Chapter 19 #2
David watched him move onto the lawn and approach Lady Mary, who looked rather annoyed that David wasn’t giving her his attention again.
As Joseph bowed to her, resulting in a sneer in return, David headed towards the house.
Getting his sisters calmed down was a priority right now.
Lady Mary would understand that he had a duty to them as well.
It might take a while, but she would understand.
Hopefully. With the way she spoke about them, David was not entirely sure.
#
Caroline winced when she heard something thump against the wall. Henrietta sighed.
“I don’t think Nanny Drew is doing well in getting Gwen to calm down.”
“I’m sure she’ll be fine. She said that she’s managed previously.” Caroline sat on the edge of Henrietta’s bed, the girl sitting up against the pillows with a book in her hands. “Has she done this before? I haven’t seen her like this.”
“She has, but it’s few and far between.” Henrietta fiddled with the spine of her book, looking like she was trying to pick it apart. “Normally, when David isn’t listening, and they’re being as stubborn as each other. I don’t think the conversation we had at dinner is helping her mood, either.”
Caroline had been trying not to think about that conversation. Gwen and Henrietta had been honest about their opinion of Lady Mary, which wasn’t nice. David hadn’t looked particularly surprised, but he had been annoyed while he tried to argue his side.
Then when Gwen said Lady Mary only wanted him for his title and wealth, David had snapped back that he wanted her for the same thing, asking his sister if that made him a bad person as well.
That had shocked both sisters, and Gwen started acting out after that.
She barely ate her dinner, talking back to everyone and storming off as soon as David said she could leave the table.
Henrietta had been quieter, but she was just as perturbed.
She could barely look at her brother until she left the room.
Caroline felt bad for both of them; sure, she understood the situation and what David needed to do, but he should focus on his sisters more and what they wanted.
If Lady Mary became the Duchess of Bayntree, she would do everything in her power to send the girls away.
She wouldn’t be having her sisters-in-law around the house scrutinising her.
“I think David’s taken a leave of his senses,” Henrietta went on.
“If he had to marry for duty and any other trollop, why couldn’t he pick someone who was actually nice?
I haven’t encountered rudeness in a woman of her age before.
It’s something a child would partake in.
Is Lady Mary always like that, Caroline? ”
“I’m not about to discuss that with you, Henrietta. That would be rude.”
“Any ruder than Lady Mary’s conduct?”
She had a point there, but Caroline knew better than to talk about someone else in such a manner with her charges. She smoothed the bedding down and stood up.
“You try and get some sleep. Hopefully, things will be better in the morning.”
“I don’t know about that,” Henrietta grunted.
Caroline didn’t know how to respond to that.
She left the room, closing the door softly.
Gwen was still up, and voices were coming from her room.
Jenny seemed to have calmed her young charge down for now, so Caroline decided to leave them to it.
She didn’t want to undo anything the nanny had managed to sort out.
Instead, she headed downstairs. Now the girls were in bed, she had the evening to herself, and she needed a distraction. A book from the library would be a good idea. Caroline was looking forward to curling up in a chair and getting swept away into another world.
It would certainly stop her from thinking about this afternoon and how things became strained. This day had been, in her opinion, a disaster.
“Caroline?”
Caroline froze halfway across the foyer as David’s voice came out of nowhere.
Swallowing as her heart started to race, she turned and saw David coming out of the drawing room.
He had divested himself of his jacket, wearing just his shirt and waistcoat, a glass in his hand.
He looked exhausted, and Caroline wanted to hold him and stroke his head as he relaxed. Her hands tingled to do that.
That was not going to happen. She put her hands behind her back.
“Your Grace.”
“It’s just the two of us. Why are you so formal?”
“I am your governess, after all, not a friend.”
David snorted and turned away, beckoning her to join him. Caroline started to protest, but he disappeared from sight. Not wanting to argue with him where they could be seen – having David in a state of undress, even in his own home, wouldn’t make the situation look innocent.
Also, being in a room alone with David after everything that had happened was not a good idea.
But she was too tired to argue about anything. Sighing, Caroline entered the drawing room to find David slumping into a chair by the fire. Someone had lit it, and it had warmed the room to the point it was uncomfortable. He waved at her.
“Close the door.”
“Alright.” Caroline did as she was told. “But shouldn’t we keep it open. You are in a state of undress, and I’m alone in here as well …”
“It’s my house, and I can do what I want,” David snapped. “I’m not interested in your opinion on that matter.”
Caroline bristled. David had to have had more than that drink to be in such a state. She folded her arms.
“Did you bring me in here to insult me, or shall I leave again? Because I’m not about to deal with your drunken grumblings.”
“I’m not drunk.”
“You’re close enough.”
David scowled, taking a hefty swallow of whatever was in his glass.
“There are days when I hate doing things for duty,” he said. “I just want to marry for myself, not for what can further my position and secure the dukedom’s future.”
“You’re a duke. How can you further your position?”
“You know what I mean, Caroline. I have to marry, have an heir, and then I won’t have to worry about who will become duke after me.”
“You could always make Henrietta the heir,” Caroline suggested. “She would be a really good duchess.”
David snorted.
“Much as that idea sounds tempting, that can’t happen. It’s unheard of. Henrietta wouldn’t be able to inherit, and the number of people trying to take advantage of her would be enormous. I don’t want that for her.”
He did have a point. Although Caroline liked the idea of Henrietta inheriting the title in her own right, she would make her brother and father proud.
“Sometimes I hate the fact that duty comes above what I want.” David shook his head, staring into the fire. “I need to marry for my sisters. I want to ensure they have the stability they need, and they deserve a solid future rather than something somewhat uncertain.”
“You don’t need your wife to become a mother to them. Especially not Henrietta.”
“They need a mother figure. That’s what I’m focusing on.”
Caroline pressed her lips together. She didn’t want to say that Lady Mary would not be the mother figure that he wanted; she was not motherly at all. If anything, she would be one of those people who would make sure she never had any children of her own just so she didn’t have to raise anyone.
David would be miserable with her, even if they did have children. Caroline understood duty but didn’t like that it didn’t induce happiness.
“I don’t want to marry Lady Mary Chadwick,” David said quietly, staring into the fire.
“You don’t want to marry her?” Caroline frowned. “Then why are you attempting to court her?”
“I’ve told you, it’s duty …”
“No, it isn’t. If it was duty, you could pick anyone in the ton who was more desirable than Lady Mary. They would be far more pleasant than her. At your standing, you have a wider choice of potential wives. She’s not your only option.”
“I can’t choose anyone else.”
“Why not? Are you really prepared to have your sisters miserable because of that woman? We both know she’s not going to help look after them.
She would send them away as far as she could manage if she had a chance.
” Caroline knew she was getting upset, but she didn’t care.
“Why can’t you choose someone who would be a better fit for you. ”
“There is someone who is a better fit for me.”
“Then why don’t you pursue her instead?”
David’s eyes shifted, and his intense gaze was suddenly on her.
“Because you’ve made yourself unavailable.”
Caroline shivered despite how warm it was in the room. He had been talking about her? Then again, why was she so surprised? They had pretty much admitted how they felt about each other. It shouldn’t have been a shock.
She licked her lips, which had David groaning.
“Please don’t do that, Caroline.”
“You know why we can’t be together, David.”
“You’re actually saying my name now.”
“Can you please be serious?”
“I am being serious.” Putting his glass aside, David stood up. Caroline couldn’t move as he walked towards her. “I know what I want and what I should do are completely different. It’s frustrating that I can’t have what I want, and I wish I could go back in time to change your mind.”
Caroline tried to back away, but her feet wouldn’t move.
“David …”
“I can’t stop thinking about you, and it’s driving me insane. Having you in the house and knowing I can’t touch you is excruciating, Caroline.” He came to a stop in front of her. “Don’t you want the same thing? Don’t you wish things were different?”
Caroline didn’t know what to say to that. Her mind had gone blank. This was far more blatant than what they had admitted to previously. Everything in her wanted to clutch onto him and not let go, but she couldn’t do that. She had to remember her place. She took a deep breath.
“I think you should stop drinking and retire for the night, Your Grace. You’re drunk, and I’m sure you’ll see things differently in the morning.”
“Just answer me, Caroline.”
“That is not appropriate for me to answer.”
“What if I order it?”
Caroline shook her head.
“You can’t order that of me. I’m not about to confess what I want to my employer.”
“But we’re friends, aren’t we?” David insisted. “Can’t you tell me as a friend?”
How can I tell someone I can never have that I’ve fallen in love with him? That’s not going to make the situation any better.
Caroline stepped away, putting distance between them in a way that made her feel like a chill had settled on her shoulders.
“What we want will not always align with what we have to do. What we want now doesn’t matter.”
“That’s not an answer, Caroline.”
“That’s as much of an answer as you will get. Now, if you’ll excuse me?” Giving him a curtsy, Caroline headed towards the door. “You’ll think better in the morning. And you’ll be glad that I didn’t give you an answer.”
Because I don’t want to get my hopes up thinking that something can actually happen.