Chapter 15
Rivi
Iwoke to complete darkness. My back, side and feet were freezing. A draft blew winter air on me where I curled deep into some cushions.
For many seconds, I had to think hard to remember where I was. It was like building the world around me that sleep had obliterated.
I stretched out my feet and felt something hard. My hand brushed pillowy softness. Slowly, the darkness revealed things. There were low-powered nightlights overhead. I lifted my head and saw the long hall I’d come down after leaving the Christmas Eve gathering.
Everything became three-D and solid again.
How long had I been asleep? Had dinner already been served? My stomach rumbled. I remembered Uncle Trent and his polite but obvious disapproval of Briar and after that I hadn’t wanted dinner. I didn’t want anything.
It was my favorite night of the year. But now it felt all icky.
The kink party was coming up. It no longer seemed appealing.
I loved hanging out with Ozzy and Maddy, but if that was all it would be, I wasn’t sure I really wanted to go anymore.
I’d feel too self-conscious with Uncle Trent watching me, looking out for me.
Which I appreciated because I knew he loved me.
But I no longer felt excited that I could explore myself without inhibitions.
I turned onto my back, clutching Santa, and shivered. The air down this hallway was awfully cold. Maybe the heat didn’t reach this far.
I imagined everyone back in the warm lounge enjoying a great dinner, laughing, sharing stories, the littles looking out the windows at the skies for Santa’s sleigh.
Tears stung at my eyelids.
Maybe I had been wrong to ask Uncle Trent if I could come to his estate for the holidays. He had his secret life, and I had mine. Maybe they should not have mixed.
I sniffed back my tears. But not before a soft whimper escaped my throat.
“Rivi?”
My head jerked back. That sounded like Briar.
“Are you down here?”
“Briar?”
Footsteps hurried toward me, and I saw a shadow of a big man in the weak light. To my surprise, Briar appeared. He stood over me, casting me in complete shadow.
“What are you doing here?”
“I just wandered down here.” My voice came out rattled.
“It's freezing. Is there a window open or something?”
“Just drafts. Were you looking for me?” I couldn't believe he'd left the party to come after me.
“Yes. I went back to the gathering and you weren't there. Trent and I had a somewhat long discussion and he said you'd left early.” He shifted something in his arms. “You left your gift behind. I brought it.”
I glanced up. “Thank you.”
“Are you all right? You must be freezing, honey.”
“Please don't call me that,” I whispered. “Uncle Trent doesn't I want us to be that kind of friendly.”
“I know. But we had a talk. Can I tell you about it?”
“I don't want to be any trouble,” I quickly interjected.
“You're not. But Trent understands that he's been a bit overprotective. It's his nature. He really loves you and cares about you and what happens in your life.”
“Did he say that?”
“Pretty much.”
“I don't want to get in the way of your friendship with him.” I put my fingers to my mouth to hold back my emotion.
“If anything like that was happening, it was all on me. You don't need to worry about that. I should have talked with him sooner.”
“I didn't think we were doing anything weird. Why was he that way?”
“I told you not to worry. It's on me.” Briar shrugged. “I took a liking to you. A strong liking.”
“Strong? More than just regular ‘liking’ someone?”
“Yes. He saw that. He wasn't wrong in his assumptions.”
I swung my legs over the bench and Briar set my game box next to me, then sat.
“I like you, too.” I could barely find my voice. “I didn't even think about it too much, really, it just felt natural. And you're so big and tall. It's sort of amazing, I guess?”
Briar laughed. “I'll take that as a compliment.”
I shivered all over, partially from the cold but also from realizing I was sitting next to a man that I actually wanted in my life. The shiver turned into a shake that rattled my teeth.
“You're freezing,” Briar observed.
An arm came around my shoulders. For a moment, I stiffened, thinking of Uncle Trent. But then I realized we were in the cold dark alone together and no one was here to see us. I could be honest. I could let him keep his arm around me and sink into that warmth so easily.
The box was between us, but I still felt close to him. I wanted more.
“I’m a little cold, I guess.”
“How about we go into a warmer area of the house?”
I noticed he was careful in his wording. He didn't say we should go upstairs. Just somewhere else. I didn't want to move fast and was grateful he seemed to understand that. Was it just me being a little? Or was it my age? But it didn't matter. Either way, I was beginning to trust.
As he stood, he helped me up. Then he took the box under one arm while keeping his other arm around my shoulders and steered us both back down the hall toward the main part of the house.
He led me to the giant living room where a fire was going even though no one was around.
I immediately approached the warm hearth.
Before I knew it, we were both sitting on the fuzzy rug facing the fire.
I was disappointed that Briar's arm had fallen away from me, but he was still very close, our knees almost touching.
“May I ask what made you go down to the end of that hall and take a nap on that cold lonely couch?”
“I don't know. I didn't want to go back to my room. It was somewhere different that I'd never been before even when I was here as a kid.”
“Plus, you were upset, right?”
I nodded. Instinctively, I hugged my hands to my chest only to realize my Santa doll was missing.
“Ohh no. I left Santa on the couch.”
“Do you want me to go back and get him?”
“I think he'll be okay for a little while. We'll go later.”
“All right. I won't forget, I promise.”
It seemed like such a silly promise, but it meant everything to me. This big grown man sitting next to me was worried about my stupid toy. How could Uncle Trent not see that he was perfect daddy material?
I stretched out my covered feet, pressing on the pink flannel at my knees. My feet were still cold and the heat from the fire soothed them.
“Can you tell me what you were feeling when you left… other than being tired?” Briar asked.
I bowed my head. “You were gone. I didn't know if you were coming back. That was sad and I was upset that I’d ever come here.” My fingers folded across my stomach. I squeezed them tight.
“Poor baby. I know how it feels. Like nobody understands you. But I guarantee you the people here do understand. Trent understands. If it would make you feel better, we can talk to him together. But you should know that right now Trent and I are good. Our talk went well.”
“That’s a relief.”
“Do you know anything about how he and Ozzy met?”
“Ozzy told me a little bit. From his point of view. But Uncle Trent has never really talked to me about it. I didn’t even know there was an Ozzy until last week.”
“Maybe I'll let him tell you. But I can say this.
His protective nature is a bit on overkill at times.
It keeps him from pursuing things. Or even noticing the cues when someone might want more from him.
It has to do with the dominant in the relationship understanding certain lines they can't cross, or shouldn't cross, that might be seen as taking advantage of a weaker individual.
The relationships like that must be navigated very carefully when the heart becomes fully involved.
Sometimes it's easier to just stay away and not deal with the feelings. People learn to bury their emotions for all sorts of reasons in their lives.”
“Uncle Trent is complicated. Is that what you're saying?”
“Yes.”
“Ozzy did tell me that. With a few details.”
“We are all complicated. Sometimes it takes a little extra work. That's all.”
“That makes sense.”
We talked by the fire for a long time. I stretched out on the fuzzy rug. Briar gave me comfort vibes. With him, I could easily talk about my more personal thoughts. My usual shyness began to retreat. Being with him became as natural as breathing. He accepted me for me.
Within an hour, my stomach began to growl. One growl was loud enough to interrupt us.
Briar laughed. “Hungry?”
“Well, we both skipped dinner.”
He stood. “Wait here.”
I lounged in front of the fire, watching the golden flames, and marveled at how one moment I’d been upset and the next I thought of myself as the luckiest boy alive.
It proved to me how much just one person doing nice things could make all the difference in someone’s life.
I had three of those people. Mama. Uncle Trent. And now Briar.
Briar returned a few minutes later carrying a tray.
He set it on the coffee table behind me.
On it were two plates piled with food. Probably leftovers from the dinner.
Ham. Mashed potatoes. Green beans. Plus, two bowls with tossed salad, and two plates with enormous slices of chocolate cake. He’d also brought water and Cokes.
My stomach churned and my mouth watered. I knee-walked to the table, sat down and grabbed a plate. Briar sat on the floor across the table from me.
We feasted.
I ate until I couldn’t fit another bite inside me.
Briar stood and put another heavy log on the fire. As we digested the meal, we lay side by side on the rug, listening to the pops and crackles of the new log slowly being devoured. Pine scent filled the room.
Tentatively, I reached out by my side and encountered Briar’s hand.
I slid my palm up over the outside of his fingers and rested it there.
After about ten seconds, he turned his hand so we were palm to palm.
As if it was meant to be, our fingers wove together.
His hand was way bigger than mine, engulfing me. It was so right.
I gave a little squeeze. My body tingled all over.
We held hands like that for a long time. Was this normal? Right? It seemed like Briar might think this was cheesy. He was probably used to boys fawning over him and offering themselves right and left.
But I couldn’t keep asking myself questions, overthinking things like always. I needed to just let go. Let this situation take its course. I had to trust.
Little thrills of electricity moved up and down my body. If I could have a Christmas wish, it would be that this night could last forever.
As I had that thought, Briar turned on his side toward me, still holding my hand between us. With his outer hand, he reached out to my face and brushed my springy curls from my forehead.
“What do you look like without your glasses?” he asked in a soft voice.
I gulped. “Probably better.”
“Not better,” he said. “Just different.”
His hand moved across my temple and took hold of the frame of my glasses, tugging until they came off.
I blinked up into Briar’s face above mine.
He said, “I like you both ways. But now I can see those beautiful brown eyes better.”
I sucked my lower lip into my mouth. His presence over me made my body go into over-drive. My cock became instantly hard. That rarely happened with me. But right now, I couldn’t help it. He smelled like men’s cologne and chocolate cake.
I couldn’t breathe as he stared at me. My fingers closed against his even harder as he leaned down. It was an eternity. It was less than a second. But finally—finally—his lips pressed against mine. Soft. Minimal pressure. So warm and tender. I had not expected that gentleness.
Blood rushed through my ears. And other places. My senses went haywire. I couldn’t hear. The touch of his mouth intensified. I was about to let my lips part when he pulled back.
“There,” he whispered. “All right?”
My first kiss. Being a late bloomer sucked, but now all that was behind me. I’d had my first kiss.
I inhaled slowly, trying not to make any sound. I looked into Briar’s face and saw one sleek eyebrow rise in question.
Time froze. I didn’t know what to say. Or what he expected. But I did know one thing.
“Can you do that again?” I asked.
His smile made his dimples pop. He placed his hand on the side of my jaw and leaned in, and his mouth was against mine again as if it belonged there. As if that touch was something I’d always wanted but I never knew how to define.
I wanted to hug him to me, press harder. But my arms lay limp at my sides, my hand still clutching his.
It took me a few seconds, but I got up the nerve to move my lips, using those muscles to press back against him. They parted and the kiss took on dimensions I’d never known could exist.
Briar’s hand against my cheek was hot. His thumb caressed over it. It was as if our bodies touched all over, melting into each other even though we were inches apart. It was only his hand and our mouths. How so little could be so much filled me with wonder.
Finally, I got up the nerve to lift my free arm and place it on his shoulder.
Briar moaned against me and the kiss took off.