Chapter 9
Darcy hoped his peace of mind would return once Elizabeth left Town, but three days later, he discovered how wrong he was.
The lack of rest —of his mind and body —left its traces on his face. It was even worse than before their meeting because her closeness brought back feelings that he hoped were long gone.
Preparation for their departure to Pemberley within a week was the only diversion from thoughts of Elizabeth.
Since he planned to remain in Derbyshire for a longer time, he needed to complete his business in London.
Therefore, he barely left his house at all; he made and received no calls except with solicitors.
Elizabeth’s departure affected Georgiana too.
After receiving Elizabeth’s letter, his sister was now calmer, more at peace —that was apparent both in her expression and in her playing and singing.
But she lost all interest in the outside world—and more than once, they found her with the curtains closed as if she were trying to keep the sun out too.
One day, Darcy had tea with his aunt at Lady Hardwick’s house. As usual, Georgiana was practicing diligently in the music room.
“I look forward to Pemberley,” Darcy said.
“I am sure Georgiana will feel better there,” her ladyship replied.
“I look forward to riding with her through the Pemberley woods again,” he admitted, neither of them daring to voice the true reason for their concern.
“Yes, she has been an excellent rider even from her infancy. You taught her well. You taught her well in everything, Nephew. She has grown up to be a remarkable young woman. You should be proud of yourself.”
“I am proud of her, Aunt. But her character was without flaws from the beginning; I deserve no praise for that.”
“Of course you do. There are many young ladies in her position —even older than her —with the benefit of both parents, who are far less accomplished than Georgiana.”
“Accomplishment is a relative term,” he said, recollecting a conversation with Elizabeth at Netherfield. “I am content to know Georgiana is happy.”
“Happiness is a relative term too,” the countess answered. “Both you and Georgiana wish to see each other happy, but are you seeking your own happiness, Nephew?”
He smiled. “Not particularly. If happiness is interested in finding me, it will.”
“But you must help it a bit, my dear boy. You should allow the sun and the world to see more of you. Look around for someone who can capture your heart and excite your mind —someone worth fighting for, someone who will break the routine of your life into pieces, only to put it back together in a happier shape. Someone to complete you.”
A sharp pain pierced his heart at every word, and he answered more bitterly than he would have liked.
“You, my dear aunt, are a true romantic. I doubt that what you just described exists anywhere but in novels or poetry. I, for one, am perfectly content to return to Pemberley and escape the dusty heat of London in the summer.”
“Pemberley is wonderful but a little too silent…too sad. It would benefit from more joy, more laughter, more balls, more liveliness.”
Darcy cast a glance at his aunt.
“I do not remember many balls or much laughter at Pemberley. And I surely do not miss them.”
“Oh, but they were there, at least when your father and I were children. Anne —your mother, God rest her soul —was fond of quiet and solitude. She was neither strong nor animated, and George did everything he could to fulfil her wishes.”
“That I remember. My parents had a happy marriage, as short as it was,” Darcy concluded. Lady Hardwick sipped some tea without responding as he expected.
“Did they not?” he insisted, and her ladyship offered a smile.
“They had a good marriage —one of the best among our acquaintance. Your father knew his duty, and he dedicated his life to his family.”
Darcy watched his aunt intently. It was the first time that he had such a conversation with her, and he did not miss the shades in her statement.
“Is there any difference between a good marriage and a happy one?” he asked, and Lady Hardwick’s lips twisted in a smile.
“Oh yes, there is. My first marriage was a good one. Both Thomas —God rest him —and I were content to follow our families’ arrangements, and we slowly grew fond of each other. My second marriage with my beloved Frederick was a happy one.”
He frowned as his aunt’s face brightened in blissful recollection.
“The difference is in the spark, in the pure joy of being close to your loved one, in the quivering of your skin, in the restlessness and yearning for each other’s nearness.
And so many other things that an aunt cannot share with her nephew,” she said with a laugh while Darcy felt his cheeks warming.
He needed no details. He understood his aunt’s meaning perfectly.
He had already felt and suffered for every sensation described by Lady Hardwick.
Yes, he did know what happiness looked like, and for a short while, he believed it had found him.
But it stormed into his life and then refused to stay. Perhaps he was not meant to be happy.
Later that day in the silence of his library, Darcy recollected the conversation with his aunt.
He had always imagined his parents having a happy marriage, but now that Lady Hardwick voiced it aloud, doubts began to trouble him.
The countess suggested that his father’s devotion to his mother was from duty more than love, and Darcy realised he had no reason to either confirm or deny it.
Both he and Georgiana had been blessed with their parent’s affection, care, and kindness. They had the happiest childhood one could desire.
As for George Darcy and Lady Anne, they were always solicitous, courteous, and attentive to each other. He had never heard them address a single harsh word to each other nor contradict each other on any subject —nor did his father ever refuse his mother anything.
Darcy suddenly recollected teasing jokes from past family parties that implied Lady Anne was the one who chose George Darcy as her future husband during her second year out, and she was not to be deterred from her decision.
Lady Catherine —Lady Anne’s sister —often claimed that, once a Fitzwilliam woman wished for something, it would always be hers.
He took it as a joke; it was unthinkable that Lady Anne —the living image of beauty, fragility, gentleness, and perfect manners —could impose her will on anyone.
While Darcy had loved his mother deeply, he had always been closer to his father and proud to be George Darcy’s son. He could not remember a single flaw in his father’s behaviour and character. Was it possible that his father never knew true happiness in his too-short life?
From that day on, Darcy’s torment grew, adding to his present distress a concern for his family’s past. He was tempted to ask for more details, but he feared it would be a disrespectful intrusion into his parents’ life, so he controlled his curiosity and ceased any inquiries.
But he still wondered —countless times —whether Pemberley was indeed too silent and too sad.
Four days before their departure, Darcy’s concerns for Georgiana increased. She was less animated, less voluble, and less inclined towards company. Although she was as polite as usual with her brother and aunt, her only interests seemed to be Mist, Didi, and her piano.
In a desperate measure, Darcy proposed that they pay a brief call on the Gardiners to make their farewells; he hoped the presence of the children and a visit to her favourite park might help her mood.
His plan had moderate success. The Gardiners were surprised yet happy to receive them.
The introductions were slightly awkward, but the children showed no restraint in embracing Georgiana and asking about her pets.
Mrs. Gardiner spoke about Derbyshire and Lambton, and Georgiana allowed herself to be engaged in the conversation.
When they left, though, she became rather quiet again and answered Darcy’s questions only briefly, expressing her favourable opinion about the Gardiners.
Once they were at home, a surprise appearance changed their daily schedule. In the drawing room, Bingley was waiting for them while he enjoyed a glass of brandy. To Darcy’s disbelief, Georgiana seemed delighted to receive their friend.
“I just arrived in Town, and I hurried to call on you. And you are leaving for Pemberley, I understand? I thought you had cancelled the trip since it is so late and the Season will soon start.”
“We are happy to see you, Bingley. Come —let us sit. No, we did not cancel our journey, quite the contrary. We plan to remain at Pemberley at least until next spring.”
“Yes, we are not fond of the Season; in this, William and I are very much alike.” Georgiana smiled.
“Oh, do not let him influence you! He is a real ogre and a solitary one. Once you are out, I promise to take you to all the parties and balls in Town.” Bingley laughed, gently kissing the young girl’s hand.
Georgiana blushed. “I will use your metaphor and confess that I am a solitary ogre since I completely share my brother’s feelings on the subject. Now please tell us more of you and your sisters. They are in good health, I hope?”
“Yes, they are; they just arrived home with me. But I did not tell them I was visiting you, or they would have been here by now too. I have disturbed you without warning, and that is enough for one day. Oh, and no man in his right mind would compare you to an ogre, but with Darcy, it is a different story,” Bingley said, well humoured.
“It is always comforting to know you have a loyal friend who appreciates you fairly,” Darcy responded with mocking severity.