Chapter 15 #3
Darcy’s decision was made. “Dearest, may I come in to speak to you a moment?”
She appeared surprised but nodded in agreement. Inside, they sat, and Darcy carefully searched for the right words.
“My dear, please tell me what troubles you. You said you had a lovely time, and I noticed the same, but I can see now that you are unwell. Has anything upset you?”
Her eyes were still fixed on the floor, and she rubbed her hands together. Finally, she spoke, but her voice sounded fearful.
“William, I would like to invite Lizzy to Pemberley.”
She finally looked at him, so he could not avoid her gaze. Cold shivers ran down Darcy’s spine, and ice seemed to pierce his chest.
Invite Elizabeth to Pemberley? So close to him? Now, when he had decided to leave to Pemberley precisely to escape her? Surely, that was unthinkable. It was not even worth discussing. He could not allow it to happen.
“When?” was all he could ask.
“Now…tomorrow. Perhaps, if she accepts, then she might come with us now. I asked you a few weeks ago in London, and you said I am allowed to invite a friend to Pemberley.”
“Of course you are allowed, dearest, but I am not sure this would be wise.”
“Wise? Why not?”
He felt weak and ashamed of himself for deceiving his sister —for putting his own distress ahead of Georgiana’s peace and comfort.
“William, I have had such a lovely time these last few days. It has been so relaxing and amusing. Everybody has been so kind to me…I cannot imagine being alone again. Do you know Miss Bennet brushed and dried my hair today? Nobody has done that since I was small except for my maid. I do not think I can bear silence and solitude again. And I cannot bear to have people visit just to entertain me. Can I not have a companion who truly cares for me?”
“Georgiana, I must disagree with you —there are many people among our relatives and acquaintances who genuinely care for you. Some of them are even close to your age. I do not know why you feel differently.”
She lowered her head again and whispered, “I am sorry…I apologise…”
“Please do not apologise for what you feel. It is just…I wish I could understand you better. And about Miss Elizabeth, you must keep in mind that the sister she loves the most will be newly wed. She will want to be close to the future Mrs. Bingley. She also might be opposed to being away from her family. She might not want to leave Longbourn again so soon.”
“I know, but I can ask her, can I not? She might agree to come with us now, or perhaps when Mr. and Mrs. Bingley come to visit us for Christmas, Lizzy may join them. I will be happy if I know at least that I will see her again soon, even if I have to wait three more months. I just wish to be certain you do not disapprove.”
“I am not certain…we had planned to go to Pemberley alone. I did not believe you would be bored with my company before we arrived.”
“Oh, please do not say that —it is unfair. There is nobody whose company I enjoy more, but you are a gentleman, you have your own business, and you…I cannot ask you to understand me. I often do not dare to speak to you.”
“Dearest, please do not cry! Tell me what I can do for you to feel better.
What do you mean that you do not dare to speak to me?”
“It is nothing…forgive me…I should not have said anything. But I thought you would approve. I noticed you and Lizzy are familiar with each other…and you are quite friendly with all the Bennets…you do not seem to have anything against them. Then why do you seem so displeased with my suggestion?”
“I am just worried. I know you have grown very fond of Miss Elizabeth in a short while and I would not want you to be disappointed…”
Georgiana’s blue eyes danced with tears, and the sadness was so poignant on her face that he could bear it no longer. He could not continue to deceive his own sister or continue to disguise his own fear of suffering.
He breathed deeply and took her hands in his.
“You may ask her, but I beg you to keep in mind that she might have very good reasons to refuse you. I do not wish you to be disappointed.”
The girl’s face brightened in a moment, and she embraced him tightly.
“Oh, thank you so much, Brother! Thank you! I will ask her tomorrow during our picnic. I will be careful, I promise. And I will tell Aunt Amelia in the morning. I can imagine how surprised she will be. Thank you!”
Georgiana’s animated voice still sounded in Darcy’s ears when he returned to the solitude of his own room.
The more he thought of the girl’s pained words, the more he could understand the torment behind them.
She was only a child when their mother passed away, and long before that, Lady Anne’s illness was the reason for concern, calm, silence, and solitude at Pemberley.
Georgiana was never loud, never disobedient, and never did other than what was expected of her.
She spent several hours every day with her mother, who kept to her bed most of the time.
She learnt to read and play the piano at an early age so she could entertain her mother.
They shared a special bond that painfully broke the day Lady Anne fell to the floor while listening to her daughter play for her.
Since then, Georgiana had been mostly alone at Pemberley with numerous servants, a pained father, and a brother who saw her only during his holidays —but without friends, without other children her own age, without laughter, without joy.
Yes, Lady Hardwick had been right. There had been too much silence, too much sadness, and too much loneliness at Pemberley, at least for Georgiana.
The night passed slowly because Darcy could not sleep. He knew this was another night ruined for him. He would not be able to sleep again —not then and not for a long while.
Whether Elizabeth accepted or refused Georgiana’s invitation, his rest would be disturbed, although for different reasons. What could he do to be certain that his sister would not suffer? How could he take all the distress on himself and offer Georgiana the peace she needed.
He opened the window wide as he felt he lacked fresh air. Only three miles away lay the reason for his torment and struggles, the one who either kept him awake or troubled his dreams.
He suddenly knew what he had to do: tomorrow very early, he would find a way to talk to her before Georgiana could. It was the only way to be certain of the desired outcome.