Chapter 28
Lauren
“I’m sorry,” I press out quickly, wiping my cheeks, stepping aside to let him in. “I’m a little in my feelings.”
Suddenly it’s all crashing down on me, a wave of emotions pulling me under. The anxiety of leaving my old life behind. Being unsure about what to do with my future. Happiness about being back home. Sadness about the family I wish I had. Anger about my dad thinking he’s entitled to my help.
“Sorry, sorry.” I scoop up Taytay and cuddle her to my chest as I wade back to my kitchen. “It’s good to see you, Caleb.”
“Likewise,” he presses out, and I stop, a cold hand gripping my heart. He sounds almost angry.
“What’s going on?” I wipe away the tears from my cheeks with my sleeves and slowly turn around to look at him.
“Coming back here is making you so anxious you cry?” he asks in disbelief, his voice colder than the snow outside.
My chest aches, suddenly too tight for every emotion tugging on my heart. Tears blur my vision, and I angrily blink them away. I clear my throat and turn back around.
“I need a coffee.”
I hear his angry footsteps following me. Take a breath, Lauren. Count to ten.
“Why are you running away?”
I turn on my coffee machine and lean my back against my kitchen counter. Taytay is squirming in my arms, so and carefully set her down, watching her sprint off to take her rightful place on the cat tree.
“Caleb,” I say softly, as I straighten my back.
“I need to put a pause on this conversation. I know you’re anxious and that my being away was a big deal.
That's okay. I understand that. But I’m back.
I told you several times I have no intention of leaving again.
And right now, I can’t deal with you taking your insecurities out on me. ”
“Then what am I supposed to think?” He gestures dramatically around my living room. “Yes, you’re back, but it’s making you so upset you’re fucking crying. How can I believe that you won’t leave again at the first opportunity?”
“You’re not supposed to think. You’re supposed to listen to trust me.
To listen to me. I’ve spent half a day in a car, driving ahead of a damned snowstorm, trying to get back here as soon as possible because I missed home.
And you.” I let out an exasperated sigh.
“You can’t expect me to be fine after closing the door on my old life for good and the emotional rollercoaster that comes with seeing my dad.
Do you seriously expect me to justify having emotions? ”
He watches me, his jaw flexing, his shoulders tight, and I hold his hard stare. A numb pain is throbbing in my temples, and I’m fucking tired.
“Tonight, I have my own emotions to deal with, and I need to prioritize that.” I clear my throat, trying to make the knot in my throat go away.
“I understand that you’ve been anxious and why.
I know you probably need an outlet and reassurance.
But right now, I can’t catch that.” My voice breaks, and I force myself to take a deep breath.
“I need some time to feel my emotions, talk through them with Nic once I can think clearer. And maybe then I can be in an emotional space to be available for your issues.”
“Okay, then talk to me!” he says exasperatedly, throwing his hands in the air.
“Caleb!” I snap. “I hate to break it to you, but I don’t know you well enough for that yet.
” His face falls, and regret crawls up my throat as soon as the words leave my mouth.
I take a deep breath and add, more softly, “I know you keep people at a distance and push them away because you’re scared they won’t stay. It’s what you’re doing right now.”
His Adam’s apple moves as he swallows hard.
I walk over to him, reaching for his hand.
It’s stiff and cold, but I still lace my fingers with his.
“I know you take your coffee black with the tiniest splash of milk when nobody is looking. I know you’re the guy in town that everyone knows they can call if they have problems. That you’re observant and loyal and there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for the people you do let in.
And it’s why I lo—” I stop myself and swallow down the word.
“—like you.” I take a deep breath. “But this?” I point between the two of us.
“It’s fresh and still fragile. I can’t gauge whether talking about issues with my family is going to hurt you yet.
When you’re listening to me yap about my issues, I don’t know if you’re masking your pain and putting on a brave face, trying to be a hero while it’s tearing old wounds open. ”
“How about you take me at face value?”
“I would do that if it weren’t for your impenetrable poker face. It’s not as if you wear your heart on your sleeve and let people see how you feel.”
“Excuse me for having a resting murder face.”
“Okay, Caleb, stop. This is not going anywhere.” I rub my palm over my face and take a deep breath before unlacing our fingers and turning to the coffee machine to turn it off.
Exhaustion is pulling me under, and even coffee won’t be able to fix that.
Only sleep. When I’m done, I turn back to him, hands on the kitchen counter behind me, and look him square in the eye.
“I’m back. I have no intention of leaving again.
We should probably put everything else on hold until tomorrow, when we’re both in a better frame of mind. ”
“Fine,” he snaps.
“Fine,” I repeat in a mocking tone that makes him narrow his eyes at me. “We’re going to have a tiny problem though.” I nod towards my kitchen window. “You’re not going anywhere today.”
Snowflakes are falling quickly and rapidly, almost resembling rain, piling up on the ground fast, the wind howling and tree branches swaying dangerously.
“I can still make it home,” Caleb insists and walks off like a petulant child. I’m just waiting for him to stomp his foot.
“Caleb!” I shout angrily and rush after him.
When he opens the door, snowflakes flutter into my hallway, a gust of ice-cold wind sending goosebumps all over my skin.
I grab his jacket and stop him. “Where exactly do you think you’re going?
Your tires are already snowed in halfway.
” I point to his car. But he is still stubbornly determined to go, his jaw ticking.
“I’ll be fine.”
“Cut it out, Caleb.” I pull him back in and kick the door closed.
“I’m not going to let you leave in the middle of the night when it’s snowing this heavily and you can’t even see the street through the snow.
And especially not when you’re emotional.
” Our eyes lock, both of us too stubborn to back down.
Yet, fight or not, I’ve fallen for the guy.
I’d rather not have him slide off the road and freeze to death.
“Take your fucking shoes off and get ready to spend the night here.”
“But I—”
“Shut up, Caleb, please.” I narrow my eyes at him. Silence hangs heavily between us. Finally, his shoulders sag and he shakes his head, letting out a sigh.
“Sorry.” A weight tumbles off my heart. “You’re right.”
“Now that’s the spirit.” I point to a corner. “You have the choice between bunny slippers that are probably going to be too small for you or fuzzy socks that are also probably going to be too small for you.”
“I’ll take the socks.”
“Good.” I pick them up to throw them at his chest, then stomp to my living room. Jenna and Taytay are curled up in bed, utterly unimpressed with me as I pull out the sofa bed.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m preparing your bed,” I grit out, pulling out the extending part. From the corner of my eye, I watch him stare at me, eyes burning with annoyance. Oh, he’s not happy about his bed. Sadly, I can’t find it in me to give a fuck. “There are blankets and pillows in the hallway cupboard.”
I push my coffee table an inch further away from his makeshift bed. While he’s out of the room getting his blanket, I decide to sneak off. I’m done. So fucking done for the day.
"Good night!" I shout, only to hear a muffled reply in return.
My head keeps running at a thousand miles per hour once I’m finally in bed.
Funny. When I first got home, I could barely keep my eyes open. And now, whenever I close them, all I can see is Caleb’s hurt face, as I told him that I didn’t know him well enough yet to spill out my emotions and thoughts unfiltered.
Why is it harder to trust someone with your body than with your emotions? It was an unfair thing to say, no matter how true. Aside from Bobby, I probably understand him better than anyone else in Wayward Hollow.
When the blue numbers on my alarm clock jump to 2:00 am, I’ve had enough.
I get up, pulling the blanket around my shoulders like a cape, trudging down the hallway with my bare feet.
Snow is still falling outside. Under different circumstances, I’d curl up by a window with hot chocolate, watching it fall and muffle the whole world under a blanket.
The occasional snap of a branch under the weight breaks the eerie silence.
My feet don’t make a sound on the stairs as I sneak downstairs.
The lights are still on. Maybe he’s still awake.
When I peek around the corner into the living room, I can see Caleb trying to find a more comfortable position, folding the pillows and trying to fit under a blanket that’s slightly too short for him.
But when his eyes land on me, he stills, his hand halfway to fluffing his pillow. I freeze in my spot.
I can’t read him, and it bugs me.
I’m not sure if that twitch in the corner of his mouth is supposed to be a smile because he’s happy I’m here, or hiding a grimace because he doesn’t want to see me. Or if his grinding his jaw is because he’s swallowing emotions down or holding himself back from lashing out.
“Come here,” he whispers, breaking the silence, and lifts the corner of his blanket.
Unshed tears sting in my eyes as a weight falls off my shoulders. With five wide steps and I’m next to the couch.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, biting the inside of my cheek.
“I know,” he mumbles, and pats the couch next to him. “I’m sorry too.”
I lay down next to him, burying my face in his shirt, sliding my arm around him. His chin rests right on top of my head, and one of his arms snakes around me. With his free hand, he tucks the blankets firmly around the two of us.
Fuck. I missed him. So much.
“Are we okay?” I ask, indescribable relief washing over me when he nods.
“We’re okay.”
“Good.” I lift my face to press a kiss to the side of his chin before I snuggle back against his shoulder.
Finally, within minutes of listening to his even breaths, I’m asleep.