Anna nodded. She followed him up the stairs, feeling grateful for her vater’s efforts to ease her pain and restore her hope.
The trio ate a dinner of turnip latkes and acorn coffee. Afterward, Norbie went to tinker in his workshop and Anna joined Max in the living room, where he was sitting on the floor and grooming Nia with a brush.
“Need some help?” Anna asked.
“I can handle it,” Max said. “But Nia and I would enjoy your company.”
Anna sat on the floor with Nia between them.
Nia tapped her tail on the hardwood floor as Max ran the brush over her fur.
“She likes being groomed,” Anna said.
“Ja.” He paused, locating Nia’s front paw. “But having her toenails clipped, not so much.”
Nia rolled onto her back and raised her paws in the air.
Anna rubbed Nia’s belly. “Her paws might always be sensitive from her time in the muddy trenches.”
“You’re probably right.” He ran the brush over the dog’s coat.
She looked at him. “I appreciate you being here for me.”
“I wish there was more that I could do for you.”
“You’ve done more than you realize,” she said.
“I’m glad.” He brushed Nia. “I’m so sorry about everything.”
“I know,” she said. “And I’m sorry, too.”
“For what?”
She swallowed. “Being here with me must remind you of what Bruno did in Ypres, and how you were blinded.”
He put down the brush and turned toward her.
“I don’t blame Bruno for my blindness, nor do I assign responsibility to his family.
Even if they hadn’t participated in the use or production of chlorine gas, the military would have ordered another officer to lead the installation of gas cylinders at the front.
And the military would have procured their poison from another manufacturer. In the end, it wouldn’t have mattered.”
She greatly appreciated his words, but a deep-seated guilt, if only by association, burned in her abdomen.
“And as for being here with you,” he said. “There is no place that I’d rather be.”
Anna blinked back tears. Me too.
Max finished brushing Nia and disposed of a pile of shed hair in the kitchen garbage. He returned to the living room, running his hand along the wall to guide his way.
“Are you feeling up to working on your composition tonight?” she asked.
“Only if you are.”
“I am,” she said. “You’ll likely be graduating in a couple of weeks. Do you think we can finish it before you leave?”
“I think so,” he said, a timbre of melancholy in his voice.
Anna sat at the piano next to Max. With staff paper and pencil in hand, she transcribed his piece while Nia slept under their bench.
Bar by bar, she recorded the notes. Her mind gradually drifted away from Bruno, his family, and war atrocities.
A calmness spread through her body, suppressing the sorrow in her chest. They worked for hours, drafting the musical composition, and she wished that the piano suite would never end.