Chapter 20
David felt someone nudge his arm, and he looked up to see Joseph frowning at him.
“Are you actually with me, David? Or are you off in your own fantasy land?”
“What?”
“You’ve been sitting there staring at the tea tray as if everything is going to jump up and run around like they’re being touched by magic.” Joseph grunted as he picked up his teacup. “Or maybe you’re looking for the faeries.”
“You know those don’t exist. It’s just fantasy.”
“From the look on your face, you look like you’re desperate for it to happen. Where you can twist a narrative to suit what you want.”
David peered at his friend as Joseph took a generous sip of tea.
“Do you have alcohol in your cup right now, Joseph? You’re sounding like you’re drunk.”
“Maybe I should talk more nonsense in the future. At least it would get your attention.” Joseph lowered his cup. “You’ve been out of sorts for the last two days since Mary Chadwick came to visit. Your sisters have expressed their displeasure about it.”
“Gwen and Henrietta have spoken to you?”
“When I came over yesterday, while I was waiting for you to finish your work. Gwen showed her dislike towards Mary very clearly, while Henrietta was a little more diplomatic. Neither of them is happy with what you’re doing.
” Joseph tilted his head to one side. “Did you seriously tell them you were marrying Mary for wealth and status? That’s not something you should say to your sisters. ”
“What was I supposed to say?” David snapped. “That the woman I really want to be with I can’t have? That if I show an inkling that I want to be with her instead, there will be an uproar in the ton?”
He didn’t need to say anything further. Joseph knew what he was talking about. His friend sighed and looked around. Even though they were in a busy tearoom, they were in a corner where nobody could easily overhear them. Joseph still lowered his voice.
“You’re talking about Caroline, aren’t you?”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Who else would you be talking about like this? I remember our conversation from before.” Joseph rubbed a hand over his face. “Honestly, you like to make things difficult for yourself, don’t you?”
“I didn’t intend this to happen.”
“You didn’t intend? David, it was going to happen sooner or later.”
David scoffed.
“You don’t know that. I didn’t think I would end up feeling like this around Caroline.”
“You’ve had feelings for her since we were children.”
“What? No, I haven’t.”
“Eleanor and I have noticed before when we’re all together playing that you two would end up shifting away on your own.
Especially when you were getting older. We didn’t mind as we were content with what we were doing, but we saw it.
And I saw how Caroline kept looking at you and blushing whenever you smiled at her. She hasn’t really grown out of that.”
David remembered his childhood with Caroline fondly, but he couldn’t remember her blushing in such a manner. Joseph had to be imagining things out of proportion.
“That didn’t happen, Joseph.”
“It did, and you know it. A romance between you has been a long time coming.”
“Romance?” David looked around again. It felt like everyone was eavesdropping on them. “The two of us are not going to have a romance. She’s my governess now!”
“So what? Do you think that’s stopped anyone?”
“We’ve both agreed that nothing can happen, remember? Caroline is adamant that she remains my household staff. I wouldn’t be able to change her mind on that.”
Not for the lack of trying. David had woken up the next morning with a headache and a clear mind. He knew what he wanted, but it didn’t align with what he should be doing, and he didn’t like it.
But Caroline would not budge. The few times David had dropped a hint of something more during the day had been rebuffed.
In the end, Caroline told him off for ignoring what he should be doing.
She reiterated that she wasn’t about to bring scandal to their family because she accepted a duke’s proposal.
She never said she wanted to be with him, though. Not after that day under the tree. Caroline had chosen her words very carefully. If she would just confess it to him …
David felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. He wanted to have Caroline as his wife, but he also had to remember his position in Society and what would happen to his family. If she had remained as a lady, albeit poor, there would have been talk, but that would die down.
Despite her social standing, her title as governess would be the focal point. It wouldn’t matter about her birth if she had a position as a servant. That would have people questioning Caroline’s reputation, and David didn’t want her or her parents to go through that.
And he didn’t want his sisters sucked into his mistakes.
David hated thinking about what he wanted as a mistake, but that was how people would see it. And it made him uncomfortable and annoyed. Why couldn’t he have the woman he wanted? Why did he have to marry someone more of his standing?
As far as he was concerned, Caroline was worthy of him. She just didn’t think the same.
“Honestly, David, you’re in a mess,” Joseph commented with a shake of his head. “You had to make the woman you have feelings for your governess, didn’t you?”
“I don’t regret that. Gwen and Henrietta love her, and she’s a good teacher.”
“But it’s not helping you as a person, is it? I wonder what Caroline thinks when she sees you with a woman who is mean towards her.”
“Lady Mary is mean towards Caroline as well?”
“They don’t interact much, but when they were younger, Mary thought it was amusing to make remarks towards Caroline because of her lower social standing. Caroline didn’t retaliate, but they did hurt. Having her become Caroline’s mistress?”
Joseph reached for one of the biscuits. “That’s going to result in a household that will be unharmonious. If you really have to marry someone for duty, couldn’t you pick someone who wasn’t so horrible and won’t be abusive towards those you care about?”
David felt like he was getting a dressing down. He shifted in his chair.
“There are reasons,” he muttered. “She’s of the right standing to be my wife.”
“Are you really trying to justify why you’re pursuing someone unsuitable for you? What is wrong with you?”
“I don’t know.” David rubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t want to do this, and I don’t want to marry Mary Chadwick. Her attitude rubs me the wrong way, and my sisters don’t like her.”
“Then why are you still trying to court her?” Joseph demanded. “Have you lost your mind?”
David had wondered about that. He had had a gut feeling that something was off with Lady Mary, and it had shown he was right when he saw how she conducted herself.
Which felt really different to their first meeting; she had been quite the perfect young lady.
What had changed for her to show what seemed to be her true self so quickly?
Or maybe she just didn’t care once she snagged his attention. She had to know that David was looking for a wife, and she was appropriate for him. Maybe Lady Mary thought he wouldn’t be looking anywhere else.
So much was going around inside his head, and David didn’t know how to get it to stop.
“You know what I think about this?” Joseph asked as he munched his biscuit, wiping the dropped crumbs off his thigh. “You’re just being lazy about this.”
“Lazy?”
“You have to find yourself a wife, but you don’t want to do it. And the woman you do want is not available to you now – in your eyes – so you’re being lazy in finding someone else, choosing the first one you believe is appropriate.”
David didn’t like being called lazy. But he had a sinking feeling that Joseph was right. Because he couldn’t have the woman he wanted as his wife, he was just choosing the first woman who came along. And he had chosen wrong.
He would have to tell Lady Mary he wouldn’t be courting her further. He really did have a justification for it with her attitude, but what about after that? What was he supposed to do?
Not for the first time, David wanted to run away from his responsibilities. If his father were here, he wouldn’t be having this problem.
He missed the old man. He would know what to do.
#
Caroline was not sure what to think about this. Ever since the letter had arrived, she could feel the nerves in the pit of her stomach. They were fluttering wildly, and she didn’t know how she could get them to stop.
It wouldn’t be long until Lady Mary arrived, and then they would be conversing.
That was how she had worded it in the letter, which made Caroline feel nervous.
What sort of conversation would they be having?
Now that Caroline was, essentially, a member of staff, she wouldn’t have any need to talk to Lady Mary at all.
And, given Lady Mary and her behaviour towards those beneath her, the other woman could ignore her as much as she wanted.
But she wanted to speak to Caroline when David wasn’t around. Caroline could only imagine what that was about.
She had a vague inkling, though. Gwen and Henrietta were still annoyed about how rude Lady Mary was and Caroline had overheard David and Joseph talking about how Lady Mary would send the girls to a boarding school, preferably abroad.
If the girls heard that, they would be furious.
Caroline would absolutely be angry if David even agreed to that.
Not that he would. He loved his sisters, and it was clear who he loved when it came to them. Even if he had to marry Lady Mary because of duty – Caroline scoffed at that word – he wouldn’t let her manipulate him into sending his sisters away.
Perhaps she was coming to get Caroline on her side, to help her change David’s mind.
Caroline wouldn’t have it, though. She would not be sending those girls away, no matter what Lady Mary wanted.
If she had any chance of getting married and becoming a duchess, she had to realise that there were things she would be unable to push back at.