Chapter Twenty-Nine
Gabe
What a fucking mess.
I fought to keep myself in check as Leo left. I’d never seen him look so defeated. His whole life he’d been told he wasn’t good enough, and his whole life he’d been trying to atone for it. Watching Mitch be so angry and dismissive with him cut me to the core, so his rejection had to be killing Leo when all he ever tried to do was improve the lives of the people around him and make them feel better, make himself feel better.
Pulling out a chair, I motioned to Mitch with my head. “Sit down.”
“I don’t wanna—”
“Sit. The fuck. Down.”
Mitch threw daggers at me but plunked himself down on the chair, which I took as a small victory and a good enough sign he seemed interested in listening to what I had to say. I let him settle as I sat beside him, angling my seat to face him, wanting no barriers between us while we talked.
Conscious of Leo in the next room and how easily our voices carried in the quiet space, I kept my voice low. “Have you ever met his stepfather?”
“What?”
“Leo’s stepfather. Have you met him?”
“A couple times. Mostly I’ve seen him in town talking to people.”
“What were your initial impressions of him?”
“What the hell does he have to do with Leo lying to me?”
“Leo didn’t lie, and what you think of his stepfather has everything to do with it.”
He tilted his head to look at me. “Malcolm Taylor’s an arrogant bastard.”
“How do you think he treats Leo?”
“How am I meant—?”
“You obviously heard and, I’m guessing, also saw Leo on the phone to him earlier.”
His expression darkened.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
A curt nod.
“What was Leo’s reaction?” He furrowed his brow, mulling my question over before flicking his gaze to me. “Exactly.”
Mitch settled himself in his chair, fully focused now.
“All Leo ever wants is for everyone to be happy. He’s been the mediator between us more times than I care to count, but for him it’s natural wanting to solve problems or disputes, seeking approval, trying to be seen. His stepfather has made sure he never allows that to happen.”
“That still doesn’t explain—”
I held up my hand to silence him. He stuck out his jaw, his lips a thin line.
“No, no it doesn’t. But prior to ripping him apart, you need to understand why he did what he did, and what’s changed for him now.”
Mitch crossed his arms and stretched his long legs out in front of him, all powerful muscle and easy grace.
“His stepfather is holding him to ransom. He either gets you to sell or he’s being made the scapegoat when his stepfather lays off staff at his firm.” I’d decided not to mention Caitlin, as I didn’t feel I had the right to speak about Leo’s sister, though if Mitch continued to be an asshole, I’d rethink my decision.
He sucked in some air at my statement but remained defensive. “He only told us he’d be screwed. Still doesn’t change the fact he’s been lying to me.”
“He’s stuck in an impossible position. He may not have told you everything, but he’s never lied to you.” Mitch tried to protest but clamped his mouth shut as I again held up my hand. “He doesn’t want anyone to lose their jobs because of him, but he’s been forced down a path he didn’t want to take to try to prevent that from happening. Plus, he now has another problem.”
“Oh?”
“You.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. He’s gotten to know you on a level he never expected—we both have—so now he has an additional dilemma. He wants to protect you. His acquiescence on the call to Malcolm was to buy him more time.”
“To what? Figure out another way to trick me into doing what he wants?”
“No. To try and work out how he can save people’s jobs and also give you what you need.” I sat back and spread my hands. “Impossible, right? If he gets you to sell, people keep their jobs, but you’ll lose the place you love. If you don’t sell, he’s responsible for people being laid off. He can’t win, and it’s tearing him apart.”
Mitch’s gaze moved to the wall separating the kitchen from the bedroom, as if trying to somehow penetrate the solid barrier to locate Leo. “I need a drink,” he huffed roughly. “You want one?” He didn’t wait for my answer, just stood and walked around the table to grab the bottle of brandy and a couple of glasses off the shelf. He returned to his chair, poured us both two large fingers, downed his, and poured himself another.
“And you’re suggesting what exactly?” he asked me.
I took a sip of the brandy and swallowed, letting the fiery heat slide down my throat and warm my belly. “I’m not suggesting anything. I was hoping you’d come up with something.”
“Fuck.”
“One thing I will say.” I waited for him to look at me before I continued. “He did fuck up. He knows he did, but you have to be the one to tell him everything’s going to be okay between you. He’ll believe you’re placating him otherwise if he comes to you first, and he won’t believe me if I tell him. It’s gotta be you.”
He threw back the rest of his glass. “Hearing him on the phone, thinking he’d sold me out, really hurt, you know,” he admitted.
I laid my hand over his on the tabletop. “I can guess. Having your trust shaken is never a good thing.”
“But it hurt, Gabe. Stabbing pain in my chest kind of hurt.” He winced and raised his hand, unconsciously rubbing his fingers over his heart, as if trying to ease the ache.
My own heart sped up at his response. Mitch may not understand why he felt this way, but I did and recognized the importance of this moment for him. “Why do you think that is?” I didn’t want to push him into an answer but hoped he’d say something, if only to confirm I wasn’t the only one beginning to feel the same.
“To think I was a means to an end, and in reality, meant nothing to him at all…” He faltered, poured himself another finger and downed the contents. I offered mine for a refill.
“I get it,” I replied, huskily. “The way he looks at me sometimes I can see my whole world right there in his eyes. And for those magical few seconds I feel so fucking special, so honored to be in his orbit, I can hardly breathe. And, I know I’m being completely selfish, but I’ll do whatever it takes for him to continue looking at me the same way every single day.”
“Yeah,” Mitch agreed miserably. “Me too.”
“So make it right, Mitch.”
He swallowed, and I watched him struggle to figure things out. “I’m not sure what to do,” he half whispered. “What if I fuck it up?” Emotions flitted rapidly across his hazel eyes: want, affection, betrayal, acceptance, but mostly the fear of failure, of losing what he might have if he didn’t resolve the distance between him and Leo.
I smiled. “You won’t fuck anything up. Just be honest and tell him how hurt you felt, allow him to see why he caused you pain, and go from there.”
He sighed, filled his glass once more, and held it up to me. “Our Leo.” His toast made my insides all fluttery.
Our Leo .
The words reverberated around in my mind, settling in deep, forcing my own acceptance of our situation. I’d tried so hard to fight the pull of them both, but I had already lost the battle. I was falling for both my men because that’s who they were now—mine—and I kept falling deeper every day. I’d tried over and over to keep my distance, knowing they’ll cause me a whole load more trouble in the end, but it was no use, my heart was determined to override my brain.
In hindsight, I clearly saw why my relationship with Karl and David was always destined to fail. I never put in the effort required for us to succeed. Work ruled my life, so I’d make up flimsy excuses for why I’d be too busy to go to this party or that dinner. Even when I got upset they’d started to exclude me, my pride got dented, more than my heart.
Yes, it had fucking hurt when they’d told me they no longer wanted me, no longer loved me. I’d not been able to forgive what I’d perceived as their utter betrayal of me simply because I’d never been dumped in the past. I’d always been the one to leave first, to give up on a relationship. To have two people tell me at the same time they no longer wanted me was a double whammy I hadn’t been expecting. Far too arrogant and sure of myself to see the end coming, when they told me we were over I had no clue how to deal with the rejection.
It felt different with Leo and Mitch as this time I was determined to make an effort, to put in the work. I wanted them and everything else that went along with them, good or bad. The idea we’d go off the rails because we didn’t communicate properly or let foolish pride get in our way? Well, I wasn’t going to let that happen.
“I’ll go get him,” I offered, wanting to end the misery for both of them, but at the same time give Mitch a few moments to gather himself.
He nodded his agreement. “Okay.”
I stood and lightly brushed Mitch’s cheek with my palm, enjoying the scratch of his rough beard over my skin. He turned his head and kissed my fingers, my heart doing somersaults at the tenderness in his gaze as our eyes connected. “I won’t be a sec.” Leaving him sitting at the table, I headed out of the kitchen and into the bedroom to find a nervous Leo seated on the bed, the pillows piled up behind him, dogs snuggled close, their heads resting high on his thighs, the lucky things.
Chuck and Norris raised their heads when they heard me approach. Leo’s closed eyes immediately popped open, his worry clear in their azure blue depths. I grinned in the hope of taking the edge off his nerves and relieve some of the tension bunching his shoulders up around his ears. “We’re good,” I greeted him, not wanting to make him wait any longer than necessary.
His skeptical look made me laugh.
God, I loved him .
My step faltered for a fraction of a second before I caught myself and carried on toward the bed. The sudden pounding of blood as it rushed through my veins sounded loud in my head as my admission sank in.
I loved him.
Despite thinking I’d covered my revelation well, Leo still must have seen a change in my expression because his eyes were suddenly full of concern.
“What’s wrong? I thought you said everything’s okay?”
I instantly forced my grin back in place. “It is, so there’s no need to keep hiding out in here.”
“You’re the one who told me to stay away,” he grumbled.
“Ya got me.” I held out my hand for him to take, his response instant, entwining our fingers as I helped him off the bed, his free arm wrapping around my waist, his body leaning against mine, trusting me to not let him fall.
As we exited the bedroom, I analyzed my internal declaration of love. Okay, I was totally on board with falling for them both because it meant I’d developed deeper feelings I needed to work on and examine. But love, especially with our precarious relationship, shouldn’t have blossomed so fast, right? We weren’t anywhere near emotionally close enough, or knew one another well enough for me to fall in love, were we? Plus, we’d only been here four days, well, three and a half. Who the hell fell in love after a few fucking days?
Me, apparently.
Despite the voice in my head screaming at me to take cover and run for the hills, my heart blithely ignored the demand, busily spreading a cheery warmth all the way through my body until my bones, nerves, and muscles were completely infused, and I glowed with it.
I loved Leo, and Mitch was rapidly following with his gruff exterior protecting his damaged soul. He needed to be loved so hard, and Leo and I were the perfect ones to take on the challenge, the only ones able, but me and Mitch still had work to do before I got to that stage.
I led Leo into the sitting area, where Mitch waited for us. I stepped aside to let Leo pass, a look of relief appearing on his face when Mitch purposely moved forward and enfolded him in his arms. Leo’s deep sigh of contentment was the best thing I’d heard all day, and when he extended his arm to include me in their embrace, I eagerly obliged.
Arms around them both, my body finally relaxed. Leo and Mitch needed to talk, but we were back on track, and relief flooded me. After a couple of moments, I stepped away to let the two of them hug a bit longer, Mitch murmuring in Leo’s ear, hopefully explaining why he’d gotten so upset. Leo nodded, and the expression in his eyes slowly morphed into one of affection and wonder. He shook his head, whispering something to Mitch in return, before holding him tighter and burying his face in Mitch’s shoulder.
Flopping down on the armchair, then wiggling my toes at the fire, I watched my men, studying them both in the golden light of the table lamps, as they separated an inch, then moving as one, sat on the couch, where they quietly continued their discussion. Both tall and built, they made my heart race. I was never one to be intimidated by a bigger guy than me. Hell, at my height, most people were, but something about these two men made me feel small. Comparing my slimmer, defined body to the thick slabs of muscle covering theirs, I also felt a bit fragile and in need of their protection. The sensation was so out of character for me, and one I’d never experienced before but had subconsciously always craved. This truth allowed my mind to settle, knowing they’d be there keeping me safe.
I would do the same for them, too, as being smaller didn’t make me any weaker. If the people closest to me needed help, they’d get it, no matter what. I’d fight for them with my last breath. No. Matter. What.
Placing a kiss on his cheek before easing away from Leo and standing, Mitch glanced over toward me. “I’m starving, so I’ll go finish making dinner.” He flashed me a relieved smile, making my stomach flip. Seriously, the guy was sickeningly handsome.
Standing, too, and linking their fingers, Leo added, “I’ll grab us some wine.” He followed close behind Mitch causing a grin to curve on my lips, as I guessed they’d be making out in the kitchen any second. And that was another thing. In the past, I’d felt jealous and excluded if my exes made out without me as if in doing so they were proving to themselves they didn’t need me to give them what they wanted in their relationship. For some reason, this jealousy didn’t appear with Leo and Mitch, and I wasn’t sure why. Perhaps the strangeness of our scenario, of being cooped up together with no personal space or time apart, played a significant role? Who knows, maybe I’m more secure and relaxed in a relationship this time around? I did know them making out in the kitchen didn’t bother me in the slightest, and I found the realization enlightening.
My grin widened when, sure enough, Leo’s low laugh was followed by a sexy moan drifting out of the kitchen. A few minutes later, he returned with two glasses of white wine, a flushed face, and a contented smile.
“See. I told you I’d get it straightened out.” He blushed, making me snicker. Handing me the wine, he lowered his head and planted a kiss on my lips. He smelled of Mitch’s cologne.
“Thank you,” he whispered gratefully before swiping his tongue across my own.
I slid my hand in his hair to hold him in place, deepened the kiss, and got my own Leo moan. “You’re worth it.” I told him, and those few simple words made him melt right in front of me.
How could his stepfather not see the sweet and kind soul of this man? The asshole had really done a number on him, something I would go to great lengths to erase by ensuring I told Leo every single day how amazing he was, how gorgeous and sexy, if only to see the look of wonder on his face whenever I did.
Taking his wine from him, I placed the glasses down on the side table beside me. “C’mere,” I ground out and pulled him down on the couch with me, taking him in my arms as he half sprawled across me. Long legs stretched out over mine, his head on my chest, my arm draped lovingly around his shoulder.
“Hmmm.” He released the sound, long and slowly. “I could get used to this,” he remarked as he snuggled in. “Coming home from work and laying with you or Mitch on the sofa while the other makes dinner; the snow falling outside; us all warm and cozy inside; the dogs on the rug by the fire.”
“Sounds perfect,” I sighed as the image he evoked slipped into my imagination, showing me a glimpse of a possible future I’d never expected to want again. I squeezed him tighter, enjoying the feel of his warm body and firm muscles beneath my fingertips.
“It is.”
We lay quietly for a while, eyes closed, enjoying the closeness of each other and the sounds of Mitch moving around in the kitchen, reminding us of his presence. Something had subtlety shifted between us, and I took that as confirmation we’d officially moved to the next stage of whatever we had going on and were finally comfortable with one another. Another of the barriers had been stripped away. We were closer now, more in tune. Leo was the most relaxed I’d ever seen him, and only now did I understand how tense he’d been since we arrived at the cabin. If we weren’t happy, he sensed our discomfort, the situation causing him stress, and he tried to do everything to regain balance and harmony. Mitch and I hadn’t made things easy for him, something I viewed with a clarity I hadn’t been able to see previously. His personality made him so exposed and open to being hurt, we had to take a lot more care with him, of him, to keep him protected. A deep well of gratitude built within me, knowing he’d chosen us for the job.
“I’ve never had this before,” he said, an edge of drowsiness in his voice.
“Oh?” Opening my eyes and lifting my head, I looked down at him laying against me, his eyes still closed as he talked.
“Acceptance.”
“Acceptance?” I repeated not entirely sure what he meant.
He nodded lazily. “Allowed to be myself.”
I stilled, not wanting to interrupt him now he’d revealed more about himself. He’d talked about his situation with his father or the blame he carried for what happened to his sister, but never about himself.
“How come?”
He heaved out a sigh. “I’ve never been good enough. Not in my career, not in my personal life, and certainly not for my family. I’ve never been accepted for who I am and feel like I’ve been forced to hide away in a shell of somebody I don’t recognize or understand for the entirety of my life.”
I ran gentle fingers through his thick wheat-blond hair, absently noticing how the darker roots grew paler toward the tips. He nestled into my touch, and I liked how I helped calm him.
“Jackson was always the golden boy.”
“Your brother?”
“Older brother. No matter what he did, he made it look easy. Top grades. Top athlete. Top PR guy. Top, top, top—that was Jackson.
“All my life I’ve had the ‘why’ question. Why can’t you get top grades like Jackson? Why aren’t you top in your sport like Jackson? Why aren’t you more career oriented like Jackson? You get the drift.”
“Yeah, I got it.”
“I tried to get them to see me, tried so damn hard, but my efforts were a pointless exercise. Always second best, I’d never live up to Jackson or my family’s expectations. Eventually, I learned to accept I’d always be seen as less in their eyes and tried to figure out a way to live with their bitter disappointment.”
“You’re not less, Leo, or a disappointment.”
His hand came up to hold mine over his chest. “The one thing I did better than Jackson was swimming. He was so out of his depth.” He chuckled darkly. “Literally out of his depth, but I loved the water. We had a pool at home, and I swam every day, before and after school and most of the weekend.” He shifted in my arms, turning his face away from me but he failed to hide the glassiness in his eyes. “Mom and Malcom built a fence around the perimeter, locking me out. Scolded me for deliberately showing off to make Jackson feel bad at not being able to swim as well as me. That I had no right to be so selfish and unthinking, so as punishment, my ‘little hobby’ had to go. Jackson still used the pool, of course, and so did my parents whenever their friends came around, but I wasn’t allowed anywhere near it.” Leo’s shoulders slumped. “I was grateful in the end as I never wanted to swim again, anyway, after what happened with Caitlin.”
Christ .
“What did happen to Caitlin?” I asked him gently.
“She couldn’t swim that well, either, so used to splash around in the shallow end with a float. For some reason that day, she must have tried to cross the pool when I’d gone inside to get us some drinks and snacks and got into trouble.” He sucked in a gulp of air. “She lost consciousness and by the time I got to her and pulled her out of the pool, she’d been underwater for too long. She sustained brain damage due to lack of oxygen.” He threw the last sentence out with no emotion, obviously wanting to get the words out of the way as fast as possible.
“I’m so sorry, Leo.”
He shrugged. “The most decent thing Malcolm ever did was pay for her healthcare. She has short periods of semiconsciousness and has done since the accident, but nothing more, so far…” he trailed off, so I hugged him tighter and nuzzled his hair.
“I chose law for a career as it’s a field my brother had no interest in.” I let the subject of his sister go, not willing to push him further on the topic since he’d already revealed far more than I’d expected him to.
“Yeah?”
“I thought becoming a lawyer would be a perfect career choice, allowing me to move to Boston away from any family influence. I’d get a job at a prestigious law firm and prove my worth.” He sighed deeply. “Even then, I wasn’t good enough. Didn’t have the killer instinct to be a top attorney.” He wiped at his eyes. “It’s true, I don’t.” The resignation on his face saddened me. “And the few short-term boyfriends I did have didn’t want me , only the lifestyle I gave them.”
“Leo,” I whined softly. At this rate, he’d end up breaking my heart.
He turned to me and gave me a lopsided smile, his face so bright and full of wonder I fought to breathe.
“But now I’ve met you and Mitch, and for the first time in my life, you see me . Plain, old Leo Taylor.”
Leaning down, I kissed the tip of his nose. “Trust me, gorgeous, you are anything but plain or old.”
His smile widened and, pushing himself up, he lightly brushed his lips over mine while gazing at me with so much adoration on his face, if I’d had any doubts about whether I loved him, they flew right out the window.
“That’s what I’m saying. You see me. Both of you see me and still want me anyway.
“We do,” I cut in. “And don’t ever think otherwise.” I’d decided to wait to tell him I loved him, to make sure I’d gotten things straight in my head before I spoke. But something clicked into place deep down inside me, clearing away all my remaining doubts and fears. There would never be a better time than now to reveal what was in my heart, so after a moment of hesitation, I told him, “I love you, Leo.”
I held my breath and hoped the widening of his eyes and the catching-flies expression on his face wasn’t a bad sign.
“Gabe,” he croaked, petrifying me, making me suddenly want to retract the words. Leo maneuvered himself on top of me so we were chest to chest. I refused to meet his eyes, too afraid he’d laugh at me and reject my declaration. He let out a soft sigh and hugged me so hard, he almost crushed my ribs.
“I love you too,” he gasped.
“Really?” I whispered, a lump forming in my throat.
“Yeah, really.”
It was my turn to crush him now, my arms gripping him so tightly I got pins and needles.
“You’re sure? You don’t have to say you love me if you’re not ready. I’m a lot to deal with. I know I am, so if you’re having doubts about me, I completely understand. I mean, I’m ecstatic if you do love me because, hey, what’s not to love? But if you’re still unsure or you need more time—”
He kissed me soundly on the lips putting an end to my embarrassing rambling. I returned his kiss with every ounce of love and passion in my heart.
“Yes, Gabe.” He kissed me again. “I am 1000 percent sure.” Another kiss. “I love you.” A final kiss. “Okay?”
I beamed at him, my lips stretched so wide my cheeks hurt.
“Right. Yes. Okay,” I replied happily, feeling giddy. He loved me. He fucking loved me.
“Hey, what about me?” Mitch growled from behind us. He must have heard Leo talking and wanted to be near, meaning he’d also heard my declaration to Leo.
Lifting himself to his knees, Leo leaned over the couch and grabbed on to Mitch’s T-shirt, bunching the fabric up in his fist and pulling him in, then kissed him tenderly. “I love you too,” he announced clearly and kissed Mitch again.
Mitch hauled him up and into his huge arms, their strength tenderly wrapping around Leo as he took over the kiss. His teeth biting Leo’s lower lip made him groan, and his tongue delving inside Leo’s mouth took what he needed.
The scene had me hard as a rock in seconds.
Ripping his mouth away from Leo and breathing heavily, Mitch stared deeply into his eyes. “I know after the way I treated you I probably don’t deserve to say these words, but I do love you, Leo,” he said gruffly and kissed him roughly again.
Apart from their low moans there were no other sounds and when they loosened their grip on each other, their breathing evening out, the room had gone deadly quiet. I stared at Mitch, and he stared at me. The lie to say I loved him was on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed it down. I was so close, so, so close but not quite there yet, and I refused to say those words just for the sake of it. The tenuous bonds continued to wrap themselves around my heart, and Mitch would soon breach the last of my defenses, but any declaration now would be much too soon for both of us.
We were still fighting, vying for dominance, working out where we belonged. Being so open, looking into Leo’s soul and believing in him was easy, but Mitch continued hiding himself from me, continued to hold an important piece back. We both were. The trust, the openness, and honesty would come but not quite yet.
“Soon,” I whispered, my gaze fixed on his. His eyes softened at my words, and his nod of acknowledgment, of understanding, was a welcome relief.
The sadness in Leo’s eyes when we didn’t immediately say the same three little words we’d said to him hurt my heart, and I’m sure he feared we’d never say them. That now he’d gotten what he wanted, his world would fall apart right in front of him.
Tugging on Leo’s hand, I waited for him to sit next to me. I cupped his cheek. “We’re all good, me and him.” I ran my thumb along the line of his jaw a couple times. “It’ll just take a bit more time for us, is all.” I gave a cheeky grin. “I mean, let’s face it, he’s nowhere near as easy to love as you are. He’s so damn grouchy all the time.”
“Hey,” Mitch instantly grumbled behind me.
I rolled my eyes at Leo. “See. And that’s another thing making you so perfect. You see us too. You see who we are so clearly, it’s awe-inspiring. You see our faults, our failings, but more amazingly, you see what’s in our hearts.” I shrugged. “I’m not like you. I’m too cynical, too jaded to give in so easily.”
“You have with me,” he replied, and I smirked.
“But you’re such an open book with your feelings and emotions, you’re easy to let inside.
“Him and I.” I gestured between me and Mitch. “We’re still finding our way, but we’ll get there, okay? I promise we’ll get there.”
Mitch laid his large hands on my shoulders and squeezed. “And did I say he’s so grouchy?” His fingers dug in harder, making me wince, but the quick follow-up rub along my shoulders took the sting away.
“Dinner’s nearly ready,” Mitch said, his voice thick and heavy. Placing my hand over his, I gave him a few taps before he slipped away.
“He does love you already, you know” Leo revealed after he’d gone. “I see the way he stares at you when he thinks you’re not looking.
“Does he?” I tried to ask the question as if I didn’t care about the answer, but I was fishing, and we both knew it.
He smirked and bumped shoulders with me. “You know he does.”
The smile on my face must have lit up the room.