Chapter 16 #2
“Quite the contrary, Miss Bennet. I came to beg you to accept the invitation. I understand this might come as a burden to you; you have only recently returned to your family, and you will surely not want to leave them again soon. And I realise it is selfish of me to insist but…my sister had a very upsetting year. She bore much distress and pain, and your friendship seems the only thing that comforts her…”
Her astonishment was beyond expression. Their eyes met again, and he continued, his discomfort obviously increasing. He looked as she had seen him only once before. She felt her lips trembling and bit them as she struggled to understand the implication of their conversation.
“I am well aware that the past year was a trying one for you too, Miss Bennet. I am not insensitive to the challenges you had to overcome in the last months…and I declare myself responsible for most of them. It was my fault that things did not occur as smoothly as they could have…with Bingley and Miss Bennet…and it was also my fault that Wickham was not exposed earlier and prevented from deceiving those around him. But my sister cannot be blamed for any of this…”
“Sir, you need not mention that. You must know by now that I am delighted and honoured by Georgiana’s friendship. She has become as dear to me as my own sisters.”
“I have no remaining doubt about that. I have observed you both closely these last few days, and I am convinced that she has found in you the friend she always desired. And I thank you for that.”
He paused as though deciding whether he should speak further. Eventually, he continued.
“I have never seen my sister as lively as she is with you. Neither I, nor my aunt, nor our other relatives seem to comfort her as you do. And she seems more at ease with your sisters than she has ever been with her cousins. She mentioned to me that Miss Bennet brushed her hair yesterday. Can you imagine that? She can have anything she wants in the world, but she was impressed by Miss Bennet’s kind yet simple gesture. ”
“Dear Lord, I never thought…I mean…it was so normal that we did not even notice it. We treated her just as we are used to do among our friends. It was we who were impressed by her kindness to Mary —extraordinary indeed.”
“Yes, is it not strange that we all wish for what we cannot have?” he whispered.
She dared not answer such a question, just as she knew not how to reconcile her affection for Georgiana with her own fear and restraint about being at Pemberley with him.
“An invitation to spend time with Georgiana at Pemberley seems a lovely dream. However, there are things I must consider…we both must consider…”
“Yes…”
“I confess I am surprised. Do you happen to know when she would expect me at Pemberley if I accept the invitation —and for how long?”
“I believe she hoped you could travel with us. But I warned her that, even if you accepted, you might not want to leave your family so soon. Of this, you should not worry. Whenever it is convenient for you, I shall arrange for you to travel in safety and comfort. There is also a chance that Bingley and his future wife might visit us shortly. I hope they will. So whatever is convenient for you would be fine. Once you and Georgiana decide, I will make it happen.”
“Very well, sir. I appreciate that you informed me prior to my meeting with Georgiana. It gives me a little time to consider all the implications. I will think on it for the next few hours.”
“Thank you. And you must not worry about my presence being disagreeable to you. I give you my word that I shall not bother you more than absolutely necessary. I intend to concentrate on my own business, and you will rarely see me at all, except probably at breakfast and dinner.”
“Mr. Darcy, surely there is no need for you to hide in your own house! I would not dare demand such a thing.”
“Miss Bennet, I would make any sacrifice to see my sister at peace, happy, maybe laughing more,” he said with a sadness that touched her heart.
“Yes, I understand. I will return home now. I shall see all of you later, I imagine?”
“May I keep you company to Longbourn?”
“That will not be necessary, sir. Good day.”
Their separation was abrupt and left both of them in turmoil, although seen from afar, the meeting went reasonably well.
Elizabeth could not forgive herself for the ridiculous assumption that a new proposal would follow, and she was angry to finally admit feeling disappointment.
She could not have been further from the truth.
He made it clear —several times —that he was making decisions for the benefit of his sister, even against his own will.
He did not say —but implied —that being under the same roof with her would be a burden.
But if he loathed being in her proximity, why did he insist on the visit?
Was Georgiana’s distress so deep, so dangerous that it needed to be addressed right away?
For such private, restrained people as the two siblings were, the hidden part of their suffering likely was greater than what was exposed to the world.
She rushed home, searched for Jane, and went with her to their room. She needed advice, comfort, and support to make a difficult decision, so she told her sister everything about the unusual meeting —except her unreasonable presumption and the disappointment that followed.
Darcy’s distress was no less. He remained in doubt that he had done the right thing in speaking to Elizabeth without informing Georgiana, but he was at least content that the result of his endeavour was positive as it allowed them both to clarify their opinions.
But he was as uncertain of Elizabeth’s decision as he was earlier. She was concerned about Georgiana and willing to help her, but she was as reluctant as he expected at the idea of their living in the same house. He understood as much from her unsaid words.
The thought of having her so close, seeing her every day, and breathing the same air, was for him exhilarating and dreadful at the same time —even more so as that part of their conversation was truly satisfying to him.
There were hints that her opinion of him had improved.
She was apparently more ready to forgive some of his past faults, and she confirmed that she did read a part of his letter.
Remembering its first words, he began to understand her angry reaction to them.
Once again, it seemed his lack of care in the manner of writing it had persuaded her not to read it. Would he ever be able to remedy his earlier wrongs?
∞∞∞
Soon after breakfast, Longbourn was overflowing again; five gentlemen —including a strangely animated Mr. Hurst —went off on their hunting party.
The ladies divided themselves between two carriages: Elizabeth, Georgiana, Mary, and Kitty together with two large baskets of food and drink in the first; Jane, Mrs. Gardiner, and Lady Hardwick in the second.
Since Didi was joining his mistress, the Gardiner children were invited into the same carriage.
An hour of pleasant travel delighted the ladies.
Finally, they stopped at Oakham Mount, and the Bennet sisters spread two blankets on the grass, inviting everyone to enjoy the splendid view and the tasty refreshments.
The weather favoured them, as the sun was warm enough to make the early October day a pleasant one.
Lady Hardwick asked Jane how she was feeling in her last two days as Miss Bennet, and Jane blushed with equal pleasure and embarrassment. The conversation continued in the same friendly manner; however, the more voluble the others were, the more silent Georgiana became.
“Are you comfortable? Is everything all right?” Elizabeth whispered to her.
“Yes —everything is wonderful.”
A short pause followed then the girl continued. “Lizzy, would you like to take a stroll with me? There is something I would like to talk to you about privately if you do not mind.”
“Yes, of course.” Elizabeth smiled, trying to sound composed.
They walked arm in arm, followed by the others’ curious glances until they took a curve in the path and were sheltered from any witnesses.
Georgiana made obvious efforts to gather her courage; her discomfort was so great that Elizabeth could not bear it any longer.
“My dear, what do you wish to tell me? I hope you know you do not have to measure your words for me.”
“I do know that, but it is not easy to accomplish. My heart is wide open to you, but my mind needs time to learn to speak freely,” Georgiana said with a smile that contradicted the seriousness of her words.
“I have never behaved with anyone as I do with you, Lizzy, as I never had a friend like you. It was very fortunate that I met you in London; I am glad we came to Hertfordshire.”
Elizabeth smiled and took Georgiana’s hands to share the girl’s distress.
“You are so sweet that you will make me cry soon. Meeting you was to my benefit, I assure you. And you cannot possibly be happier than I am with your visit. Everyone in my family has grown attached to you, and I truly consider you as close as my sisters.”
“Yes, I do feel that. You have all been so kind to me…I hope to see your family again soon…I will miss you dearly. That is why…” Georgiana stopped and looked at Elizabeth; her discomfort was apparent, and she seemed to struggle with her words.
“I was wondering…Lizzy, would you like to come to Pemberley? With me? Or at least to visit me? I will be honoured if you accept. You are the only friend I ever invited…only if you wish to…I mean, if you do not mind…” Georgiana looked so abashed that Elizabeth embraced her tightly.
“Georgiana, are you inviting me to Pemberley? That is such a generous gesture!”
“Do you think so? I am so glad! If you knew how long I have struggled with it!”
“Truly? Why would you struggle? From everything I have heard about Pemberley, anyone would be thrilled to visit. My aunt has never ceased speaking of her admiration for the estate.”