Chapter 27
Lauren
“Lauren, we have to go!” Nic is shaking me awake. Pretty strongly.
“Relax. I’m awake. And you’re about to give me whiplash,” I mumble, blinking my eyes open. “Is there a fire?” I ask her sleepily. But she doesn’t stop shaking my shoulder until I sit up, glaring at her with the fury of someone torn from sleep.
“No fire. But there’s a snowstorm approaching.”
Finally, she lets go of me—only to grab my blanket and pull it off me.
“And?” She paces around the room, wringing her hands.
“And if you want to make it back home today, we need to leave now. And even that’s probably already cutting it close.”
“Wait, what?”
“Get up, Lauren.” She sounds exasperated. Then a pillow hits the side of my head.
“Rude,” I mumble but get up. My bed is the last thing standing in the bedroom, so Nic took the couch in the living room to sleep. This afternoon, movers will come and dispose of anything that’s left in this flat.
“Come on, hurry.” Nic throws a t-shirt, jeans, and a sweater at me that I pull on without even questioning her.
“How do you even know about the snowstorm?”
“Henry called me,” she says over her shoulder as she rummages in my handbag. “Here, charge your phone as we carry all the boxes down. We have to leave in thirty minutes at the latest. Chop chop.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I say, muffled by the sweatshirt I’m pulling over my head. This early, I am functioning on autopilot.
No wonder. I haven’t even had a coffee yet.
One after the other, we grab the boxes and carry them down to my Jeep.
I guess the good thing about being woken at the crack of dawn is that we don’t need to wait for the elevator.
Nobody is awake to call it while we’re in my apartment or shove boxes into my car, using our Tetris skills from childhood.
Breaking down the back seats of my car requires a bit of a fight, but it doesn’t throw us back too much time-wise. By the time my neighbors wake up, we are carrying the last set of boxes to the elevator.
“Can you remind Joel to come over to get the charity auction clothes before two?” I ask Nic as we step into the metal monstrosity. “Everything that’s in the apartment after four will be thrown away. And that would be a shame.”
“I’ll shoot him a message as soon as we’re in the car,” she assures me with a nod.
The elevator doors open, and she storms out, ready to leave L.A. and get back home. But I stay in my spot, suddenly frozen in place. It just hit me with the force of an avalanche.
This is the last time I will be seeing this exact view, probably ever.
The tacky grey-marbled lobby. Sven, the night concierge, sits at the reception in his faded red sweatshirt, playing Mario Kart, as he always does when he’s on night shift.
The faded stickers on the elevator walls. A drawing of two hearts next to the button for the eleventh floor.
“Are you coming?” Nic asks, confused, and my eyes shoot to hers.
“Yes.” I take a deep breath and square my shoulders. “I’ll be right there.”
My heels click loudly on the marble floor as I cross the lobby for the last time.
“Bye, Sven!” I call out cheerily. “All the best.”
He lifts his hand for a lazy wave without even looking up from his console. I don’t think he even realizes that the numerous trips Nic, and I made past him mean that I’m moving out.
One time he told me he never adjusts his sleeping schedule for the night shift, since it’s so infrequent. So, he just stays awake for 36 hours. Today must be one of those days.
Still. I have to admit. It stings that he couldn’t even bother to say ‘goodbye.’ I guess that’s this city for you.
“Come on.” Nic nudges me with her box, and we slip through the side door to the parking garage. The last boxes fit into my trunk like missing puzzle pieces, and finally, we climb into our seats, Nic behind the wheel and me playing passenger princess.
After a quick stop at a coffee drive-through, I’m in better spirits. Finally! A gingerbread latte that I didn’t have to stir my own syrup into. I groan when the flavor hits my tongue.
“This is divine.” The artificial sweetness simply hits differently than my organic syrup.
“The only thing I miss about the city,” Nic admits with a nod as she drives onto the highway.
Nic is taking over driving for the first half of the trip, currently drumming her fingers against the steering wheel to Taylor Swift’s new album.
Meanwhile, I’m finally more awake, courtesy of the liquid goodness in my hands, but that means my thoughts can circle freely around the bomb my dad dropped on me yesterday.
“Do you want to talk about it now?” Nic offers, reaching over to give my shoulder a squeeze without taking her eyes off the road.
She had a mountain of desserts ready by the time I made it back to the apartment.
We spent the evening eating ourselves into an ice-cream-induced food coma and watched Guardians of the Light.
I wasn’t quite ready to talk about the conversation I had with my dad.
And she didn’t pry, like the amazing friend she is.
“They’re getting a divorce,” I say, and exhale a deep sigh.
“Okay.” She reaches for her coffee in the center console and takes a sip. “How do we feel about that? Do we celebrate? Or do I need to stop for a fast-food breakfast?”
“You can stop for breakfast, but that has nothing to do with their divorce,” I joke, earning a glare.
“The truth is, I don’t feel anything about it. If anything, ‘It’s about damn time,’” I confess and breathe out a heavy sigh.
“With everything you’ve told me—” She glances at me pointedly. “After what your mom pulled on Thanksgiving, I’m frankly surprised your dad apparently expected your support.”
“Trust me, Thanksgiving was only the tip of the iceberg.” I roll my eyes and sink deeper into the seat.
There’s something about driving through a snowy landscape while your butt is warmed by the seat heater.
“If we’re going by shitty things my mother did, he would’ve left her when I was five.
There’s no way my dad initiated the divorce. ”
“She was that bad?” she asks, surprised, and I nod.
“Yes, absolutely.”
“So now they’re getting a divorce.” She sounds as confused as I am. “Why?”
“Honestly, I didn’t ask. But I wouldn’t be surprised if my mother had found a greener lawn.
” I shrug and stretch my arms over my head.
“That’s not even the part that’s messing me up.
” I wave a hand, trying to shake it off.
“It’s that after all those years of being ‘the neutral one,’ he suddenly wants me to take his side.
As if that’s not a little late for team loyalty.
” I shake my head. “It’s pissing me off.
I’ve managed without a team fine so far. I don’t need to be drafted now.”
“I’m on your team.” Nic reaches over and rubs my shoulder reassuringly. I never even realized I’d folded into myself, knees tucked up against my chest. “So is Kieran. And Henry. And Caleb.”
“Yeah.” I exhale a deep sigh and relax the tiniest bit. “I know you guys are.” For a while we sit silently, Nic focusing on the commuting traffic that’s slowly filling the highway, while I watch the scenery fly by.
“Did you expect this? When we decided to move?” I whisper after a while.
“Did I expect my ex to cheat on me with my sister and then, upon moving to the middle of nowhere, to meet the kindest man ever?” She shakes her head.
“How could anyone have expected that? Honestly, I was sure the two of us would build some sort of codependent cat commune and embrace our crazy cat-lady lifestyle until we join Chaos in the afterlife.”
“Oh my god. Same.” The corners of my mouth twitch upwards.
“What? You didn’t imagine the town’s hot, grumpy hunk falling for you?” Nic teases and glances at me. “Please. I was banking on this happening ever since I saw how he looked at you during the bonfire.”
“Ah, the bonfire.” My gaze turns far away as memories flood my mind. Mainly of Caleb carrying a drunk Kieran, flung over his shoulder like a wet sack of potatoes. “That was fun. We should do it again.”
“Let’s get home first,” Nic points out and reaches for her coffee cup. “And bring some distance between you and any emotions about your family. Has your mother bothered to reach out to you and tell you about the divorce or anything?”
“Nope.” I shake my head. “Would it make me sound mean if I admit that I see this divorce as a chance to let any contact fizzle out?”
Nic watches me from the corner of her eye. “You’re asking me? Seriously? The person who already cut off all of her living family?”
“You make a good point.” I narrow my eyes and take a sip of my coffee.
“I meant to say, no. I don’t think you need to beat yourself up about it.
” Nic takes a deep breath. “I’m a lot happier.
I mean, sure, the ‘Why don’t they love me?
’ doubts never go away. But the question pops up less and less.
Probably because I have all I need.” She shrugs, a smile playing at her lips.
“I have a boyfriend who loves me. I have the most adorable little fur babies. I have you.”
“Aww.” I softly hit her shoulder playfully. “Likewise.”
“I have all I need,” she repeats. “And I’m happy.
I know in my heart that, had I kept my parents in my life, they would still be a constant stress factor.
They would still make me constantly doubt my self-worth.
They wouldn’t contribute to my life in any meaningful way.
And by that, I mean even a meaningful conversation.
” She shakes her head. “Cutting off that dead weight is freeing. I feel like a whole different person. One that’s a lot happier. ”
“That sounds too good to be true,” I admit, staring out the window.
The music turns to the next song, and Nic reaches forward to turn up the volume.
“We’re going back home,” she grins at me wildly. “We should celebrate.”
“I’ll celebrate once I’ve told our boyfriends when we’ll get home.” I grin and reach for my phone.
“Our boyfriends,” Nic teases, and the two of us burst into giggles. “You need to tell me everything.”
“There’s not much to tell,” I admit, my cheeks flushing. “Do you remember how you said the love you have for Henry is like pumpkin spice?” She nods, her face softening as our conversation replays in her head.
“Yeah,” she whispers. “Yeah, I do. What does yours feel like?”
“Like Christmastime.” I sigh and take another sip of my gingerbread latte.
“Being with him is so…” I struggle to find words, but Nic waits patiently.
“When he’s next to me, I’m filled with the same joy as when I decorate my house for Christmas.
Deep-seated happiness that is engraved into my soul.
When he hugs me, it feels like cozying up in front of a fire with a hot chocolate after spending the day in the snow. ”
When Nic glances at me, her eyes are glistening. “That sounds wonderful,” she whispers and reaches for my hand. “I’m thrilled for you, Lauren.”
“And I’m so happy for you.” Emotions well up in my throat. After all that she’s been through, Nic deserves a guy as wonderful as Henry, who loves her wholeheartedly and is not afraid to show it.
Slowly but surely, I’m starting to believe that I deserve that, too.
It’s dark by the time I pull into my driveway. The sun has set, but heavy dark gray clouds have already been hiding the sky all afternoon, announcing the storm. Thick snowflakes are already falling, and I’m glad we made it back before it really hits.
I’ve dropped Nic off at her home, and now finally, my own house comes into sight, a beacon of light against the gray world.
Fuck. Emotions form a knot in my throat, and tears sting in my eyes. I can’t fucking wait to get out of the car and finally be back home.
As soon as the car stops, I tear the key from the ignition and jump out of it to all but run to my front door.
I’ve missed Taytay and Jenna so much. Even though I’ve only had them for a few weeks now, they’ve wormed their way into my heart, and I can’t imagine my life without them.
If I don’t wake up to one of them either farting in my face, slapping me with their cute little paws or meowing loudly in my ear, I feel like the day is already off to a wrong start.
With my bare hand trembling from the cold, I turn the key in my lock.
As soon as the first ‘click’ resounds, I hear their muffled meows from the other side of the door.
Letting out a shaky breath that turns white in the freezing air, I force myself to take a deep breath and get a check on my emotions.
Deep breaths, Lauren. Everything is fine. You’re back home.
I blink away the tears welling in my eyes, pull the door open, step inside quickly, and close it behind me.
“There are my babies,” I coo, and let myself fall to my knees. The two of them come running to me immediately, bumping their heads against my thighs and meowing their complaints at me loudly, as if they’re trying to say, ‘How dare you leave us with that crazy person.’
“I know, I know,” I whisper and scoop them up, kissing their adorable little heads. “It won’t happen again, I promise.”
Without letting them go, I toe out of my shoes and kick them aside, keeping my jacket on as I trudge to my living room and sit down on the couch for a quick little cuddle session. The boxes in my car can wait until after the storm if need be.
Suddenly, I hear the unmistakable sound of a car pulling up in my driveway.
“Huh?” My eyebrows furrow, and I set the two kittens on the couch, much to their protests. “I’ll be right back,” I assure them, but they follow me to my front door nonetheless, making sure I won’t leave them again.
Suddenly there’s a loud knock on my door that carries through my whole house. I fly down the hallway, my heart pounding loudly, drowning out any other sounds.
I pull the door open. It’s Caleb.
“Hi,” he says awkwardly. He’s got a scarf pulled up to his nose and is completely covered in snow. I didn’t realize how much worse the snowfall had gotten over just the past few minutes.
“You told me you were coming back, and Henry mentioned Nic being back,” he rambles, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “I had to close the café anyway with the storm, and I really wanted to see you.”
Before he can continue or even step inside, I burst into tears.