17. Penny
SEVENTEEN
Penny
I t had been years since I’d woken up in a man’s bed, and it was…strange.
Sunlight was just beginning to peek through the blinds, and I shifted to keep the rays from blinding me. But that movement brought me face-to-face with Spencer, and my effort to stay asleep evaded me.
I opened my eyes and studied Spencer’s face. He looked relaxed as he lay there. His greying five o’clock shadow made him look distinguished, and I was surprised by how much I liked it. His skin was smooth, and his hair was grey and thick—I wondered what it would feel like between my fingers.
“Get a grip, Penny,” I whispered to myself as I moved to lie on my back. I was definitely moving in the wrong direction when it came to this man. I wanted to keep him at arm’s length, but my actions seemed to say otherwise.
After all, a woman who wanted to keep her relationship with a man platonic didn’t spend the night sleeping next to him. I should have waited for him to fall asleep and then left to stay in my own room.
But there was something about sleeping next to him—feeling a warm body next to mine—that captivated me in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time.
I didn’t want to let it go. It was selfish, but I wanted this, and I was tired of pretending that I didn’t.
“Good morning.” Spencer’s gravelly voice drew my attention. His eyes were open, and there was a half-smile playing on his lips.
He was surprisingly fine with me being in his bed. How much of last night did he remember? Did he know that he’d mentioned Rosalie? That he’d asked me to stay with him?
“Morning,” was all I said as I pushed myself up to sitting. I grabbed a pillow from behind me and wrapped my arms around it. I wanted to know what happened last night, and I hoped that Spencer was okay with telling me because I wasn’t leaving until I got answers.
Spencer moved to sit as well. He brought his knees up and rested an elbow on them as he turned to face me. “How did you sleep?”
This conversation was so strange. Why was he acting as if nothing had happened last night? He’d asked me to go somewhere with him. Then he didn’t show up. And I ended up having to peel him off a bar and help him home, where he proceeded to ask me to stay the night with him .
He was either very forgetful, or this was normal for him.
“I slept fine,” I said, allowing myself to wake up a bit more before the interrogation started.
Spencer nodded. “Me too.” Then he chuckled. “Although, I could go without the raging headache.”
Silence fell between us. I had to admit, for a man who was as drunk as he was last night, he looked surprisingly relaxed this morning. Even if he was experiencing a hangover.
“Do you want me to get you some aspirin?”
Spencer studied me for a moment before he dropped his gaze to his fingers. He was rubbing his fingertips against his thumb. “Sure. If you want.”
Yes, I wanted to. I needed to get away from the confusion I felt when I was around him. “I’ll be right back,” I said. I tightened the sash of my robe before standing up. Then I shuffled out of his room and into the kitchen. I filled a glass of water and located the aspirin in the medicine cabinet.
With the items in hand, I headed back to the room. Spencer wasn’t in bed when I got there. I heard some noises in the bathroom, and just as I walked over to his nightstand, the door opened.
I stopped in my tracks as my gaze moved over him. His hair was sticking up like he’d just run wet hands through it. He was brushing his teeth, and when he saw me, he smiled again.
“I’m just going to leave this here,” I said as I tore my gaze from him and set the glass and medicine down on the nightstand.
“Thanks,” he said as he momentarily took the toothbrush from his mouth.
I straightened and nodded. “Yep.” Not sure what to do, I lingered there for a moment before I motioned toward the door. “I’m going to go get ready. I have work,” I said softly as I turned to leave.
“Hey, Penny?”
I stopped. “Yeah?” I asked, allowing my gaze to drift over to him.
“Thanks for helping me out. I know that’s probably not how you wanted to spend your night, but I appreciate it.” He took a step closer to me with his hand extended as if he wanted to touch me.
Goosebumps spread across my skin in anticipation, but the touch never came. Instead, he paused and then curled his fingers toward his palm and dropped his hand. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him to be open with me. But it seemed as if that wasn’t going to happen. The only time we ever got close was when I was helping him stumble from the bar.
In terms of something that meant we were close emotionally—he didn’t seem interested. At least, he wasn’t interested enough to make a move.
“Of course,” I said before I turned and left.
I showered and got ready for the day, all the while forcing myself not to think of Spencer or the feelings inside my stomach that were rapidly growing. He was just my landlord, and I was his renter. That was it.
It was foolish of me to think that we could be anything more.
I wanted to say I was strong enough to spend an entire workday focused on the paper without allowing my thoughts to slip back to Spencer—but that was a lie. He invaded every thought I had. It was amazing how I could manage to think about him while setting up spreadsheets or listening to Victoria rattle off her ideas for future editions.
There he was, staring me down. It was just about all I could handle before I went crazy.
By the time I pulled up to Spencer’s house that night, I felt exhausted. I wanted to slip inside, jump into my pajamas, and crawl into bed. I wasn’t sure if I had the mental fortitude to face him, and I knew I didn’t have the emotional strength to have another conversation with him where he danced around his past without fully sharing it.
I needed to start keeping the man at arm’s length if I wanted any semblance of a peaceful life.
I gathered my bags from the car and pulled open the driver’s door. I used my key to unlock the front door, but just as I moved to push on it, it swung open on its own. I startled, only to see Spencer standing in the foyer with an apron around his waist and a grin on his lips.
“Good evening,” he said, and after a quick sweep of his gaze, he leaned in and gathered up my bags, slinging them over his shoulder .
I was so taken aback by his demeanor that I didn’t fight him. He stepped to the side to let me in, and I blinked a few times, trying to understand what was happening. This was not the man that I initially met just a few days ago. Something had changed.
“Did something happen?” Spencer’s concerned expression appeared in front of me.
I forced myself to focus and shook my head. “No, why?”
“You look stunned,” he said as he started to make his way down the hall.
I quickened my pace. “I’m just tired,” I said as I followed him into my room to find him setting my bags down on the bed.
He turned, dusting his hands off as he faced me. “Well, I’m making fajitas. I’m hoping you’ll join me?”
My stomach grumbled my response. My mouth watered, and I suddenly realized that I hadn’t had lunch at all. In my desire to stop thinking about the man standing in front of me, I’d managed to stop thinking all together.
“Um, yes,” I finally said when it appeared that Spencer’s eyebrows were going to disappear into his hairline.
He clapped his hands. “Wonderful.” He glanced around. “I’ll go finish up. You clean up and join me.”
I nodded, and before I could process what I’d agreed to, he was gone.
I collapsed onto my bed, not bothering to move my bags. I draped one arm over my eyes and took in a deep breath.
Maybe this was a good thing. Forcing myself to be around Spencer meant that I was going to have to get over this girlish crush I had on him. There would be no hiding when I was face-to-face with the man.
Maybe then I would discover that I didn’t really care about him like I’d convinced myself I did. I would discover that we really had nothing in common, and this schoolgirl crush would disappear.
At least, that was my hope.
I took my time changing into stylish but comfortable clothes. I washed up, and as I was patting my face dry, I felt more human. I threw my hair back into a low bun and checked the mirror just to make sure I looked presentable.
Penny Brown always looked presentable.
Satisfied with my reflection, I turned off the light, grabbed my cream-colored cardigan which was draped over the armchair in the corner of the room, and headed into the hallway.
The house smelled of spice when I walked into the dining room. Spencer was standing next to the stove, effortlessly flipping what looked like onions and peppers in a pan. They sizzled as they flew into the air and fell onto the hot pan. My mouth watered once more.
“Fresh salsa and chips are on the table,” Spencer said, not taking his gaze from the food, and motioned toward the table behind me with his head.
I glanced in the direction he motioned and saw a large glass bowl filled to the top with fresh diced tomatoes, onions, and cilantro. Before I could think twice, I pulled out the nearest chair and sat. I didn’t wait as I grabbed a chip and scooped up a heaping pile of salsa.
The taste was impeccable as it hit my tongue. I closed my eyes, and a soft moan of satisfaction slipped from my lips. This was what I needed. A home-cooked meal after a long, exhausting day.
“That good?” Spencer’s voice drew my attention. He’d left his post at the stove and was dipping his own chip into the salsa.
I nodded. “Where did you learn to cook like this?”
He paused for a moment, and I wondered if I’d overstepped.
“My late wife, Rosalie. She was a Mexican immigrant. She taught me how to cook all of this.” He motioned toward the table and the stove. Steam was rising from the vegetables, making swirling motions in the air.
I wasn’t sure if I should say something, so I just kept quiet. I busied myself with eating and tried to not look too eager so he would keep talking.
“Rosalie would cook every weekend with our girls. Occasionally, I would join.” His voice filled with emotions, and my heart ached for him.
“Are they still around?” The words left my lips before I could stop them. I didn’t want to stop his flow of thought, but I wanted to know more. I feared that he would suddenly stop opening up to me.
Spencer glanced over at me. “Who? ”
I scooped another chip. “Your girls.”
He paused and looked to the side, a nostalgic expression passing over his face. Then, just as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. He returned to his post, where he proceeded to tend to the onions and peppers. “It’s been ten years since I’ve talked to them.”
I paused, the chip that I’d just dipped hovering in front of me. That was not the answer I was expecting. Not after I heard the affection in his voice. “Really?” I asked. The word came out as a whisper.
My daughter and I had had a strained relationship, but that hadn’t stopped us from seeing each other occasionally. To go an entire decade without talking to Maggie would have been heartbreaking.
Spencer nodded. “I moved to Magnolia twenty-five years ago. Just after my wife passed. I got in the car, and I drove until my engine died. Dirk took me in and gave me a job. He never asked me why I was running or where I came from. He just let me be me.”
Spencer sighed. “My girls wanted me to come home. They wanted me to return.” He shook his head as he closed his eyes. “But I could never go back home. Not when it was filled with so many memories.
“They couldn’t accept that. And eventually, they stopped calling. I didn’t want to intrude on their lives, so I stayed away.” He opened his eyes as his voice seemed choked with emotions. “I shouldn’t have given up so easily.”
Emotions rose to my throat, causing a lump to form. I wanted to go over and wrap my arms around him. To let him know that he wasn’t alone. I knew what it was like to make mistakes as a parent. There was a sorrow that you carried every day for those failures. A pain that few understood.
Unfortunately for me, I understood all too well.
“Have you tried to reach out to them again?” I asked. I didn’t want to make things weird by suddenly hugging him. It would be best to just stay put and allow him to continue to open up.
“I’ve tried. I’ve picked up the phone and started to type in the number only to stop myself before I finish.” He took in a deep breath. “It’s selfish, but I don’t want them to hate me more than they already do. And I fear if I reach out, I’ll just say something wrong.”
I could understand that, but I also knew that the longer he waited, the harder it would be to pick the relationship back up again. Plus, he was missing out on so much, and that thought made me feel sad.
“I bet they’d be happy if you reached out. I’m sure they are doing the same thing on their end. Picking up the phone and then hanging up again. Relationships can feel like you’re dangling off a cliff sometimes. Your biggest fear is that you’ll let go and fall into the abyss. What they don’t tell you is that love can be a safety net that you don’t know is there but is ready to catch you when you need it.
“All it takes is a little faith.” I offered him a smile as I let my last few words linger in the air. I wanted to give him the confidence and faith that I felt right now, but I knew that would be silly.
A person could only rely on someone else’s enthusiasm for so long. Eventually, he was going to have to learn this on his own. I suspected that his daughters were more agreeable than he was letting on.
Spencer nodded and then turned his attention back to the pan. After a few stirs, he declared the food ready and switched off the stove. I helped gather the plates and the other fajita fixings and brought them to the table. After everything was ready, we sat down and proceeded to stuff our faces.
We kept our conversation light as we ate, which I was grateful for. The topic of his daughters was heavy, and I knew it still weighed on him. I didn’t want to beat a dead horse, but I knew he was never going to feel complete until he reached out to them.
Even then, it wasn’t going to be easy.
The one thing I wanted him to know was that he had a friend in me regardless. We were growing closer to one another. Not only because I had an undeniable attraction to Spencer, but because he was easy to talk to once you got past his grizzly demeanor. Which meant I was going to have another friend on the island.
That thought excited me.