Chapter 25 #2
I had nothing to give either one of them. I had nothing because I wasn’t worthy of either of them. Bru was such a good guy too, and, if they were smart, they’d be together. They were perfect for each other.
The thought of that broke something inside me. Bru and Bow deserved each other and that didn’t include me. It didn’t include the pain or the burden of me.
“You don’t hate me?” Bow’s lips quivered, the words gasping from her mouth. She was so fucking innocent, too fucking innocent.
“Hating you meant I didn’t have to admit the truth to myself,” I said, and the sadness in her eyes nearly broke me.
They were ringed with a despair that burrowed its way inside and carved me from the inside out.
This girl would feel bad for me like I didn’t literally treat her like shit for years.
People actually started alienating her for the shit that happened over that summer.
They felt bad for me, and that was laughable.
My throat worked. “Punishing you meant I could go on with the lie.”
“Lie?”
“That I wasn’t completely and hopelessly in love with you.”
Her mouth parted and she looked in awe of me, in awe like what I said to her wasn’t a complete betrayal of her brother. Like I had any fucking right to love this girl.
I lifted her closer in the water. She needed to fucking hear what I had to say, and it was such a mistake bringing her to me. She felt so good, her breasts perfect and quivering. She was inches away from my chest and I had to physically fight to keep her there.
Let her go.
I was. After this moment, this touch, I would no longer be her burden. I was going to go tell Thatcher the truth, and, after that, I didn’t know what happened. I could lose one of my best friends and the ache of that nearly shattered me into smaller pieces than I was already broken into.
Because I knew what I had to do next.
“I can’t love you, Bow,” I said and couldn’t even look at her. I was looking behind her, at the wall like some weak fucker. My jaw clenched tight. “I don’t have a right to love you.”
I whispered the words, but I think she heard them.
She touched my face, turning it toward her so I had to look at her.
She was looking at me like I wasn’t the sinner, the monster who let a girl die, then punished her for it for years.
She was staring at me, with all the goodness in her heart, like I was good.
And I almost believed her.
Bow had a pureness about her that made a guy see himself differently and, for a time, I thought I could be different. When we were kids, I willingly became her archer. I denied my truth. I was never this girl’s hero.
I was the devil in human skin.
Bow said nothing. She merely guided my head down.
She pushed her fingers back into my hair and I was weak again.
I didn’t stop her, but I did grab her wrist. I clenched it.
“I’m the asshole who falls for my best friend’s sister, then lies about it.
I punished her for years after I let a girl drown because of that lie. ”
She winced in front of me but she didn’t recoil. If anything, she brought me closer and used her other hand to do it, putting it on my chest. It burned into me so hot I thought I’d lose myself.
Stop her.
I was such a weak fuck, and I was wincing now. I knew I had to let her go, but I couldn’t find the will. I was letting her touch me, letting her look at me like she felt sorry for me, when all I did was ruin her life. I also stole someone else’s. Didn’t she see that?
“I’m not worthy of you, Bow,” I said, and she winced again. There was sympathy in her blue eyes, maybe even empathy. This girl was too kind for her own good. My jaw moved. “You and Bru can do so much better.”
She stopped then. She stopped getting closer, and I hoped that reality finally hit her. She knew I was right. She and Bru were good people. They should be together.
“You should be with him,” I said. If she was to choose someone, it should be him. He was good enough for her, and she was great for him. He’d been dealt a shitty hand in the past, and, though he’d overcome it, I knew Bow could be that missing piece. She could give him so much love.
Her hand on me ached at this point, envisioning her and him together. It was right, though. It made sense.
I looked away, but I came back when she touched my jaw. I squeezed her wrist. “You shouldn’t touch me. You should go be with him. You guys would be great together.”
They would be great, amazing.
I shut my eyes. “I don’t deserve either one of you guys.”
“You’re right. You don’t.”
My eyes flashed open. Little Bow was standing in front of me, and she was completely serious.
She also still had her hands on me and used them to angle my head down to look at her.
Her mouth parted. “But the thing is, you don’t get a choice.
I get to choose. And he gets to choose too, Wells Ambrose. ”
I didn’t understand. Didn’t she hear what I said? Anything I said? I wet my lips. “I made people hate you. Alienate you because I couldn’t admit the truth to myself. I couldn’t admit my mistakes and how I—”
Her mouth touched mine and stopped all thoughts. The kiss was soft, sweet, and distinctly Bow.
It was beautifully Bow.
It was filled with everything Bow was. It was my light just as much as my undoing. It brought me completeness I could only say I felt with one other person. It was her and it was him.
It was them.
I fell into the kiss more than I should have. I let Bow direct it and take me to a place I couldn’t go. I bit her lip. “I can’t, Bow. I was a piece of shit to you, and I hate myself for it. I was shit to both of you guys and I—”
“I forgive you,” she said, and I tasted salty wetness in our kiss as she sucked my lip into her mouth. A burn charged itself inside me. Especially when she deepened our kiss.
She forgives me.
She couldn’t. I shook my head. “You can’t. I don’t deserve it.”
I wanted it though. I desperately wanted her forgiveness. I wanted her, and I didn’t fight it when she pushed her fingers in my hair again. Her touch was heavenly. It was euphoric.
“I forgive you, Wells Ambrose,” she repeated against my mouth, and it unfurled something inside me I didn’t know I needed. She unleashed something, a breath, a weight. Her nose brushed mine. “Now forgive yourself, Wells. Love yourself like I always have.”
I stopped kissing her, blinking.
“I love you, Wells,” she said, and her face was so cherry red. Her mouth pressed to mine. “I love you.”
She… loves me.
She undid me with the words, and I pressed my mouth so hard against hers.
She loves me.
It was like I was enough for her. I knew the truth of that, of course. I could never be like Rainbow. I could never be as good or as kind.
She loves me.
But I’d try. I’d try so fucking hard for her, and I knew that was selfish. And I definitely knew I’d never ever be worthy of her.
Or him.
I didn’t know what was happening right now. How I could be kissing her and thinking about him. The same happened when I kissed him.
Bru was right about what happened at Legacy House. I fucked him because I was so messed up about her. It was like they both had a piece of me, and I knew they both liked each other too.
“You’re fighting her like you’re fighting me.”
Bru was right about that as well. I was fighting him and her.
Because I loved them both.
I didn’t know how it worked. But I knew how it felt.
“Why are you denying Bow and me?”
Bru’s voice was in my head as I kissed Bow deeper. As I let myself… have her. It was like he was egging me on, making me brave.
“I love you.” I pushed into Bow’s mouth, and she gasped so hard. She trembled, and I shook my head. “I know I have no right, but I fucking love you, Bow.”
I did, so fucking much.
I didn’t know what that meant for Bru and me, but something inside me told me he wanted this for me just as much as I wanted this, needed this. Something told me he’d already given me permission for this. To have this, her.
“I love her too.”
His love for her didn’t feel like a threat. If anything, it made me feel good that she could have him too. Rainbow Reed deserved as much love as could possibly be given and I knew that didn’t make sense. I should want to kill Bru for admitting how he felt about her.
But I didn’t.
I didn’t want to kill him, and, in this moment, I wanted to just have what I’d desperately wanted. I wanted to be inside Bow Reed.
I wanted to have her.
“Archer…” Bow’s lips parted as I tasted her neck, as I sucked and pressed her up against the pool. I thrusted into her through my boxers, and she shook so hard I thought she’d fall apart. “I love you.”
It pained me to hear it just as much as it livened me. I felt so unworthy of her love, her care. My tongue swept hers. “I love you.”
Admitting it again nearly made me wince. I did love her, but, at the same time, I was betraying Thatcher with that love.
She loves me.
I parted Bow’s legs, the only thought in my mind her heat. The thought of touching her made me blind, and I eased her panties away. My fingers found their way inside her and…
Fuck.
Bow’s mouth fell open as my digits pumped, her greedy sex devouring my fingers.
She grabbed my biceps just to hold on, and I growled when she dragged her fingernails down my skin.
She instantly left welts, and I forgot myself.
I forgot who she was and the consequences that would befall us both after this moment.
I forgot the consequences that would befall me as I took my cock in my hand and stroked it through my boxers.
I wanted to be inside her. I wanted to fuck her.
I wanted to make love to her.
I knew nothing about love. If I did, I wouldn’t have shown it for years as hate. I wouldn’t have treated someone so innocent so poorly.
My growls became something different as I pumped my cock.
At the same time, I fucked her with my fingers.
I couldn’t go there. I refused. I couldn’t let go, and it took everything I had to keep distance between us.
Bow looked so beautiful as she fucked my hand.
There was a glow to her skin I wanted to taste, just like her nipples.
They were beaded hard through her bra, and I pressed my chest against hers.
She called out again, and I did too. I pumped my dick, and she came hard over my hand. Jolting, her slick body slid against mine, and I engulfed myself in the warmth. My cock surged, and soon, I was coming in my boxers just like I did at Legacy House. I came like a fucking teenager again.
Because of her.
I kissed Bow, her mouth open as she laid her head back to the pool’s ledge. Her dark hair spread out like she was a damn mermaid, a siren sent to tempt me.
This girl did prove to be my undoing in the end, and, as my lips moved against hers, I found that kissing her, tasting her, was the only thing that kept my thoughts at bay.
I felt the influx of betrayal and regret threatening to crash though this moment.
I couldn’t pass off that I made my best friend’s little sister come again, but Thatcher wasn’t the only one in my mind. I thought about Bru too.
I thought about how he wasn’t here this time.