15. Penny
FIFTEEN
Penny
S pencer was still alive when I pulled into the driveway and killed the engine. I blew out a sigh of relief as I stared over at him to see his chest rising and falling. I half expected him to have died from that level of intoxication. But he seemed to be doing fine, which I was grateful for.
I pulled the keys from the ignition and opened the driver’s door. After a quick jaunt into the house to drop off my purse, I hurried back outside. I opened the passenger door and shook Spencer’s shoulder.
He snorted and straightened, his glassy eyes darting around. “Where am I?” he asked, his voice booming against the darkness that surrounded us.
“Spencer, it’s me,” I said, trying to keep my voice level.
He turned to face me, his eyebrows knitting together. “Rosalie,” he said. His voice was full of love, and it took me aback .
The look in his eyes and the depth of his voice stirred something deep inside me. A longing that a man would look at me like that again. That I could find someone to love me like Spencer seemed to still love this Rosalie.
“It’s Penny. Not Rosalie,” I said softly as I leaned over him to unbuckle his seatbelt.
Suddenly, Spencer’s arms wrapped around me, and he pulled me onto his lap. He tightened his grip on me as he nuzzled my neck. “I’ve missed you so much.”
My heart was pounding now. Even though I was enjoying the feeling of his arms around me and his warm breath on my skin, I knew I needed to pull away. This was a moment between Spencer and Rosalie. Not Penny and Spencer. My attraction to the man had grown, but I doubted it was returned. Instead, he was holding onto this woman from his past who I was fairly certain was the woman whose picture he had in his bathroom.
I waited for a few seconds before I pressed on Spencer’s shoulders and pushed back. He glanced up, and I could see the pain in his gaze. I wanted to take it away. He looked so broken, and I wished there was a way that I could help him. But I knew pretending to be the woman he loved wasn’t the path I should take.
If I wanted to help him, I needed him to wake up.
“It’s not Rosalie. It’s Penny.”
He furrowed his brow. “Penny?” He raked his gaze over my face.
“Yes. And we need to get you into the house. ”
He glanced around and then back at me. “Penny?” he asked again.
“That’s right. And we’re here at your house.” I shifted off his lap until I was standing on the ground next to him. “I need you to walk into the house. Can you do that?”
He nodded and turned his body. He used the dashboard and the side of his chair to push himself out of my car. I helped stabilize him until he was standing, and then we started walking.
He leaned some of his weight on me, but the drive home must have sobered him up enough to keep upright. We made our way up the sidewalk and into the house. I helped guide him to his room, and when we got there, I led him over to his bed and he sat down.
I crouched down and started removing his shoes.
“Penny?” he asked.
I glanced up at him and smiled as I wiggled his left foot out of his shoe. “Yeah?”
He studied me. I felt his confusion as he tried to understand what was happening. “Why did you come get me?” he asked.
I chuckled as I took off his shoe and set it next to his nightstand. Then I started on his right shoe. “You called me.”
“I did?”
I nodded. “Yeah. And the bartender as well.”
“Huh.”
I wiggled off his right shoe and then lined it up next to the left one. His room was very neat, and I wanted to make sure that I respected his space. “Do you not remember that?” I asked as I moved to stand.
Spencer shook his head. Then a moment later, he brought his hand to his forehead and leaned forward. “I’m so sorry,” he muttered.
I wasn’t sure what to do. I wanted to comfort him, but I didn’t know if it would bother him. I waited for a few seconds before I tossed aside my fears and moved to sit next to him. He didn’t move away from me, which I took as a good sign.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper. I still wasn’t sure how to handle this situation, but I wanted him to know that I was here for him if he needed it. He was fully in control of this situation.
He was quiet. I feared that I’d pushed him too hard. I wanted to take back my words and go back to our relationship before I discovered the woman in his bathroom. Back when I was just the renter, and he was my landlord.
Now, I was so invested in this that I feared I wasn’t going to be able to pull myself away.
He sighed and straightened. He glanced down at me, and that was when I realized that I was centimeters from his face. All I needed to do was slightly lean in, and I could brush my lips against his. I didn’t realize until I was facing this option that I wanted it.
Badly.
It had been so long since a man touched me. Kissed me. And I longed for it. More than I’d allowed myself to admit.
Spencer seemed surprised as well. His gaze lingered on mine for a moment before it traveled down to my lips. Then, as if he was suddenly snapped out of his trance, he shook his head and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs.
“It’ll change what you think of me,” he mumbled before he covered his face with his hand once more.
I studied the back of his head, the way his shoulders were slumped, and the tone of his voice which lingered in the air. He was carrying so much pain with him that it was crushing him both physically and emotionally.
I wanted to help.
So, I reached out one arm and wrapped it around his shoulders. I used my other hand to press into his nearest shoulder so I could give him a squeeze. “We all have a past,” I whispered. “It’s up to us to decide if we let that past become our future.”
One thing I’d learned from moving to Magnolia and fixing my relationship with Maggie, was that there was more in my power than not. If I wanted a different future, it was up to me to grab it.
From what I could see, Spencer had spent too much of his time lingering in what could have been. What should have been. He needed to let that go and live. He’d been holding his breath for so long that he was drowning and didn’t know it.
I wanted to help him breathe again .
He tensed at my hug before he relaxed again. Then he nodded. “Thanks.”
I gave him one last squeeze before I dropped my arms and stood. Just as I moved to leave, his voice stopped me in my tracks.
“Stay with me?”
His words sent butterflies racing through my stomach. I paused before I turned around. “What?”
His elbows were still resting on his thighs, but his gaze was focused on me. “I don’t want to be alone tonight. Stay here, with me.”
I studied him. I wanted to say yes. I did. But was I ready for this?
“No shenanigans, I swear…” He scrubbed his face before looking back up at me. “I just…don’t want to be alone tonight.”
I knew I should say no. I knew I should walk out the door, thus solidifying the distance between us. I was quickly slipping into Spencer’s world, and I had no idea what that meant for me or him.
I had no idea if I would come out of this relationship with my heart intact.
But when I parted my lips to say no, the word never left. Instead, I whispered, “Sure.”
He looked visibly relieved, and for a moment, a half-smile emerged on his lips. He nodded and then flopped onto the bed. “Perfect.”
“I’ll just go change,” I said as I pointed toward the hallway .
He grunted a response.
Knowing that I probably wasn’t going to get more from him, I made my way down the hall and into my room, where I quickly brushed my teeth and slipped into my nightgown. Then—just to be safe—I threw on my robe and tied it tightly around my waist.
Truth was, I knew he would never try anything. After all, I’d been staying with him for a few days now. It wasn’t like he lacked access. But, just to be safe, I was going to stay as covered as I could.
I washed my face and brushed my teeth. By the time I returned to Spencer’s room, he had changed into a white shirt and a pair of sweats. He was lying on top of his covers with his eyes closed and his hand resting on his stomach.
I lingered in the doorway, not sure what he wanted me to do. Should I just walk in? Knock? I felt like I needed to alert him somehow, but if he was sleeping, I didn’t want to wake him.
“You can come in,” he said.
I stared at him, wondering how he knew I was here. His eyes had remained closed the entire time I was standing here.
“When you live alone, you learn the sounds of your house. You disrupt those sounds.” He marked the end of his sentence by raising his head to meet my gaze.
Feeling stupid that I was just standing in the doorway, I stepped inside. When I got to the empty side of the bed, I waited. Was I supposed to lie on top of the comforter like he was? Or could I crawl under the covers?
“I’m staying on top, so you feel safer,” Spencer said. He’d returned to resting his head on his bent arm and closed his eyes.
“Ah,” I said as I pulled back the comforter and sat down on the bed. Not wanting to disturb him too much, I lay on my side with my back facing him.
My body began to relax, and it wasn’t until I stilled that I realized how tired I was.
“Thanks.”
My eyes yanked open, and I peeked over my shoulder at Spencer. “For what?”
He kept still. “For coming to get me. For staying with me tonight.” He paused. “It means a lot.”
I wasn’t sure what to say because I wasn’t sure how I felt about this. So, I just whispered, “You’re welcome,” and turned back around.
I lay there, staring out at the surrounding darkness as I felt Spencer move beside me. Once he settled, his soft snores filled the air. There was a part of me that was annoyed that the man snored. But the other part of me—a part that was getting harder to ignore—wanted this.
All of this.
I wanted a man in my life. I wanted to be in love. I wanted to fall asleep next to a warm body every night and wake up next to him in the morning.
The more time I spent with Spencer, the more that desire grew .
One thing was for sure. Once this night was over and Spencer was back to being a grouchy old man, my lonely bed wasn’t going to satisfy me anymore.
I wanted something more.
And I wanted it now.