18. Penny
EIGHTEEN
Penny
D inner was consumed at a rapid pace.
I wanted to say that I was ladylike and ate in dainty bites, but I didn’t. I inhaled the food that Spencer put in front of me, and by the time I was finished and leaning back in my chair, my stomach felt like it was going to explode. In a good way.
I regretted nothing.
“Finished?” Spencer asked. I could see the smile playing on his lips as he ran his gaze over me.
In the past, I would have been embarrassed that I wasn’t presenting as this strong, capable woman who was above basic human needs—but I was over that. I was ready to just be human. It was more fun anyway.
I nodded as I took a sip of the sparkling water Spencer had poured me. “I’m stuffed.” I wiped the sides of my mouth with my napkin. “Your wife taught you well.”
Spencer chuckled. “Rosalie loved stuffing our guests every time they came to dinner.” He reached over and grabbed my plate. “She would have liked you.”
I loved the reverence he held for his wife. It was soft and loving. It showed that this man knew how to love, wholly and completely. I would be lying if I said I didn’t need a man like that in my life.
“I think I would have liked her.”
Spencer gave me another smile as he gathered the rest of the empty dishes and stood to take them to the sink. I busied myself with helping him clean up. Soon, everything was boxed away in the fridge, and the dishwasher was humming. We stood in the kitchen, neither wanting to leave yet not speaking.
“Wine?” Spencer asked as he pulled open the fridge.
Relieved that I wasn’t the only one wanting this night to last, I nodded. “Yes, please.”
Spencer grabbed the bottle out from the door while I grabbed two wine glasses. As I turned around, Spencer motioned toward the sliding glass door behind me.
“Let’s take this to the deck, and I’ll start a bonfire.”
“That sounds heavenly.”
I followed him out onto the deck and settled in a rocking chair. Spencer busied himself around me, stacking the firewood inside his small, portable firepit. In a few minutes, the fire was roaring.
I inhaled, loving the smell of burning wood. It reminded me of camping as a child with my parents and siblings. Spencer settled next to me on the other rocking chair. I handed him a glass of wine, and we both tipped our heads back as we rocked.
I stared up at the night sky, marveling at the amount of stars I could see. “That’s one of the things New York doesn’t have,” I murmured.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Spencer turn to look at me. “What?”
I pointed up at the twinkling lights. “Stars.”
“New York doesn’t have stars?”
I shook my head. “With the smog and lights, you rarely see them.”
Spencer turned his attention heavenward. “That’s a pity.”
I nodded. “It is.”
There was a pause as we both studied the sky above us. It was nice sitting next to Spencer, not feeling like I needed to fill the silence with mindless talk. I’d never been comfortable like this in front of a man. I always felt like I needed to say something to keep people’s interest. But not with Spencer.
He had this air of confidence around him that was infectious. I was beginning to feel as if I was enough. As if I was all that mattered.
“Do you miss it?”
I turned at the sound of his smooth voice. He was still watching the stars, but I could tell that I had his undivided attention. “New York?”
“Mm-hmm.”
I sighed. That was a loaded question. “At times, I miss it. I miss watching shows and going down to the local deli at midnight for a sandwich.” My heart squeezed at the memories. Sure, toward the end, my career had felt like a jail cell, but that didn’t mean I hated the place. It was what made me who I was today.
“Ah. Your late kitchen runs make more sense now.”
I swatted his arm, and he pulled back, grabbing where I’d hit him with his other hand. He glanced over at me, giving me a smirk that only made me smile wider. “Some habits die hard,” I murmured.
He chuckled. “If you liked New York so much, why did you leave?”
I wrapped my arms around my chest as I settled back in my chair. Speaking these words out loud was only going to make me feel more vulnerable. But he’d opened up to me; I should do the same.
“Because I wanted a relationship with my daughter. I wanted to be there for her.” Emotions coated my throat once more, making it hard to swallow. “And…I wanted to start over.”
Spencer nodded as if he understood acutely. “There’s a sort of relief that comes from starting over. Moving to a place where people don’t know you and can’t judge you for your past mistakes…” His voice trailed off, and I could hear his reverence for what he was saying.
“It’s freeing,” I finished. He’d put to words exactly how I felt.
“Are you enjoying Magnolia, then?”
I eyed him. I wanted to say that meeting him and talking to him helped me feel more at home, but I didn’t want to scare him. After all, I may be the only person in this relationship who felt this way. The last thing I needed was to alienate the one man who had been able to break down the wall I had built up around my heart.
“I’m getting used to it.”
He peered over at me. “That’s a good thing?”
I smiled, letting my emotions float to the top. I wasn’t one to open up, but with Spencer, it was getting easier and easier. “It’s a good thing.”
Silence fell around us as we moved our focus back to the sky. The sound of the wood crackling in front of us and the expansiveness of the sky above made me feel peace. I smiled as I sipped my wine, allowing this feeling of completeness to fall around me.
I needed this. More than I knew.
“About last night…” Spencer drew out those three words before letting his voice drift away. I could hear his hesitancy, so I kept my focus elsewhere.
“Yes?” I responded, urging him to speak and not retreat into himself.
“I’m sorry.”
There was so much depth and sorrow to his words that I couldn’t help but look over at him. His gaze met mine, and I held it. Unspoken words flowed between us, and I could feel the agony he felt. Not only because he’d stood me up, but why he’d stood me up.
“It’s okay,” I whispered.
He shook his head. “I should have called or left a note. I just didn’t realize that it was the anniversary of Rosalie’s death until later in the day. That only made me feel worse.” He sucked in his breath. “It feels like I’m forgetting.”
Before I could stop myself, I reached over and wrapped my hand around his. I gave it a gentle squeeze. I wanted him to know that I hadn’t been hurt. That I understood.
“It’s okay,” I repeated. I wanted him to know that I held no ill will toward him.
Spencer paused, and for a moment, I worried that I’d overstepped by touching him. But then, slowly, he raised his other hand and rested it on mine. Warmth flooded my body, and I found myself letting out a slow breath. Why did this feel so good? Why did I want more?
We sat there for a few minutes, holding hands. It was calming, and mixed with the sweet smell of the firewood and the salty air around us, I never wanted it to end. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, allowing myself to fall into the completeness that I felt right now.
“Penny?”
I lifted my head and looked over at Spencer. “Hmm?”
He was staring down at our hands and then slowly dragged his gaze up to meet mine. His eyebrows were furrowed, and his lips drawn down in a frown. “If I asked you to come with me to see my daughters, would you?”
I straightened, realizing that I needed to give my full and undivided attention to what he was saying. “Go with you to talk to your daughters?”
He nodded. “It doesn’t have to be tomorrow or this week even. I just…” He sighed and cast his gaze away from me as if he didn’t know how to form the words he wanted to say. “I feel close to you. For the first time since moving to Magnolia, I don’t feel alone.” He swallowed as he brought his gaze back to mine. “I want things to change.”
I couldn’t fight the soft smile that was begging to be released. I knew the feeling. The desire to create a future that looked different than your past. And if Spencer needed me there to help, who was I to say no?
“I would love to.”
Spencer’s gaze was fixed on me now. Before I could blink, he leaned forward. It was as if instinct took over and I knew exactly what he wanted me to do. So, I obliged.
Our lips brushed one another, and my breathing stopped. It had been so long since I’d kissed a man that, for a moment, I forgot what to do. But, as his hand left mine and rested under my chin, a shudder rushed through me, and my lips took over.
I deepened the kiss and dropped my hand from his. I moved my hands to his shoulders and then up to entwine my fingers in his hair. Spencer let out a low growl that vibrated against my lips. I giggled for a moment before he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him.
I wasn’t sure how long our kiss lasted, but when he pulled back to stare down at me, I knew it hadn’t lasted long enough. He stared into my eyes, as if trying to understand what just happened .
“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice gravelly with passion.
I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to decide if it would be ladylike to pull him in for another kiss. “Yes,” I whispered.
He smiled. “I haven’t kissed a woman since Rosalie.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Really.”
His cheeks flushed as he nodded. “Yes.”
I smiled and leaned in to brush my lips against his once more. “I couldn’t tell,” I whispered against his lips.
He pulled me in and kissed me again. This time, I felt like I was twenty again. His hands were firm against my body, and our lips moved in time as if this were a familiar dance.
Kissing Spencer left me breathless. Listening to his past and his pain left me hurting for him. Planning a future together made me hopeful.
I was falling for Spencer, and I’d only just met him. Practical Penny knew better than this.
It’s a good thing that I left Practical Penny in my apartment in New York.