Chapter 4 #2
Darcy looked at the woman who had filled his senses for a year, crying in front of him.
The woman who proudly rejected him when he offered her his entire world was mourning the suffering of her family when she could have offered them a lifetime of safety and comfort.
How strong her hate for him must have been and how powerful her attachment to Wickham to find herself in that situation.
And now, she was begging for his help.
He should ask her to leave and refuse any connection to her. He should not have even agreed to receive her in the first place. He had no responsibility and no desire to become involved in the Bennets’ downfall. He owed her nothing.
He poured himself another glass of brandy.
“So you believe that, with a bit of information about Wickham’s past, you will be able to locate him?”
He was surprised at how clear and calm his voice sounded. From her startled glance, he could see that she, too, had noticed the change.
“Yes…forgive me, I dared to tell my uncle that you might know something. My uncle came to see you yesterday, but you were not at home. He said he would return later today. Nobody knows I am here…and nobody knows about…what happened in Kent…except Jane…”
The more her torment increased, the more he regained control of his emotions. He wondered how they had found his address, but that detail was of little importance.
“What is your uncle’s name?”
“Mr. Edward Gardiner.”
“Yes, I was informed. Miss Bennet…what do you hope to accomplish if you discover Wickham’s whereabouts?”
“My father and my uncle will demand him to do his duty. He must be forced to marry if there is no other way.”
He felt dizzy and nauseous; his head ached, and his thoughts were again spinning in his head. So she asked her father and uncle to force Wickham to marry her. Was she that desperate? He wished nothing but to put an end to this wretched conversation.
She continued her pleading, taking one step closer to him.
“Sir, I imagine that any request from me is repugnant to you, but I know you are an honourable gentleman who would not take revenge on my family in such a difficult time…”
He stepped back.
“Truly? You believe me to be an honourable man now! May I ask when your opinion of me improved so significantly? You cannot possibly think I would be fooled by such attempts at flattery.”
“Sir, I only…I understand that you are still offended and angry.”
He did not take his eyes from her and stepped back even further, rage causing his fingers to tremble.
“Please refrain from presuming how I feel. My feelings are not a subject of conversation for you. And I would certainly not ‘take revenge’ on anyone, madam; no honourable man would do so, not even one who usually does not behave in a gentlemanlike manner.”
Elizabeth lowered her eyes to the floor then looked at him again. What could she dare answer?
She lifted her chin as she gathered her courage, but her voice had no strength left.
“I can only apologise for what I said four months ago. I see that my offenses are not easy to forget, even more so as most of them were probably unfair. But I trust your honour and generosity can rise above the past…I… we would be forever grateful to you for any help…if there is anything my family or I could do to repay your efforts, we would certainly do it.”
“The offenses you inflicted mean little compared to the suffering you brought to your family, Miss Bennet. I know remorse will be your severest punishment for some time. But I expect you to have the civility of not suggesting that you repay my efforts. How would you propose to do that? What could you possibly offer to convince me? And would you be willing to offer anything I might demand of you in order to achieve your purpose?”
Her cheeks and neck became red, and she bit her lips nervously. Was she about to cry again?
“Sir, I did not mean…I am sure you would not…”
He laughed bitterly. “Have no worry, Miss Bennet. Any interest I might have had in you is long gone. I have no concern and no desire left for anything regarding you. My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever.”
“Yes, I remember you saying that,” Elizabeth whispered, looking around as though she was uncertain whether to sit or leave.
“Miss Bennet, it is useless and unwise to continue this conversation. It was a thoughtless decision to come here alone in the first place. I will speak to your uncle if he calls on me again. Yes, I do know more details than I would like to have about Wickham; sadly, no one knows him better than I do. That is precisely why I am so sad and disappointed to see you in this position, which easily could have been avoided if you only had the courtesy to read the letter I wrote you…but that is irrelevant. I will only say God bless you, Miss Bennet.”
Elizabeth looked at him in apparent bewilderment. She covered her mouth with trembling fingers and tears fell on her cheeks. Darcy averted his eyes from her as he could not bear to witness her suffering.
“Sir, did I hear you correctly? You will talk to my uncle? I cannot believe… this is…this is so unexpected and so amazing. How can I ever thank you?”
Her face, coloured by sudden excitement, expressed all that her rushed words could not, but he did not care to watch or to listen. He could not endure either her despair or her gratitude.
“Gratitude is not necessary, Miss Bennet. You owe me nothing, as nothing of what I do is related to you personally. I would help any family that happened to fall under the evil influence of Wickham.”
“Yes…I know…I do not expect any special consideration…I only…thank you. I should leave now.”
Emotion prevented her from speaking further. She walked hesitantly then suddenly leant to find support against the wall.
Darcy gazed after Elizabeth, counting her steps out and wondering why she moved so slowly. He remembered her joyfully walking through the fields of Hertfordshire or Kent, but those images seemed old and fanciful.
Then, with concern, he noticed her hesitation and hurried to her, catching her just as she fell.
He quickly carried her to the settee, brushing his fingers over her temples and forehead then taking her hands in his, squeezing them gently and calling her name.
What was happening? Was she ill? Was she hurt in some way?
He was tempted to send for a doctor, but Elizabeth recovered quickly.
She opened her eyes and looked at him, mere inches away, then started to apologise for her weakness.
He offered her a glass of water, but she refused, and neither of them moved for a few moments.
Her soft, bare fingers in his palms stirred his senses and made his skin shiver.
They sat together on the settee, their hands joined and their knees touching.
Her head was lowered as she tried to conceal her embarrassment; he desperately searched for the proper way to respond in that dreadful moment.
She raised her eyes to meet his, her eyelashes heavy with tears; she struggled to breathe, her tongue wiping her dry lips. Her fingers trembled so violently that he tightened his hold to stop them.
Only a few brief moments were needed before his heart defeated his will and his emotions conquered his reason.
He knew he should be angry with this woman who did him so much injustice, that he should loathe her wanton behaviour and despise her faulty character.
But all he felt was a warmth that overtook his body and his mind with an enormous desire to protect her.
His fury shifted to the man who had caused all that pain and who would —likely —harm her many times in the future. He could do little about that, but he could do something before he departed from her forever.
He slowly withdrew his hands.
“Miss Bennet, please try to calm yourself. I will talk to your uncle later today, and we will find a way. I truly do not know how this situation could find an acceptable resolution, but if there is a drop of good in all this turmoil, we will find it. And we will surely discover Wickham. Now, may I bring you something? Should I fetch someone?”
His voice was so gentle that Elizabeth’s face lit. She quickly stroked her face and attempted to stand.
“Oh no, that will not be necessary. I am fine…I am more than fine…I must return home this instant. I took my uncle’s carriage, and he will need it. I will send him to you right away if that is acceptable. Sir, I cannot thank you enough…please forgive me for all this trouble.”
Her restlessness increased as her face gained some colour.
“I rang for the servant; he will show you out,” he said politely.
Her recovery brought them one step closer to their separation. She was as eager to leave as he was frightened to see her walking in sorrow to an unhappy future.
She started to speak animatedly, smiling through tears as she walked towards the door.
“Thank you, but I can find my way out. What comfort I will bring to my family! If we can find Lydia safe and bring her home, my prayers will be answered. Papa is desperate, and he cannot stop blaming himself for not being more careful, perhaps more strict with her. And sir, I know you never approved of my youngest sister’s behaviour, and rightfully so.
Her only excuse is that she is very young —not even sixteen yet.
It was easy for her to fancy being in love with an officer whom we all praised and welcomed into our house.
It was entirely my fault: had I been more careful, had I not been so thoughtless in believing his stories and approving his character, Lydia would surely not have been so easily convinced to elope with him…
but now, thanks to your kindness, we can hope she will be found soon… ”