Chapter 16 #3
“Mrs. Gardiner should come to visit us too! William has already invited Mr. Bingley and Miss Bennet —oh, I mean Mrs. Bingley. Perhaps they could bring all your family. That would be so lovely!”
Within minutes, with Elizabeth’s support, Georgiana succeeded in stepping over her concerns and changing her discomfort to excitement.
Elizabeth’s heart melted for the girl who had such genuine modesty and kindness.
Georgiana was the type of person who gave gifts and then felt grateful when they were accepted.
“My dear, we should calm a little before you issue invitations to my entire family,” Elizabeth said with a laugh.
“Let us take this step by step. I thank you and Mr. Darcy for offering Jane such a lovely opportunity. I believe they will surely need an escape far from Hertfordshire once they are married. Living too close to his family and hers might prove to be challenging for them.”
“Yes, I know what you mean,” Georgiana answered timidly.
“So would you please tell me what you have in mind? When do you wish me to come to Pemberley?”
“Oh —whenever you want! I confess I was hoping that you might come with us…the day after tomorrow. But William said you might prefer to spend more time with your family…and I do not want to intrude. Whenever you wish to…”
“Very well, my dear. I will speak to my family and let you know later tonight at dinner. Would that be acceptable?”
“Yes, very much so. Thank you.”
Elizabeth expected that Georgiana would completely relax once the issue of the invitation was clarified. Instead, she continued to walk —not towards their party but in the opposite direction.
It was obvious that she was still troubled, and Elizabeth preferred to wait instead of inquiring. Finally, she spoke.
“Lizzy, as happy as I am at the prospect of having your company at Pemberley, there is something I must confess to you, although it might make you change your opinion of me. I was tempted not to tell you anything until you arrived at Pemberley, but it would not have been fair. I cannot keep any secrets from you. You have the right to know the entire truth before you make the decision to spend several months with me.”
“My dear, you are frightening me now; it cannot be so serious. And in any case, be assured that anything you wish to tell me will not change my opinion of you.”
“It is very serious. Do you remember when I confessed to you that I almost eloped a year ago?” she asked timidly, her voice barely audible.
“Yes…”
“I did not mention that it happened in Ramsgate where I was staying with my companion at that time, Mrs. Younge. But there is something else of much more consequence that I did not say. At the time, it seemed of little importance since I did not know who you were and I could not imagine there might be any connection, but now it cannot be concealed. I spoke with my brother about it the moment I discovered your true identity and your sister’s delicate situation.
Lizzy, the man with whom I was tempted to elope… was George Wickham.”
The revelation came as such a blow that Elizabeth almost lost her balance.
Georgiana’s voice —although shy and tender —was like thunder in Elizabeth’s ears. She looked at Georgiana in complete disbelief, both of them struggling to breathe. The girl was pale and tearful, and Elizabeth held her hands in hers, incapable of saying anything.
The dramatic confession changed everything for the worse, and she wondered about the dreadful torment Georgiana had endured.
How was it possible that the girl still insisted on being her friend, although she knew about Wickham’s elopement with Lydia?
How could she take the risk of visiting Longbourn to see her in the family of the woman who was now Wickham’s wife and take the chance of hearing discussions about the man who betrayed her?
She braved all this because of their friendship, because of Georgiana’s affection for her.
How could she ever repay Georgiana’s loyalty?
And how could she ever forgive herself for granting her trust and admiration to a man so horrible, so low, so dishonourable?
“My dear Georgiana,” she whispered, embracing the girl tightly.
“I can see you are shocked Lizzy. Forgive me for disturbing you…I have told no one until now. Except my cousin Richard, who is my guardian, and my aunt Amelia, nobody else knows of this. Now you have every reason to condemn me. I was so blind that I allowed myself to be so easily deceived.”
“Condemn you? Not at all! But I am shocked —I never would have imagined it. I know Wickham was your father’s godson; he told me as much. How dare he betray the memory of his godfather so cruelly?”
They resumed their walk arm in arm, Georgiana revealing a deep torment in her voice.
“I was such a fool, Lizzy. For months, I struggled to understand his character, and at first, I thought his affection for me was stronger than the respect he owed my father. I believed that he intended to cherish my father’s memory by sharing a happy life with me.”
She paused to gather her strength as sadness choked her voice.
“What a simpleton I was. He was so handsome that I should have known he would not marry someone like me for sincere reasons. He wished for nothing but the monetary gain that would come with my dowry. And if I had any doubt left about his complete lack of affection for me, I had the final proof when I found that he seduced another girl of my age only a year later, using the same scheme.”
“His intentions were not sincere because he is the lowest sort of man, and his outward appearance has little to do with that.”
“I know now that he is worthless…but it is so sad, Lizzy. That he deceived me is of little importance, but I am thinking of my father who treated him so kindly. He even paid for George’s school, you know. He would be so disappointed…”
“Oh, my dear…I cannot tell you how pained I am for your sorrow and how angry I am at Wickham! And at myself because I allowed myself to be deceived by his lies much easier than you did. I only knew him a few days, and impressed by his appearance of goodness and amiability, I granted him my trust and my friendship —for which I am deeply ashamed. You knew Wickham all your life; your father showed him affection, and you were accustomed to his presence in your parents’ house for so long that it was only natural you grew affectionate and trustful towards him.
And it is even more astonishing that you found the strength not to follow the plan to the end.
Few women in your position would have had the same courage and determination. ”
Elizabeth’s speech turned angrier with every word. Her own frustration, shame, and fury came to intensify her sadness for the torment Georgiana had to suffer and for Lydia’s misfortune.
“Lizzy, I do not deserve such praise. It was only by chance that my brother came to visit me a day before the elopement. I could not keep the secret from him, as I could not bear to disappoint him. I confessed everything to him, and he wrote to George. I know not what my brother said, but I never saw George again.”
“Mr. Darcy must have been so upset…” Elizabeth whispered to herself, but Georgiana heard her.
“He was indeed. What I regret the most is the pain and distress I caused my brother. He did everything for me, and I was such a disappointment. I will never be able to remedy this.”
“Georgiana, I have known Mr. Darcy for over a year now, and we have had frequent disagreements. Many of them —I only now realise —were due to my trust in Mr. Wickham and his malicious stories about your brother.
But one thing I came to know from the beginning of our acquaintance: Mr. Darcy’s affection for you. He always spoke of you with such tenderness and admiration that anyone could see the strength of his love for you. Surely, you cannot doubt that.”
“I do not. I know he does everything for my happiness even when he disapproves of my behaviour. He was displeased with my decision to find refuge in unfamiliar parks and conceal my true name, but he allowed me to do as I pleased. Do you wish to know why I did that?”
Elizabeth held her arm tighter. “Only if you wish to tell me, my dear. I confess I am grateful that I met you, aside from the reasons that brought you near Gracechurch Street.”
“Yes, it was the best thing to come from this. You were the only person who wished to be my friend without wanting anything from me.”
“My dear, I am sure there are many others who care for you as much as I do. Why would you feel otherwise?”
“I cannot say. It might appear strange to you but…I just could not bear to meet people I know in Hyde Park. I felt like everyone knew what I did, and every glance seemed to carry with it reproach and disdain. And any time I met one of our acquaintances, they would ask about William. I am so tired of being only my brother’s sister.
I would readily give my life for William, but I wished that, just once, someone would like me for myself.
I know I sound unreasonable and foolish…
and probably my words make no sense to you, but I feel so much better talking to you.
I am so grateful that you listen to my ramblings… ”
Elizabeth’s thoughts were a tumult then grew into a storm that overwhelmed her.
She found little to say as her heart ached for Georgiana.
Slowly, the girl’s soul opened to her enough that she could see inside it, and the depth of the suffering and torment of a young person who seemed to have everything frightened her.
Her own concerns, her own doubts, mattered little.
There was nothing to discuss and no decision to delay.
She could not —she would not —forsake the girl who valued their friendship so much.
“And I am grateful that you trust me enough to share your ramblings with me, my dearest friend. Now we should return to the others; we will have plenty of time to talk on our journey to Pemberley and in the next few months there.”
Georgiana’s eyes glimmered, and then tears fell over her pale cheeks.
“You are coming with me to Pemberley? The day after tomorrow,” she whispered incredulously.
“I most certainly am.” Elizabeth attempted to smile.
“Oh, Lizzy, I am so happy…so very happy…but you said you were not certain. Did you change your mind because of everything I told you?”
Elizabeth breathed deeply, took the girl’s hands in hers again, and looked deeply into her eyes as she answered.
“Yes! I do not wish to deceive you, so I shall not offer useless explanations. I am grateful for your confession. It helped me understand that now I must —and I wish to —be by your side. At Pemberley.”