Chapter 4 #3
Darcy listened to her ramblings, walking after her towards the door.
Each word sounded like thunder, shattering his thoughts and preventing his mind from perceiving the meaning of Elizabeth’s speech.
She continued to talk about her youngest sister, Lydia, and he could not —for his life —comprehend what the youngest Bennet sister’s lack of education and decorum had to do with the present situation.
The last statements turned his anxiety into a bustle of wonder and questions that he did not dare address to her. Watts entered and escorted Elizabeth out. She followed the servant after she again thanked Darcy, but he offered no reply, still incredulous at this new piece of information.
For several minutes, he remained still, supporting himself on the heavy wooden desk. His head was spinning, and his eyes stung while his heart pounded wildly.
What had happened? Was it real or was he still in the midst of a nightmare?
Was it possible that he had been wrong all the time, or was he losing his mind?
Who was it that eloped with Wickham? Could he have made such a foolish error?
He had been such a pompous fool that he did not even ask Mr. Clayton for details.
Had he himself added to his torment in the last days? If so, he thoroughly deserved it!
He recollected the entire conversation with Elizabeth word for word, and he finally reached the only possible conclusion: indeed, Lydia Bennet was the one who eloped, the one who had been deceived by the scoundrel.
The Bennets had searched for the fugitives for days, and most likely Elizabeth realised he could help them, so she summoned the courage to appear at his door —exposing herself to his resentful behaviour —and to beg for help in discovering her sister.
He was equally shocked and relieved to realise she was not the one who eloped with Wickham!
Not for himself —he had no doubt that any connection between Elizabeth and him was cut forever —but for her.
It saddened him deeply to see her in pain and to imagine her spirit broken by Wickham; fortunately, he discovered that would not happen.
Her behaviour towards him in Kent had been horrible indeed; she had mistreated him most undeservedly. But she was not at all wanton and reckless and did not expose her family to grief and despair. How could he ever have believed she would?
Their entire conversation, based on his misconception, had been disturbing —even cruel on his part —and it was entirely his fault. What was it exactly that she said to make him so angry, rude, and insensitive?
He almost threw her out of his house; he imprisoned her in fear and despair before he finally admitted he would help her uncle. He offended her with all his rage, all his hate, and all his love! How could he be so cruel to her? And why?
A mere moment in her presence made him lose his temper, his control, and almost his mind. Again.
Was it precisely the realisation that his love was still there, alive and perhaps stronger than before? Was his outrageous behaviour a response to his own weakness?
Darcy closed the curtains again. A growing trepidation made him pace the room several times, trying to decide the best course of action.
Of one thing he was certain: no connection between Elizabeth and him would ever be renewed. Without any doubt, their paths would take them in different directions.
He must do something to cure himself of this obsession, to return to his life, his duty, and his responsibilities.
He had to take care of his sister, his aunt, his fortune, and the people who depended on him —and of the Darcy inheritance.
He needed to find a way to provide an heir.
He had to ensure peace, tranquillity, and safety within the circle of his close family.
Elizabeth Bennet soon would be forgotten, like a dream —the sweetest and most horrible at the same time —shattered by the dawn.
But until then, it was also his duty and his responsibility to solve the present situation created by Wickham.
How could he not understand this the moment he was informed about the elopement?
How was it possible that he preferred to withdraw, ignoring all the problems around him, instead of considering the distress of the girl who had become Wickham’s new victim?
Coincidentally, it was the Bennet family, but it would have been equally grave no matter the name.
This selfish neglect was only another of his many faults, and he was compelled to remedy it without delay.
During the ride back to Cheapside, Elizabeth’s thoughts were confused by conflicting emotions. She found herself smiling through tears, wondering at her luck in succeeding in a task she considered hopeless from the beginning.
She could not recollect accurately how their conversation unfolded. She remembered that it was a difficult one: she felt offended and hurt at times, and he was somehow different than she remembered him. But all of that mattered little since he had agreed to help them.
Elizabeth entered her uncle’s house, eager to share her good news, but she was received by her aunt’s troubled countenance.
“Lizzy, where have you been? You frightened us! You were missing for hours!” “Oh, dear aunt, if you only knew…I have excellent news to share. Where is Papa? And my uncle?”
“They are both in the library, and I must warn you that they are quite upset with your disappearance.”
“I imagine, but please come with me. I think you will all forgive me when you hear what I have to say.”
The two gentlemen, however, were not as eager to listen to her explanations. They expressed their displeasure and scolded Elizabeth for her behaviour. When they heard she had visited Mr. Darcy, their astonishment and disapproval only increased.
“You will soon have to admit I was correct in my decision, even if it was not proper,” she insisted. “Mr. Darcy has agreed to speak to you, Uncle. If I had not gone to talk to him, he might not have received a complete stranger. Your name meant nothing to him.”
“You might be right, but you should have informed us, Lizzy. I could have come with you and talked to Mr. Darcy then,” said Mr. Gardiner sternly.
“But, Lizzy, you and Darcy had argued since the day you first met. How did you dare approach him with such a request? A matter so delicate could hardly be discussed, even with a close male friend,” Mr. Bennet interjected.
She blushed, slightly embarrassed. “Perhaps, because I knew his poor opinion of me, I decided to proceed this way. I had nothing to lose and everything to win if I could convince him. And he agreed to offer his support quite readily, which proves that my decision was correct.”
“True —all that matters now is the positive outcome of your action. I say, it is strangely kind and generous of him to offer his help. Let us not allow him time to change his mind. Shall we go, Brother Gardiner?”
“Certainly. I hope and pray that our search will end soon and we will finally reach a resolution to this unfortunate situation.”
Elizabeth struggled to accomplish even a small task, but her apprehension made her useless at anything. Mrs. Gardiner, working on her embroidery, tried to calm her, but the effort was in vain.
To the tumult of her meeting with Darcy and her stormy feelings of shame, surprise, puzzlement, disbelief, and embarrassment was added her fear for the possible result of her father and uncle’s endeavour.
How would their conversation with Darcy proceed?
Would they find Wickham? Would a confrontation take place? Would they bring Lydia home?
∞∞∞
By noon, the sun had dispersed the clouds, and Elizabeth welcomed her young cousins’ insistence on playing in the park. After three days of rain and three sleepless nights, nothing was better than a little time outside.
Elinor and Edward’s enthusiasm brought a smile to Elizabeth’s lips, and the weight on her soul lightened somewhat.
As soon as they entered the park, the children started to run. Elizabeth immediately spotted the countess and Miss Anna and walked towards them. Elinor and Edward were already caressing Mist and Didi, laughing loudly.
“Miss Lizzy —what a pleasure to see you again,” the countess said kindly. “Lady Hardwick, Miss Anna —I am delighted to see you too.” Elizabeth smiled, then a moment later she frowned as she remembered her present situation.
She sat on the bench, squeezing her hands together.
“We were afraid you had already left town,” Miss Anna continued.
“No…not yet…but I expect we will soon…hopefully…”
“We will leave soon too. That is why my aunt and I were thinking…would you mind if…” Miss Anna seemed too nervous to express herself properly, so the countess smiled and handed Elizabeth a piece a paper.
“Miss Lizzy, it would give us great pleasure to hear from you even after we all leave London. So if you agree, here is where you can write to us —either to my estate in the North or to my townhouse. We do not have fixed plans yet, but all the letters will be directed to me.”
Elizabeth could not conceal her surprise; she took the paper and looked at it with interest and no little emotion.
“I would like that very much…very much indeed,” she whispered, forcing a smile to which Miss Anna responded with one of her own.
“Unfortunately, I do not think this will be possible,” Elizabeth continued, and the countess looked puzzled while Miss Anna immediately lost her glee.
“Of course…as you wish,” the countess concluded with obvious uneasiness. Elizabeth could not bear to know they were disappointed in her or believed she might not want to further their acquaintance. They were too kind to deserve such a cold refusal.
She looked around carefully; except for the two playful children and the ladies’ servants waiting at a distance, no one else was in their proximity. She moved a little closer and spoke hesitantly, rubbing her hands.